*Hugs Nicole* Are you okay? , Did you use protection? Sorry I don't want to come over as the bossy person , just concerned about you hun and Tell me if I have got the wrong end of the stick , sorry :S

No you didnt get the wrong end of the stick, and No, we didn't use protection, but i have taken the morning after pill. I just feel like such a slut :( *hugs mark*

*Hugs Nicole Tons* Don't feel a slut hun, You're not one , I really beleive that of you , It's good that you got the morning after pill already , that proves you are level headed *Squishes*

*hugs mark..* I suppose. I didn't even mean to do it....i mean we just kinda got there and I was feeling so low and like nobody cared. And i thought he might care. And i was just feeling so upset that i didn't really care about my body. It's all i'm good for anyways :(

Nicole , People care about you , I care about you. You are a kind supportive, caring person and you are good for tons , way more than you give yourself credit for *Huggles*

*hugs mark* thanks, thats sweet, but really not true. I am worthless. Men always wanna sleep with me, but never have a relationship. Cause all i'm good for is sex. :(

Well I don't agree with that one bit , You've been there for me through November , and supported me and listened to me whinge about all of my issues and general crap , So you are good for being a friend to me *Hugs*

You're not a slut Nicole and nor are all you good for sex. You're an amazing friend & person darling. *cuddles tightly* Neither are you worthless. If you are....then so am I, don't think you'll agree to that somehow ;)

Hey Helen*Hugs* How are you this afternoon?

*hugs ward*

I am stupid. This is all. Apparently I can't leave well enough alone and I need to continue to do stupid ****. *sigh*

*Hugs Felicia* Whats happening hun ?

I may stop responding but that is because I am being taken to the Dentist in a bit but will get back online on my parents lappy later I hope :S

I'm stupid. I decided to see my ex at 3 AM... nothing good goes down at that time, seriously. So, I slept with him...and of course, I regret it.

I want my tools back. I cannot do this.

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you want you're tools back :S But you'll be glad you don't have them in the long run , you will . We all do things we regret Hun , but , water under the bridge , you cannot change what happened but you can shape how you react to it and Self Injury will just be something you regret . I Hope that doesn't come over as all high and mighty , Thats not intended . Were you guys safe? *Concerned for you*
PM me ANY TIME .

Thanks, Mark. I know self-injury can't change it, and will only make me regret more. I just want those few minutes of not going over the "what ifs" in my mind, cause we weren't safe. And it's not like I have the money to buy the morning after pill, unless I wanna call my grandma, asking her to give me money for it, and that's not territory I want to cross.

Please get the Pill if you possibly can hun , Could you tell your Grandma it was for something else , A Christmas Presant maybe ?

I think a hormone bomb has gone off in the ward.

*HUgs Nicole* You are good for so much more than that.

*Hugs Felicia* You can't turn back time, and cutting yourself won't change things. We all make mistakes, and as long as you know that's what it was then nothing more needs to come of it.

*Hugs Mark, Kitty, Crimson and Heather*

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Lindsey* How are you?

I'm ok thanks, Lia. Holding on.

How are you?

g'morning everyone. *hugs*
How is everyone?

*cuddles everyone*

*Hugs Sarah and Crimson* How are you both?

The time gaps are weird, there's Crimson saying good morning when it's almost 6.00 in the evening here.

I'm alright thanks Linsdey. Going out in a minute for my school awards evening *massive groan* but I'll live. I'm glad to hear you're managing to hold on :)

Lol it is weird Lia, I'm not here long before Mark's saying he's off to bed... It's almost 9 am here though. You guys are 9 hours ahead of me.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Crimson* I did like the look of your prospective house , I think I said already but hey :)

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lindsay*

I have been going to bed early and I do tend to announce it :S is that okay?

Yeah it's ok Mark. :) I was just pointing out you in my statement to Lia since it reminded me of the time differences and that you guys are close to the same time where as here to there is practically night and day lol
Thanks :) I like this house too. It needs some work but its a good house :)

Its fine Mark

I'm okay today actually. For now.

I like your octopus Sarah , saying "never give up hope" :)

My friend loaned me the money for the morning after pill... *sigh of relief*
I still need to be slapped in the face though, sleeping with my ex is such an emotional thing... and I do not like these emotions... Damn, someone needs to loan me some common sense.

Oh, and I like your octopus too, Sarah, made me say "awwww"

I drew the octopus myself, is a sly way to put it about without taking criticism on it at any point :p thanks guys

*cuddles Felicia* hope you're okay hun, I know those kinds of feelings

*hugs Mark* thanks :)

Mum just bought me a pair of boots, well accidentally, sister got a pair from ebay and they were faulty, bought another pair from someone else. Seller 1 doesn't do refunds so I get them as they're the exact same. They look warm and cosy. Buying a dress soon for Christmas too. :)

Well... Hasn't this evening been quiet , I hope you guys are doing okay:S
Has anyone heard from Taz lately? It's been quite a while since she's been around I think :S

*Night Night Hugs Wardies*

*Spots and hugs Kitty :)*

Does anyone know what happened to RYUU? I was looking yesterday and the profile is gone :(

Night Mark *cuddles* xx

^ She's posting under a different name now I believe, I could be wrong though..

Ah okay. Panic over.

How are you feeling today?

*hugs mark back* ya...time differences do suck. Half the time when I'm on here, nobody else is. Makes it really hard.

Anyway, went to the doc today. I hate him so much he is a dumbass and a bastard. I had a panic attack while waiting thats how much I hate him. Plus he was behind and I didn't get in until like 20 minutes after my scheduled appointment time. Blah. He's the doc that told me, and I quote word for word, "From what you say about your mother, you seem to be more mature than her. But, you need to be more mature about cutting." WTF...who says that!? Especially what doctor says that?!? I have hated him ever since. But I got him to prescribe me sleeping pills. The ****ed up part is, I've made plans with them...

*sighs* I feel like a zombie. I didn't want to sleep last night because of the nightmares. But I couldn't stay awake. I had nightmares again and it doesn't feel like I have slept, but I still had nightmares. I just want it to end...

On one hand I have the plans laid out and the tools I need to set myself free, and I keep thinking it would be the best idea. People tell me suicide is selfish, but I don't agree. I'm only still alive because I don't want to hurt anyone - but deep down I know that me dying would be the best for everyone in the long run. On the other hand, I have done some thinking, and some research, and have decided I want to move. I wouldn't be able to until summer being that our lease doesn't end until then and I am registered for classes for next semester already, though. But if I do stay in school I could transfer because where I want to move to has a branch of the school there and they offer the degree I am considering going after...that is, if I can. And it shouldn't be hard to transfer, being that I'm already a student of the school so to speak. And I have relatives there - might not be the best, because they aren't the closest of relatives, but I think it's better than nothing. Here, I have nobody. I have mentioned wanting to move to my husband...told him why. He shot it down. :( He says that it wouldn't be worth moving - I know it's because he hates moving. I don't know though. Summer is a long ways away. I don't even know if I will be alive tomorrow, let alone then. But, if I am, I'm going. I don't care. If he doesn't want to come, he can stay. But I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle being so isolated, and having nobody around.. *sighs*

Oh poor Kitty :( *hugs* Don't go through with the bad plans, I need you, I wouldn't be better off without you :( I hate doctors like that. Mine is the same. I can't talk to mine about it anymore, he's just a dick and tells me to move out. I can't do that :(

Just please be safe my lovely *cuddles tightly*

Sarah, I'm happy, low, tired, ill, worried, itchy & sore lol. How are you today?

*hugs sarah back* I'm trying to not follow through with the plans, but I don't trust myself. Hell I didn't even consciously make the plans to begin with. I just kinda looked at the bottle and the thought came to my mind, and I smiled.

I'm just sure everyone's life would be better if I were not here. I wasn't supposed to be born...I was an accident. I was a soul waiting for a body and well my biological mom accidentally got pregnant and I accidentally got that body, and ****ed up life. I honestly don't know if I will be able to continue school or get a job. My anxiety has been so bad that I just don't know I don't think I can handle it. I just haven't quit school yet because my counselor hasn't said so yet...but I don't know. If I quit school I won't be able to see her anymore. I don't want to apply for disability my mom would disown me. She told me to "never rely on the state". And she is in total denial and doesn't understand what I am going through - she thinks I should just be able to push right on through it and be perfectly fine. And I don't want people having to pay for me to be alive...that's what disability is. It comes out of other peoples pay checks to pay for me to live. I don't want people to have to pay for me. If I died, they wouldn't have to. If I died, nobody would have to spend any more money on me at all. And everyone would be better off in the long run.

I really don't trust myself right now. The thoughts. My mind just keeps telling me to do it - it'll all be over soon, and everyone will benefit.

I just don't know what to do *sits in the corner feeling like shes gunna cry, but cant* I feel so...torn...

*hugs Kitty*

*hugs helen back* thanks for the hug.

Sorry for rambling so much...and if I'm triggering anyone...I don't mean to. I just dont know what to do anymore. It feels like I have been chopped in half vertically. :S

I've not been able to read your posts much as nothing's really going in. But whatever's happening won't last forever. Sorry I can't support you.

Also, rambling is good, better than hurting yourself.

Its ok...just bein here and talkin to me helps -hugs you again-

You ok?

*hugs* Don't worry about me. Glad I'm helping a lttle bit.

Hun, its in my nature to worry. I always worry about others more than myself. -shrugs-

Its when I am alone and dont have anyone to talk to when **** really gets ugly.. -shrugs again-

*cuddles Helen* I keep eating and eating even though I know I need to lose some weight

*snuggles Kitty* I hope you're okay, sounds a lot like whats happening with me. My fiance was just telling me that if I can't work I'll have stuff to do at home and I know I can't because some days I'm so useless... *sigh*

I'm sure you don't need to lose weight Sarah. Try eat healthily at least?? *hugs*