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-   -   Want to remove certain parts of me huge trigger warning for self harm and possibly graphic (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260086)

Koala hugs 22-04-2020 08:23 PM

Want to remove certain parts of me huge trigger warning for self harm and possibly graphic
I want to chop off my boobs I hate n despise them.

Ps I'm not trans but apparently I do have a very severe form of body dysmorphia

tamobhuuta 23-04-2020 10:30 AM

I'm sorry you hate your body so much. Are you receiving any help for the body dysmorphia?

I hope you were able to stay safe last night.

one_step_closer 23-04-2020 12:08 PM

That sounds really distressing. And not practical to do yourself. Do you feel like this often? Are there any safe things that help you work through these feelings?

Koala hugs 23-04-2020 12:59 PM

No not receiving any help with it tamo but my support worker is ringing today so might mention it to her .
Yeah it does happen fairly often to some degree one step. In the end last night I told a couple of friends how I was feeling n one of them came over n we drove around abit n topped my Lecky up n had a ciggy or two . We stuck to social distancing but it was good to see a friendly face. And that did help coz by the time he left I was thinking about all sorts of different things that had nothing to do with it which was good n I had calmed down a bit by then too. Can't really think of anything that helps that I can do alone tho.

one_step_closer 23-04-2020 01:25 PM

Please mention it to your support worker if you think that would be helpful. Do you chat with your friends a lot? Even if you can't get out with them maybe you could try talking to them about how you're feeling and then just have a general chat to take your mind off things. If getting out helps, could you make sure you're doing that once a day?

Koala hugs 23-04-2020 01:49 PM

One step I will mention it to my support work to my support worker . Chat with my friends most days well the ones I'm really close with I do.im not very good about goin out alone feels like everyone is staring at me coz of my size n that. It's something that me n my support worker are goin to work on after carona is over

one_step_closer 23-04-2020 03:01 PM

Do you have a garden or would you be able to just go for a really short walk close to home? Round the block if your houses are in a block? What do you get from going out with your friends? Maybe there are other ways to achieve some of that. I hope it goes well with your support worker.

Koala hugs 23-04-2020 04:19 PM

No garden but a parking bay with a wall I can sit on . I cud do a small circuit round the block that would take ten ish mins or I cud walk to the shop n back which as a round trip probably takes fifteen minutes or cud go to the top of the road n back which only takes five. Only seeing my friend who's s taxi driver he gave me a lift last night to get electric.just conversation with people helps talking about it and then distraction by talking bet everything else but . It went well with support worker she gave me a couple of tasks to do help so that's good

Koala hugs 23-04-2020 04:20 PM

Am sticking to social distancing and only goin out Wen I need to

one_step_closer 24-04-2020 10:48 AM

Did your support worker give you some general tasks? Maybe you could make a list of tasks of your own.

Koala hugs 24-04-2020 07:35 PM

One step closer yeah she gave me two tasks. I will try to do them over the next week

Koala hugs 31-05-2020 08:09 PM

Struggling with this again not bad enough to bother telling anyone in real life but bad enough to make me feel bar about myself/my body. I wish there was a pill i cud take that wud make my boobs dissapeer or nake me not care about having them n their size etc i also wish i cud walk around tshirt n braless n not have to look at the damned things wish i was flat chested. Have thought of a different way to make them smaller,flatter but its potentially dangerous and I'm trying very hard to be good

one_step_closer 31-05-2020 08:21 PM

How is your support going at the moment? Have you learned any ways to change your thinking slightly or take your mind off things for a while? What has been happening that has made you struggle more with this now?

Koala hugs 31-05-2020 08:46 PM

My support is ok . I couldn't get thru to my support worker or cpn on friday but got thru to someone else but that was over something else. Have no new techniques or distraction s . Have just plugged my headphones in hoping some music will help. Im loosing weight which is good but is also making me more aware of my size n my chest.i struggle with this alot anyway but usually i let it grumble away without saying anything. Tonight i pictured a mans chest i saw in a photo n it made me so angry n jelous i wish i could b bare skinned on top half. If i had a chest like a bloke i would be able to do that and it would b so freeing . Im sick of feeling so self conscious about my body.

one_step_closer 01-06-2020 04:14 PM

That sounds so distressing, I'm sorry you're in that place without ways to cope. Are there easier times?

Koala hugs 05-06-2020 08:02 PM

Yeah some times are easier than others its been bad for a while now tho xx

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