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BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 973010)
I so hate this! It is something I hate about myself. I'm comfortable in my own company for a bit, for a day maybe. But not for longer and not if i'm in a bad place.

*understands* I am the exact same way. :sad: But here recently, I haven't been comfortable in my own company much at all... *sigh* which is why I've been here so much... :-(

~*forever_broken*~ 02-08-2008 02:57 AM

Jess, riding? What kind of riding? Horse back? Cause if it's horse back riding I am SO jealous. :-)

*tackles her RYL mum in a hug*
What's making you feel so needy?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:11 AM

:crying: I feel so alone...

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 03:28 AM

*hugs Blondie*

Awww babe, i wish i new what to say but all i can do is offer *big HUGS*

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 03:28 AM

Bound by though (sorry yet again dont know name) you are not alone

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:31 AM

Thanks Nikki
(I'm just assuming that's your name... please forgive me if I'm wrong)

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 03:32 AM

your close enough its Sixx

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:39 AM

Sixx??? that's your name? Hmm... interesting...
mine's Amanda... (it's in my sig)

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 03:43 AM

well real names Gil but no one call me it they all call me Sixx

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:45 AM

ahh ok... well it's nice to meet ya Sixx

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 03:49 AM

you to Amanda

Hows are you feeling now?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:50 AM

meh... honestly... dreadful...

blondiebear 02-08-2008 03:53 AM

*catches ally and hugs her back*
*hugs amanda*
*hugs sixx*

It is the whole mourning my parents thing. Continuing to come to terms with the role that my father really played in my abuse.

Of all things that go through my airy blonde head; I go to an aa meeting on Thursday nights, that is mixed men and women. I think I've gotten more hugs from them in the five years i've known them than from my father in 42 years.

That mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly.
It makes me feel so betrayed and so needy.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:54 AM

*hugs Blondie*

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:59 AM

*sheepishly walks over and rests her head on her daddy's shoulder*
I just feel so... I don't know... selfish I guess... for feeling needy...
I mean I feel like there are so many more people on here that have
more legitimate needs than mine... more legitimate than my
"I'm depressed but I don't know why so I'm needy" needs... :(

blondiebear 02-08-2008 04:11 AM

*Shuffles over to her brother and leans on his shoulder*

Everyone else's needs are fine. I'm old enough to be mom to most of you. Shouldn't i be a strong adult about all this?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 04:19 AM

*starts to cry*
daddy... how did you finally manage to beat your demons?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 04:36 AM

Stupid ****in method sharin rule!!!
I mean... I know it's in place for a good reason,
but... ARRRGH!!!!!! I am just asking how to BEAT
something... it ain't like I am asking how to kill
myself!!!! ****!!!!!
ok... sorry... I'm shutting up now
*goes to find a lonely corner so she won't
lash out on anybody else*

blondiebear 02-08-2008 05:20 AM

Amanda, Jeff said that he faced his demon straight on. There are lots of ways of doing that.

I'm doing that right now as I separate from my family. To start with, I give it some distance and use their names instead of their relationship to me. Then I can ask myself would this have really been appropriate not if "mom had done it to me," but if "Julia had done it to Susan."

I'm organised, so i actually list what and why. So I have to own it. That way I face it straight on, like looking down a ladder into hell.

Then it takes a while longer to figure out the emotions. "Mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly" as a description of how I feel about my father is rather new in my life.

I think it is different for each of us. What I'm doing isn't tip sharing, so i'm offering it as my experience.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 05:22 AM

Thanks Blondie
*hugs*


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