Hey guys, I'm with Rose today, she's been making me smile all day. I'm gonna be at her house for two days, so hopefully, when I go home I'll have the strength to make it til our next day out. xxx

Angel, you can post all you want about the things you're struggling with if it helps you feel supported and better about things. It's just the things related to religion that make it a bit...eh.

Poisonedapple, podcasts are good. I usually download them, I've never made my own.
Okay's not exactly the best feeling so I hope it can pick up and not lower.

Ok what i will do is put anything religious in a hidden box so you dont have to read it
Hope that is ok

thanks for sitting with me poisoned apple... so much tension in this house. not good, not helping...want to disappear..

That's awesome Shad!

Mrs. Pan~ all my favorite podcasts and internet radio shows are disappearing so I figured it'd be interesting to just make my own instead.

Good plan Angel.

No problem Shattered. :) Seemed like you could use the company.

*hugs all*
*sneaks in to Marks ward room and gently hugs then quietly leaves as Mark is more than likely in bed by now*

Hi, I hope it's OK but I really need to check in for a few days. I'm falling too quickly. Comes in sits in the corner and rocks.

*hugs everyone*

hmm.. why am i so bad with emotions sometimes. When I am not clearly sad or angry or happy or flat, i can never pin one word to it... and I never want to sound harsh either, or like i'm being overdramatic. So I guess I'll go with frustrated or under appreciated (although under appreciated might be a tad extreme). Sorry. Random I know.

Its not anything specific. Just a lot of little things. For example, my sister blaming me for things, like getting a single problem wrong on her uni assignment, b/c I was helping her. What the hell? really? its one problem.

Laura, I feel like that a lot of the time too with my emotions. It's hard sometimes. Hope you're not feeling bad though.

*Waves To Angel*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Mrs Pan*

*Hugs Shad*

*hugs Shattered1*

*Waves to Life-Hurts* Hi I'm Mark :)

*Hugs Laura*

Hi Mark - waves
*waves back at angel*
I'm not doing very well today. Going to try and take meds in a minute, even it means I have to self harm afterwards. I MUST choose to live

*waves to Angel and Life-hurts*

Just to let everyone here know , Oliver is in Hospital after an OD and they will probably keep him in for a few more days as they are worried about his Liver . He is thinking of us all though.

Don't tell Oliver you prayed for him Angel , When he gets back , He really dislikes it.

No Worries Angel , You didn't know ,nothing to be sorry for . :)

*hugs everyone in here and waves at Angel*

Not doing too well at the moment, just don't want to do much. *sits in the corner*

*puts some treats on the table*

*Hugs Matthew*

gah! my mind is so muddled today. all my thoughts want to go at once...
/whinge

*hugs all*waves at angel*
How is everyone today?

*Hugs Crimson* *Hugs your mind* whats song is your sig from?

*Waves to Angel*

*hugs Mark*
Falling Stars by Butterfly Messiah

*Hugs Crimson* Thanks :)

*Night time Hugs and waves all my wardies*

*hugs Mark good night*
Your welcome! :)
I have no podcasts yet but I am getting set up if anyone's interested :) * http://crimsonscorner.podbean.com/ * I am still trying to figure out copyrighting laws and usage :S but I am working on my little project :)

That's really cool PoisonedApple :)
I hope you are feeling less muddled.

Poor Oliver :(
I hope he hasn't caused permanent damage.

Nom treats. Hope you're okay YodaBear

*Hugs Mrs Pan*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Mark*

*Waves to angel*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Shattered1*

*Hugs Matt*

Hey everyone :)

Just an update since I kind of disappeared from this site, not sure how many will remember me. I haven't SI'ed since the last weekend of September. I'm taking my medications daily and seeing my psychiatrist once every 3 months and things are going great. I'm into the 5th month of a fantastic relationship with my incredible girlfriend, and life has just gotten so much better!

I'm not trying to knock anyone down or sound like I'm bragging - I just want to let you all know there IS a better side. I never would have thought I would feel this good, or actually look forward to waking up each day... but I do. Thanks for all your support through the time I was on here, and as always... if you ever need somebody to talk to or to listen to you... feel free to pm me!

Hugs for everyone who needs them, and lots of special care packages!

Just checking in letting you all know i still around...goes back to curling up in her corner. Waves hi to everyone. Don't know Oliver, but he will be in my thoughts. I hope others are doing okay.

TAZ!!! *tackle hugs* I remember you lol. I hope you remember me otherwise my excitement of seeing another old wardie may seem innapropriate lol. Congrats on not harming since September.. that is so so amazing! I'm glad things have gotten better for you.

*hugs shattered* I'm glad you are still around. around if you need to talk

*hugs oliver* sorry to hear you are struggling so much. always here if you want to talk when you get back.

*hugs ian* how are you?

*hugs crimson* oo i'll check out your podcast once you get it all set up. Its good to have a project sometimes :) sorry your thoughts were muddled earlier, i can relate all to well. Hope things became more clear.

*hugs mark* hope you slept well hun and are staying safe.

*hugs mrs pan* how r u doing?

*hugs matt* sorry to hear you aren't doing well. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

*waves to angel* i hope you managed to say safe, or at least distracted.

*hugs life-hurts* sorry I didnt introduce myself last night, i was not in the best place. I'm Laura. and of course its okay if you hang here for as long as you need. I hope your day got better. And yes choosing to live is a great thing. I know you can do it!

Sorry if I missed anyone. Didn't intentionally. *extra hugs and treats*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Taz*Of Course I remember you :) Thats Fantastic news Hun !!!!!!! SO happy for you :D

*Hugs Shattered1*

*Hugs Laura*

*Curls up*

*Squishes Charlie* Whats up Hun?

*glomps Taz* I'm glad you are doing so good. You really do have to say hi more often though!

*cuddles Oliver* Please be careful, hun. We would miss you if something dreadful happened.

*hugs Laura* I'll let ya know when I make more progress :)

*hugs Ian and Mark and Mrs. Pan and Shattered and everyone else*

*cuddles Charlie* What's up?

*Hugs Crimson* How are you hun?

*hugs all* how are you?

*Hugs Laura* How are you hun?

*hugs mark* went to my T today and told her about the dizziness from the meds. She switched me to Risperidone. Had to let her check the cuts from last night and as a result she wanted me to go inpatient again. I still didn't want to, so now she referred me to a specialist who I'll get to talk to ever 4 weeks and her in between.
how are you?

I'l in a bit of pain , BUT Trying to be bright :)

*cuddles mark* it's dinnertime for me now.

Hey, I finally have my internet up and running again. Feeling really low and suicidal and I can't confide in my psychologist because he is on holiday for 4 weeks. :(

*creeps in*
hi all, I have just got back from hospital, feeling really triggered still and really want to OD again, but am trying to stick to the care plan a psych nurse set up with me while I was in hospital. They don't think I have done any permanent damage to my liver, but I had to be on 3 different drips as the meds level in my blood was really high.

*hugs all who want hugs*
*waves to Angel* don't think we have met, Hi I'm Oliver

*Hugs Oliver* I'm glad you are out of Hospital Mate.

*Hugs Lindsay* Are you all moved now hun ? PM me anytime okay , I'll always listen hun :)

*hugs Laura* I hope the med change helps.

*cuddles Lindsay*

*huggles Oliver* I'm glad you didn't do any serious damage to your liver.

*hugs Mark* I'm less muddled today, which is good since I have to go to my kids' new school for a meeting today. But last night wasn't so good. D said that in August I had to go get my license. Usually I only have driving related panic attacks or the like when I am actually trying to drive in a town... After he said that though... It was not pleasant.

How are you guys all doing?

I'm sorry Crimson Hun :/ *Squishes*

I didnt even know there was an eclipse last night!

It's been cloudy and rainy for the last 3 days here, Angel, so we didn't see it either.

*hugs Mark* I'm better now just wish he got it. He says he understands but its like he thinks I can just get over it so he doesn't understand at all. But then he also is of the belief that I'll be fine and I don't need meds or anything like that. Just because I am highly functioning even at my low points doesn't mean I'm ok and can do everything by myself. /mini-rant

Sometimes I feel better and it feels like I made it all up but then something happens and I'm at that point and I know I am and was definitely ill... anyone else ever feel like that?

*tackle hugs Laura* Yes I remember you :) I remember pretty much everybody that used to be on here regularly! How are you doing?

*hugs Mark* :) Hope you're staying safe and out of trouble! Does April still come on every now and then? How has she been?

*waves to Charlie* Hi! I'm Taz :)

*glomps Crimson* I'm going to try :) It was triggering me for a while, which was why I initially left, had to try and get myself stable before I could expect to help others. But I'm in a much better frame of mind so I'll try to stick around and help out! How have you been? In terms of the driving, is it possible for you to drive around town for little periods of time leading up to the test? Maybe it could help lessen the anxiety? I need to get my full license in under a month - a little nervewracking, but I'm fairly confident in my driving... even given the fact I got into an accident in October ><

*waves to Mute.Scream* Laura, is it? Hi, I'm Taz :)

*hugs Lindsay* (or Lindsey? >< Sorry - I can't remember) Sorry to hear you're feeling suicidal hon. If you need somebody to talk to, go ahead and pm me. Please stay safe! <3

*hugs Oliver* Glad you're out of the hospital and that your liver is still alright. Good job on trying to follow through on the care plan. Is there anything in particular that's triggering you?

*waves at Angel21* I don't think I've caught your name yet - Hi, I'm Taz :) I wasn't even aware there was an eclipse last night! It's too bad - I would have loved to see it :(

*hugs to everyone else wandering in and out of the forum*

Hey Taz I remember you, its really great to hear your doing so well :)