we gos to ER tonite. i scard. i taks mikeybares wif me. hops tey let me keps him wif me. sadie tak book to reed us wen we need be calm .. hops it bes good book. an hiding bes sur to tak are jornil to.. we nevrs go dr or werk witout it.

i jus bes scard..we all scard i tink. cept sadie her never reeli scard just mad al tim.

i hops we no hav spen nite ther but mayb do has to. =/ not kno yet.
i rafr sta heer.

i scard lots.
Sarah

Aww Sarah , I'm sure you will be fine and nothing bad will happen at the ER, It's a good idea to bring a book to help keep you calm , I hope it's a good book too :D ,and Hiding brings her journal with her too thats good .
Good Luck! :)

I went to Morrisons but it was so crowded I had a Panic attack and just dropped my stuff and left :( so I headed to Aldis because thats always quieter ( After I was calmer) and got in the queue for paying and left my shopping on the conveyor belt to grab some crisps I saw and I was gone 15 seconds and this stupid ****ing guy had just threw all my shopping aside and took my space so I royally freaked out and walked as fast as I could to my flat and took a diaz but was SO triggered I c*t :S and I want to again , Come on Diaz kick in! I've been taking it daily recently and think I am getting used to it in my body so I need more.

I only needed my meds they screwed up yesterday so at least I got them.

Argg!! Triggered feeling go away !!

Sorry

*walks in and hugs everyone.*
sorry you're feeling so bad mark. *extra hugs.*

i had a really great time but am now majorly tired! but am so glad i went, even though i had so many panick attacks its unbeleivable. and i smoked so much. i went from smoking 4-5 a day, to smoking 20 a day :/ but had a great time and made a lot of friends. hows everyone else doing?

OOh Nicole I glad you had a great time !! Be carefull with the smokes though okay?

^ I just re-read that about the smoking and it sounds patronising but I really didn't mean it to just a little concerned about it lol , please don't be offended

thanks. it didnt sound patronising lol, and dw i dont normally smoke so much, think i was just really triggerd and panicky and stuff. nearly had a car crash on the way back though :/ i was trying to radically accept it lol. didnt work too well! i spent most of the trip sucking my thumb as i have a major fear of heights and most things were high, although i made it to the top of the 37ft absailing tower, then walked back down the stairs XD but one of our group leaders kept pressuring me and i wanted to push her off! lol.

*huggles everyone*

For some strange reason I feel like singing Goodnight Sweetheart -Well it's 3 o'clock in the morning . . . It almost is, so I guess that could be why. I've tried to sleep and I just can't. I'm probably not really going to try to again, because otherwise I'll just wake at 7 in a bad mood, or struggle to wake, which will be just as bad. I just wish I knew what was going on . . . It could just be the significance of tomorrow, but I don't know. *shrugs*

I guess that we just take it as it comes.

*hugs everyone* sorry again that its not more. I suck right now I know.

Couldn't sleep until like 4am... Now just feeling flat. Remembering/thinking about a lot of things.

I'll try to reply individually later tonight.

Wow Nicole 37ft!! Thats really brave of you:) you should have shoved her off lol ( fully harrnessed of course )

*Hugs Kahlia* Hmmm it sucks that you can't sleep , do you have any camomillie tea , that could help maybe ? sorry for the lame idea .

*Hugs Laura*I'm sorry you didn't sleep until late , try not to dwell on negative thoughts if you can , easier said than done I know hmmm

Thanks for the hugs helen how are you today any better?
Huggles everybody else. Sorry just a bad day that's got worse, I'm really damn angery right now. Just heard somthing hat so messed up, and I'm in shock how the hell can they get away with and why the hell are we even trying in my real life. Sorry might not make any sence.

thanks mark, it was f*cking scary! but its only 2 at a time and andy took me up so i couldnt push her lol. needing a ciggarette but dont have any :(

I'm not tired but I'm heading to bed . I may well S.I. if I stay up and I am feeling Low/Flat , I realise its early but I really can't think of what would be better for me than sleep.

"Asleep is the safest place you can be"

*Hugs ward goodnight*

*cuddles all*

*cuddles all then goes back to her cell*

hey

just wanted to drop in and say hi,and give hugs and positive thoughts to you all.

i feel slowly but surely life is staing to turn, its by no means back to normal but i feel i am a step closer than i was yesterday.

*comes out of her cell* *waves at messedup* hi, I dont think i've met you before, i'm Kat.

*glomps helen*

Hey Kat *waves*

i'm Beki

nice to meet you hun :)

Nice to meet you too Beki, shame it had to be in here. *offers you a brown bag* calorie/fat free marshmellow?

*hugs everyone*
I'm sorry I'm not around so much... feeling really low.
However, I did get pointed into a possible treatment option. It's Christian run, which scares me, but it is free and I have a friend who went there and says it's great and she is a lot better, so I'm researching a bit...

*hugs everyone* how are you all today. sorry i went offlline so suddenly last night, was so tired i was asleep by 8.30!

Oh Felicia, I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you with those links!! :( I feel so bad now as I JUST remembered it... damn it, I'm awful with keeping up with PMs & such... :'( http://www.mercyministries.com is one, then search also for Vision of Hope (VOH) and A Friend's House (AFH). The last 2 are both in Indiana. :) So sorry!!! :-O

Am really embarrassed now... *hides in deepest darkest corner* :(

*hugs everyone tight*

Just touching base, and clinging desperately to the links I have here, albeit I have made no effort of late.

*Hugs JK* Hmm sorry you are struggling , I have missed you loads on here :)

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Kat*

*Hugs Beki*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs April*

*cuddles everyone and gives JK a biiig hug*

awww shanks Helen, hope you doing ok.

oops, and huggles Mark, sorry another page went through. Thanks hun, hope you ok

Not really but trying to hang in there & you're welcome xx

*hugs everyone*

I'm still here JK , Had a super stressful week (Psych Dr) and am really struggling to get out of bed in the morning , (Depression) ugh. Hopefully they will increase my Lithium that I can take and that might kick me into feeling less flat *Hugs Again as hasn't seen you in ages*

*Hugs Nicole*

*hugs Nicole and Mark*

*hugs helen and mark.*
lol. we seem to be turning into the hug thread again!

ha, hug thread is ok. Unashamedly hugs Nicole and Mark and Helen

lol, hug thread is ok, but this is the psych ward! lol. i just find it quite funny. *hugs JK*

LOL you have a point Nicole, but usually between hugging sessions in here, we have other posts. Whereas hug thread is just hug after hug & you can't really support people in there...

I'm half amused/half pissed off about something LOL LOL LOL

*Hugs Helen* Whats half pissing you off ?

JK *huge hugs* have missed you around here. sorry you have been struggling.

*hugs Nicole, mark and Hels* sorry your not doing so well people
Mark, I hope the lithium helps you to feel less flat.

god i had a horrible night last night, also strange, I went manic, then paranoid and had a flashback/hallucination/dissosociation thing where i space out and don't remember much, then went majorly depressive, then was talking to my best friend on msn and we were discussing lotr characters, we came to the conclusion that all the male elves are homosexual and we discussed the fact that all the characters all had way to much hair.

*hugs all I have missed and apologises for missing you*

*hugs mark, helen and oliver*
-helen-i know lol, but we havent really being saying much else today, just hugging eachother.

Mark, just someone trying to force an apology from me, which I didn't give, so I got banned for it basically. You have to know the full story behind it to understand why I'm half pissed about it.

Nicole, yeah I suppose. Glad you got an early night last night.

Oliver (I called you Alex then), I'm sorry you didn't have a good night *cuddles*

Anyway I'm going to have to dash you wonderful people, will be in later x

*hugs helen.* thanks, it was weird going to bed so early! speak later x

hey everyone, hows it all going?

hey kat *hugs*
im doing pretty well at the moment thanks, how are you?

Hey guys. It's OK, you can all breathe again. I'm back! I know you must have all been lost without me ;)

Camp was good, I wasn't lonely all week because there were 499 others on the camp and 50 others in my part and 5 including me in my tent. Now I feel really lonely because I'm used to being around people and now I'm all alone, but on the upside I didn't cut and I only had a massive urge to once. The type I usually give into, but I had just left the tent to go to 'toilet' (I just needed some alone time) and it would have looked weird if I had gone again and besides, I was too lazy to get out my sleeping bag and find my blades.

Anyway, how is everyone? I need a good catch up.

*Hugs all*

xx

*hugs lia tight*
high five! well done, thats both of us that managed to go away from home and not SI. *shows lia how to do her victory dance*

*hugs lia* I'm aweful, how are you?

*hands nicole a teddy*

*takes teddy* thanks :D whats up?

Hey Nicole. Go us! Who ever said laziness was a sin? The energy of getting out of my sleeping bag and finding my blades was the main reason I didn't bother.

*Hugs Jess* What's wrong?

xxx

nicole: i'm in a terrible pickle.
hi lia.
hi wolf (remind me of your name,.....?)

Just feeling really low again. I have had a couple of days of being better then this and now I'm back to being this bad again. :( I was also supposed to see my doctor this morning to hand over my blades and I couldn't get out of bed. It will have to wait until my next appointment and he is probably going to be rather pissed at me.

*hugs Kat* It's Jess. :) Why are you in a pickle?

lol, i went and had a cold shower! am so glad i didnt cut though, even though i had SO many urges, and i was smoking like a chimney!
kat-aaw, why are you in a pickle? *hugs*
jess-that sucks. sorry *hugs*

*hugs jess back* i'm having a really switchy dissociated day, cant keep my head straight for more than five mins and i keep loosing moments of time, only like 5 or 10 mins at a time, but enough to mean that I'm never going to achieve or finish anything on time. the littles keep coming out, and there's so much chatter in my head that I feel like it's about to explode.

It would be alright if i could stay home alone and just sleep it off.. but i've got to get my stuff together, leave the house, walk to the train station, buy a ticket and get on a train....

EDIT: nicole edited! :P *huggles nicole* see above!

*Hugs Kat* Sorry you feel like that, but maybe it's good to get out of the house. I have been busy all week and although I am exhausted now, it meant I never had time to dwell, I was even falling asleep within minutes of getting in the tent! It can be a good thing to get out and about, even if it's the last thing you feel like doing. Less chance of doing something stupid and the distraction can really help. Hope it all goes ok for you.

I'm okish. Surviving.

xxx

EDIT: Spies April and Kahlia. How are you guys?