Great. Just great. My sister is going to ruin the holidays this year. Totally ruin them. Specially since xmas is being held at her house this year.

-sighs and curls up in the corner-

Hows she going to ruin them Kitty?

Not tired anymore, had to wait for the bathroom to be free, I got distracted by tv and now I'm not all that sleepy

Shes drinking again. Shes going to be drunk for xmas and shes hosting it..

Oh dear :( I hope you'll be okay hun

I cant handle her when she's drunk. So many bad scary memories. She has been drinking heavily for 15 years. She just got out of rehab at the beginning of this month (she's been in rehab like 5+ times).

I don't even remember her being sober ever... -rocks back and forth-

Oh no, that must be horrible darling, and I hate to leave you alone but I have to be up early my lovely. You stay safe darling, please. You're amazing *snuggles* x

-snuggles- night night

-gathers up a bunch of pillows and fuzzy blankies and squeezes them and rocks back and forth with them trying to calm down-

*hugs to everybody*
It's been a while, and I have destructed.
Have been IP for 2 weeks. No end in sight. Hope lost. Going mad. This is the insanity apocalypse.
Help.
:'(
*sniffle*

-hugs callie- hi I'm kitty. I'm sorry to hear that you are in hospital. :( What's going on?

hillo felicia -hugs- how you be?

I'm alright I guess. I have a headache and don't feel good.

Awe I sorry. -hands medicine to make headache go away and feel better- It sucks to be sick around the holidays. Makes things even more stressful. :( -hugs-

*hugs everyone* i feel so bad about being so distant here. its hard to be online when i'm at my parents house.

-hugs and snuggles laura-

hey mark how you be? -hugs-

*Hugs Willow*
*Hugs Lia*
*Hugs Heather*
*Hugs Kitty*
*Hugs Sarah*
*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry your Sad , I hope that parcel arrives today .
*Hugs Ian*
*Hugs Callie*
*Hugs Felicia*
*Hugs Laura*

I'm Just up Kitty , yet to drink coffee , But the Post came at like just after 9 am this morning ! How are you?

I have to restart computer , BRB :)

CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII E *big major squishy hugs* Have often thought about you & wondered how you've been doing. I'm sorry you're struggling so much love but perhaps IP is the best place to help you right now?

Laura, don't feel so bad. A lot of people are/will be going to family's and majority of us probably won't be online on Christmas Day or pop in very quickly. I know once I've gone to sleep, I won't be back on til Boxing Day sometime.

*hugs ward* Got a doctor's appointment yay. Just hope I can get everything discussed :S

-hugs helen-

I'm an emotional wreck. My sister is killin me with her choices. I know it's only a matter of time and she won't be around anymore. Everyone in the family knows it won't be long until she dies. But there's nothing any one of us can do. It'll be one of two things that causes her death. I won't list them because they could be triggering and I just...I can't handle it. I have already lost 2 siblings. I can't handle losing a 3rd. I really can't. I hit rock bottom after I found out about her returning to her bad choices. I realized xmas is going to be shot this year. My husband went to tickle me and I totally freaked out. I curled up into a ball and covered my head and squeezed my eyes shut and screamed. I have never freaked out that bad before. It's just all getting to me and I just can't handle it.

And I think I am pregnant. I still have to wait 2 weeks before I find out for sure but I am showing signs. -sighs- If I am pregnant, I won't be able to die. I already lost one baby...I couldn't stand losing another one. I kind of hope I am pregnant, but at the same time, I hope I'm not, because...I...I just don't want to live through losing another sibling!

-curls up on the bathroom floor with pillows and fuzzies-

*Hugs Helen* I hope you have a decent Dr's appointment :)

I too think from friday up until the 28th I'll be sporadically on here too , I think most of us will .

Right...well it got quiet again. Mark you are the only one I still see on so I hope today goes well for you and that you are ok. -hugs- I'm all sorts of pissed off and emotional right now but I took my sleeping pill and am going to go to bed. Night all -hugs ward-

Oh and anyone feel free to PM me if you need/want to.

Well doctors went okay. Got 2 out of 3 things discussed =/

*hugs wardies*

*Hugs Kitty goodnight*

*Waves to Owen*

*Hugs Helen* 2 out of 3 is pretty good :)

I was just walking in town and ran into my befriender Becky she had some free time so we went for coffee and chatted then chatted at her office :) She's nice and I'm feeling upbeat from my walk and running into Becky :)

I just want to die :(

*Hugs everyone*

Glad you're feeling alright at the moment Mark :)

What you excited about Helen?

*Waves to Owen* How are you?

Hope you sleep alright Kitty and that you feel a little better when you wake up.

How are you Laura?

Hello Callie. I don't know if we've met, I'm Lia. Sorry you're not doing too great right now, but Helen's right, you might be in the best place.

What's the matter Lindsey? I certainly don't want you to die and neither does anyone here.

Oh, and sorry for this triple post, but I had another nightmare last night, only this time, it wasn't so horrible.

I was in my local town and it was the middle of the night, there were other people around, people from my school I think, but it wasn't busy and I couldn't see anyone. Voldermort was out there somewhere and he was stalking me, as I was, in fact, Harry Potter. I had somewhere to get to, but I can't remember where and I bumped into someone from my year. I cant' remember who it was now, but I hardly speak to them in real life, but we started running together, and then Lupin hadn't taken his potion and he was a wearwolf and chasing us too. I was scared, but it was a rather more plesant dream than the one I had the other night.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you feel so wretched *EXTRA squishey hugs*

*hugs Mark* It sure is. Aw that's really good about seeing Becky :) Glad you're feeling upbeat Mark.

*hugs Lindsay tightly* I'm sorry you feeling so bad. But you can get through this *hugs*

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!! Esepically now I know my bestie got my parcels today & sent mine to me. YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! Plus one of my sisters is coming in two days time. You won't have met Callie as she's one of the 'originals' but she's awesome =)

*agrees 100%*

That sounds scary :( *hugs* I hate nightmares :(

Also I'm waiting in for our heating to be fixed =/ The raditor in the hall had already broken this weekend by leaking. So it got turned off whilst we were waiting. However the whole bloody thing has broke itself. GRR!!! Hope he hurries up, I do have to leave for work in less than 3 hours & he's meant to come between 11.30-4.00 (or something like that)

*hugs everyone* I'm just so sick of feeling bad all of the time. I can't cope with life, I don't have it in me.

Lia, i'm sorry you've been having nightmares. Sometimes it helps to write them down and then destroy what you have written.

Helen, I hope the repair man comes soon.

It WILL get better Lindsay You just have to hang on in there , is there anyone from your CMHT or other support network you can make an appointment to see ? *Hugs*

*Hugs Helen* I hope you heating guy comes soon too .

Lindsay, you won't always feel this bad. I know you're sick of struggling & I don't blame you.

Mark, thank you (and to Lindsay too). Although if I remember rightly, he was supposed to come in October & never came or apologised. But the problem fixed itself thankfully on that occasion. However we really do need heat. I have two blankets & a heater on, still cold grr =[

Mark, I could phone the voluntary crisis team but I can't let them come out to see me because my brother is at home and he'd guess that things are difficult for me right now. I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow though.

It's good that you are meeting up with your psychologist tomorrow , Can tell her how you feel ? *Hugs*

I'm all bathed and ready for a relaxing evening , Cold though so I put my heating on then got in the bath, Stood out of the bath and the cold air hit the wet me , BBBrrrrr .
I discovered that Antabuse has Geletine in it so HAD to stop taking it being a very strict Vegetarian , I'm hoping I can cope without it , it's been a saftey blanket .

*hugs everyone* I don't know where the memory part of my brain is.

If I make it through the holidays, it will be a miracle. I'm just sayin.
On a good note, I kicked ass at uni this semester. Seriously... hardest semester of my life= good grades. But I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, because what's the point if I'm never gonna see myself get my degree?
*sigh* idk. you can ignore me.
And my grandma just came in my room to accuse me of stealing a part of someone's gift. wtf.

Oh *Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry about your Grandma :S But YEY! For good grades :D Way to go you!!! I'm sure you'll get your degree hun , you are SO smart :)

I'm actually not that smart, dear.
But if you think I am, feel free to go talk to the professor of Brit Lit 3, and tell her I deserve to make a good grade in the class this spring. I've already failed it once =/

Well you're certainly smarter than me , I never was one for booklearnin' , or anything practical for that manner *Sigh* I still think you're smart :) *Marches up to your professor*

*Spots and Hugs Crimson* How are you Crimson? Thanks again for all the Information :)

Sarah!!! I spots you *Hugs* How are you hun?

Ugh, turns out my endoscopy to test for IBS/stomach issues is on New Years Eve... ¬_¬ Just hoping they can do it without general anasthetic :/

*Hugs Sarah* Good luck with that hun .

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H57PIqu6o7g&feature=player_embedded"]YouTube - �HD】The Grinch - Where Are You Christmas? -[/ame]

*hugs everyone and hides mumbling about so much to do, so little time*

Hey all. I've not actually even been at home for the past 4 and a half hours, I just left my laptop on because I thought I'd be out 10 minutes.

Oh Lia , everything okay? *Hugs*

OOhhh Good video Crimson :) We don't ready "Do" Dr Seuss over here like you guys do , but cool none the less , Saying that I do have A T-shirt with the Cate in the Hat on , but I've not , to my recollation read any of his books .

Everything's fine. I went to the shop to get a 'to my husband card' (don't even ask) and then thought 'you know what, I'm going to give Jodie her Christmas present' as it was in my bag, but she lives 3 miles away and I had to walk and then I got lost, then I stayed at hers for a bit and her mum gave me a lift home. Longest shop trip ever.

Hurray for making my boss's day. I put a tin of cookies in her inbox this morning.
*hugs Mark* When I was reading the stuff I missed and saw you wondering about Christmas cheer, I thought of the movie with Taylor Mumsen playing Cindy-loo (the little girl in the beginning of the video). I personally think the song is better when it's sung by her than it is by Faith Hill (even if it was done by Faith) but I couldn't find any on YouTube that had that :) I never got into Dr Seuss as a kid but one of the wall decorations in my office that doesn't change is this poem. lol

Ha! Thats very funny Crimson :)

Wow Lia , it sounds like you had quite the afternoon! :P