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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 26-11-2010 12:35 AM

Glad someone took your call & helped Mark. Hope you sleep well xxx

I think I've just repeated a past mistake. My cousin was replying on my statuses and offered me the chance to talk. I tried to tell her over facebook chat but it didn't work, as it said she was offline, so sent a message and haven't had a reply. I sent my sister a similar message a few days ago and never got a reply. Anxiously awaiting a reply. It's hard because one of the things I mentioned, I know she's been through herself :S I'm so stupid. I need to stop opening to people. Need to shut down. Oh **** :(

Cazki 26-11-2010 12:37 AM

Thanks Helen. I havent told anyone proffessional about how im feeling. I was discharged from the proffessionals quite sometime ago. I was bullied very badly when i was younger and tried to take my life and that lead to me going to the doctors etc etc. It was from there that i was diagnosed with depression.

I'v never worked before, i was going to get a part time job back in 2009 when i was at college but i was struggling at that particular time and decided it would be best not to get a part time job. I have times where i struggle and then after a while i feel better but for the last few days i havent been myself, iv felt better after a while on some occassions but then i sink back into depression again.

MammaMia 26-11-2010 12:42 AM

Do you think seeing someone professional, even if it's just your doctor would help with how you're feeling? Particularly as you want to do something dangerous.

I think you made the right decision not working when you were really struggling. I really hope you can find something soon. It's really tough right now, damm the recession!! But I recommend not giving up. Have you thought about doing volunteering??

Cazki 26-11-2010 12:50 AM

I'm not sure. I did look into volunteering once but then changed my mind. I'm sure il be fine, probably just having a difficult time like i usually do at at times. Dont want people worrying.

MammaMia 26-11-2010 12:52 AM

Well you don't have to do it everyday and they'd understand if you explain your depression & you may not always be able to help?

Cazki 26-11-2010 01:01 AM

I'm so stupid i really am. The other night i kept thinking about stairs, im not sure if im allowed to say what i wanted to do but im sure you can guess.

MammaMia 26-11-2010 01:02 AM

You're not stupid Ian. You're really not. Please try to distract yourself. Throwing yourself down the stairs is unlikely to kill you but could leave you seriously damaged :(

Cazki 26-11-2010 01:04 AM

I'm sorry im just unbelievably pathetic, il go im just taking up space and il be fine.

MammaMia 26-11-2010 01:11 AM

Ian, you're not unbelievably pathetic. Nor are you taking up space. We're here for you if you want to talk & even when you don't xxx

frenchhorn 26-11-2010 01:11 AM

ian your not stupid at all, please don't go. is there someone you can call or stuff you can do to distract you, please stay safe

Cazki 26-11-2010 01:28 AM

*Lays down* *Takes deep breath* need to calm down.

risenfromperdition 26-11-2010 02:07 AM

felicia- the pillow pet is so cute ^.^


hope everyone who had to deal with thanksgiving had a good day <3

SoMuchMore 26-11-2010 06:17 AM

*hugs ian* you are not pathetic or just taking up space. we all really care. Please try to stay safe.. we are here for you.

*hugs heather* sorry i missed your IM on fb... ive been working all day on papers and wasnt on for very long. Hope your thanksgiving was alright... its a hard day, my family's big get together is tomorrow :-/

*hugs helen* i hope you get a reply soon... i hate the anxiety that can come with sending messages and not getting a response.

*hugs oliver* you doing okay today? I hope you are staying safe.

*hugs mark* i'm glad that the man was helpful on the phone. hope you are sleeping well and staying safe.

*hugs everyone else*

Its really late i know.. struggling a lot at the moment tho. Just kinda want to die... don't worry.. i wont do anything.. im at home so i cant anyway. *sigh* let me disappear please.

misskitty112 26-11-2010 06:24 AM

*Hugs Laura* I love you, dear. I'm just a PM away if you need me.

Just finished watching New Moon (again). Tonight, it hit a nerve with me. I cannot stop crying. I think I'm going to bed soon. I also think I'm going to make a youtube video tomorrow, just to babble. If I feel capable of talking. I don't know. I'm so... low anymore, just lonely, and low, and incapable of living semi normally. I burst into tears a million times today at mom's, a million more once I got home, I considered calling my ex to see if he'd take me back... not because I love him or he loves me, but because the minute I make him mad, he has the capability to kill me. What the hell is wrong with me anymore?

Doikers 26-11-2010 10:11 AM

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Laura* You're on FB too? wanna add me ? would that be okay?

*Hugs Felicia* Sounds like a video would be a good idea , just to get things out , I'd watch it if you like, or not if you prefer sorry I don't mean to be nosey.

*Hugs Heather*

xxjuliexx 26-11-2010 10:14 AM

-sits- hi

Doikers 26-11-2010 10:46 AM

*Waves to Owen* How are you ?

misskitty112 26-11-2010 12:02 PM

*waves to Owen*
*Hugs Mark* How're you?

I think... I just found a geniune friend in real life... *crosses fingers*

Doikers 26-11-2010 12:04 PM

*Hugs Felicia* I'm feeling okay thankyou :) How are you? Thats GREAT news about finding a friend :D I'm so Happy for you :D I'm meeting my Friend for coffee this afternoon :)

misskitty112 26-11-2010 12:08 PM

I am really sleepy.

It's weird though... this person, I always thought she was so standoffish, and she didn't like me. Then she messaged me on Facebook, and we've been talking. And we're so similar, and I feel bad for being judgemental (or paranoid) now, but she's awesome.

Doikers 26-11-2010 12:10 PM

Don't feel bad Felicia :S It's great you have a lot in common , Maybe she wasn't standoffish , maybe she is just a bit shy , I am shy somtimes and I come over as unfriendly but I'm friendly once you get to know me .

misskitty112 26-11-2010 12:22 PM

I can't ever imagine you being unfriendly, Mark. But I'm painfully shy too, so maybe the feeling was mutual. I thought she didn't like me/ she thought I didn't like her?
Cause I am sooo shy in real life. it's almost pathetic.

Doikers 26-11-2010 12:28 PM

It's great That FB helped you both get to know each other :)

Louise 26-11-2010 03:17 PM

hugs everyone

one_step_closer 26-11-2010 05:22 PM

*also hugs everyone*

Doikers 26-11-2010 05:28 PM

*Hugs Louise* Hows things?

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you?

I'm just back from coffee with my friend Hannah L , WE went to our usual in this town coffee shop and she said she had been to a nice cafe/bookshop so we went there for another coffee and after a little while a woman came over and told us that a local poet was going to read some of his poetry so the music got turned off and this guy started reading his poems Hehe. Hannah and I did'nt know what to do , we were the only customers in the place . It was very unexpected and bohemian :P

Doikers 26-11-2010 05:51 PM

I have a half a bottle of Vodka in my wardrobe.
I'm feeling low.
Talking yesterday about the woman who I went to group/accupuncture dieing in group really brought it BANG!!! home that My Grandma died and I'm very sad , and triggered . How collosally stupid am I to just now realise that my Grandma Died on the 8th and I only realise it on the 25th? Hmmmmmmm.
I don't know what to do with the drink :S I'm tempted and telling myself that THIS will be the last time :S

misskitty112 26-11-2010 06:00 PM

Mark, you saw a poetry reading? That's awesome! I would've been so excited! (and my "I love poetry" rant is over.)
Also, you're not stupid for "just" realizing your grandma died. I didn't fully realize my dad was gone until 3 years after the fact. I've always thought of it as a coping mechanism. *hugs*

Doikers 26-11-2010 06:10 PM

*Hugs Felicia* It just has come as a bit of a shock is all .

*Spots and Hugs Crimson*

misskitty112 26-11-2010 06:18 PM

*Hugs Mark*

I... may be going shopping soon. My bank account will hate me. haha.

nicole94 26-11-2010 06:43 PM

*hugs everyone* i did all my college work :) caught up with everything, and my tutor went through my assingnment 5 for retail and said it was the best one she had ever seen :)

Doikers 26-11-2010 06:47 PM

Yay!! Way to go Nicole :) How else are you ?

nicole94 26-11-2010 06:52 PM

thanks mark :) i was very happy. But then my tutor told everyone that was struggling with the task that they should ask me for help :/

PoisonedApple 26-11-2010 07:06 PM

*hugs Mark back*
I took forever reading and rereading the pages I'd missed and it still isn't sticking in my head *puts head down* Sorry guys.
*hugs everyone*

Doikers 26-11-2010 07:12 PM

Ohh Nicole did you cope okay ?

*Hugs Crimson* thats okay sometimes thing don't stick for me either :S

shadow13 26-11-2010 07:22 PM

so it's 2 months and one day free today... I'm not going to lie, this hasn't been easy. At ALL. I've actually been having alot of suicidal thoughts. I'm not suicidal but I have the thoughts y'know? So remember I said that my new meds - propranolol - can slow down your pulse? I found myself researching it. To see if It was possible to die from taking them. Apparantly, you can.
But because mine are so small in dosage, I'd have to wait until they put me on the bigger dose.
So I sit here now and since Tuesday - the day I got them and wonder.
I wonder what it would be like.
How many I'd have to take until I stopped breathing.
Until my heart stopped beating.
I sit here and wonder.
Would anyone actually miss me?
I sit here and wonder. And as I'm wondering, the girl who came into my life and saved me comes into view.
How upset she'd be, how much she'd miss me, how much she's a sister in all but blood to me. Our future together: Going out, shopping, college, university, a flat. Our dreams.
And I know it'll all be okay.
I'm not suicidal but I often wonder.
Then I think of my guardian angel and the thoughts go away.

-Sorry, I had to get this out of my mind. I'm okay now. I think-

Doikers 26-11-2010 07:31 PM

*Hugs Shad* I know how it is to have suicidal thoughts but not urges too ( and to have the urges too unfortunately ) So I can empathise :S

shadow13 26-11-2010 07:57 PM

I just started a thread. I hope it will help. My online diary now I suppose. It's in my signature. <3

FlyingNy 26-11-2010 08:06 PM

*Hugs Shad* I'm glad you found your reason :)

Nicole, I got that ALL the time in English. My teacher would always single me out, read my things to the class and use it as an example, then she would ask me if it was OK to use it in the year 11 booklet only AFTER she had put it in. One time I just answered 'what if I said no?' She didn't really have an anwer to that and just said it would be tough. It made me feel good about myself, but could get a tad embarassing.

*Hugs Mark* I never really realised it and my Nanna died over a year ago. I think I blocked the entire thing out because I don't feel like I grieved at all. It all depends on the person, and you're not wrong for realising when you did.

*Hugs Laura* I'm glad you don't think you will do anything, but I do worry. That won't stop. We're always here for you though.

*Hugs Crimson* It's alright, how are you?

Doikers 26-11-2010 08:15 PM

*Hugs Shad*

*Hugs Laura* I'm glad ( is that the right word? no) that I'm not alone in this.

I've sunk a half bottle of vodka in just under 2 hours and I am nicely warm , I just hope I can be booze free from now until Monday so I can be back on my Antabuse. I felt nice not drinking without the drugs but it's so easy to slip up without them , I need the drugs , does that make me a failure ?

SparkleKitten 26-11-2010 08:19 PM

Hey guys. More family issues again. Feeling pretty low. :( *cuddles all* I'll be in and out tonight I think, hope you're all okay x

PoisonedApple 26-11-2010 08:21 PM

No Mark, it doesn't make you a failure.
I'm okay Lia, How're you?

Doikers 26-11-2010 08:48 PM

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Crimson*

SparkleKitten 26-11-2010 08:52 PM

*cuddles Mark* You're not a failure at all

*hugs Crimson*

*cuddles Lia*

*cuddles Shad* I know how that feels, I'm sorry I can't help more

*cuddles Nicole*

Not got much tonight. Sorry

Louise 26-11-2010 08:54 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2580849)
*Hugs Louise* Hows things?

I have been better :(

one_step_closer 26-11-2010 08:59 PM

What's up, Louise?

nicole94 26-11-2010 09:44 PM

*huggles everyone*
yeah, i was ok, cause only 2 people asked me :) (mainly cause i went up and hid in a computer room with my friends)

FlyingNy 26-11-2010 09:48 PM

Glad you were alright Nicole.

*Hugs Louise* What's the matter Louise?

Doikers 26-11-2010 10:07 PM

*Hugs Louise* Whats up hun?

*Squishes Lia*

*Cuddles Nicole*

*Glomps Lindsay*

*Huggles Sarah*

nicole94 26-11-2010 10:11 PM

*cuddles mark and lia*

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