RYL Forums

RYL Forums (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/index.php)
-   Veterans Board (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=34)
-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 11-04-2010 07:39 PM

It's getting harder. Nobody's around. I fell asleep (was watching tv) and had a really horrible nightmare. Especially the last bit. *rocks and cries*

Wish I could cry IRL.

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 07:59 PM

*gently holds helen* I wish i had words to make u feel better, I'm sorry about ur nightmare. Nightmares are horrible. *more cuddles*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 08:08 PM

*holds and cuddles* They are horrible. Don't think there's any words to make me feel any better right now. Just need to keep somehow getting through the day.

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:14 PM

*hugs helen* im so sorry hun. i wish i could be there to hold you. x
*hugs laura* im ok thanks. you ok?

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 08:20 PM

I spy a Nicole & a Laura!! *cuddles*

Awh Hels, I'm sorry that you're having such a rough day... I really was hoping that today would be a better day than you expected. :( But I guess maybe part self-fulfilling prophecy, part just memories etc. *holds you gently and rocks* You'll be okay, sweetie... the day's getting to be almost over... you'll make it through. ♥

Laura, I think that you should talk to the friend you always talk to, as you put it... because if you don't then you'll just be bottling up how you feel and that isn't healthy. :( I wish I could meet up with you IRL and go out for coffee or summat, I don't know. I just wish that I could help you more. *cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* Well, I hope that the ENT appt goes well. :) "Ear issues" does sound funny, hehe, but I do hope that things go even better than expected (whatever you expect). :) How're you doing today?

*hugs Nicole* How're you doing, love? & how's your pierced tongue? still really sore, or has the pain gone down a bit? :)

*cuddles Oliver* Hope things are going okay... glad that you can post when you get chances. :)

Didn't go to church today, just because. :-/ Well, we had other stuff to do. Not good, I know, since church is where we get our spiritual food (as funny as that sounds), but... oh, I don't know!! We did laundry instead, and I had a decaf sugar-free vanilla latte... sooo good. I haven't had a latte in absolute ages since of the caffeine (caffeine + anxiety = hell!!!), and even though it was decaf, I couldn't tell... it was delicious!!

*sighs*

Am still feeling like ****. Don't know what to do. I did go target shooting, just 14 rounds out of my .45 but it was awesome. :D Lol. I hit the targets (old plastic bottles filled with water) and they exploded, hehe. Target shooting is fun... as long as I'm not out there for too long. Then I just get bored, heh.

So yeh, am at my parents' now, totally ate too much for lunch :( so feel like **** over that too...

But never mind, it doesn't matter anyway. :(

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:27 PM

*hugs april.* tongue still sore lol, but getting better :D i've got a lisp!!!! i cant pronounce 'r' 't' or 's' lol. im really good, get through the rest of today and a bit of tomorrow, then i go to my cousin and have a distraction from SH for a while, and by the time i come back, t would've been 3 weeks since i last SH! :D i'm getting on really well with my sister aswell, we got the bus into oxford and went shopping :D

sorry you're feeling ****. *snuggles*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 08:27 PM

*cuddles Nicole & April tight*

Sorry I'm not really replying to posts, even when addressed to me. I finished my latest book that I was reading yesterday, one bit's really stuck with me. Hmm.

nicole94 11-04-2010 08:33 PM

*squishes helen* have you got anything else you can do to distract you?

Doikers 11-04-2010 08:47 PM

* Hugs fellow ward inhabitants *

nicole94 11-04-2010 09:11 PM

*hugs mark* you ok??

MammaMia 11-04-2010 09:11 PM

Trying but it's not really working. *sniffs* Sorry.

nicole94 11-04-2010 09:14 PM

why're you saying sorry hun? you dont need to apologise. you got any other nice books you can read?? *squishes*

Doikers 11-04-2010 09:18 PM

He Nicole , I'm ok I just feel a bit empty and pointless , I'm glad you are doing so well.

I'm studying my more recent injurys , I want to make more but I'm not going to, not tonight .

I don't know what else to say , like I said I'm empty , empty of feeling , empty of just about everything.

*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs April*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Laura*
*Hugs everyone I know I've missed , sorry*

nicole94 11-04-2010 09:20 PM

*hugs mark* sorry your not feeling too good. :( hope you do manage to fight the urges and not SI.

Doikers 11-04-2010 09:23 PM

Thanx Nicole :)

nicole94 11-04-2010 09:26 PM

lol. thats ok. x

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 09:35 PM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry you had a nightmare, they are horrible, I hope there is something you can do to distract yourself and get you through the day.

*cuddles April* it sounds like target shooting is fun, I'm glad you enjoyed it, sorry your not feeling grat now though, hope you have a good time at your parents though.

*cuddles Nicole* well done on being SH free for 3 weeks and am glad your getting on well with your sister, hope your tongue gets better soon.

*hugs Mark* sorry your feeling so empty, I'm hope you get through tonight without SH, remember you dont need it, you can be strong.

I don't know how I am feeling, a bit strange, because the school we are at for my course is the same as last year, and there are a lot of bad memories from last year and I keep remembering them, but trying to make sure I take away better memories this year.
Spoke to mum on phone earlier, she asks how the playing is going, but she doesnt ask how I am, I don't think she realises how hard this is for me being a 'girl' for a week, also she she asked my sister while on phone if she wanted to speak to me and I overheard my sister say no way, not speaking to that thing. Plus I am feeling pretty trapped, having to respond to she and being in the girls accomadaton block. Thoughts of self harm keep enteringmy head, but trying to keep them a bay, but the music is going ok, its hard work though and my lips are going to be knackered at the end of the concerts.

Doikers 11-04-2010 09:43 PM

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry I don't have many words just plenty of hugs :S

jonikd 11-04-2010 09:47 PM

*wonders where Kahlia is when strong flat white is required :)*

*hugs everyone on the ward, and asks how they all are*

Helen, sweetie, I'm thinking of you over here *holds gently until we're through this*

*hugs Nicole* man you're awesome to have on the ward at the moment, thanks for all your positivity, I think a bit of it has worn off on me this morning

*Finds April & Laura and administers many cuddles*

Mark I hope you do ok for the rest of the day/night, its fantatstic that you've made the decision not to SH. Stay strong 'k? *pus arm around Mark's strong shoulders*

*waves at Oliver*

I have to go to work now, so please all stay safe til I get home
xx

MammaMia 11-04-2010 10:31 PM

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 10:41 PM

Just finished up my Powerpoint for senior sem, for my final presentation. Urgh. Am so nervous about that!! but my mum says I always come across as extremely confident and fine when I'm up in front of people talking about, well, anything. :-/ I don't FEEL confident, in fact all I want to do is run away. So yeah. Am NOT looking forward to giving that talk... :(

Wanted to get together with my bestie today but she hasn't responded to my texts... AGAIN. :crying: I hate that, not being able to get in touch with her. And now it's getting late, and all I want to do is have time with her, but she's probably not going to come over and I don't want to go over there because I HATE leaving the apartment. :crying:

Deidre (? DeathDancer), sorry no one responded to your post. How are you doing today?? *hugs*

*cuddles Hels* Today's almost over, keep going, hon.

*cuddles Mark* Awesome that you're not going to SI, and anyway, if you did, then it's still just a slipup... you're doing awesomely. :) Each and every minute without SI is a victory. :)

*hides*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 10:51 PM

Updated my dear ol' r/v thread... if anyone wants to read it, that is. Please tell me if you don't want me letting you all know when I update it... :(

MammaMia 11-04-2010 10:52 PM

I'll read it soon darling <3

*cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 10:56 PM

Thanks, sweetie. *cuddles back* How you doing? hanging in there? ♥

nicole94 11-04-2010 10:58 PM

*cuddles oliver* thanks :D
*cuddles JK* thankyou so much. that really made my day, i sometimes feel like everyone on here hates me and is talking about me behind my back (thats probably just me being paranoid :/)

*hugs helen and april*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 11:07 PM

Trying April.
Really trying.

*hugs you and Nicole*

Was supposed to die two years ago tonight. Am so thankful I failed =D Sometimes I'm not, but tonight I am.

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 11:20 PM

Awh Nicole, I don't think that anyone here hates you. You're a lovely person... and yes, I agree, your positivity is awesome. :) May you very frequently be this positive... *hugs*

Helen, yes, I am SO GLAD that you failed too!!! I remember the days that I tried to kill myself too, 28 November (2005) and 20 January (2006), if I remember correctly... but I didn't succeed either (although the first one landed me in hospital for several days). Am not really glad about that most of the time, but oh well... at least I've gotten a year and a half (as of today!!) with my Jarrod. :) Well, married a year and a half. Been together for about 6 years.

*sighs*

I see my SW tomorrow morning early... not looking forward to that. I don't know, I'm just a failure at therapy, relationships, and LIFE. :(

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:27 PM

*hugs helen* i'm glad you're not dead hun. xx
*hugs april* thanks, it makes me feel better to know my positivity is helping other people too. im also glad you're not dead xx

i was supposed to die nearly 3 months ago now, i'm also glad im not dead, although that did land me in hospital for a week.

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 11:42 PM

*hugs nicole, helen and april* I'm very very glad that none of you died, there are lots of dates I remember when I was meant to die and also many dates I dont remember, too many to count.

congratulations on your year and a half and 6 years with jarrod April.

Nicole no one hates you on here and positivity is always good.

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:45 PM

*hugs oliver* i know deep down that people dont hate me, but most of the time i feel like everyone hates me. positivity IS good. and it's nice to be feeling positive for a change lol

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 11:56 PM

*hugs Nicole* yeah I know what you mean, I sometimes feel paranoid that people hate me on here, even though deep down I know they probably don't.

*cuddles everyone lots* my internet is about to go so hope you all have a good day/night.

nicole94 12-04-2010 12:00 AM

aah. glad to know im not the only one :D thanks lol, same to you

MammaMia 12-04-2010 12:29 AM

*curls up*

nicole94 12-04-2010 12:31 AM

*hugs helen* you ok hun? dont worry, todays nearly over xx

MammaMia 12-04-2010 12:34 AM

No. :'(

nicole94 12-04-2010 12:38 AM

*squishes* you wanna talk? feel free to PM me x

MammaMia 12-04-2010 12:53 AM

*squishes*

Today may be nearly over. But still won't change anything? Still another day without her :'(

nicole94 12-04-2010 12:56 AM

i know darling *hugs* wish i could make it all go away for you, but i cant. do you have anything there to distract you from missing her, a pet or anything??

MammaMia 12-04-2010 01:06 AM

No. I have Charlie, but he's my sister's dog. He's here 3 days & 2 nights a week usually. Just not quite the same. But he's not here right now. Losing her & all the feelings with that has made me want another child so much much more. I know it'd never replace Katie & I wouldn't want to. She'll always be my first child to me & my beautiful angel. Just want to cry tons & I can't :'( Really hurts. Made it through yesterday though.

Sorry :'( *hugs tight*

Scarletdreamer 12-04-2010 01:32 AM

Hels, you made it through!! That's summat to be proud of, whether you feel like it is or not. *holds you & rocks gently* I hope that you're staying safe... and I can't say that I understand exactly how you feel, since I have never had the exact problems that you have and am not you (obviously, heh), but sending lots of cuddles and calorie-free chocolate to you... ♥

I'm really not doing well. I have so much heavy on my heart, but I don't know if I can talk about any of it with my SW tomorrow... I don't know... I'm such an epic failure... I'm so scared that I won't ever make it out of this cyclical mudpit that I'm in. :crying: Honestly, it is making me so tired... tired of living, mostly, still want to die so much.

I'm also an epic fail at being a wife.

And I'm envious of my bestie, who just got engaged and has the whole marriage thing ahead of her, new and sparkly just like her ring. The novelty of being married has worn off for me; it feels like I've been married for 10+ years instead of one and a half. I don't know... does that make any sense?

:crying:

*hides in a corner where no nightmares can get her* :(

MammaMia 12-04-2010 01:43 AM

Thanks April, hope you do talk to your SW tomorrow if you can. Sorry the novelty has worn off a bit. :( You're not an epic fail of a wife. *holds you tight* Nothing to be proud of. I'm glad you don't know what it's like, it's awful. I sorta wish I didn't but never mind. I want to punish myself. I have to. :'( But never mind. Will keep on being safe I'm sure.

Wooopie do, I'm sure my lowness has hit again, just had a wee break. Can't ****ing wait to suffer in it. Woo *rolls eyes and nearly cries*

**** it all.

Kahlia1981 12-04-2010 04:19 AM

*huggles everyone tenderly*

I'm sorry everyone is struggling so much. I wish I could do something to make us all feel better.

Helen - you just made me think of something from Robin Williams Live stand-up. He was talking about a drug that could fix everything called "****itall". It made me think of a "magic cure". Wouldn't that be nice?

*huggles everyone again*

jonikd 12-04-2010 10:25 AM

*spots some movement near the ward* Hey Kahlia, how you doing hun? Love the "****itall" made me smile :D

Helen, honey, I don't have huge amounts of advice for you on this one, the closest I have is friends who have miscarried and all I could do for them was hug them and cry with them. *hugs and cries with Helen* Time does heal though hun, you are still young and my friends are old *apologises to friends* Anniversaries are always tough, so stay with us sweetie, you are grieving and each day that you do get through will feel a little better 'k? xx

*looks around for April and Laura and wonders how they are now*

*hugs the boys* hope you're going a bit better Mark, and I still haven't caught up with you Oliver!

Deidre hope you're feeling better hun, grief does take time though, so be patient alright.

*cuddles Nicole and sits with her a while* hoping your positivity will come to me through osmosis

*hugs any new wardmates who may happen to pass through*

*sits and plans to stay in the ward for a wee while tonight*

Doikers 12-04-2010 10:56 AM

I am sorry so many of us are struggling *Enormous hugs for you all*

There have been days when I was supposed to die too ,4 times at least , it's a little fuzzy , I don't remember the dates though , sometimes I wish I had succeded sometimes I'm glad I didn't .

And
Happy one and a half years wedding anniversary April !! :)

Scarletdreamer 12-04-2010 12:03 PM

Why thank you, Mark!! *cuddles* (oh and I spy you!! :D) How are you doing today? I'm also glad that you didn't die when you attempted (or planned to)... if you did die now I would miss you so much. :( But, that's getting morbid 'cause I'm not gonna let you die now. Hehe. Aaanyway... have you been playing Runescape much lately? what's it like? (never played it - Jarrod says it's not much like WoW)

Hels, how are you doing now, love? And if it helps any, I'm struggling with delayed grieving now... won't go into details now as it's the beginning of the day and I don't want to get too low, am already feeling sad and shitty. :( But as JK said, time heals... you'll get through this.*holds you & rocks gently*

JK, how're you? *hugs*

Kahlia, I've heard that "****itall" thing before... but it still made me smile. :P There should be a magic cure... but sadly, no go... :( How are you doing today/tonight? *squishes gently*

My bestie finally texted me... at 6am today... apologizing for yesterday like it was no biggie. :crying:

I'm just a mess. :(

jonikd 12-04-2010 12:30 PM

*jumps for joy on finding April* glad your friend texted, yeah I get all weird when my friends don't reply, might well be part of depression and the like huh.

I just put a picture of myself up on
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...79#post2235779 , if anyone's interested in who I am. *hides and shakes a little*

Probably I will take it off again tomorrow, but just wanted to introduce myself to you lot.

I'm a bit fragile, but off to bed very soon, all tucked up and drugged up and safe from harm today. One day at a time for us all, we're all survivors in here, I too could have succeeded in any one of my ? attempts all those years ago, and tbh I would have missed a hell of a lot of fun stuff.

*leaves hugs for all and wanders off in her PJs*

Kahlia1981 12-04-2010 12:41 PM

*huggles everyone*

Re the "****itall" drug. The segment is hilarious the way he does it. "Your life is crap? ****itall." etc. His standup is very funny but definitely not for kids.

I am ... surviving. Having major issues with su and si urges and anxiety. Having to leave rooms etc at times to allow myself to gain control. I'll be okay, just not quite sure what is going on. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

*big hugs for everybody*

Scarletdreamer 12-04-2010 01:19 PM

JK, you're very pretty. :) I love the setting for the picture. Sleep well... sweet dreams, be as snug as a bug in a rug (lol)... and talk with you, well, later today. Hehe. And I'm glad that you didn't succeed in your attempts either. *hugs*

Kahlia *cuddles* I'm sorry that you're struggling so at the moment... but it will pass, as you said... it just takes time. :( I wish I could help more... I'm here if you need to talk and I can offer a cat to snuggle. Hehe. *more cuddles*

I'm off to my SW appt in a bit... am not really looking forward to it, feel like such a failure in therapy because I can't get my words out right. I don't understand why people call me "brilliant" (my advisor) or "very intelligent" (my parents and friends) when I can't make forward progress in therapy, and feel stuck all of the time, etc., etc., etc. :crying: I don't know what to do, I honestly don't...

I need to update my r/v thread but I don't have the time now... probably will around 9am though.

*cuddles all* ♥

Kahlia1981 12-04-2010 02:24 PM

*cuddles everyone*

April: *big hugs* I hope things go okay with your SW appointment. Talking about what's going on in our lives can be far from easy. I always struggle with it. Feelings and thoughts can be hard to express, especially when your mood isn't playing ball. Just take it easy on yourself.

*huggles everyone else lots*

MammaMia 12-04-2010 02:24 PM

Lots of posts but will attempt to reply to them all. But definitely cuddles all round. I wish I could make us all feel better too :( We have each other, even when we can't support, we still have each other right? :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 2235542)
Helen - you just made me think of something from Robin Williams Live stand-up. He was talking about a drug that could fix everything called "****itall". It made me think of a "magic cure". Wouldn't that be nice?

I've heard of that I think. It would be very very nice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonikd (Post 2235681)
Helen, honey, I don't have huge amounts of advice for you on this one, the closest I have is friends who have miscarried and all I could do for them was hug them and cry with them. *hugs and cries with Helen* Time does heal though hun, you are still young and my friends are old *apologises to friends* Anniversaries are always tough, so stay with us sweetie, you are grieving and each day that you do get through will feel a little better 'k? xx

I know time heals, even if me (and my closest best friend) hate that phrase so much!! Impatient ;) But thank you, seriously. It is tough. There's four days that are the worst, the -rword- that made her happen (that day/anniversary is traumatic in itself), anniversary of when she died, what would have been her birthday & Christmas... Never seems to feel any better, but I'm sure you're right. I don't feel like I've ever properly cried about it. Perhaps on one occasion last year when I was really going for it & about lots. Obviously I've had a few tears since then, but nothing much. Maybe I shouldn't? I know some of my real life friends, well definitely one, belvies that I shouldn't have decided what sex & name. As "it's made it harder for you to forget about it". Well...I don't want to forget about 'it'. She may not be here, but she's still MY baby, MY daughter, a HUMAN BEING!!! Yes, she didn't do all her growing, yes she didn't ever get born, but she's still a person to me :'( Sorry..P.S. I love your picture, you're so pretty <3

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2235765)
Hels, how are you doing now, love? And if it helps any, I'm struggling with delayed grieving now... won't go into details now as it's the beginning of the day and I don't want to get too low, am already feeling sad and shitty. :( But as JK said, time heals... you'll get through this.*holds you & rocks gently*

*clings* Sorry. I'm not doing so well today. Yet I have a sudden burst of :D :D :D I'm bit scared lol. Had another nightmare this morning, thankfully I can't really remember anything :) Sorry you're not doing so well but glad your best friend texted. That's good right?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 2235798)
I am ... surviving. Having major issues with su and si urges and anxiety. Having to leave rooms etc at times to allow myself to gain control. I'll be okay, just not quite sure what is going on. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

I'm glad you're surviving, but I'm sorry you're struggling sweetheart. We're all here for you *snuggles*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2235844)
I'm off to my SW appt in a bit... am not really looking forward to it, feel like such a failure in therapy because I can't get my words out right. I don't understand why people call me "brilliant" (my advisor) or "very intelligent" (my parents and friends) when I can't make forward progress in therapy, and feel stuck all of the time, etc., etc., etc. :crying: I don't know what to do, I honestly don't...

I hope it goes well. I can understand not looking forward to it. I remember dreading several counselling appointments (ok, not same thing but still). You're not a failure. All sorts of people struggle to get words out/talk and stuff. It can be so hard & daunting sometimes. I remember one session, I had to talk about thatrword and couldn't talk and struggled when I could. But you ARE intelligent, brilliant etc. You're a really good friend of mine. Hate anything to happen to you April :(


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:51 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.