slowly giving up on life :( not feeling all that great fed up

I just want to disappear. The pain is more than I can cope with. Think it's time to crash out in a corner and make myself invisible.

*hugs all in here*

I need to hide here for a lil while... its getting very rough and bad... trying to hold on but its difficult

*safe hugs to all*

My easter weekend looking after my nanna has almost killed me, but now I am sitting here with my arm in a brace just wanting out of this life.

*crawls into a blanket fort*

*hugs Kahlia*

I am going to hide in here for right now... things arent going well even with the new meds

I feel bloody awful! Struggling to cope

Really depressed and anxious right now. Heading in for surgery in the morning and am hoping like hell the surgeon gets it right this time...

*curls up in a corner*

Feeling really bad right now. I'm not safe at home because of the cameras and poisoned water and im not safe in the community because the curse is hurting people.

I don't know where to turn or what to do. Help!

I am disappointed in myself because I know that very soon I will cave in to the urges it's disappointment for the future.

Matt: *hugs* I hope things are improving

Cazki: *safe hugs* How are things going?

Kate: It sounds like things are really difficult right now. Do you have a safe person you can talk to or a safe place you can go?

Nebula: I can understand why you feel disappointed in yourself but beating yourself up over something that hasn't happened yet won't help. Maybe you can look instead at how long you go/went without giving in - if it was an hour, a day, a week doesn't matter. You have managed to fight off the urges for that time and every little bit counts. Sorry, I realise that's not what you probably wanted to hear but it's something we all need to remember as it is so easy to only see the negatives. *safe hugs if okay"

I'm getting closer to being able to remove the restrictive brace and getting my arm back. The last few weeks have been hard for both me and my husband. Because it is my dominant arm that cannot move my poor husband has been forced to do pretty much everything that has to be done. I have nurses attending three times a week to shower and dress me. To be perfectly honest the inability to do even the simplest tasks has left me feeling depressed and frustrated. So my suicidal side has returned strongly and my suicide plans are becoming more detailed. I'm just going to curl up in a blanket fort until either my mood improves or I'm dead *disappears into blanket fort*

*hides in here so that they wont take me to the real psych ward*

think i'll be here for a while

I am going to sit in here for a lil while until I get it through my head that I am tired of being betrayed and lied to... which causes me to lose control some and end up unsafe and doing bad things.

Matt: *very safe hugs*

Needing to disappear for a while

Need.to.hide.in.here.... damn it trying so hard to resist but whats the point its in my head anyway.... falling falling falling :-(

*sighs* hey everyone
'm back
i was stupid the other day
so i thought i should check in,
see you in the morning unless i'm sleeping. and then i'll see u after i sleep.

The world is black and the only way that I can see out of it I can't take because I don't want my husband to be faced with my no longer being here. Just going to disappear and hide

*Glomps Kahlia Tight*

Julie: thanx

Mark: thanks big brother

Really not doing so well right now. Suicidal as hell and in massive amounts of pain. I don't think I can take much more. I don't even know that I want to live. Fighting to stay alive is more than I can handle right now. It might just be better if I gave in now...