Thanks. I better get to bed. I have class first thing in the morning. I'll drop in again when I can. *hug*

Sleep well :)

curls up, im shaking so much right now

*cuddles all* I SI'd last night :(

In uni now, feeling so poorly, my abdomen is so tense and sore. Grr.

And I'm tired, only got 3 hours sleep

I hope you're all okay x

hi.
I'm sorry I've not been in for ages, depression has gone really bad and stuff. I'm doing bad, already missed so much uni.
*hugs all* and promise I will try be in here a bit more.

Hugs to all,
rubbish day at school. really freaked out a teacher with madness

*hugs everyone*
*tackles jess and oliver as I haven't seen them in ages*

I didn't realize how much my ocd-ness impacts my depression level until i managed to get my desk totally cleared off (only to cover it in boxes of files again)... I established that no matter what, at the end of the day my desk needs to be clean and organized so when I come in in the mornings it doesn't make me feel lethargic, guilty and depressed. How pathetic is it that the state of my desk has that big of an impact on me? *shakes head*
I've almost got all my work caught up (though I didn't participate in planning bosses day nor will I be helping put it on today ~guilt pangs but I'll get over it, they prefer my office to be functional to me throwing them a party with the rest of the staff anyhow~) I figure by this time next week I'll have everything set and start sending out more old crap to archives. *nods*
I had more to update on (as I don't usually fill people in but I'm feeling capable today) but I have to go cover the front desk so maybe more to come later...

*huggles everyone*
i think whoever invented playdough should get a medal <3

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Huge Hugs for Oliver as I haven't chatted for a while*

*Hugs Marshki*

*Hugs Jill*

My "Group for Psycho-social interventions" was VERY VERY intense and nerve wracking , some more confident people in the group did most of the talking and I just say in my seat and hoped that I woulden't have to speak in front of people , I DON'T do groups and there was 15 of us and 2 staff , In the halftime break I even had to hide in the toilet and take a 3rd Diaz of the day :( I was seriously considering going into the toilet and cutting with my "emergency tool" :S Sorry

*hugs everyone lots*

Crimson, that's not pathetic sweetheart. I think it helps anyone to come into work with a clean desk and stuffs. Let alone those who have OCD and that. It's not pathetic, I promise you *cuddles*

Nicole, I quite agree, it's amazing stuff.

Jill, why you shaking? *hugs*

Oliver, I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. *offers hugs*

Mark, hope your group went/is going okay and not too intense for you *hugs* EDIT: I'm sorry it was so intense Mark :( *hugs again*

Kahlia, sorry to hear about that *cuddles lots*

Sarah, I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

I miss April :( Hope her training is going well.

*hugs helen* i know, it saved me from a major panick attack today (i used to use stress balls but i kept popping them so now i use playdough as a substitute, so much better!) but i was in a lesson and one of the girls was like 'do you guys smell playdough?' so i had to fess up and tell them about my panick attacks :(

*cuddles Helen back*
*hugs Mark and Nicole*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO playdough. *Sits with Nicole and starts making playdough animals and flowers for everyone.*

Strawberry tea anyone? It's quite cold here lately... No snow but frigid enough I may start wearing my snow pants to work anyway. A warm cocoa or some tea does wonders though :)

cuddles all. erm okay why im i shaking, went to the dr today. erm told him how i felt. have now got a note saying im fit for work, but need to taken away from jobs that stress me out, like the customer service desk. im so scared about tomorrow now, when i have to hand this to my manger, dont really think it will make a blind bit of diffrence. just make this ten times worse, as they are a pack of assholes. would have been better being signed off, so i could clear my head. fml i really want to hide and not go in tomorrow. sorry being pathetic.

*Hugs Crimson* Playdough doodles. :)

*Hugs Jill* Good luck tomorrow with your manager .

thanks mark,great now my freind pissed at me, because she had to go on the desk. fu$k just shoot me now. danm it damn it
all this is going to do is piss people off.

I spoke to the voluntary crisis team about feeling like I am going to overdose and they came out to see me but didn't know what to do so told me to phone NHS 24. They have arranged for me to see an out of hours GP at 8.40pm tonight but I don't really want to go. They won't be able to help and it's innevitable that I will overdose, I should just get on with it. I don't know if i'll be able to hold off until then.

Lindsay , you Should NOT "just get on with it" Please try and hold off and speak to the GP I'm sorry I was not here when you posted , I'm here now if talking to me will help you to put off ODing , It's NOT inevitable you can get through this Lindsay you DON't have to OD , Could you listen to music , or just watch some mindless T.V. to divert your attention ?

*hugs everyone*

Hugs Claire , How are you?

I'm not good, to be honest. How are you?

Drained , Freaked out , numb hmmmm thats me :S

Why are you not good claire? I'm willing to listen even if my advice is crap heh

*hugs everyone* <3

*sits with mark* here if wanna talk :)

How come, Mark?

I'm just feeling ****. Just everything really. Life is pretty pointless.

Hi Heather *hugs*

well I had my group for psych-social interventions this afternoon , I'm no good in groups , I just sat there and hoped I woulden't have to say anything , In the coffee break I snuck into the toilet and took a Diaz , I think I've said this already , I'm not over it yet though

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs Heather* Thankyou for wishing me luck with my group earlier :) how are you ?

*hugs* I'm not very good in groups either. It's something that takes practice I think to get used to.

Right tomorrow, I have been told by my nurse(Sharron) that I should tell my befriending Woman (Becky) about my self injury so that she can properly support me , I agree that I should tell Becky , she probably knows if she has read my risk assesment but I am SO VERY anxious about telling her and don't know how to do it , any advice would be very gratfully received :)

yeah im not either >< *hugs lots*

hmm i dunno... write something out maybe? [i dunno, find it easier sometimes] <3

Yeah, I agree you could try writing something. It allows you to say everything you want to and means you won't forget or try to cover it up.

Yeah I could , I've done that before but gone and blurted it all out before I can given them what i've written heh.

curls up

*sits in corner sleepily*
on my own for dinner AGAIN... sick of this

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Heather* Do you live alone Heather? I do and eat alone most of the time , It can get lonley yep I hope it helps to know you're not alone in it :S sorry if it doesn't help.

Right I've pre-warmed my bed with a hot water bottle and an extra blanket , I hope everyone has a good evening / morning wherever you are and I'll be back tomorrow :) *Hugs Wardies goodnight*

not live alone [kinda wish did] but both parents working laaate.
but if stuck home by myself easier to listen to head =[ blech.

night mark, hope you sleep good =]

*wakes up and stretches* well that was a long nap i had since yesterday morning... 5 pages worth of napping.. lol just kidding - finally done with uni exams for the week.. been busy studying, definitely not sleeping.

*hugs everyone* sorry so many are struggling. My PM box is always open for anything.

*spys oliver and glomps* I'm happy to see you around! i've missed you.

lauraaaa :)

Erm got some really stuiped thoughts running through my head. Sorry I know it's late.

*huggles all*

Mark: Re the Raynaud's: Hopefully it won't have too much of an effect. I'll just have to keep an eye on things when I get cold. Like making sure my extremities don't get too cold in cold situations and stuff like that. Always carrying a jumper and so forth. Keeping myself warm wherever possible. It can be a sign that I'm going to have problems 10 to 20 years down the track but I'm impotent against anything until they strike. I guess I'm just struggling with the fact that I'm going to have tingling sensations in my face for the rest of my life unless it just stops of it's own accord. And the sensation really isn't pleasant. *shrugs*

Getting a bit tired of feeling sick, tired and stressed. It would be so easy to give in to the SI and SU urges right now ... And I keep asking myself if it would be such a bad thing just to give in. I don't know ...
I just don't know ...

*leaves hugs, cuddles and soft squishy stuffed animals with safe love and care packages for all in the common room and then seeks out a safe place to disappear into*

*Hugs Amy*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you feel so low :(

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Jill*

Hey Amy :) How are you ?

I'm tired , up early for an appointment :S FIlling myself full of coffee heh :)

Thankyou Amy :) are you tired too ? yawning away:P