Taken my evening meds and am hoping to fall asleep soon. Will go to A&E in the morning if things havent changed.

oooooooft..so...so...tired...*collapses again*

Keep seeing myself dieing in differant ways (unintentional thoughts) its pissing me off and dont know what to do. havent seen any friends for a week now (excluding work).
My best friend (if he still consideres me one) i havent seen for two weeks and I dont think he knows i need to talk with him. RAGH. sorry for taking up space.
I will go sit on the stairs now.

I get that....its awful *feeble hugs*

wow, I'm not online for a couple of days, real physical people round mine kicking me up the backside to stop being depressed.....didn't do the job, if only it was that easy.

Anyhoo, quite a few more inmates (or whatever we're called in here?!) that I've not met before, so hello all!! *snuggles you gently*

So much seems to have happened in a short space of time, when all I did was the food shopping....don't know what I do with my days....anyhoo, hope people aren't struggling too much today and I hope that tomorrow is a bit easier for us all. *snuggles everyone!!!*

*gives out some pillows*
I need to try to sleep have to be up at half 4 :(
Will still be here mentaly.
Stay safe everyone.

*takes a pillow and cries into it*

night night 1ofmany.
Alexx, what's up why are you crying?
Oh and I meant to say, i saw someone (can't remember who now) commented that they always read I got lei'd in vets as i got LAID in vets, I thought that was the whole cheeky idea? or have I just got a dirty sexually fustrated mind? what is lei'd then?!!!
Right, time for a fag.....back in a mo.....
*goes in search of smoking shelter outside psych ward*

That'd be meeee :P haha.
I dunno...I dont know WHAT it means but thats how I always read it...

Its gonna sound silly...but I'm so tired....I can barely move.
I dont sleep well...Im full of aches, my head is pounding...It tires me out just walking up the stairs...I feel sick...
Basiclly Im in DESPERATE need of sleep...but I cant get it..
I'd rather be dead than feel this and I'm worried I'm gonna collapse again :(
I keep putting off going to the doctor because he'll send me away and tell me to "relax"

Also...I was just thinking about something my dad did a while ago...and it upset me :/

oh thats horrible....I mean to be thinking of something that upsets you when you're already feeling lousy and in desperate need of sleep.
You should go to your GP though if insomnia has lasted longer than a week, also if you've got muscle aches and collapsing you could have more than just lack of sleep from an overactive mind. If your GP doesn't take you seriously and just tells you to relax get a new GP. I don't want to worry you and give you more to think about and keep you awake, but I've got M.E (also known as Chronic fatigue Syndrome) and it completely messes up your body clock, I go through periods of insomnia, then of sleeping too much, other times being nocturnal. The muscle pain is excrutiating sometimes, I've crawled or dragged myslef around as I cannot support myself, I've collapsed. There are numerous other symptoms that i won't bore you all with here, but if you want more info PM me. I completely understand what you mean about wanting to be dead rather than feeling that way, when i first got ill and the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me, I'd lost all hope. I was too ill to even SI so had no comfort or coping mechanisms. When my mum asked me one day if she could get me anything, i was like "yes, a gun". Please please, if you're feeling that bad, see your doctor. *snuggles you tightly* I really hope that its just insomnia though cos you've things on your mind. I wouldn't wish M.E on my enimies.......well maybe just one or two people....

thanks hun...I might PM you tomorrow..if you're online...coz right now...I barely have the energy to type...so Im gonna go curl up in a dark corner..pretend Im gonna eventually fall asleep..
Love you all
xxxx

yeah cool, I'm having to concentrate really hard atm too, I took my meds and should be in bed now but didn't want to settle down for the night if you still needed me. not sure when I'll be online tomorrow, but if you PM me, I'll get back to you when i get the chance. Lets hope you get some much needed sleep.
Night night everyone. xx

OMG

I'm checking out of the psych ward in a couple of hours for 2 weeks & won't be back until Weds 30th July. I am going to miss you guys SOOOOOOOO much.

*leaves a big box of two week's worth of hugs, cuddles, pillows, everything I usually give*

I'm gonna miss you all so so so so so much.

Happy Birthday Emma =D

I'm nt going offline yet so may post in here again :P

You are going to have so much fun! Take a zillion photos, have loads of fun and come back tanned and joyful :)

I CANT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't forget to do what you promised me ;) Emma is okay with it aswell :D

Were going to miss you more :P hehe expecially me and i'm gonna miss our late night chats on msn for 2 weeks lol, *sending you tons of hugs*

Happy Birthday Em :)

--

I've gotta see my doctor in the morning, i really don't wanna go but i haven't really got a choice as i keep getting really bad stabbing pains in my tummy and there getting a lot worse and i bet she's gonna send me to hospital for tests or something, she better not cause if she does i won't go, even tho i should so i know what's wrong but do i really wanna know if there is anything wrong umm no i don't :( xxx

i will check up on both of them :) Em and em, you should both pm me every day!!!! yes. *nods*

You BETTER go and get any tests. You better. Just think, you want to have children one day... you will need to be healthy... GET CHECKED!

Everyday lol you having a giggle :p lol yeah maybe i will maybe i won't we shall see, actually when does this Pm'ing you every day start tomorrow the day after or what lol.

Yeah i'm getting checked out in the morning don't worry, but i aint going hospital tomorrow if i have to i'll go wednesday instead or thursday or friday or maybe never hehe, nah i will go i'll be made to by my mum and who ever else xxx

*snuggles you both*

Gonna miss u both like mad

I'm off to bed now, well in a few mins xx