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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 02-11-2008 07:38 AM

Hi all.

Laura - I agree with you hun. *hugs you*

Sorry I've been quiet. I ran away for a weekend with a friend of mine. I was actually okay. I ate what most people would call normally, I had no urge to purge, the only times I felt like SI or suicide were when there were far too many people around .

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Adult content
Mind you, last night I got so manic that I wanted to **** my friend even though he was asleep. Full on blow job, the works. Took me 20 5mg diazepam to settle down and then another 4 to get me to sleep. And now I'm still horny.


I hope that everyone is dong okay. I love you all and wish nothing but the best for you.

*hugs everyone*

lozza 02-11-2008 09:21 AM

*hugs to all who needs or wants them right now*

I wish my head would stop, so loud right now. I'm so tired but yet my head is alert and so crazy with not so very good thoughts :crying:

shadowedseraph 02-11-2008 12:39 PM

*hugs and chocolate to everyone*

MammaMia 02-11-2008 03:23 PM

*hugs to all*

Kahlia, how you feeling now sweetie?

Laura, suidice videos are very bad yes, hope you're ok hun *squeeses*

Ah I just had a very interesting message off my sister, which really proves the point of depression can run in families. Grr. It's shook me up like but helps me feel less alone? :)

Dramatic 02-11-2008 03:48 PM

Meh.
All this OD'ing on sedatives has really ****ed my senses up.
I don't think i've ever felt like i do now.
It's difficult to explain, maybe someday.

I plan on curling into a ball in my bed, and watching Girl Interrupted, and crying non stop until the pain dulls a bit, although i'm not holding out much hope.

Erm. Yes.
-hugs to all-
Laura x

BoundNoMore 02-11-2008 04:19 PM

*cuddles Laura*
Hope you feel better soon!!!!!

Congrats Helen!!!
I am so proud of you!!!! :)
(when did you change your screeen name? I like it)

just-another-gurl 02-11-2008 04:49 PM

*grabs a blanket and hides under it crying till everything goes away*

MammaMia 02-11-2008 05:01 PM

*cuddles wifey lots*

Amanda, thank you sweetie <3 I changed it a few weeks ago but it only got approved during the night :] So I loves it!!!

Kahlia1981 02-11-2008 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1190667)
Meh.
All this OD'ing on sedatives has really ****ed my senses up.
I don't think i've ever felt like i do now.
It's difficult to explain, maybe someday.

I plan on curling into a ball in my bed, and watching Girl Interrupted, and crying non stop until the pain dulls a bit, although i'm not holding out much hope.

Erm. Yes.
-hugs to all-
Laura x

Yeah I know what you mean about the sedatives Laura ..... mind you, give me temazepam and mix it with diazepam and my sex drive goes into overdrive.

Oh and I love the movie "Girl Interrupted". Now I feel like watching it .....

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1189870)
5 months sh free :]

I don't think I've said it yet Helen, but congratulations. Very proud of you. :woot:

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowedseraph (Post 1190280)
*hugs and chocolate to everyone*

Thanks for the hugs .... but is it okay if I skip on the chocolate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1190621)
Kahlia, how you feeling now sweetie?

How I'm feeling now: (Warning this could turn into an essay that I have to hide part of)
I feel like ****. My friend won't let me take any diazepam to help me stay in control because I see hotel Allen this afternoon and he wants that pathetic excuse for a doctor to see me at my worst. He took the remaining diazepam off me last night so I got about 2 hours sleep and dreamt about suicide and cutting and ..... I think you get the point.
Now I just want to cut really bad but he (my friend) won't give me back my stanley knives. If I make it through until 4pm this afternoon I will have made 70 days SI free but the way I'm feeling right now I don't think I'm going to get that far.
I want to sit down and cry and throw things and bash my hands into the wall. I want the voices to stop.
I don't want to put my friend through the absolute hell that he must be going through both in watching me like this and in not knowing from one minute to the next how I'm going to be. It's got to be hurting him, and everyone else like hell. And I think that the best thing I can do is get myself so far away from everyone that there is no chance of me hurting them.

I<just<want<OUT.

MammaMia 02-11-2008 11:12 PM

Kahila, thank you.

Oh gosh honey I'm so sorry you're struggling. *hugs* I wish I had more for you. But I don't want you to get out, you're such an amazing person, honestly. You have come through so much and you're nearly at 70 days free which is better than some people!!! (That sounds so nasty)

Grrrr I'm pissed off with my Dad. I HATE HIM.

Plus I'm stressed out. Too much uni work to do. >.<

just-another-gurl 03-11-2008 12:14 AM

*feels stupid* can i have a hug please *cries*

MammaMia 03-11-2008 01:13 AM

*cuddles you*

Still studying ARRRRRRRRRGH

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by just-another-gurl (Post 1192175)
*feels stupid* can i have a hug please *cries*

*hugs you*

Helen, thanks. Sorry I'm not good with words right now.

I'm getting worse minute by minute. I have to see this f*cked up pdoc with a god complex in order to get categorised and prioritised for admission. I think he'll take one look at me and try and send me home .... at which point I think my friend is going to blow a fuse.

I just want it all to stop.

Pomegranate 03-11-2008 03:43 AM

When are you seeing him Khalia? *hugs*

*hugs for everyone else who needs them*

How's the work going Hells? xx

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 03:54 AM

Emma - I'm seeing him at 1515 hours UTC +10. Or 3:15 this afternoon if you prefer. It's now coming up to 1300 hours (1:00 pm).

I don't want to deal with this anymore. :(

Pomegranate 03-11-2008 03:57 AM

I know it's hard but please hang on! He may have positive news for you. And your friend sounds like he is lovely and genuinely cares about you. Thinking of you x

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 09:18 AM

Well I saw the doc. He saw me for a whole hour. The outcome ..... I'm restarting ECT even though I don't really want to, but he doesn't think that I'll need it for long. He is going to admit me to hospital and has moved me up the waiting list because I agreed to the ECT and restarting an anti-psychotic. Mind you, in regards to the ECT it was a case of agree or go under an ITO.

I just want to go cry.

*hugs everyone then hides under the bed crying*

shadowedseraph 03-11-2008 01:11 PM

*Hugs Kahlia* oh sweetie, perhaps the ECT will help, getting you into hospital right now is the important thing

Jetforce 03-11-2008 02:16 PM

*squishes Kahlia*

I hope ECT Helps u....u should have to be pressured to accept the treatment, as that is not "informed consent". What is an ITO btw? Anyway, hope u get well soon xxx

BoundNoMore 03-11-2008 05:54 PM

*stops by and leaves a bag full of cuddles a plate of chocolate chip cookies*


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