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Scarletdreamer 02-02-2010 04:13 PM

*huggles LauraFriend* I'm glad that you got it bandaged up... was it really bad? :-S Please try to be more careful, sweetie. I know the urges to self-destruct all too well but even feeling them & letting yourself feel them doesn't mean that you ought to give in to them. Please keep fighting, you can & will make it through this!!

*cuddles LauraStar* Sorry, can't remember if I replied to your last post... I hope that classes get better for us... but I doubt it too. The semester was off to a rocky start for both of us, yeh. Ugh. I wish I could either rewind to start over or fastforward to the end... fastforwarding would be preferred!! lol. How're you doing today? how's the anxiety?

*cuddles Annie* Glad that you're feeling better!! at least a little. That's awesome. And I agree, support from significant others is amazing... my husband is priceless!! :) He's so good to & with me. I wish that everyone could have the happiness in a relationship that he & I do. I know it's rare & that's sad... but anyway, rambling. How're you feeling today?

*cuddles Helen* Good, I'm glad I was on the right track. ;) I'm sorry that things aren't so great for you "as usual" - surely sometimes things must go right? *hugs* - and you didn't land one of your friends in the hospital, you took her there because she needed to go as she was unsafe. Unless there's a bit that you're not telling (which is fine, no condemnation - some things "need" to remain private)... but anyway, don't blame yourself please, love. I'm really glad that you've gotten closer to your other bestie, though. That's awesome. :D

So I'm at uni now, just got breakfast at the café in the student centre... I think I mini-binged, or something, I don't know... or I want to... it's so hard!!! :( I hate life right now. And I have so much uni work to do & I don't want to do any of it. The assignment for advanced counseling won't take very long but I still don't want to do it!! I'm such an epic fail... :crying:

So so so tired... yet if I had coffee/Mountain Dew I would be wayyyy too anxious to function. So damnit!!! I don't have any Klonopin (in the right mg anyway) along, so **** **** ****... meant to put more in my bag before I left but forgot due to craziness related to ceiling & cat. GRRRR. :(

*hides*

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 04:40 PM

*cuddles Annie* i've just started counselling (again) but i'm not taking anything and i haven't been to the doctors about anything for about 18months. i don't want to take anything. i don't need to. i'm just being stupid. :( i don't feel safe. i feel like i'm fighting a battle against myself and it's just.....so hard. *cries*

*hugs Helen* i'm glad things are good with one friend, and getting sorted for the other. i'm sure she won't be angry at you or anything. you were just worried. which is understandable when she took an overdose...*hugs*

*hugs April* thank you. it wasn't that bad but if i don't bandage it up i will just make it worse...it's like i have to hide it from myself. stoopid stoopid.
i'm trying but .... i've got so much work and other crap stuff going on at the moment it's so much easier, and quicker, just to do it and then get on with other stuff. it's not what i should be doing i know. i just....i can't keep fighting myself...i just can't. and you're not an epic fail. at all. :) you're fab on here so i'm sure you'll do really well in your counselling assignment :) good luck *hugs* hope you get your ceiling sorted...lol

MammaMia 02-02-2010 04:40 PM

*cuddles April* Sometimes things do go right, but not having much luck with that at the moment. Although all the stuff I did yesterday was a good positive :) Trying to hold onto that today. I didn't take my best friend to hospital, a friend of hers took her. She lives in Scotland, and I'm in England :p But yeah, I feel like I put her in there :'(

Got to love your head screaming at you once an idea enters your head. I want it to stop :'( I told my best friend. She texted me and then rang me. She's going out with her children & hubby, as it's a birthday today :) (Her middle child..) She told me to text if I needed her. I want to...but I can't. She shouldn't be sat there checking her phone every now and then. I should have kept my ****ing gob shut.

MammaMia 02-02-2010 04:42 PM

*hugs LauraFriend* I'm glad about it too. She sounded pretty angry via texts this morning (well last night, but it was in the early hours) so she probably hates my guts so much. I was very worried, 3 weeks ago today, we were waiting for her to wake up from a suicide attempt. So I didn't want to risk that again. If I'd been the one who overdosed, she would have been nagging at me for hours to go understandably :( *hugs*

SoMuchMore 02-02-2010 05:58 PM

*cuddles everyone*

*heads to the denial tent* anyone in here to keep me company?

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 06:24 PM

i want to cry. i need to cry. but i can't. :( fml

MammaMia 02-02-2010 07:00 PM

Laura, I'm in the denial tent love, I never really leave it ;)

SoMuchMore 02-02-2010 09:10 PM

*hugs laurafriend* im sorry that you cant cry... I know how that feels sometimes. How r u doing now?

*hugs helen* o good, someone is here. :-)
I'm sorry about your friend, but i dont think u should blame yourself for her needing the hospital. Hope you are alright.. or well as alright as you can be.

*hugs april* sorry that uni is stressing you out.. fastforwarding would be kinda nice... and I am a master at procrastination, even with the smallest assignments so you arent an epic fail for not wanting to do an assignment.

Got my 6 hours of classes tonight.. i really hate going for that long without a break. The first two hours will be okay but im always scared for my 4 hour one b/c we have to do so much and we never know exactly what is going on... plus i get tired of sitting there for so long heh. I also HAVE to work on internship stuff for this summer.. but i really dunno how all that works so i have crazy anxiety. I'm fine with applying but the follow up call... no thanks. I dunno what i'm supposed to say. Leave it to me to freak out about the smallest thing like a stupid phonecall.

Kahlia1981 02-02-2010 09:57 PM

*cuddles everyone then heads into the denial tent where everything is okay*

PoisonedApple 02-02-2010 09:59 PM

Just popping in to give cuddles to everyone and let everyone know I'm doing better than I was last time I posted...
Hope every one's doing ok :)

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 10:50 PM

*hugs everyone*
i'm going to bed, to sleep, in the hope that i'll feel better when i wake up. fingers crossed i can sleep.....Night. take care everyone

Scarletdreamer 02-02-2010 11:41 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Patch (new material) is being downloaded on WoW so I thought I'd take the time to come on here & see how everyone is doing...

*cuddles LauraFriend* I'm sorry you're feeling so crap... hope you sleep well. ♥ Sleep is the bane of all something-or-other... some famous quote or something talking about sleep in a good way, can't recall it at the mo though, sadly. My brain's all gone. :( Please try & take care of yourself!!

*huggles Helen* J/w, & you don't have to reply if you don't want to, but why do you think you put your bestie in the hospital? (and sorry for the confusion there, heh) Hope you're doing better tonight... & is it okay if I join you & everyone else in the denial tent? I have to leave it during the day to go to uni... because there is reality there that I have to face, lol... but at night I come back into it!! :D heh.

*squishes LauraStar* I'm terrified about my internship stuff, actually, too. I will be doing it over the summer & I'm scared that I won't do very well in the interviewing or annnnything. :( ****. At least I have awhile until then, kind of. Everything (paperwork-wise) is due 15 March, I think. Urgh. I don't want to deal with phonecalls either. :( Good luck with the 6 hours of class; I would HATE that!! Just think though, each class you get through is a class closer to graduation (or summer, if that's easier). *hugs*

*cuddles Kahlia* How're you doing, love?

Uni was looong today, Jarrod stayed home from work & cleaned up the mess from the ceiling collapsing, and then we went out to eat (Subway) and got groceries. Saw my bestie at Walmart (she works with the bread - not a Walmart employee, employed by the bread company to keep the shelves stocked) and we chatted for a bit. Having lunch with her tomorrow... so that ought to be nice.

WoW should be up in a few minutes so I shall stop typing for now should it stop me in the middle of a sentence... hehe. *hugs, cuddles, & cookies for everyone!!*

MammaMia 03-02-2010 01:25 AM

Join us :D Denial tent goes with you hun :) It's magical like that!! Turns out my best friend left hospital this morning and been busy. Having a good chat at the moment. Feel proper ****. Ah well.

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 03:00 PM

*walks into the denial tent* i do not wanna do this work. i'm going out and getting very very drunk tonight and i can't wait. **** this work.

Scarletdreamer 03-02-2010 03:17 PM

*cuddles Helen* If it were a good chat, then why were you feeling like ****? how are you doing this morning? ♥

*cuddles LauraFriend* Why get drunk? You know that you have a problem with alcohol... fight it, sweetie. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't NEED to get drunk... just focus on the work at small bits at a time and you'll get it done. Don't overstress yourself (once again, easier said than done!!), but I do believe in you, love. You can get your work done - better at least a little done instead of saying "**** it all" and not doing any of it. ♥

How is everyone else?

I'm really tired... played WoW for awhile this morning to get my mind off of stuff (like the kitchen!! & how we have no clean dishes so I couldn't have my oatmeal for breakfast *growls* lol)... then did schoolwork. Well, a little. I'm going to do more in a few minutes, once I'm done browsing & posting here at RYL. I drafted my senior sem paper proposal... I'm going to (hopefully) answer the question "Do people with medication-resistant mood disorders have more effective coping mechanisms than those with medication-receptive mood disorders?" ... it should really be interesting, especially as it's personal. I have a relatively medication-resistant mood disorder & need to come up with better coping mechanisms. *sigh*

And now I have to answer a question for Women & Spirituality... fun fun. I wrote the least of all of my friends last class - I hope that I don't get docked points... :-X I guess I'll find out tonight (it's a night class - 6:15-9pm >_<)... :(

Talked with Vince (personal trainer & close friend from WoW) a bit, which was nice... :) He's a lovely guy. Twice my age but never mind that, lol. We are just friends... of course, as I'm already married to the man of my dreams. :D But Vince & I have similar problems so we get along quite well... as well as similar interests, so our friendship isn't based JUST on what's wrong with us.

Anyway... *hides in denial tent*

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 03:29 PM

i know i have a problem....one of my friends actually told me she thinks i have a problem and she would never really notice because i don't go out with her. but she has noticed so it must be a problem. *sighs* i want to get drunk. i don't really see it as a problem tbh. i can still function, i'm not drinking everyday, and i don't HAVE to have alcohol. i just want to. *shrugs* i know it's not a great attitude but....i dunno. it's gonna be a messy night.

Scarletdreamer 03-02-2010 04:20 PM

*hugs LauraFriend* Just be careful, okay? ♥ Don't know what else to tell you... *more hugs*

I'm really, really exhausted right now... it really sucks. Just posted in my r/v thread too... nothing extremely important there though. Just rantings. Gahh. Want to purge, want to cut, want to ****ing self destruct. I HATE MY LIFE. :( And what's worse is, I know that I oughtn't. It's a good life. I am going to uni & getting pretty good grades, I'm so close to graduation, I am married to the man of my dreams, I have a wonderful best friend, etc., etc... but I can't see/appreciate all of that in the midst of everything else. :(

:crying:

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 04:54 PM

*hugs April* :( i know exactly what you mean...i don't really have a reason to feel like this either. woo for nearly being done with uni though! :) so nearly there, you can totally do it! :)
take care *hugs*

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 05:04 PM

ffs. there is something wrong with me. i took my bandage off because i'm going to a formal later (like dinner in college, but we have to wear gowns and stuff) and i didn't wanna have the equivalent of sock marks, but bandage marks on my wrist. i was gonna just get a load of ribbon and wrap it round so it looked pretty rather than looking like "wtf has she done?!"....
but i can't take my bandage off without making it worse. so now it's gonna take even longer to get better :(
i fail.

MammaMia 03-02-2010 09:21 PM

I felt **** despite having a good conversation because my mood keeps swinging right now. I think I'm headed for a crash. I don't want to. I can't have a repeat of last October.


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