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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 10-04-2010 11:08 PM

*hugs april* if it makes u feel any better, people tell me i need to make more friends too... I hide out in my apartment a lot b/c of anxiety... so, ur not alone in ur feelings.

*hugs helen* Im sorry about tomorrow.. I hope your friends are supportive. Try to hold onto that good mood as long as possible.

*hugs oliver* Im glad that your getting by right now. Sounds like ur really busy!

*hugs JK, nicole, and mark*

.... I dont really have much to say about myself...

Scarletdreamer 10-04-2010 11:19 PM

Thanks Laura. It's just that I feel so alone, IRL, because I (obviously) don't have anyone else that has social anxiety... :( But thank you. *cuddles* How are you feeling??

*cuddles Oliver* I'm glad that things are going okay so far... keep hanging in there and coming on here when you can!! :)

*cuddles Mark* Sleep well, sweet dreams... wish I could go to bed now but it's just hit 6:15pm and that's too early... I'd wake up at like 2am and be unable to get back to sleep if I went to bed now. Heh. I hope your ENT appt goes well (what's ENT stand for?). Er and yeh, I think you're the only Runescape player here... hehe... there's only two of us WoW players, though, so it's not like there's a ton of us. :P

*hugs Nicole* Glad to hear that you're doing so well. :D Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... lol. :P

*huggles Hels* Awh, I hope that tomorrow goes by so quickly you won't even really notice it being there... but if it doesn't, we're here for you all the way, love. Do you have any plans of ways to distract yourself tomorrow?? (er, today I suppose, since it's just hit midnight over there, right?) *more cuddles*

*hugs JK, Crimson, Kahlia, & Hayley* How're you all doing? :)

*hides*

MammaMia 10-04-2010 11:57 PM

It's actually 11.56pm here, so turns into Sunday in 4 minute's time.

Online friends do count...well to me?

*cuddles everyone*

I need my best friends && guess what? Nobody's here :'( Jade promised she'd try really really really hard to be online tomorrow & hopefully she'll be able to. But I really am doubting it. Cruel. Gemma's not been on all night. Hopefully she'll be round at some point.

Got to see in midnight alone :(

*curls up and rocks*

3 minutes to go now :'(

Sorry. :'(

MammaMia 10-04-2010 11:57 PM

Also April, you would not be better off dead =(

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 12:20 AM

*holds helen tight* You can make it through this hun. Hang in there.

*hugs april* I know its hard when u feel alone. And I agree with helen that to a certain extent online friends do count for something. *finds your hiding spot* - if ur allowed to find me when im hiding in the ward im allowed to find u lol.

MammaMia 11-04-2010 12:49 AM

*cuddles Laura tight* Thank you. Don't feel too bad at the moment..

How are you feeling?

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 01:50 AM

Not very well right now.. I'll be fine though, I can be whoever people need me to be.. and right now ppl need me to be okay... so I am.

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 02:04 AM

Awh Laura, that shouldn't be how it works. :( You need to be YOU... I understand the feeling to need to feel fine (if that was understandable... heh), for other people especially - I get that a lot. But I've learnt that it's not the way that things are supposed to go. I don't know how to explain it really, it's just not right. It's sweet in a way, but it's also messed up... sorry, I'm not being very coherent. It's just past 9pm here and I am utterly exhausted, so words elude me. :( But please, talk about how you're doing? *cuddles*

*cuddles Hels* I would too be better off dead, no one would really miss me. I'm a shitty wife and Jarrod would be best off with someone who doesn't have my issues... we had an "argument" tonight that wasn't very good... I don't know, I just want to be dead. And that's that. :( How're you doing? planning on getting some rest soon? ♥

*cuddles everyone else*

Kahlia1981 11-04-2010 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2231913)
*hugs Kahlia* Sorry you are feeling so low :( That coffee making course does sound interesting :) What is a barista? Am I just being dull?

Mark: *big hugs* Before I answer your question I just want to say something. SI is a battle that you will continuously face. If SI wins, that doesn't mean it's won the war. If you SI once during the day, how many times did you not SI during the day. Yeah, the course was really interesting. A barista is someone who makes coffee in places like cafe's and restaurants. We learnt how to make espressos and lattes yesterday. A lot of fun.

*huggles everyone*

I'm going out to my parents place in a bit ... they are picking me up. I kind of want to go, but I kind of don't. See it's hard in some ways because of a) my illness and b) my smoking. I have to leave the "main group" to be able to have a smoke - or not smoke. And if I don't smoke I start to get stressed and then begin to feel unwell (in regards to my MH).

Meh, I really don't know anymore.

Anyway I just wanted to drop you all a line to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and to send you some hugs. If anyone wants an espresso or a latte let me know. :-D

*cuddles everybody then slips into the smoking shelter for a quick smoke*

xXxDeathDancerxXx 11-04-2010 03:23 AM

hugs everyone sorry

I haven't been here in a while. life has been so chaotic the last few months. I'm back at my dads for spring break. its weird not having my grand father around. this town reminds me of how close we were and it kills me knowing hes gone. its been five months sense he died; I haven't been here sense that time and it feels empty and lonely. On top of that I found a drawing I made in Art for my grandfather I was suppose to give it to him for Christmas I cried for a long while after ward.

we moved it to a bigger house about a week ago the one we lived had no hot water or a heater so winter was hard until my teacher called DHR. It was not my mom fault that we had to live in the crappy house(our old landlord sold the house out from under our feet) the house we are living in now is 3 bedrooms (so no more sleeping on the couch)and is so much better then the other.

school sucks on top of all the moving I have research papers and term test till the end of school.

I AM TIRED. emotionally. Physically and spiritually TIRED. If I had the ability to stop time and rest I would.

Doikers 11-04-2010 11:30 AM

*Hugs April* You would NOT be better off dead , I bet more people would miss you than you realise . I would miss you for one . Which brings me to my second point which is online friends matter a lot to me too , they really do count :) you all count . And April I read your R/V thread and can totally relate to having problems with language and being anxious around people I don't know , just to let you know you aren't alone:)

*Hugs Helen* How are you coping ? I hope you are manageing to distract yourself today:)

*Hugs everyone else on the ward*

jonikd 11-04-2010 12:12 PM

*hugs everyone on the ward, and is pleased to be home *

Kahlia how did the parental visit go? Any wee ones around today too?

Helen - sweetie, sorry I haven't been around the last 24 hours, how are you now gorgeous girl *cuddles gently*

Deidre - coping with the death of someone close to you is really hard yards. Do you have some support? I am still working through my uncle's death just over a year ago, just back today from the scattering of his ashes and still miss him every day. Have a look at my thread
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...41#post2233341 if you like.

Laura - "I'll be fine" is something one of my friends says on here, and normally it means the opposite! Please take care of yourself and keep talking to us. *hugs*

*spies April hiding and offers her a night out on the town with her online friends* we do count sweetie, don't let anyone tell you anything else.

*hugs oliver *[who keeps completely separate hours from me]

*dances around with Mark, after 4 flat whites today!*

*pops out a raspberry muffin and fabulous accompanying tea for Crimson and hopes to catch her here one day soon too*

TBH I'm not sure how I am, about to go to bed after 3 days away full of emotion and cuddles and tears. Hoping I'm ok tomorrow. *crosses fingers*



MammaMia 11-04-2010 12:36 PM

*cuddles everybody*

I don't know how I'm doing? It just hurts?

One best friend has surprised me, she's already texted and said she'll be online later. Didn't think she would, because she's been super struggling. The other hasn't text me since 9.24pm last night (and it's now 12.35pm) :S Might text her in a bit, if she doesn't first.

April, we would NOT be better off with you dead. :'( *cuddles tight*

Kahlia1981 11-04-2010 12:47 PM

*hugs everyone*

The visit at my parentals place was ... okay-ish. Very crowded and there were three little ones - two 4 year olds and an 8 year old. Just a very crowded and strange afternoon. I picked up my little dogs blanket, and now just have to pick up her jumpers.

Am very, very tired and about ready to crash.

*leaves gigantic hugs for everyone who enters the ward*

one_step_closer 11-04-2010 12:54 PM

*sits*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 12:58 PM

*cuddles Lindsay & Kahlia lots*

jonikd 11-04-2010 01:00 PM

*sits quietly next to Lindsay*

Helen - yes text your friend 'K? We don't always have to wait for them *hugs and dials the number*

Kahlia - hmmm, those noisy, crazy afternoons can sometimes send us into a spin....bed is a good option, ni night sweet.

MammaMia 11-04-2010 01:24 PM

I've heard from them since that post, her phone's died but she's online <3

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 01:27 PM

Good morning, everyone...

Lots of posts. :)

*cuddles Mark, Hels, Lindsay, JK, Kahlia, Oliver, Crimson, Hayley, Laura, & anyone else I'm missing* :( I don't feel very well right now... wish I could feel okay for a change... I don't know... I just am so sick of being this way. :( Just want to be different than who I am... I'm such a burden to so many people... :crying: I think I would be better off dead... it would make it so much easier for so many people...

I'm glad you guys think that online friends count. :) Because I think that too. It's just that... I don't know... I am so sick of not being able to have IRL friends... never been part of a group, and everyone I know is... it HURTS. :crying:

*hides where no one can find her*

Doikers 11-04-2010 01:30 PM

*Finds April and hugs her*

ENT stands for Ear,nose and throat , I have ear issues lol , It's not funny but "Ear issues" sounds it :P

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 01:42 PM

*pops in for a quick visit, cuddles everyone lots* must go writing a part out, the joys of being prinicpal, you have to do stuff and be in charge. I promise I'll reply properly later, when I have a free and have time.

nicole94 11-04-2010 02:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 03:07 PM

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 11-04-2010 03:21 PM

*cuddles helen* how're you feeling hun??

MammaMia 11-04-2010 03:42 PM

*cuddles Nicole*

Just hurting :( Want to cry..

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 06:35 PM

*cuddles helen* Im sorry that this is such a hard day, I'm glad ur best friends are online to talk to.

*hugs april* you would not be better off dead, nor are you a burden on others. you're just struggling, and you need to lean on people. If someone around u was struggling I bet you would want them to lean on u instead of thinking they were better off gone. We <3 u here. I'm sorry your having trouble with friend issues, as I said before, I understand that and it really sucks sometimes :-/

*hugs JK* Im sry that the past few days have been so emotional.. Hope u are alright.

*hugs mark* Hope the ENT appointment went okay. How r u doing today?

*hugs kahlia* Was it okay that it was crowded? Just wondering b/c i know sometimes I get really anxious when there is a lot of noise happening around me. Sleep well!

*cuddles lindsay, nicole, and oliver* How r u guys doing? Hope things are okay.

I know that fine is not fine... but i dont know what else to say. Its not like im actually gonna do anything too horribly bad, I never do. I saw my friend that I always talk to yesterday, and I didnt even say anything to him, even when he asked. I dont want to worry people. There is enough drama going on right now that people dont need me falling apart on top of it.

MammaMia 11-04-2010 06:39 PM

It's getting harder. Nobody's around. I fell asleep (was watching tv) and had a really horrible nightmare. Especially the last bit. *rocks and cries*

Wish I could cry IRL.

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 06:59 PM

*gently holds helen* I wish i had words to make u feel better, I'm sorry about ur nightmare. Nightmares are horrible. *more cuddles*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 07:08 PM

*holds and cuddles* They are horrible. Don't think there's any words to make me feel any better right now. Just need to keep somehow getting through the day.

nicole94 11-04-2010 07:14 PM

*hugs helen* im so sorry hun. i wish i could be there to hold you. x
*hugs laura* im ok thanks. you ok?

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 07:20 PM

I spy a Nicole & a Laura!! *cuddles*

Awh Hels, I'm sorry that you're having such a rough day... I really was hoping that today would be a better day than you expected. :( But I guess maybe part self-fulfilling prophecy, part just memories etc. *holds you gently and rocks* You'll be okay, sweetie... the day's getting to be almost over... you'll make it through. ♥

Laura, I think that you should talk to the friend you always talk to, as you put it... because if you don't then you'll just be bottling up how you feel and that isn't healthy. :( I wish I could meet up with you IRL and go out for coffee or summat, I don't know. I just wish that I could help you more. *cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* Well, I hope that the ENT appt goes well. :) "Ear issues" does sound funny, hehe, but I do hope that things go even better than expected (whatever you expect). :) How're you doing today?

*hugs Nicole* How're you doing, love? & how's your pierced tongue? still really sore, or has the pain gone down a bit? :)

*cuddles Oliver* Hope things are going okay... glad that you can post when you get chances. :)

Didn't go to church today, just because. :-/ Well, we had other stuff to do. Not good, I know, since church is where we get our spiritual food (as funny as that sounds), but... oh, I don't know!! We did laundry instead, and I had a decaf sugar-free vanilla latte... sooo good. I haven't had a latte in absolute ages since of the caffeine (caffeine + anxiety = hell!!!), and even though it was decaf, I couldn't tell... it was delicious!!

*sighs*

Am still feeling like ****. Don't know what to do. I did go target shooting, just 14 rounds out of my .45 but it was awesome. :D Lol. I hit the targets (old plastic bottles filled with water) and they exploded, hehe. Target shooting is fun... as long as I'm not out there for too long. Then I just get bored, heh.

So yeh, am at my parents' now, totally ate too much for lunch :( so feel like **** over that too...

But never mind, it doesn't matter anyway. :(

nicole94 11-04-2010 07:27 PM

*hugs april.* tongue still sore lol, but getting better :D i've got a lisp!!!! i cant pronounce 'r' 't' or 's' lol. im really good, get through the rest of today and a bit of tomorrow, then i go to my cousin and have a distraction from SH for a while, and by the time i come back, t would've been 3 weeks since i last SH! :D i'm getting on really well with my sister aswell, we got the bus into oxford and went shopping :D

sorry you're feeling ****. *snuggles*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 07:27 PM

*cuddles Nicole & April tight*

Sorry I'm not really replying to posts, even when addressed to me. I finished my latest book that I was reading yesterday, one bit's really stuck with me. Hmm.

nicole94 11-04-2010 07:33 PM

*squishes helen* have you got anything else you can do to distract you?

Doikers 11-04-2010 07:47 PM

* Hugs fellow ward inhabitants *

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:11 PM

*hugs mark* you ok??

MammaMia 11-04-2010 08:11 PM

Trying but it's not really working. *sniffs* Sorry.

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:14 PM

why're you saying sorry hun? you dont need to apologise. you got any other nice books you can read?? *squishes*

Doikers 11-04-2010 08:18 PM

He Nicole , I'm ok I just feel a bit empty and pointless , I'm glad you are doing so well.

I'm studying my more recent injurys , I want to make more but I'm not going to, not tonight .

I don't know what else to say , like I said I'm empty , empty of feeling , empty of just about everything.

*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs April*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Laura*
*Hugs everyone I know I've missed , sorry*

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:20 PM

*hugs mark* sorry your not feeling too good. :( hope you do manage to fight the urges and not SI.

Doikers 11-04-2010 08:23 PM

Thanx Nicole :)

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:26 PM

lol. thats ok. x

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 08:35 PM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry you had a nightmare, they are horrible, I hope there is something you can do to distract yourself and get you through the day.

*cuddles April* it sounds like target shooting is fun, I'm glad you enjoyed it, sorry your not feeling grat now though, hope you have a good time at your parents though.

*cuddles Nicole* well done on being SH free for 3 weeks and am glad your getting on well with your sister, hope your tongue gets better soon.

*hugs Mark* sorry your feeling so empty, I'm hope you get through tonight without SH, remember you dont need it, you can be strong.

I don't know how I am feeling, a bit strange, because the school we are at for my course is the same as last year, and there are a lot of bad memories from last year and I keep remembering them, but trying to make sure I take away better memories this year.
Spoke to mum on phone earlier, she asks how the playing is going, but she doesnt ask how I am, I don't think she realises how hard this is for me being a 'girl' for a week, also she she asked my sister while on phone if she wanted to speak to me and I overheard my sister say no way, not speaking to that thing. Plus I am feeling pretty trapped, having to respond to she and being in the girls accomadaton block. Thoughts of self harm keep enteringmy head, but trying to keep them a bay, but the music is going ok, its hard work though and my lips are going to be knackered at the end of the concerts.

Doikers 11-04-2010 08:43 PM

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry I don't have many words just plenty of hugs :S

jonikd 11-04-2010 08:47 PM

*wonders where Kahlia is when strong flat white is required :)*

*hugs everyone on the ward, and asks how they all are*

Helen, sweetie, I'm thinking of you over here *holds gently until we're through this*

*hugs Nicole* man you're awesome to have on the ward at the moment, thanks for all your positivity, I think a bit of it has worn off on me this morning

*Finds April & Laura and administers many cuddles*

Mark I hope you do ok for the rest of the day/night, its fantatstic that you've made the decision not to SH. Stay strong 'k? *pus arm around Mark's strong shoulders*

*waves at Oliver*

I have to go to work now, so please all stay safe til I get home
xx

MammaMia 11-04-2010 09:31 PM

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:41 PM

Just finished up my Powerpoint for senior sem, for my final presentation. Urgh. Am so nervous about that!! but my mum says I always come across as extremely confident and fine when I'm up in front of people talking about, well, anything. :-/ I don't FEEL confident, in fact all I want to do is run away. So yeah. Am NOT looking forward to giving that talk... :(

Wanted to get together with my bestie today but she hasn't responded to my texts... AGAIN. :crying: I hate that, not being able to get in touch with her. And now it's getting late, and all I want to do is have time with her, but she's probably not going to come over and I don't want to go over there because I HATE leaving the apartment. :crying:

Deidre (? DeathDancer), sorry no one responded to your post. How are you doing today?? *hugs*

*cuddles Hels* Today's almost over, keep going, hon.

*cuddles Mark* Awesome that you're not going to SI, and anyway, if you did, then it's still just a slipup... you're doing awesomely. :) Each and every minute without SI is a victory. :)

*hides*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:51 PM

Updated my dear ol' r/v thread... if anyone wants to read it, that is. Please tell me if you don't want me letting you all know when I update it... :(

MammaMia 11-04-2010 09:52 PM

I'll read it soon darling <3

*cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:56 PM

Thanks, sweetie. *cuddles back* How you doing? hanging in there? ♥


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