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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

one_step_closer 20-09-2019 01:54 PM

I didn't think Lillie was aiming that at me. *shrugs if so anyway*

I don't think you should give up or shut up (if that's what you were meaning) you definitely won't be heard if you do that. What is it that you're saying that you feel isn't being heard?

chinahorse 22-09-2019 09:49 PM

I wasn't aiming my comments at anyone.

I'm appealing the section. If I'm so ill I have to be detained against my will then I should be receiving treatment and I'm not.

nonperson 22-09-2019 10:12 PM

I didn't think you were aiming that comment at anyone. It just sounded like frustration to me! And understandably. You definitely should be receiving some sort of treatment.

Pomegranate 22-09-2019 10:27 PM

What would you like to happen Lillie? Before this admission you were adamant you wanted them to take you seriously and offer more support. What would you like that support to look like?

Pomegranate 22-09-2019 10:28 PM

Re your section- a 2 is mainly for assessment so yes, legally they can detain you to assess and not offer treatment.

chinahorse 23-09-2019 10:25 AM

I just want understanding. I'm not a perfect person. And it seems unless you are perfect on this website people get frustrated with you. I'm never good enough for anyone.

I want support in the community. Like help to engage with social life and support to make sure I maintain my house and that. And someone to talk to. There is no one to talk to here.

tamobhuuta 23-09-2019 03:12 PM

Hopefully when you're discharged they can put things like that in place. But they need this time while you're in a safe place to work out what to do, so do tell them what you think will help.

one_step_closer 23-09-2019 03:25 PM

It's a shame that your community support wasn't put in place early on, maybe this crisis point could have been avoided. Please let them know what you need and hopefully some things can be sorted to get you well and get you home and doing good.

Pomegranate 23-09-2019 06:50 PM

Could they possibly arrange some support through social services or local organisations for when you get out? I do think it’s awful support wasn’t put in place for when you moved. That level of stress is bound to have an impact on anybody’s mental health.

Unbreakable. 23-09-2019 11:50 PM

I'm sorry you feel unheard. I can totally see why that would be the case given that you've been lacking support for years now. That must be really frustrating & infuriating.

Sending you love. <3

chinahorse 24-09-2019 05:17 PM

I'm being discharged tomorrow. So happy I get to see Bertie.

I've lost my job.

nonperson 24-09-2019 07:31 PM

Are you being discharged with any help for when you get back home?.

chinahorse 24-09-2019 09:23 PM

Crisis team

Auror. 24-09-2019 10:27 PM

Can you get documentation that you were in hospital to give to your job? Typically if you provide documentation that your absence was due to illness they cannot fire you for not coming in.

chinahorse 24-09-2019 11:21 PM

I'm so scared now.

Juella 25-09-2019 09:46 AM

It's understandable. What exactly scares you?
*leaves a safe hug if needed*

chinahorse 25-09-2019 11:13 AM

I'm not sure I can rebuild my life again. And I haven't had to fend for myself or been on my own for like 3 weeks now.

one_step_closer 25-09-2019 12:42 PM

Of course it's scary but I think you can do this. Hopefully crisis will be able to offer you some decent support and with that other support can be brought in. Be honest with the crisis team and try and focus on small things and on being with Bertie.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 06:35 PM

I'm trying not to think of the big picture but it's very overwhelming. Crisis are coming tomorrow at 4.15. I've been snuggling with bertie on the sofa since I got home which has been lovely. I'm scared.

nonperson 25-09-2019 06:45 PM

Are there some little things you can think of instead?

one_step_closer 25-09-2019 07:27 PM

It's your first night home and that is always huge. Think about your immediate needs and Bertie's immediate needs. Other things can wait for now.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 08:00 PM

I'm going to put jarmies on and maybe have tea or hot chocolate now. And tomorrow morning I will go and buy bread and fruit. Then probably nap until crisis comes.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 08:01 PM

Oh and it's dressing change and shower day tomorrow and I may treat myself and blow dry my hair.

tamobhuuta 25-09-2019 08:02 PM

Ooo fancy! I'm glad you are looking after yourself. I hope the crisis people are helpful.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 08:03 PM

I really can't do real life again. I'm panicking

tamobhuuta 25-09-2019 08:07 PM

Try not to panic! (Because that's easy!) You can take things slowly and it's fine to need lots of support. You will need time to stand up.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 08:09 PM

I can't. I have no job or money and no way to pay the bills and owe my parents a lot of money.

tamobhuuta 25-09-2019 08:15 PM

Can you apply for benefits, just until you're ready to work and find a job?

one_step_closer 25-09-2019 08:24 PM

It's ok to just think about the immediate here and now at the moment Lillie. So PJs, tea, etc. You can discuss all the big things with crisis.

chinahorse 25-09-2019 08:29 PM

Yep. Tonight. Just focus on tonight and right now.

Auror. 25-09-2019 11:12 PM

How's Bertie? Was he glad to see you?

chinahorse 25-09-2019 11:29 PM

He was so happy. Climbing on me and purring and has followed me around and keeps running to check im still here. I am so so happy to be back with him.

Auror. 25-09-2019 11:34 PM

I'm so glad that he is okay and that he clearly loves you and missed you too! I hope you both can have a good night catching up on some love and snuggles.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 11:45 AM

I'm glad Bertie is there for you. <3 How are you today? I hope it goes well with crisis.

chinahorse 26-09-2019 12:35 PM

Bertie is my everything <3

I'm quite fragile today. I need to get some basic food shopping in but I've only just managed to shower. It's also pouring down.

I feel so broken. I just can't do this.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 02:25 PM

It's ok, you can do this. Small steps. It's very early days being home and you can build up your strength. Well done for showering. Do you have far to travel to get some food shopping? Do you know what you want to discuss with crisis today?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 02:47 PM

I had a mini melt down in aldi but am home with food and a cuppa. Can't get hold of the burns clinic because the priory lost my next appointment letter and I vaguely think it's early next week.

I don't know what to say to crisis. I need help with benefits I think and to know what the plan with local support is.

And I forgot to get my gran a birthday card but can't face going out again.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 02:52 PM

Supermarkets can be stressful, well done for getting some shopping and getting home. Will you keep trying with the burns clinic? Can you leave a message?

When is your Gran's birthday?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 03:02 PM

After 5 phone calls I got through to them and sorted that.

It's grans birthday today. I will try to call her later. The thought of it is too much right now. Need to calm down from beING out.

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 03:10 PM

Take your time, I'd hope she would understand. I'm glad you got through to the burns clinic. What might help you calm down?

chinahorse 26-09-2019 03:20 PM

I've had a cup of tea. Might have another. And am just sitting until the feeling goes. Distracting with tv.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 26-09-2019 03:35 PM

Am a bit lost for words right now but wanted to send lots of love and warm hugs. Well done on distracting <3

one_step_closer 26-09-2019 03:41 PM

Keep going. Drink all the tea you need. :-)

Auror. 26-09-2019 05:25 PM

It sounds like you accomplished quite a lot today! I hope some tea and Bertie snuggles can help.

chinahorse 26-09-2019 08:31 PM

My dad's partner came round for a cuppa and eventually crisis came and then I cooked pasta. I'm quite pleased with what I managed today.

Crisis said I'm not broken beyond repair. They will help me with benefits and liase with the cmht. I told crisis I don't think I can rebuild my life. They said to take things slowly and that it's bound to be hard as I've been in hospital for a while.

nonperson 26-09-2019 08:42 PM

You really really aren't broken and can totally do this, but also remember there is no rush. I'm so glad you've got some support with benefits and stuff.

chinahorse 27-09-2019 11:58 AM

Thanks np. I'm struggling to believe that. I'm very very anxious today. Feel very isolated and lost and on edge. Having urges to self harm to calm down.

I'm 28. I have no career anymore. No job. My parents have had to bail me out. I'm useless. Worthless. I missed my driving test because I was in hospital.

There's no point in me.

one_step_closer 27-09-2019 12:06 PM

You are not any of those negative things, but I know it can feel that way. There is no rush to get somewhere in life. The way things are for you right now I think you're doing great with the things you have been managing. You can definitely have a better life but it takes time and a lot of fight. It's good that you have crisis there to support you now, make sure you use all of that support. There is a point to you - you are a human, you are Lillie, there is no one else who has all the qualities you have. You are valued and worthwhile even if you don't feel like you are. Please try not to self harm, use all of the other safe methods you know of to try and calm down and see if you can get in touch with someone if it's getting too much. Are you seeing crisis or anyone else today?

chinahorse 27-09-2019 12:33 PM

Thank you. I disagree. I'm such a failure. I feel horrible today. Absolutely horrible.

Not seeing anyone today. Which I am glad of tbh. I don't deserve people being nice.

one_step_closer 27-09-2019 12:36 PM

I can totally relate to hating yourself and not giving yourself credit for what you do. I'm sorry you feel that way and I know my words won't change that but please know that other people don't feel that way about you. You do deserve people being nice, you deserve support if you need it. Can you contact someone if you think it would help? Either crisis or a friend or whoever you need who is available? Do you have anything planned for today?


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