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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 11-10-2010 08:05 PM

Jill, I think you need to get some professional help. We can only do so much and feeling so unsafe all the time and doing bad things (and then telling us) is not good for anyone, especially not for you. So please try get some help?

Mark, well done for opening up :)

*hugs ward*

I got home nearly an hour ago. Am exhausted emotionally and physically. I cried most of Saturday night, parts of yesterday, most of last night and nearly every single minute of today and actually sobbing whilst writing this.

I want my best friend in my arms, where I belong in hers. I can't handle this :'( So not in the mood to return to college. Can't even settle into my usual routinue because one, my ex best friend being out of contact (since me and my bestie are no longer speaking to her) is something I'm needing to get used to and am slowly. Plus I'm going away again on Friday. I just feel so out of everything. I want my best friend. That's all I want. I don't want to live just over 3 hours away....Really struggling with it all. Badly want to cut arrrgh :'(

FlyingNy 11-10-2010 08:09 PM

*Hugs Helen* Please do try not to cut, I know how it feels to miss someone so badly you just feel empty. I feel it every day of my life. But you've been doing so well and you can carry on resisting those urges.

MammaMia 11-10-2010 08:12 PM

Thanks Lia sweetheart. I feel so empty now I'm not right next to her nearly constantly. I just want to hug and hold her so tight and not let go :'( Only to ****ing breathe LOL.

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 08:21 PM

nevermind

Doikers 11-10-2010 08:27 PM

*Huggles Helen* Please try not to cut , You can get through that feeling and out the other side, you are a really strong person :)

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:23 PM

Hey Jill *Spots and hugs* It's just us in here right now , Are you feeling any better ?

nicole94 11-10-2010 09:27 PM

*huggles everyone*
8 days SH free today :D

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 09:31 PM

erm no not really. curls up.

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:34 PM

*Huggles Nicole* 8 Days !!!!!!! thats great Nicole :) You should be SO proud of yourself :D

nicole94 11-10-2010 09:37 PM

*huggles mark* thankyou :D i even managed 9-5 at college today and i didnt have my blades with me :D i havent gone out with them since june. i feel very proud although today was hard and i cried through lunch and didnt concentrate much :/ how're you tonight?

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:38 PM

*Squishes Jill* I hope you feel better soon , I'm getting tired so will be going to bed soon but I'm sure the ward will listen to you if you need to talk and I will listen whilst I'm here

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:40 PM

Oh WOW Nicole , going out without your tools is a big step and you've been doing it for a while , I still carry a tool in my wallet so I know how hard it is to give up that habit . Well done you !!

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 09:44 PM

cheers mark, wish i could say why im feeling the way iam. never been good at expressing how i feel. just bottle it up, and not deal with it. which is stuiped when i say somthing in here and cant explan why im feeling that way. shrugs shoulders

nicole94 11-10-2010 09:47 PM

whoops :/ that was supposed to say i havent gone out without them since june, today was the first time,i really didnt deseve that wow mark. it ****ing scared me. idk, maybe i will be able to keep it up *crosses fingers* heh. i want my bed :(

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:49 PM

It's not stupid Jill , I find it Really hard to express how I feel too. But if you can find the right words ( Which is really hard I know ) the ward is a safe place to talk *Hugs*

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2525787)
,i really didnt deseve that wow mark.

Well you still deserve a little wow for going without your tools today , It's a Humungous step :D

PoisonedApple 11-10-2010 09:51 PM

*huggles everyone (waves at Owen)*
How is everyone?
Feeling any better Helen?
Congrats Nicole! *throws confetti*
Good night Mark! (if you've decided to head to bed that is)
What's up Jill?

As for myself, I'm going to be pretty spiffy in a couple hours. I'm leaving work early today to make it down to a collections office before they close and I'm going to pay off the last of the debts on my credit report :D As it stands I've a 649 score and after I pay off the last 613$ my ex racked up it may get up to 700 or so!!! And next week my other paid item should be on there as paid off. I am sooooooooo excited! I haven't even had mediocre credit scores in about 7 or 8 years. I'll be debt free and have no remaining ties to my ex! *happy dance, happy dance*

nicole94 11-10-2010 09:53 PM

thanks mark *huggles* damn. feel like a failure now. hmm, ahwell.

Doikers 11-10-2010 09:57 PM

*Does the happy dance with Crimson* Heeee thats so cool , I've never had a credit rating but I did get turned down once for a bank account so know its good to have a decent one *Happy dances his way to bed*

*Hugs Nicole* You're not a failure, you're inspiring :)

PoisonedApple 11-10-2010 10:02 PM

hehe I got turned down for a bank account before, then told I could have an account but no ATM card. Glad I should be able to do not only that but get a home loan soon *tucks Mark into bed*

*hugs Nicole* you are not a failure, hun.

nicole94 11-10-2010 10:03 PM

*hugs mark.* how is that inspiring? sorry, but it's not :( i am useless. everyone at college hates me so i should just quit and my family hate me so i should just hide somewhere and never come out.

FlyingNy 11-10-2010 10:39 PM

*Hugs Nicole* I thought you loved college? You said they were all really understanding there. I don't know what I would do without my school. I love it there and I'm happy, even if it does feel empty half the time now. You're not a failure, you went so long without taking your blades with you and you've gone a whole 8 days without cutting, that's something to be proud of.

*Hugs Jill* Totally know where you're coming from there, I find it so so hard to open up and I regret what I told everyone a couple of weeks ago. I shouldn't have done and it was stupid. But I think Helen was right. You should think about getting proffesinal help. I wouldn't appreciate it if anyone told me that and would probably tell them where to go, so you can do that to me if you like.

*Hugs Crimson* Woo, debt free! :)

*Hugs Mark* How are you feeling now?

SparkleKitten 11-10-2010 11:08 PM

*cuddles wardies*

I feel terrible today, just had a really really bad day. I don't want this to keep happening. I can't keep doing this. I feel awful :(

FlyingNy 11-10-2010 11:11 PM

*Hugs Sarah* What happend honey?

SparkleKitten 11-10-2010 11:15 PM

Today at uni I started to freak out a bit from stress and I haven't been able to deal with physical contact today. Told everyone I've been around that I don't want touching (e-hugs are cool though) and everyones been okay with it, even strangers on the bus

Went asda with my fiance to try to calm down, managed to walk around with him holding me until I paniced because I forgot what was on my list and I froze and he tried to pull me along and I completely freaked, now he's mad at me and I feel awful and I just want to give up on people

katnovia 11-10-2010 11:33 PM

*curls up under her duvet and cries* I just want it over.

MammaMia 11-10-2010 11:42 PM

I'm still feeling really low. But have calmed down a little and improved. Going to bed shortly. So emotionally & physically worn out right now. Hoping college will help me cope with everything =/

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 11:51 PM

cuddles all.
lia: i would never say that to you, and yes helen is bang on, i do need to see someone. the thing is i allready did a while back, and everytime i went in to see him, i would leave worse off. also i told him i wanted to kill myself,okay i didnt say how i would do it. he just did a 4 weeks with me and just said i have taken you as far a i can. problem was i still felt the same way. so im a little reluclent(sp) to go back as it didnt do an good the first time round.

FlyingNy 12-10-2010 01:01 AM

*Hugs everyone* I'll be back with more advice tomorrow, but I am currently too tired to make sense. Want you all to know i'm thinking of you though, and someone cares about you :)

Doikers 12-10-2010 12:30 PM

*Hugs Nicole* You are inspiring because you went 8 days without harming and you didn't take a tool with you yesterday . Thats inspiring to me :)

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Kat*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Helen*

Ugh , I really struggled to get out of bed late again , I wake up more tired than when I went to bed recently, Depression eh?

shadowedsoul 12-10-2010 03:35 PM

****sake this afternoon is going to suck. Argh

misskitty112 12-10-2010 04:03 PM

*hugs Mark*
*hugs Jill*
I'm so tired. And I'm not going to creative writing so I can catch up on my other work.... whooo... I just have to make it to Saturday.

MammaMia 12-10-2010 04:37 PM

I'm feeling bit better today. Cried in college and had to get taken out of class but I'm hanging in there. Have cheered up bit more, just trying to cling onto it!

*hugs ward*

one_step_closer 12-10-2010 04:40 PM

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 12-10-2010 05:04 PM

*hugs Lindsay* How you doing?

SoMuchMore 12-10-2010 05:08 PM

*hugs everyone* the ward is moved much faster again after a slow weekend :-)

*hugs helen* glad you are feeling a bit better! and yes you should try to cling to that better feeling.

*hugs felicia* sorry to hear that you have so much work. you can get it done though! I know it! Just stay focused and prioritize.

*hugs mark* I always wake up more tired then when i go to sleep... i think it is a depression thing... I am able to wake up more later in the day though. I hope that you do too.

*hugs lindsay* how r u?

*hugs jill* why is this afternoon going to suck? Hope that it doesn't.

*hugs lia, nicole, sarah, kahlia, kat, crimson, and everyone else*
I only did individuals for people that posted today as there have been 3 pages since i last signed in and didn't want to forget anyone. Don't think i left you out if i didnt reply, i did read everything.

I'm far too busy right now. People are telling me that i am stretching myself out too far and they are right... but what else am I supposed to do? I have to get uni work done, I have to cover for people at work b/c i feel bad leaving the paper lacking in designers, I have to finish these 20 essays for graduate school, and I have to work on the websites I am in charge of. There isnt anything I can drop really.

I may not be around much for the next day or two because I have several uni tests and papers due... just thought i'd let you guys know in case anyone worries if i don't really post.

Doikers 12-10-2010 05:33 PM

*Hugs Jill*Whats the matter hun?

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Laura* GOOD LUCK with your papers and tests :(

*Hugs Lindsay*How are you ?

MammaMia 12-10-2010 05:34 PM

*hugs Laura* I'm sorry you have so much going on right now. Hope it settles down real soon.

one_step_closer 12-10-2010 05:38 PM

Laura, I hope things calm down for you soon.

I'm ok, cold.

How are you, Mark?

Doikers 12-10-2010 05:45 PM

I'm tired with no good reason , but the depression doesn't help and I am getting over a cold so that doesn't help me in the mornings plus the sedative effect of meds I take at night still sedate my a bit in the mornings , so yeah , a bit tired but trying to focus on every little step , like right now I'm thinking about my dinner then I'll focus on something else , I just can't deal with the "BIG picture" right now :S

MammaMia 12-10-2010 05:46 PM

Lindsay, it's cold here too brr!!! *hugs you and Mark*

misskitty112 12-10-2010 05:54 PM

I'm sorry I gave you my cold over the internet, Mark. I didn't mean too! :S
Taking things bit by bit is good, I think.

I am anxiety filled today, and I really don't know why.

MammaMia 12-10-2010 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misskitty112 (Post 2526835)
I am anxiety filled today, and I really don't know why.

I've been like this today & it sucks. Been actual shaking for most of it. Being so cold here hasn't really helped that either!!!

Doikers 12-10-2010 06:20 PM

Aww Felicia I'm sure it wasn't your cold :P Internet colds are the worst though :)
Quote:

Taking things bit by bit is good, I think.
^^^^ Yep I hope so :)

one_step_closer 12-10-2010 07:08 PM

I don't think I can deal with life any more.

Doikers 12-10-2010 07:19 PM

*Hugs Lindsay* You can deal with whatever life throws at you , you are really strong , If you need to talk I'm about .

shadowedsoul 12-10-2010 07:28 PM

curls up and hides

Doikers 12-10-2010 07:30 PM

*Finds Jill and Hugs*

MammaMia 12-10-2010 07:54 PM

*hugs everybody*

I got some good news. Made me happy & excited aha. Just wish I could shake the rest of this lowness off now.

shadowedsoul 12-10-2010 07:55 PM

thanks mark, just had a really heartbreaking and upseting kind of day. =[


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