PsychoKitty2010 |
18-12-2010 01:36 AM |
Quote:
hmmm where to start... I didn't think your gma was ad I just wanted that portion of your post in the proper order in my head lol sometimes stuff comes out differently than I want it to or makes less sense outside my head :) seems this time two subjects got stuck together... I'm glad you were honest with your gma and can talk to her *hugs*
as for the other portion, I was figuring that the girl causing you to dissociate my have her own motivations or emotions in regards to causing you to si or dissociate in general. wondered if maybe communication might help some. Does that make more sense?
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-hugs back- I have realized something that scares me shitless. I am just like my biological mom, and other relatives, only worse. I was lucky (sarcasm) to be blessed with (sarcasm again) schizophrenia. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, but I have no realized that diagnosis is wrong. I wrote a poem the other day about it...about the girl. That's when it made sense to me. If you would like to read it, I posted it in the creative corner, but I will warn you, it is really triggering. So keep that in mind.
The girl has gone stronger, as I mentioned in the poem, recently. Now she is with me 24 hours a day. She just sits there with an evil smile on her face and whispers things in my ears and no matter if I'm watching movies or listening to music, her words seep into my brain. She tells me to do bad things...bad, bad things. I need to talk to my doctor about it, but I hate him. I want to go see my psychologist again, I like her better. But I can't go see her again unless I go in for learning disability testing, because that's her job through the uni, is to give LD testing. I don't know...don't know. The girl is driving me mad. She is pure evil. She has taken the form of me as a little girl. She knows I have chronic post traumatic stress disorder, and likes to use flashbacks and panic attacks against me, so I will do what she wants. She is not imaginary...she is real...-sighs-
-turns on the tv and dvd player and puts in the movie A Beautiful Mind and sits on the big comfy couch with her infinite pillows and fuzzy blankies, and her dolphin that she got from her brother before he passed away 15 years ago- Anyone is welcome to join me.
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