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*Hugs Jill* No need to be sorry , anything I can do ? I'm sorry you are feeling unsafe :(
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Hmm thanks mark, holding me and not letting go, really want to do something stupid, had enough, sorry for being needy.
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*HUGE Holding hugs for Jill*
Please try and be safe not not do anything "stupid" |
*pops in and whizzes around ward to see all her fellow wardies, being careful to not disturb those sleeping in different time zones!*
hey guys... I would ask how you're all doing, but its a bit of a silly question when we hang out in here....so I'll ask everyone..."whats your favourite sound?!" Sorry I've not been in much, to be honest I've needed to come in here and update my journal as things have been crazy and wierd recently but I was scared that I relied on RYL too much and now that I'm 'sane' that i shouldn't need it. But hey ho, I think I've got through the blip, well I'm telling myself that...oh I'm going to shut up as I don't want to start thinking again... Anyhoo, I've had my hair chopped off and lightened up a bit ready for summer. Eoghan wasn't too pleased, haha!! Reggie is still being an adorable nightmare and chewing all the things that he's not meant to and ignoring all his toys! I think of you all lots and wish I could do more for you all. Sending love and positivity your way in HUGE amounts!! Huggles all round!!!! |
*Huggles Hayley*
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Thanks mark, I'm trying to it's really hard I know what I want to do. And if I did I wouldn't chicken out like last time. Had enough really have feel very unsafe. Curls up
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*hugs everyone and hides in the hardest to find place in the garden*
Hayley I must see the new hair cut! I demand before and after pictures! And you don't have to only be here when you're feeling "crazy". Sorry everyone no real advice in me today but thinking of you all. |
*hugs helen* I'm sorry you are feeling badly still.
*hugs mark* It is good that you are trying, that is very important! *hugs hayley* its good to hear from you! And like Crimson said, you don't have to stay away b/c you are 'sane' unless you need to stay away to keep sane, then we understand. *hugs jill* please try to stay safe. *finds crimson hiding the garden and hugs her* Don't hide, we'd miss you. So... I got a call earlier this morning from a friend (S) who said that she needed to talk. The problem is that she lives with the girl my ex cheated on me with and is now dating (T)... but S said she couldn't leave her apartment so I went over there b/c that is what I do... I'll drop anything for anyone. Luckily, when I got there only S was there. Unfortunately, after about 15 minutes my friends got sick and was in the bathroom, i was waiting in her room when T came home. VERY awkward situation as T doesn't like me in their apartment and S wasn't there to defend anything. My friend came out after a few minutes and said sorry that I had to walk over to their place only to have to go home after a few minutes. I'm home now, but I feel so Weird. Awkward. Bad. Angry at T again. Unsafe. Sorry, i needed to vent. |
*hugs laura* <3
that sounds awkward :( i gotta go for a bit but try and take care all of you :) <3 |
Sooooooooo anxious, been hanging round for days on/off :'(
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i'm anxious too, hels. it really sucks. especially as i've already had all of my meds that i usually take. and i really don't want to take another klonopin as i'm running out - need to reorder. gahhh. :'(
it's been kinda quiet in here today, don't know why. or maybe not, maybe just my imagination. dunno. feel really out of it at the moment. so tired. have spent most of the day on wow, which has been nice, but my eyes are tired of looking at wow-screen, hah. my druid on silvermoon is now nearly level 47 though, and my priest on silvermoon just dinged 63 a bit ago. dungeon-running for the win... heh. surprisingly i wasn't too anxious to do it today, either, with two of the guildies i met irl in january. *cuddles everyone* sorry not many individual replies... i feel really selfish for not but i feel quite like **** at the moment... sometimes more than others. thinking of you all though. |
I can't cope :'(
Another night gone wrong, neither to blame on this occasion. My ex boyfriend (sorta dumped him, but he doesn't know) is being a PRICK. You wouldn't believe that spending time with my sister stopped the anxiety & suicide stuff temporarily. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH just least take my anxiety away :'( |
*cuddles everyone* sorry for lack of individual replies.
*goes away* |
*cuddles Laura*
Sorry for my lack of them too. |
*huge huggles for everyone who wants them and a big plate of freshly home baked sundried tomato and olive bread*
I really wish I had more to offer, but its quarter past midnight and I should have given in and gone to bed hours ago. I'm so gonna regret this in the morning. Especially as I have to make decisions and I dont want to, I just ant to spend time with Jack and not worry about visiting other people and work and sh*t. New alters again. tiring of this now. oh and infection in surgical wound for operation that doesn't seem to have worked.. sucks. |
*huge hugs for Kat* If it's okay. Hope you get some much needed sleep soon sweetheart.
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*sits in a corner hiding under my purple blankey*
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You okay Amy?
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*nods* fine...
very tired and we feel bad because we havent exersised at all this week |
It's okay to not exercise every single day. So you shouldn't feel bad about not doing some. Can you have some more sleep if you're so tired?
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i cant go back to bed i spent half of yesterday in bed:plain: not good *rubs forehead* i think i need some water
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*gives water*
eat something? <3 |
i think i need to be in a psych ward - in a safe place. but there isn't one - not in this town. i don't know where else to turn. i'm freaking out at everything - the smallest sound, people walking down the street, sitting on the balcony when the door is open, sitting on the balcony when the door is closed, people making noise in the stairwell.
i am such a freaking failure. i can't do this anymore. i'm so sorry. :crying: |
you're NOT a failure kahlia, i dunno what to suggest unfortuantely but you're definitely not a failure <3
here if wanna chat x |
*cuddles for everyone*
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Morning.
You're not a failure Kahlia , not at all.*Hugs* Sorry for the lack of replies , I JUST got up and haven't had my first coffee yet *Group Hugs* |
I Am away at my parents for my dads birthday from tonight to early next week so may not be online as often , I am dreading it , wearing the happy mask for so long but I mustn't bring the mood down on my dads birthday weekend. *Puts on happy mask*
I am tired despite spending much of yesterday in bed *Sigh* HO HUM Got all pysched up for my Houseing SW appointment at 10am only at 10am did I notice it was at 11am :S Ask after my Diaz at the chemist as I was down there yesterday chasing another med they didn't have in stock and it (Diaz) was on the computer so they gave me some and I got it home and opened it and they gave me 28 instead of 20 . first thing to make make me laugh in a while. And My poor plant suffered in the weather last night , it's supposed to be tall but has flopped , I hav 3 plants in my "Garden" ( Read plant pot) and 2 are ok but one has flopped right over , any gardeners know what I should do? does it need a cane ?, it's a PHYSOSTEGIA |
heather, mark: thank-you.
i hate to disagree, but i really feel like one right now. i just can't escape this anxiety. my housemate and i walked the 2.5 km up to the nearest big shopping centre today and it took 3 mg of xanax and i'm still freaking. i'm still freaking now and it's over 3 hours later. i just can't stop the anxiety. our neighbour came over and i had to walk away from the conversation because it was triggering me in every way - and it was just little "small talk". not even numbers or anything. just .... i don't know. maybe just because it was getting darker and is now dark - and the neighbour is "the least tolerant person in the city". i am such a failure . . . |
Kahlia, you are NOT a failure. *cuddles tight*
*cuddles everyone else lots* |
I can stop feeling like this, right? I don't have to be stuck like this forever, do I? *curls up in a ball*
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*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Helen* *Hugs Jessica* |
*hugs Mark* Thank you.
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runs In and craps a blanket and curls up under it. Feel very unsafe again, damn it I hate feeling this way. Hate that I really want to die need to get away can do this anymore.
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*Holds Jill so she feels safe*
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Clings to mark, sorry just feel like ****. can this be over now please?
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Sorry for just disappearing yesterday... And I apologize in advance that I may vanish again today. I just fell crappy.
*hugs everyone* |
*sits and cries*
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hi everyone... let's see if i can do individual replies, sorry if i don't get all of you...
*cuddles laura* venting is just fine, sweetie. i'm sorry about the awkward situation, it must've been awfully unpleasant and i don't blame you for feeling icky about it. :( how are you doing today?? have you kinda-sorta stayed safe? *cuddles hels* how're you? did the anxiety finally die down some last night after i logged off? *cuddles kahlia* sweetie, you're not a failure, in no way close to being a failure. try to tell yourself that. you've come so far, you're improving in small ways even if it seems like you're on a downward spiral right now. you may be - but it's an upward trend. if that makes any sense, that is!! :-S i hope that it does... *cuddles mark* i hope that the weekend etc. goes okay... how's your mum doing? also, yes, keeping the happy face mask on that long can be very tiring... i hope you don't get too stresed & anxious doing that. please try & stay safe... will be thinking of you, big bro. ♥ *cuddles julie* hels is right, love, you don't have to exercise every day. have you been ill? missed seeing you on the ward for a bit... *cuddles jess* things will get better, i promise. i just don't know when or how but they will. so no, you don't have to stay like this forever. you'll get better, you'll get stronger, you'll be able to face more. how have you been doing lately? *cuddles jill* i'm sorry you're feeling so ****... i would help if i could. *offers a shoulder to cry on or a pillow to punch, either way* :) hopefully either one of those would help, or both... pm me if you need to, 'kay? i know i'm not the best at responding to messages but i will try. that goes for all of you, btw, including those to whom i haven't responded yet, or who haven't posted in awhile. my pm box is always, always open. :) *cuddles crimson* i'm sorry you're feeling crappy. is there anything that we can do?? *cuddles hayley* you can come here when you feel "sane" ... hehe, it doesn't just have to be when you feel like you need a safe place. we miss you when you're not here. but if you have to stay away when you're sane, that's okay too. do what's best for you. :) how is wow going? have you played much lately? *cuddles oliver, nicole, lia, kat, jk, and anyone else she's missed* geez, i hope that was epic enough. lol. my brain is dead now. :P but i love you guys and really wanted to reply to you all... or most of you, anyway. :( sorry if i missed you. i'm doing alright. am at my parents' house but will be leaving in a bit to take daniel to the vet's. gahhh. jarrod's not planning on coming so i get to do it all by myself... which i've done before, kind of. at least we have a handy carry-case for him... it has a top that opens, which is really, really nice, much easier than stuffing him in the front door of the case. hah. cats can really be stubborn about going into carry-cases!! i would just take him on his halter and lead but i don't want him crawling all over my car when i'm driving... that would be fun... NOT. heh. my druid on silvermoon (naturasoul if you want to look her up on wowarmory.com) is now level 50!!! woohoo... only 8 levels until outlands (the 1st expansion for wow)... i am stoked. once my raf (refer a friend) priest hits level 60, she'll be granting levels to some of my other toons so they can get to higher levels... so soon i will have a bunch of level 60s. :D i'm stoked. jarrod's been powerleveling them today, a lot, so that makes me really happy. :P anyway. ummm... i'm not doing too well but i don't really feel like going into that now... because i'm feeling okay as long as i don't think about certain things. if i think about them, i immediately start feeling really, really low... so yeah. :'( *hides in her corner* |
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April , My mum is pretty much imobilised with her leg , gotta wait 4 more weeks until her next hospital appoinment. I'm afraid I might not be able to keep up with your LJ while at my parents , gosh it's hectic here with mums injury and baby and all .
I feel low , Happy mask well and truely on mainly faking it which sucks BTW that last post on yours was EPIC April Sorry I feel guilty for feeling low , anyone else get that? |
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k[/ame]
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And I agree it was epic April. Yeah I get that Mark. *sorry for the impersonal feel of this post but its the best I can do and I really wanted to reply. *hugs everyone and hides* |
Hey guys, I so need to do a journal entry but I'm scared to let the thoughts out. Its like I'm not as sane as I'm meant to be. Thats more why I've not been in here recently, because here I know I can tell the truth and not be judged, but I'm scared to admit it. I'm not irrational and having random thoughts like with the PMDD, thats all under control, but my ED has got worse and just a general feeling of dread and being low. So as Mark says I put on a happy mask. I've just got to hold out til Eoghan deploys to afghan and then I can go to the doctors for some more help, but I need him to believe that I'm ok, that I'm stronger than before. Gosh, I've started waffling sorry....
Oh and feeling extra **** as a friend of ours was killed by a suicide bomber in afghan this morning. He leaves behind his wife and baby daughter who isn't even 1 yet. Why do bad things always happen to good people?! |
*cuddles Hayley* I'm so sorry about your friend. I hope when Eoghan deploys that he stays safe. My brother in law is headed over there in a few weeks too. I totally understand wanting him to be safe by not worrying about you.
We're here if you ever want to let anything out so you don't have to hold it all in. How long until Eoghan deploys/you get to go see your doctor? *extra cuddles for you and your friend's family* |
*hugs crimson* I'm sorry that you are feeling so crappy. Thanks for trying to keep replying. Let us know if we can do anything. O by the way, that piano song is very pretty.
*hugs mark* happy masks can be so draining. Sorry that you have to put one up for so long. And yes, sometimes I feel guilty for being depressed or feeling crappy. Mainly b/c I'll feel like I have no real reason to feel like this in comparison to others and that I might bring other people down with my thoughts. But you should not feel guilty (and neither should I for that matter). It is not your fault that you feel like this. *hugs april* good luck with your cat and the vet. and I agree, that response was awesome of you! So long lol. I um... did not stay safe. *points to r/v thread* (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...58#post2381758) I won't put anything in here since it could be kinda triggering. But there is a little bit in the thread. It's okay if you don't want to read. *hugs jill* hope you managed to stay safe hun. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. *hugs helen* I hope your anxiety went down at least a little bit. Hope you are okay today. *hugs kahlia* you are NOT a failure hun. I'm sorry that your anxiety is so bad and that not even meds are helping. That sounds so awful. Can you talk to a doctor or something? B/c it seems like the anxiety has been like this for a few days now. *hugs hayley* i'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I don't know why bad things always seem to happen to good people... I wish i had an explanation for that one. I hope that Eoghan stays safe when he is deployed, and that when you get to see the doctor they are helpful. We are always here if you need to talk about anything. You know that though. I might just hide away today. Stay in my apartment, not do anything. I didn't even get out of bed until almost noon. I just want to shut down. Arm hurts really bad too. I'm an idiot. |
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I like that one best so far (just found this composer yesterday). |
Did my journal entry, not feeling any better for it though, really need a fag now so I need to get reggie in his hutch so that he doesn't do anymore major damage to the carpet whilst I'm out of the room!!
Thanks for the support guys. I've got Eoghan for approx another 3months. I keep trying to enjoy the present and forget about what's up ahead, but when we get news like this it makes it all very real and very scary. aha! reggie just jumped in his hutch to get some hay - gotcha!! *pops out to the smoking shelter* |
*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as to not smell of fags*
I've just realised I've been a really self absorbed wardie....*group huggles!!!!* Sorry I've not got more than that for you all right now. |
lol well you have missed quite a few pages of posts we wouldn't expect you to be all caught up and up to date.
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thanks for being understanding, I'm just not feeling up to my previous efforts of catching up when I've read 20 or so pages.
Think I'm going to take my meds early and call it a night. I just want my head to stop having bad thoughts. Tomorrow will be - apart from the 1slip up in may that only you guys in here know about - 1year SI free. Everyone is so proud of me, thinking I'm fixed now, urgh.... *extra huggles for everyone who wants them* *friendly waves to the other wardies* |
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