*explodes* trig SI SUI
 

I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to type. I feel like I'm slowly going mad. There's all this stuff just fizzing inside me and I just want to scream and shout and kick and fu*king hurt.

I'm fed-up of being disappointed with life. I'm fed up of what's around me. I'm bored. I'm filled with rage. Everbody thinks I'm this little girl who struggles with life but is beginning to see how they all manage. That I'm some pathetic freak who can't even deal with the most obvious of stuff. That they're smarter, funnier, superior.

Why can't they just fu*king see that they're not. That it's more that this is who I have to be. This is how I please. This is not me.

I need to cut so badly. I've been thinking about it non-stop for as long as I can remember. It and all the sick things that go with it. All I want to do is tear myself apart. One way or another.

I've just had enough. I don't see how this sh*t will ever end.I don't see a happy future for myself. I don't see anything that will ever make me want to be here. And I've no idea what to do.

try and take a step back, and just calm down. Don't do anything that you'll regret. I know that's easier said than done.

I'm really sorry that you're struggling right now, but you CAN get through it.....it might just take some time.

Please stay safe. PM me if you need anything. Distractions whatever

Claire x

But even if I don't sh now, what's actually going to change? I'm going to go back to uni, back to my parents thinking that I love them. Back to the real world with nothing I want.

I don't know how to calm down. Everything I do at the moment I do wrong or badly or I just ruin. Everything I touch is infected with repulsion. I have no right to think about anything.

I don't deserve the air I'm surrounded by. How do the wicked peole smile so much? How do they manage? AAAAAHHHHHHH - STOP THINKING.

ok. First things first, you do deserve the air, you deserve a lot more good than you're getting at the moment too.
If you don't SI now then you'll know that you can go without, and that's the first step towards getting better......It's the hardest thing in the world to do. Trust me on that one, but if you can then the feeling will be amazing.

You sound like you're in a really bad place at the moment, and that's clouding what you think and what you really want.

I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but I'm sure that they've sensed that something is wrong, and the same with people at uni. All anyone wants to do is help you. If you feel that you can't accept that help, or that your relationship with your parents isn't right then maybe that is causing you to feel worse. All you can do is talk about how you are feeling. Preferably with them, but if that isn't possible, stay on here and chat, we can try and sort out what's going on for you.

if you really are feeling unsafe, get to A&E or to a walk in centre and tell them what's going on, it's drastic but sometimes it's the only thing that will work. Again, I know that's easier said than done.

Remember the last thing anyone wants is for you to hurt yourself

Claire x

Hi, I spent til all hours on the internet, playing my keyboard and watching tv. But didn't cut. Doesn't feel that amazing!

Thankyou - it makes a big difference knowing that someone's listening. The same feelings are there though. They're just going to intensify tonight again when I'm back at uni and prob don't have the internet, and then what am I going to do?!?

I'm sure everything'll work out one way or another. It kind of has to!

And I hope you're ok too. Thanks for listening. Happy snow day (I'm sending you some from here!)

sSx

Im really sorry that your having such a difficult time. We are all here for you at this difficult time. We will do ourvery best to support you for as long as you need it. Please please keep yourself safe. I dont want you to hurt any more than what you already are.

We all care about you somuch we really do. Please dont give up you can get through this. I know that your going through an incredibly difficult time. But you can get through this. Please dont blame yourself for any of this none of this is your fault at all.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxxxx