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FlyingNy 19-09-2010 05:27 PM

*Hugs all*

April, I know how you feel. No one IRL has any idea. They see a cheerful, sarcastic girl with a good sense of humour and a laid back approach. These are the things that no one knows.

I've been a self harmer on and off for three years.

I feel ucomfortable typing this with the door open, so shall go and shut it.

I'm still a harmer.

I carry a bottle of 82 pills with me and blade at all times, just in case.

Someone told me I was the happiest person they had ever met and I almost cried.

I tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago.

I cry when no one's watching.

I take comfort in the people that live inside my head, even though I know they aren't real.

There's only one person who has ever made me feel like I'm good enough.

I feel so worthless I often want to die just to be free from myself.

I am good for nothing.

I push people out but sometimes wish they'd push back.

I believe in God because sometimes my faith is all I have.

I laugh so I won't cry.

I have a past that I can't talk about.

I feel so pathetic for letting it get to me so.

I'm scared of the ice queen becoming me.

If I told anyone all of that, they would laugh in my face. They'd think I was joking. They have no idea. Here though, I feel safe admitting 'me'. That's who I am, the person above. The one I keep hidden. But I'm also the one I display to the rest of the world. I'm the happy person- sometimes.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 05:35 PM

big bear hugs lia, wish i could do more. cuddle everbody else.
im so scared right now, please make monday go away please. curls up in a tight ball and trys to stop shaking. =[

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 05:40 PM

*Hugs Jill* What's going on Monday?

Doikers 19-09-2010 05:48 PM

*Hugs Lia* You're NOT worthless Lia , far from it.
I too carry a blade with me in my wallet "just in Case"
What really worries me is that you attempted to kill yourself recently , Have you talked to anyone IRL ? A Dr or nurse? Maybe even phone the Samaritans they will always talk to you .
Here if you need :)

Scarletdreamer 19-09-2010 05:54 PM

Lia, sweetie, I'm concerned for you. I wish that you would've come on here to talk with us or called someone instead of attempting... we're here for you, love. Always. I think that people think I am a happy person as well, so I know how you feel. Heh. Things will be okay... I just don't know how long that they will take to GET to being okay. But you will successfully make it through this - you've got to believe that, and I've got to believe that, because you're a likeable person and I/we would HATE to have something happen to you. :( I know it seems selfish of us at times to want you to keep living when all you want to do is die (at times at least)... but, well, maybe you'll be able to see it from our point of view someday. *hugs gently* I will continue to be concerned about you though... :-S Wish that I could be there for you whenever you needed to talk (whether or not you realize it :P), like a genie in a bottle. Hehe. :)

Mark, how are you doing now? Still feeling kind of blah and ick? *cuddles*

Jill, what's Monday?? Worried about you, too... *hugs*

Jarrod and I had a nice morning and for a little while I was feeling able to take on the world... now, though, it's more like... I don't know, really tired and meh. :( *sigh*

*hides in the warren where no one can find her* :-S

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 05:54 PM

No I haven't, and dw about it, it was a rubbish attempt. I only took about 4 pills before I gave myself a kick up the arse.

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 05:56 PM

Oh and April, I hope you feel better soon *hugs* same goes for you, we're here for you if you want to talk and feel free to click on the PM button.

Doikers 19-09-2010 06:00 PM

*Hugs April* I spent from 1pm to 4.20pm ish in bed only getting up to change the CD . I feel low and numb :(

*Hugs Lia* Please come on here or reach out in any other way you can think of if you feel like you are going to attempt again Lia , like April said we would all be SO upset were anything to happen to you :S

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 06:15 PM

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're feeling low. You can talk to us if you feel it would help or if you get any urges. Please try to resist if you do.

Thanks guys. I know I can trust you lot on here, it's just that if everyone has their own problems, I don't want to burden them with mine too.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 06:24 PM

erm monday is when i find out the conquese of my stuiped mistake. im so scared as i think its going to be really bad. why im i such a screw up? and why do i keep doing this to myself. im so close to the edge, hanging on by my fingertips. =[

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 06:33 PM

I'm sorry Jill I hope it all goes ok for you. You're not a screw up, everyone makes mistakes and it might not have even been your fault. I don't know what it was, so I can't say for sure, but you're not a bad person. Please do keep hanging onto that edge. We're all here to help you.

Doikers 19-09-2010 06:42 PM

*Hugs Lia* Thankyou Lia :) I'm going to try really hard to not injure today.

Also , You won't be burdening us by telling us your problems , we are here and we want to help if we can :)

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 07:09 PM

hugs mark:please stay safe
hugs april: try not to worry about me okay
hugs lia. erm part of me doesnt want to hang on. part of me wants to fall.cant handle much more. =[

SoMuchMore 19-09-2010 07:35 PM

*hugs lia, april, mark, jill, lindsay, oliver, and everyone else*

*fades away*

Doikers 19-09-2010 07:47 PM

*Hugs Laura*

SoMuchMore 19-09-2010 07:56 PM

Thanks Mark *hugs back* i really need hugs today. I've got to pull it together for my interview and work this afternoon.

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 07:58 PM

*Hugs Laura* Good luck with work and the interview.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry I can't make it any better, but it won't feel like this for ever. You have to cling to that.

Doikers 19-09-2010 08:01 PM

*Hugs Laura Loads* Best of luck with work and your interview :)

FlyingNy 19-09-2010 08:19 PM

Thanks Mark, I know I can come here, I just don't feel right giving out my own problems when what you all need is support, not more on your plate.

shadowedsoul 19-09-2010 08:25 PM

thanks lia, i hope your right. curls up and shuts eyes hoping thses stuiped thouhts will go away.

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