Feeling safe vs staying safe
 

Hi all. I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon and told him everything except the self harm. When they asked outright about SH i just stayed quiet. I didn't want the doctor or CPN to tell my parents that I cut on Monday. I thought keeping hold of my blade was more important than being honest. But just now I told my mum I had cut and gave her the blade. There will be other blades and now i don't have to worry about my CPN communicating with my mum.

My sister is an angel, she helped me dress the cut. She thinks my CPN needs to know. What do you guys think?

If your family know then it might end up getting to your CPN, right? I think it would be best if it came from you. Why are you reluctant to tell him?

I thought saying it would be attention seeking. I told my mum because I didn't want her to find out another way. But I have told my CPN and he was cool with it.

I think it's important to be honest with things like that. I'm glad your CPN was ok about it. How are you feeling now?

Confused. I used my therapy skills so I know what my ex-therapist would suggest but I am too scared to give up the things the voices said would block the mind reading.

I understand your fear, but other people have always been more supportive with you than the voices. It's good that you have been thinking about giving up those things, maybe you could do it slowly and with some support.

This is too much. What if my parents are forced to poison me via food or meds? My fears are poisoning, hidden cameras and mind reading. I am distracting but I'm not doing very well at challenging.

Maybe we can help with the challenging. Why might your parents be forced to poison you?

Ages ago the voices were telling me there was an Organisation watching me, trying to control me and I stopped believing that for a while but now it's back. They are very powerful, they could threaten my family to get them to harm me.

Try to remember that your parents love you and wouldn't ever do anything to cause you harm, even if they were threatened.

What made you stop believing it before? Can you think of any reasons why the voices would be right?

It changed when they sorted my meds. Not sure what that means. This is all real so why should I take meds? The psych increased the clozapine yesterday so I will start the higher dose next week. Why would the voices lie to me?

Is it real though? I don't think the voices should be trusted - they're never telling you anything good and only want to cause you harm and distress. Do you trust your psych?

I have trusted him in the past.....

And that was ok, wasn't it? I think you should trust him now and keep taking your meds.

Are you still managing alright with distractions?

I'm going to watch my favourite tv programme with my mum and sister, to calm down before bed.

That sounds like a really nice thing to do before bed. Hope it works.

Sometimes if challenging thoughts, voices, or behaviors is too hard, it might be better to try to look at them in less negative and more neutral ways. Is there a way to just remove the judgement? Sometimes that helps break them down and help you look at them slightly differently to make it easier to challenge later on.

I'm not entirely sure how that might work with your situation, but I guess maybe trying to see it as less who is right/wrong or lying/telling the truth look at it in a way that suggests that they are all suggesting things that they perceive to be true and they think are in your best interest. Like, thanks voices for telling me what you perceive this situation to be. I will consider that point of view. Same with your parents or psych, etc.. Thus then the choice is up to you to decide which one might really be in your best interest?

That might be a bit too abstract to make much sense.

No, that makes sense, I will try it.

Last night was awful. The Man was going on and on about cutting my neck. He said it was the only way to be sure about the implant.

My mum helped me use my therapy skills but I still believe the voices 99%