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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

Stellata 14-08-2019 09:09 PM

It does seem a long time, but it's not so long really. Do you have crisis numbers in the meantime?

one_step_closer 15-08-2019 01:53 PM

Can you think of anything safe that might help you get through to the 29th?

chinahorse 15-08-2019 04:33 PM

I've just moved so don't know any crisis numbers.

I went to minor injuries this morning and the nurse put me back together. I nearly fainted though which was embarrassing. And I'm extremely sore still from it.

one_step_closer 15-08-2019 06:03 PM

Are national helplines of any use?

I'm glad you went for treatment, I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Did the nurse not want you to speak to a psych person when you were there?

chinahorse 15-08-2019 10:08 PM

No it was a very small minor injuries unit in a community hospital. I don't think they even have psyche.

one_step_closer 16-08-2019 02:18 PM

Oh right. How are things today?

chinahorse 19-08-2019 10:05 PM

My leg is now horrifically infected. Managed to sort some antibiotics for it today. The man is saying that it'd be best if I didn't take them, get sepsis and die.

I'm trying so hard to keep distracting. But everything is getting too much.

Eska 20-08-2019 08:00 AM

It sounds like it would be best if you did take the antibiotics. You're doing so well to keep fighting <3 It doesn't seem like the man is making helpful suggestions at all.

one_step_closer 20-08-2019 02:33 PM

Getting sepsis would be really awful, I don't think anyone could ever say that would be for the best and for it to be the truth. Please keep taking the antibiotics and doing what you can to look after yourself. I'm sorry that the man isn't making it easy for you to see that you are a worthwhile person.

chinahorse 21-08-2019 02:23 AM

The man session the truth. He is punishing me for taking the antibiotics. He is also telling me to hang myself. I got close tonight. There's no way I can live like this. I'm talking to my mum. She knows things are not good. I messaged my friend. She is fed up with me. Binged and purged. Want to cut to appease the man. I have a busy day tomorrow and my body is exhausted. And I cant sleep properly. The messages keep waking me up.

tamobhuuta 21-08-2019 10:06 AM

Gentle hugs,please fight the man, he's not real. You deserve so much more than this.

one_step_closer 21-08-2019 11:01 AM

Why do you feel like the man speaks the truth and must be listened to? There are so many more people who would say the opposite to him and would be more credible. Were you honest with your Mum? Please keep talking to her if it helps. I hope you get through your day ok.

chinahorse 23-08-2019 07:57 AM

My mum doesn't know I'm suicidal.

Because the man speaks the truth. It's as clear as day. The messages make sense and link up. I'm too tired to fight.

one_step_closer 23-08-2019 11:12 AM

Anything can seem to make sense, if you look for connections. Do things that other people say not make sense? Would you speak to your Mum about feeling suicidal? Or is it still helpful to talk to her even if she doesn't know just how hard things are?

Auror. 24-08-2019 10:06 PM

The thing above about reinforcing connections/bias is very true. It's something that I just wrote about on someone else's thread and that my therapist works with me on a lot.

Basically we're much more likely to put a lot of value in the one or few ideas that reinforce our pre-existing beliefs than we are to look for or acknowledge evidence that disproves them.

So you have evidence from the man that things are connected.
Is there any evidence that those things might just be coincidental, or might go against what the man says, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant to you?

How are you doing this weekend?

chinahorse 25-08-2019 10:25 AM

I'm lonely and trying so hard not to burn. The man wants me to burn. Cutting isn't bad enough.

But he is real thus what he says is true. I can't look for reasons not to believe him because then people are at risk. Why should I put people at risk?

I just want to be happier or less sad. I just want to live without wanting to die.

I am trying hard. I managed to make scrambled egg this morning. And have laundry on and put laundry away. And I even cooked a big chile con carne for the week and to give to mum and her partner. They are away for the weekend so I want them to have a dinner to get in to on monday. But I don't know what to do for the rest of the day. And I feel guilty for spending money yesterday that I don't have.

nonperson 25-08-2019 11:16 AM

A lot of things real people say aren't true though! So just because he's real doesn't mean he IS speaking the truth.

You shouldn't put yourself at risk either though.

I can tell you're trying so hard and you're doing so well with that. Things will get better.

chinahorse 25-08-2019 11:46 AM

He has made bertie hate me. Bertie was always the only one that always loved me.

nonperson 25-08-2019 11:51 AM

Bertie still loves you, that won't ever change!

tamobhuuta 25-08-2019 12:16 PM

When I'm unwell I hear the Man. He sounds quite similar to your man. I believed he was real and that he was telling me the truth. But now I'm feeling better I can see that he was wrong and not real. I believe the same can happen for you.

Auror. 25-08-2019 12:57 PM


Originally Posted by nonperson (Post 4235017)
A lot of things real people say aren't true though! So just because he's real doesn't mean he IS speaking the truth.

That was kind of the point I was trying to make. I understand you believe he is real, and I'm not doubting that. I'm just wondering if there is any evidence to suggest that the things he says could be not true. I'm not saying you have to believe that evidence, only just to ask if any exists.

Animals have their own minds and they don't work the same way as humans. Cats do have likes and dislikes, but in general hate isn't a concept they understand. What makes you think Bertie hates you?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 09:05 AM

I need someone to make a call for me
Don't know if minor injuries is open.
Can't call
The watchmen will see. They will intercept. And say no. And I do want help.

nonperson 26-08-2019 10:33 AM

Can you Google the opening hours?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 10:36 AM

I did. I calmed down

It's not open.
Waiting for bus to big hospital.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 10:36 AM

Where they will laugh at my patheticness

nonperson 26-08-2019 10:39 AM

They won't laugh at you. You're not pathetic, you're just trying to cope, I'm sure they will see that.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 10:45 AM

Hopefully. Hopefully it'll be better than plymouth. And I won't have to wait for 8 hours.

The man is trying to make me get off the bus. He says I haven't cut enough not to endanger people. I'm trying not to listen.

nonperson 26-08-2019 10:46 AM

By cutting more you'll endanger yourself more and you don't deserve that. Can you listen to music or something to block him out a bit? You're doing the right thing. Stay strong!

chinahorse 26-08-2019 10:51 AM

I couldnt find my ipod and my phone is too crap for music.
If I get off the bus it's a waste of over 6 quid. That's what I keep telling myself.
And I promised a friend I'd go to hospital when I could if it wasn't the middle of the night.
The bus driver is singing show tunes.

nonperson 26-08-2019 11:49 AM

He must be in a jolly mood.

Not wasting money and breaking your promise are two very good reasons to stay on the bus. Hope you made it there by now?

EyelinerAndCigarettes 26-08-2019 11:51 AM

Well done for getting the bus, are you there safely?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 11:54 AM

I have just booked in. Think it will be a long wait. Am scared now.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 12:05 PM

Well the triage nurse was horrible. She didn't look at the wound and didn't take obs. Wanted to know if I wanted to see psyche which I said no and then told me it'd be a 3 hour wait if I wanted to stay. Also wanted to look through my bag which I said no Tom

chinahorse 26-08-2019 12:07 PM

Ishould go. It's hard to stay when people are horrible.

nonperson 26-08-2019 12:12 PM

She's only being horrible because she doesn't understand. I hope you decide to stay. It would be a waste if you left now.

one_step_closer 26-08-2019 12:44 PM

We want you to stay, we care about you. I know it's not nice to be treated horribly but as NP said she likely doesn't understand, and she doesn't know you either. You can do this.

tamobhuuta 26-08-2019 12:53 PM

Sorry the triage nurse was like that. Do stay to get the cut seen to.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 01:03 PM

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. It's hard. I'm not worth the bother. I'm also worried where I get the bus from to go home and what time. There's literally no one I could call to give me a lift as both my parents are away.

one_step_closer 26-08-2019 01:10 PM

It's not a bother, they are supposed to be there to help and you deserve to be treated. Maybe try not to worry about getting home right now and see what can be done when it comes to that time. There will be people you can ask about buses etc at the time. How are you doing?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 01:14 PM

The man says I should leave. Evil bad person me.

one_step_closer 26-08-2019 01:19 PM

Please don't listen to him, he is just being cruel. You aren't an evil bad person, you are a person and you deserve to be looked after when needed.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 01:52 PM

I'm still waiting to be seen.

one_step_closer 26-08-2019 03:53 PM

Are you any further forward yet Lillie?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 04:31 PM

It's taken him 2 and a half hours and now he wants me to see psyche.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 05:03 PM

Psyche disnt want to see me.

Fire Fly 26-08-2019 05:04 PM

Hey lovely, have the sorted the wound? Listen, this is a new psych liaison service. Be honest and treat this as a fresh assessment after all this is brand new team who maybe able to offer you different support and support you weren’t getting before.

Lillie, you deserve so much support and care. You are so resilient and need people to support you. Right now, I’m honestly would you consider as much as you would hate it but being a new team would you consider an admission? Let them assess to see what kind of support would help you?

Fire Fly 26-08-2019 05:04 PM

Did they say why?

chinahorse 26-08-2019 05:16 PM

No. Just said I could go.

chinahorse 26-08-2019 05:27 PM

Even when I go and seek out help I don't get it.

one_step_closer 26-08-2019 06:09 PM

I'm sorry they didn't listen to you. Have you left yet? You maybe could have insisted on seeing psych, it's not fair for them to turn you away if you need support.

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