*sobs* I need hugs.
I've just had a message from my ex...I'm not going to tell you what it said cause it's personal but basically, there's no hope of us getting back together and I was so, so sure that I could get him back :(.
And what's more? I realised I have nobody in trw to talk to anymore. One mate has moved away and we don't talk much, 2 don't like me talking about him, 1 is an ass, 1 is in hospital and 1 has just had a miscarriage. I'm alone. Completely.

*cuddles Helen* As LauraStar said, it's fine to cry over lame things sometimes. If you want to talk about it we're here... or you could always PM one of us. :) I don't think anyone would mind chatting with you further. How're you feeling now, since it's a few hours later?

*huggles Jocelyn* I'm sorry you have a headache; those suck. Did you try taking a nap? because sometimes that helps... also sometimes, for my mum, an icepack on the head helps too. It depends on where the headache is centred though. How are you doing now?

*snuggles LauraFriend* If you don't want to go out tonight, then don't... especially if you know you won't be wise about how much you drink. Please try & take care of yourself, love... take some time out tonight for you - to be spent in healthy ways... like painting your nails, taking a bubble bath or a bath with salts, reading a fun book, journaling, writing poetry (even if you suck!! - lol - it's still a good release of emotion), etc. Coddle yourself a bit. :) There's nothing wrong with that.

*hugs LauraStar* Ah I see, about the having been-there-done-that thing. I wish that you could get some help... I mean, help that actually helped, you know? I have an anxiety & phobias workbook that I need to start - when I do I'll let you know how it goes. :) Maybe something like that, that you do on your own time & at your own pace, would help you more than therapy & meds? I don't know, just an idea. Hmm, be careful with this friend... I hope that it goes okay & that she's not in a dangerous mood OR manipulating you.

I'm doing "meh." I have lunch sitting in front of me but don't want it, oddly enough... don't know why not. It's really odd. I was hungry earlier but now I'm not. I wonder if it's the Depakote? making it harder for me to eat... I don't know. And I am soo tired... a friend suggested iron levels and so I might start taking my supplements again. I totally forgot about them, TBH.

*sigh*

*hugs everyone*

Thank you for your kind words.

I had a really severe nightmare (flashback) last night and ended up waking up my housemate. I slept okay after taking some Xanax but I needed my iPod to help me out.

I still feel exactly the same. :(

*curls up in a dark corner*

*hugs Kahlia* I don't really know what to say but... *hands blanket and soft toy* :)

thanks april. i'm not going out and i'm not drinking by myself either :) haven't got a bath cos i'm at college and there's only showers which sucks :( really fancy a bath. o wells. might go to bed soon otherwise i'll get bored and bad things will happen.....
*grabs a blanket and snuggles down*

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia, what type of music do you like? (other than the all-powerful Within Temptation!!! :D) Just wondering. :) I'm sorry that you had a nightmare/flashback-y sort of thing, that's awful... and I wish that I could help you feel better. :( *big hugs*

LauraFriend, I hope that you get some good sleep tonight!! and don't do anything "stupid" if you don't manage to get to sleep. How're you feeling now? *hugs*

I'm kind of "meh." Struggling a LOT with anxiety and fidgetiness (inside of me, not outside - ADHD'ness I guess you could say?)... can't read for long periods of time, can't do schoolwork, only thing I can do is something that changes frequently (like posting on here, or playing WoW, or writing in my LJ as I can babble all I want to in there about whatever's on my mind). GAHHH!!!!

Need to look up side effects of Depakote & see if that one is anywhere in there. :-X

*hugs everyone*

LauraFriend - thanks for the blanket and the soft toy ... they will come in very useful. It may be summer here but we have had monsoonal rain from being just outside the edges of a cyclone

April - I like WT (of course), Kamelot, Evanescence, Nightwish (though I prefer their stuff from when Tarja was their lead singer), H.I.M (His Infernal Majesty) and Superchick .... probably not an obvious combination

Does anyone know what the chemical name of Geodon is?

*hugs april* i hate being fidgety, it can feel so annoying.

*hugs laurafriend* I hope you sleep well and can avoid bad thoughts.

*hugs kahlia* im sorry that you had nightmares.. I hate them. oh, and i think Geodon is also known as "ziprasidone hydrochloride" as a capsule anyway.. idk if it has other names for like injections or whatever. Sorry if that is not what u were looking for.

Just got back from dinner... wanting to curl up and die kinda. Trying to avoid bad thoughts.
I am also trying to be careful around my friend. Something is fishy there, i just know it... I really don't think im just being paranoid, something doesn't feel right.

*cuddles Kahlia* Yeh, LauraStar's right, it's "ziprasidone hydrochloride." I didn't know it came in any different forms other than a capsule - stupid me perhaps for not thinking of that - but oh well. I love Superchick!! - and I've been told that I ought to listen to Kamelot. Nightwish is also a favorite, although I haven't heard much of their stuff since Tarja wasn't the lead singer. :) How're you feeling tonight? *more cuddles & a handmade fleece blanket to curl up in* (I used to make those :D)

*cuddles LauraStar* I hope that things will be okay with your friend & you... if you doubt that things are alright, really truly within you, then you're probably right... I dunno though, as I don't know your friend. Just be careful. What seems so wrong about the situation? (sorry if that's too nosy) How's your evening going?

Just got off WoW, played for quite awhile... it's already 8pm & I haven't had a shower or anything, whoops. I know for most people that's not very late but it is for me!! ever since I got married, anyway. I get sleepy around 7pm and am usually in bed by eight. Heh. I think I'mma go take a shower/bath (have to decide which, probably a bath as the water will be unpredictable at this time of night, what with everyone else in the complex taking showers too!!)... then maybe come back on, or not, I'm not sure.

*cuddles everyone*

april - lol i couldn't imagine going to bed by 8.. i usually stay up until like 3 or 4 in the morning b/c i am a complete insomniac lol.. hope you have a good night though.

Well it would be kinda a long explaination for the thing with my friend.. but readers digest version: she wasn't speaking to me, then she was sorta online.. it was like a supremely fake we are gonna be chatty and say "lol" a lot so that neither of us can be taken seriously, and then the next day she sent me a message asking me if ive ever been suicidal and how i made it go away... the odd thing is is that she doesn't know about any of my issues, unless someone else has told her... so idk why she would ask me that... i answered her with a generic thing like 'give it time, time usually makes things feel better'... but idk. I feel weird that she even sent that message to me... she didnt respond back ever... and she has sooo many other ppl to talk to and we werent on the best of terms so... i feel like she might be trying to hit a nerve with me or something if someone told her about my stuff... Hm.. idk it doesnt sound as bad when i type it out.. u would have to see her body language around me.. its kinda cold.. so.. idk

Time to run away and cry now ....

*hides in a dark corner until she disappears*

Vicki, love, I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your earlier post. *big big cuddles* I wish I could take all the pain away, erase it & make you feel better, but I can't... all I can do is be here to talk, pray, & comfort. I has a kitty in my lap again, if kitty snuggles would help (hehe)... but honestly, I don't have much advice or anything, since I've never been through a true break-up. I can imagine the pain, though, especially if you thought you could get him back, & it must be tremendous. *holds you gently* How're you doing this morning?

*cuddles LauraStar* Lol, insomniac indeed!! What time do you get up, though? because I get up around 5-6am and am not TOO exhausted throughout the day (well, not as much as if I went to bed at 3-4 and got up 5-6!! hehe). I hope that you got some good sleep last night. :)

That situation with your friend... wow. I wouldn't know how to react either, but I think that you did the "right thing," if there were a right thing to do in that situation with the given variables!! :-X *hugs*

*cuddles Kahlia* What's going on, love? same intrusive, awful thoughts, etc.? or something new's come up? *more cuddles*

How is everyone else? Jocelyn, LauraFriend, Franz, whomever else I'm forgetting? ♥

I'm doing okay. Just got up so am kind of a walking zombie. Apparently the walls in our apartment don't have insulation - or much - so it is ****ing FREEZING here... and my comp is by a wall... so yeah. Cold. I really ought to have some socks on, lol - right now I'm in sweats & a tshirt & I'm thinking of adding a hoodie & socks. BRRRR. It must be awfully cold outside.

May go out for breakfast this morning, but I'm not sure. It would be nice, but I don't know. I just dreamt about going to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast, right before we woke up... lol. Weird dream that was - my Women & Spirituality class prof was in it looking for something (forget what now). Definitely weird. :P

*cuddles everyone*

*hugs everyone*

April: Same stuff ... it just never seems to end. I want there to be a pause button on life so that I can have a break and then restart when I'm ready

Sorry to everyone for no individual replies ... I don't feel able to be supportive at the moment. I'm a bad person :(

*hugs Laura* stuff with your friend sounds hard.....hope you can get it sorted somehow. I know it's really hard to sort out other stuff when you don't feel so great yourself *hugs* take care.

*hugs Vicki* we're always here if/when you wanna talk *hands hot chocolate and a soft toy* :)

*hugs Kahlia* what's up? :(

*hugs April* hope you have a good breakfast out if you go :) donuts sound good right now..

I'm going to see Avatar 3D later with some friends. I'm hoping it'll be good and it'll be good for me i'm sure to go out and socialise without drinking for a change! haha. ended up staying in last night but didn't get to sleep till like 1am which is always annoying. *shrugs* guess that's just the way it goes.

*hugs Kahlia* you are NOT a bad person. it's fine. we understand :) i want a pause button too so i know how you feel there...*hugs*

*squishes Kahlia gently* I understand... you don't need to be supportive at the mo, you're struggling a great deal & even so, offer a lot to the community here just by being here. I hope that makes sense... :-/ because I have a feeling that it doesn't. Heh. But anyway, you're welcome here even if you are unable to support right now. I want a pause button too!! as long as I could pause it at a GOOD spot, lol. :-/

*cuddles LauraFriend* Avatar is AWESOME!!! :D I hope that you enjoy it... and yeh, it's good that you're doing something social that DOESN'T involve drinking. I didn't see Avatar in 3D form, just normal, but I loved it anyway. Even bought the Avatar shirt (from Walmart, not Hot Topic, as there was a $17 difference!!). It's an amazing movie. :)

We're not going out for breakfast, which makes things a little more annoying, heh. I'll probably just have oatmeal... blah. Oh well. Donuts do sound good though, but I wouldn't've had one this morning anyway. :P

I really don't want to do schoolwork. I feel so ADHD, it's awful!!!! :'(

*curls up*
It's amazing how things can turn into one huge bloody mess hey? Got to try fix it later today, that'll be so much fun. I expect more tears & rows (Y)

Sorry, too many replies to attempt indvidual ones. But everyone is feeling a little bit better xx

*cuddles*

*huggles Helen* What happened that's a "huge bloody mess"? Hope you can fix up things a bit, as upsets etc. like that are no good (I am assuming that it has to do with other people - perhaps I oughtn't assume?).

I just got friend-accepted on Facebook by Doris Smeltzer!! :D (She wrote Andrea's Voice: Silenced by Bulimia which I've read twice & is keeping me from giving in to the urges... it was about her 19 year old daughter :( so sad.) But anyway, I was really happy to get that accept!! lol. May sound silly, but oh well.

*cuddles everyone*

*hugs everyone and could really do with some hugs or warm wishes herself*

LauraFriend && April: I think that the idea with the pause button is, if you aren't able to pause before you get into a situation. then you can get the skills you need to cope with it

*cuddles April & Kahlia*

Wow, you lucky thing :D Although I got another authort on my facebook aha. She's written books about children in foster care. Covering a range of issues like cutting/abuse/etc :)

I'll pm about the mess thing, incase someone reads it, it wont help later..

*cuddles Kahlia & sends some snuggly-warm wishes on her way!!* ♥

Ahh I see now. That makes sense. :)

Feeling **** still?