*Hugs Jill* Please try to stay safe :S

Cuddles all. hmm harmed early on today. Was so damn triggered couldn't hold it tighter,all because I looked a few photos. Erm may have done somthing I'm going to regret a sec or go. But right now I really don't care. Lol

*cuddles* hope you're alright, look after yourself hun x

Oh Jill please take good care of any wounds you have , call an ambulance if you need medical attention okay? *Hugs*

Hugs mark, I'm okay don't worry, noithing to worry about. Erm would say how feeling but that would deff worry people.

*hugs Jill* I hope you're okay, we're here for you

Im sorry everyone. I know i've not been around. I just can't keep up in here. Every time i try to post there is 3 or more pages since the last one... and i Just can't keep up my responses. Bad wardmate i know.

My head is spinning and struggling. i'm exhausted all the time. I keep taking naps which i really don't have time for... and now i have another class to go to. I just want a break from everything.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Laura* hope you're alright :( I've felt like that before when I had fatigue, it passed but took a lot of rest to stop it. I couldn't do anything with it at all. Hope its not that though *get better soon hugs*

*Hugs Laura* You're not a bad wardmate at all , The ward has been moving fast , fast , fast recently .

I do not think that I'll be up much longer , I'm feeling down on myself and I have an appointment at 10.30am tomorrow so I HAVE to be up at a reasonable time , Have coffee , Bananna , check the ward and my e-mails and shoot out the door on time hopefully .

I can't be depressed whilst asleep (I hope)

When I half wake in the mornings I think I'm still living with my parents at their house , I've lived at my flat for almost 10 months , it's the weirdest feeling realising I'm here not there :S

I lay down for a little while but i couldn't sleep so unsafe

Jill, please let us know how you are feeling, we care.

Laura, have you spoken to your doctor?

Sarah, how are you?

Mark, I can really relate to how you are feeling. I love to sleep because there are no bad feelings then.

Reaper, you often say that you are unsafe but are strong enough to get through those difficult times. I know that you can do it again.

I just phoned the voluntary crisis team because I am feeling really low and triggered but they were no help. They are made up of support workers whose daytime job it is to take people shopping etc. How are they supposed to help emotionally? I don't know how to get in touch with the CMHT crisis team which has just been newly set up.

I just want to die.

I'm calmer now *hugs Lindsay* hope you're alright x

Cuddles all. I know you guys do. Just don't want to worry you guys sorry.

Don't worry about worrying us, we just care :)

*cuddles*

Edit

I'm off to bed *cuddles all wardies*

Night xx

^this
and its more worrisome to not know at all

Hugs everbody. Hmm feel very out of it right now, buzzing. Fidgety can't sit still for a sec. Just really out of it, and I not sure I care. Hahahahaha

*hugs Jill, Lindsay, Mark, April, Hels, Sarah, Felicia, Laura, Crimson, Reaper*

I think I got most of you =/ If I didn't, please feel free to throw pillows at me :)

Argh. My leg kept bouncing up and down today during our welcome-back meeting. Probably because so many people there, mostly first years that I didn't know. But still, I'm in second year, and had a bunch of my friends there... so I shouldn't have been so damn nervous. Maybe should have taken my 2 Q pills like I'm prescribed... but they don't allow me to focus on anything >< Arghhhh. Sorry, I keep ranting about the same stuff over and over. It's frustrating. I'll go ramble on my r/v and save you all the trouble of listening to me whine again :)

*hugs ward & steals some tea (if there's any left)*

Urf. Sorry I've not been in much today, went to my parents' and didn't spend a ton of time on the computer there, so yeah. *cuddles all* There were 3.5 pages since I last posted so sorry, no individuals YET AGAIN... >_< Ugh. I know that there shouldn't be such a thing as a "bad wardie" but I feel like one... lol. Heh.

Had a few stupid o'clock moments whilst driving today... not me, other drivers. One passed me going up a VERY steep hill - double-yellow lines (no passing) and near the crest so s/he couldn't see if anyone was coming. Talk about a dumbass!!! And then another was going around 65-70mph on a 45mph road... idiot. That one also passed me without slowing down, around a curve, with oncoming cars (two lane road), double-yellow line again. UGH UGH UGH. Sometimes I hate the idiotic drivers around here. And I don't even live near a big city!!!! >_<

Anyway. Those were the highlights of my day other than having a lovely date with Jarrod - peppermint mochas and a loooong talk about a lot of different stuff. :) So that was pleasant.

*cuddles all wardies*

*huggles all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just not keeping up at the moment.

The psychologist I saw yesterday wants me to talk to my psychiatrist about my suicide plans. She listed me as high suicide risk. When I mentioned it to my housemate this morning he said that she couldn't ignore it and that I had to do it. I'm not going to though. It's not important. *sigh* I should have kept my mouth shut.

I just don't know ...

Hayley-Rose is my sister and hon ; I love you !! No matter who you get your electricity from. I really love you and I'll kill anyone that makes you ill/upset.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*hugs April* I'm glad you and Jarrod had a lovely date :) And I share your hatred of idiotic drivers... they only serve to fuel my anger issues.

*hugs Kahlia* If you have highly detailed suicide plans and a date to carry it all out... it's important. Hell, just the idea of wanting to commit suicide is important. I really think you should talk to your psychiatrist as recommended... but it's ultimately your decision. Just know that you're a wonderful person and TONS of people love you and would miss you. Can you share with us what exactly is causing these thoughts/feelings? *extra squishy hugs*

*waves to MJ* Hi :)

End note of Taz: I LOVE HUGH LAURIEEEEE
<3333
:D Sorry, I just couldn't contain my enjoyment. Watching House truly seems to be cheering me up.

Erm sorry guys feeling very triggered right now. Got really dark and twisted thoughts running through my head. Can't get them to shut up there screaming in my head. And I really want to act on them.

Just to reply to Jill and Taz on this page , Sorry It's early and I'm anxious about my Cyber cafe "sahift" this aftenoon and I have Becky the befriendly lady this morning , hence why I'm up so early.

*Hugs Taz* I've never watched House I hope you're okay this morning / night our time , you're probably sleeping :)

*Hugs Jill*Could you try and drown out the thoughts with loud music? Please tryt not to act on them , you can fight them , you can .

Hugs mark, hope your shift. Nevermind

*Huge Hugs Jill* Thanks , Don't be sorry Jill , if you need to go to the hospital to be safe then I think thats a good idea .

*hugs Taz* - well the detailed plan is there sans the date and time but I really don't think it's an issue...

So tired. Can't stop coughing. Stuggling to breathe. Just plain over it. *sigh*

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia, please talk to someone, we don't want to lose you. Suicide isn't the answer, you know that. Things WILL get better & you won't always be struggling this much & don't we always say 'it can't rain forever' *squishes*

*Hugs Kahlia* As Taz and Helen have said ,I think it is SO important to talk to your Dr . Suicide really isn't the answer .

*Hugs Helen* How are you this lunch time?

* hugs everyone *
Going to a mental health charity today to make a safety plan and talk to them about the voices and stuff feeling bad at the moment and the voices are very loud

*hugs everyone* Please look after yourselves.

Reaper, I hope it goes well.

*Hugs Reaper* Good luck with your meeting with the mental health charity , I hope it goes well for you :)

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you ?

*Spots and Hugs April* :P

*hugs Mark* I'm a bit low, just don't know what to do with myself. Last night the voluntary crisis team told me to phone my psychiatrist but i've only just seen him less than a month ago. My support worker told me to phone my OT but I don't know what to say to her.

How are you?

I HAVE to lose weight , I'm FAT and worthless :(

Oh Mark, I wish you didn't feel that way about yourself. You are far from worthless.

Cuddles mark, your not any off those things Hun.
Hmm didn't end up going in the end couldn't make myself. So still very triggered.

Oh*Hugs Jill*

I am posting from my "shift" at the cyber cafe , I'm anxious here but it's masked quite nicely by the Diaz I took ........

*cuddles everyone*

Mark, you may have a weight that's overweight, I don't know and wouldn't possibly comment. But you are NOT worthless at all *cuddles*

Also to answer your question, I'm okay, feeling bit odd today. Putting it down to the fact I had over 11 hours sleep, soon shortly followed by 2 or so hours :|

You must have been super tired Helen ! to need that much sleep :) *Hugs*

When to the charity things appointment because i feel unsafe am going to be staying over night there and there going to do a crisis plan with me
i may have internet access so i will be around

*hugs everyone* i'll try to do individuals later tonight.

Oh and Lindsay, i think it was you that asked, no i haven't talked a doctor about my being so tired. I really think it is because i've been doing so much lately, i barely have time to breathe. I keep taking on new projects b/c apparently i have an issue with saying "no" to people lol.

Anyway, I am now applying to work as a web designer for a literary magazine. So now i have 4 classes, homework, design job at the newspaper, two web design projects for clubs on campus, and potentially another web design job. Oh, and I have to start applying for graduate school ASAP.
= busy all the time. I should sleep less. I'm just a tad bit overwhelmed.

I haven't dealt with it in the best way either. I've been cutting kind of a lot for me. Nothing really bad. Just a lot. Don't worry, I've been taking care of them.

Anyway, I'm sorry that so many of you are struggling right now, wish I could make things better.
*leaves out a basket of calorie free cookies and a ton of hugs that will last until the next time I am able to try to catch up*

*Hugs Reaper* It sounds like a good idea to stay overnight there, you'll be safe and YEY! for internet access:)

*Hugs Laura*You sound SUPER BUSY , try and take care with your S.I. don't go overboard with it , Please take care :)

*RUNS IN*

GUYS GUYS GUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
*breathes*

Im doing a sponsored bungee jump

*Hugs Lex* WAY TO GOOOOOOOO! I could never do that I think you are so brave !!! :)

Mark, indeed I must have :P

*cuddles Laura and then everyone else*

*cuddles everyone*

Had a good day today, mah anniversary with my fiance, he bought me a huge art kit, its amazing, kinda cute because he hates art and he asked his nan to help him pick a good one :p I got him a model of a Eunos Roadster, the car he has, complex kit but it'll keep him quiet for a few hours I'm sure :p

How are you all feeling today?

They sound like exellent Presents Sarah!!

I'm at my Parents from tommorow late afternoon untill Monday early morning but My Parents are at a wedding so I'm slightly "house sitting". But I should be online on my parents Laptop , but just in case I can't get online thats where I'll be so no-one worry about me. My Diaz is wearing off but I'm glad I went to my 2nd "Shift" at the Cyber Cafe .

Has been excellent, quite the coincidence that both were craft based too :p

Got an appointment tomorrow with my doctor for medication review, not fond because I know they're not really working...

Good Luck With That Meds Review Sarah but you really should be honest if your meds aren't working for you :)

Yeah, I'm just scared they'll put me on stronger stuff, I didn't even think I needed anything but I'm not worse than when I started so I may need something else.