Rape related, please be careful.
 

I was raped around 2/3 months ago. I bled an awful lot that evening and i knew there was a small amount of damage done. I was too scared to go to the doctors but kept everything very clean. The damage that was evident seemed to heal quite quickly and well.

Now i've been suffering with stomach cramps/pain recently and using a tampon is impossible. It wont absorb anything & it just doesn't sit comfortably at all.

I'm frightened there's some kind of damage or something? I don't know what to look for or anything so i guess i'm going to have to go to the doctors unless anybody can give me a clue what i'm looking for?

If not what am i meant to say when i go? Are they obliged to say anything to police etc? I'm just incredably worried and nervous i guess. What if there's nothing wrong?

I am so sorry you have had such a traumatic experience. Do you have any support right now?

I don't know the answer to what could be wrong, only that you do need to see someone about this, if you haven't already, you do need to have some STI tests and it sounds like you may need to have a physical exam.

Your GP or nurse will not tell the police, they have no rights to do so unless you for example knew the person AND disclosed that someone else [or yourself] was at risk of harm.

Any tests and physical exams are completely up to you, you can ask for a female chaperone if you feel you want one and you can request a female dr/nurse when you make the appointment.

If there is nothing physical wrong, it could be a psychological issue, muscles down there can tense up when you are stressed or have traumatic memories and if this were the case your GP could be a good source of advice and support to overcome this [a lot of people actually have issues such as this originating from painful intercourse at some point].

You can make a GP appointment, or a nurse one and there are also GUM clinics that provide an anonymous service, but you need to ring them to find out if you need an appointment or when their walk in services operate.

I hope that was of some help, PM any time if you want to talk xxx

I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I've experienced something similar so I have some understanding of this. I do think though that it's probably for the best if you see your GP. If there are a few doctors at your surgery you can always ask to be seen by a female doctor. They'd be able to tell you if it' physical or if it's not, rule that out and then it'd likely be emotional.

STI tests are hard after something like this has happened, but if the guy didn't use a condom then it's probably better to get a check to rule it out.

No one will involve the police if you don't want them to. In my experience they asked me if police had been involved, I told them yes although they weren't involved at that point as I'd decided not to pursue things, and they left it at that. I think they feel they should suggest it but won't force you to contact them or report anything.

Thank you both for your replies.

Yes, i have some support right now & in the process of recieving other support. I haven't had any STI checks as of yet & pleased to know they don't have to tell the police. I do know him but the idea of telling them that the police are already involved could be used.

Have either of you had a physical exam? That doesn't sound nice at all. I'd also feel a fool if there was nothing medically wrong & it was emotional.


Thank you both for your information & support.

Even my parents don't know... So, police would be a huge step. I have thought about it but there would be no evidence at all anymore? So it seems pointless.

I read the link & i'm really sorry for what happend to you... On the other hand, i'm pleased that the man didn't get away with it & you were so brave to go through with everything. I just, don't think i'm brave enough & right now, i haven't got quite the right support either. I'm just a little concerned with this whole thing & though before i felt the doctors was never an option, i'm beginning to think it is the only option.

It's just very scary...

Thank you.

I've had the physical exam when I had the STI test. I explained why I was there and the doctor, who was male so I was very nervous, was really reassuring. He made it as quick as he could and it was over in a few minutes. He just used a speculum (which can be scary) and took some swabs then it was over. There was some pain but I was in some pain before because of what had happened so it wasn't the exam that did it. Then I just had blood taken and gave a urine sample.

I called an automated results line to get my results two weeks after. I think if there is anything wrong they'd ask you to go back for treatment, but I'm not sure on that as my results were all negative.

You shouldn't feel like a fool for being emotional, it's perfectly understandable to feel emotional. Maybe you could call the clinic/hospital before hand and explain your situation, they might be able to reassure you more?

I don't know where you live, but in London you could go to The Havens (http://www.thehavens.co.uk/); they're rape crisis centres that will provide all the medical treatment necessary and won't inform the police unless you ask them to. If you're not near London then there should be centres across the country - NHS direct might be able to point you in the right direction of your nearest one, or a google search might help.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

I would reccomend a physical exam, and STI testing.

after i was raped, i went to a GUM clinic at my local hospital, its not the nicest experiance, but it didnt hurt, and the women who examined me, and did the STI test were really really lovely, and made me feel as relaxed as i possibly could. I couldnt have asked for better. I dont think they asked me if the police were involved, or if they did, they didnt make a big deal of it, i never got the police involved. and they cant make you report it.

your doctor can also help you get the support that you need.

Dont worry about it possibly being emotional, having reactions like that can happen after a traumatic experiance, but it will probably put your mind at rest a bit if you know what it is.

xxx

Thank you all for your replies... It means alot!

It seems alot of people have had an examination and tests, is it wierd that i havent? Like, is it something i should definatly do? Also, what did the blood test, test for?

Thank you very much for the link... Unfortunatly, i'm not in London but i will do some 'research' now into centre's near where i live. If all else fails, i'll use NHS direct or see my doctor.

It's reassuring nothing was made out of the police being or not being involved... I don't feel ready for that step right now i don't think. I'm still worried about it being emotional. I'll look really stupid, or what if they don't believe me?

I don't think it's weird that you haven't had it done yet, some people don't. I personally did because I would have worried myself senseless if I didn't know for sure if I had something or not.

I think the blood test was to check for HIV and syphilis.

Maybe you'd feel differently about contacting the police after the physical, it might be that getting through that might make you feel more able to contact the police. Sort of like you've over come one thing, got over one hurdle so might feel more confident about jumping another one.

I had blood taken and i'm sure it was for testing for HIV.

I waited a couple months before i went for my test. took me a while to build up the courage to go. I dont think its weird you havent been for one yet.

No-one can involve the police about your rape if you're over 16. Doctors, nurses, support workers, advice lines........no-one.

Also no-one will see it as strange that you left it so long before seeking help. You went through a traumatic experience which you have had to get your head around and there is no set time scale for when a 'victim' is ready to come forward. And coming forward does not have to mean police. Yes, it would be great if you could tell them and get this predator off the streets but its a personal decision and unfair of anyone to try and force you to do something you don't want to whatever their opinion unless you ask for it.

As everyone else has said, your priority is your health. Get that checked out at least. For your own peace of mind and if anything does need treated sooner is better than later.

Good luck

Thank you! It's extremely reassuring to know that if i went, they wouldn't have to get the police involved... Still very nervous about getting checked. I'm hopefully going to ring my doctors tommorow & make an appointment for next week. I'm not exactly sure what to say but i need to find the cause for the stomach pains so i guess it'll be worth it. I'm trying to figure out if and who i would like to come with me... It's all scary & lots of decisions to make but never mind.

Thank you all very much!

Maybe write down what is going on; it may be easier and then if you are really nervous at the time and find you can't talk then at least you have it written down.

I'm glad you're planning on going and they won't think it weird at all that you didn't at first, MANY don't, possibly more than those that do as it takes a lot of courage. The best thing may actually be for you to go to your local sex health/ STI clinic. They're usually places where you don't have to book an appointment and can just go down and they will be used to this, keep everything confidential (though your doctor will also do this) and at least it gets it out of the way. A quick google search and you should hopefully be able to find your local Sexual Health/ STI clinic. If you go they won't judge you in any way at all and yes, it may be psychological but that is not stupid at all as what you've been through is something noone should have to and this does leave psychological problems and some of these can cause the muscles in your vaginal wall to tighten and things but there could also be physical damage done such as any healing could have caused the area to tighten up due to scarring along with other forms of damage.

They will not get the police involved. They'll ask if you want them to be because if so at least they've got it written down as proof you've been, got checked out and what you've said and they can arrange that for you. I know for some who've been raped going to the police can really help as a closure to it all even if it doesn't lead to anything (though hopefully it would).

They will look for any damage done and also any signs visually of an STI. Swabs will look for Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis. Chlamydia is a bacteria and up to 1 in 5 people young people are infected by it and can show no symptoms but can lead to infertility though is easily treated with a course of antibiotics.

Blood Tests will look for HIV (which may require 2 tests 12weeks apart depending how long ago it was) along with Hepatitis B & C which can all be life threatening and make you really really ill so it is worth getting checked out.

This link gives you more info on STI tests and as well as that if you scroll down on the right there is an area where you can put in your post code and it will come up with your local GUM (STI) Clinic.

It sounds like you're in the UK. Do you have rape crisis centers that have medical advocates? Here in my city in the US, we've got an organization that provides someone to go to the hospital with you who is trained to be there for you and tell you about your rights in regards to the test and be there for you and talk to you throughout the test. While I never went to the hospital after what happened to me, I've met some of the advocates, and they're a really great resource if you have them available to you.

I'm glad you're getting the support you need. You're really brave. :)

I went to my gp 6 months after I was raped. He got me an appt at the GUM clinic for 2 days later. I had all the checks done but didn't have to inform the police. Just chatted to a health visitor for a bit and got some leaflets on crisis centres. They do take a history too so be prepared to talk abit about stuff.

It's worth it though. Xxx

Thank you for your replies! Animad, thank you very much for all the information on the STI checks and things, it's helped calm me down about the tests. I've also found my local clinic too, thank you.

In reply to the second post, i am indeed in the UK but i haven't heard of medical advocates... I might have a look into it though i'm hoping that if/when i do go that the main source of the support i am recieveing will come with me. She's a youth worker but i have alot of trust in her too, so i think she would be my first option. Thank you very much though!

Mrs Sam, the reassurance that it's not too late is amazing, thank you. Talking about things seems a bit scary, but hopfully i'll manage.

Thank you all so very much. It means an awful lot to me...

I didn't read the other replies...but I was raped too a few years ago and had some...um...tearing...among other injuries....Honey, go to the doctor!!! After it happened, I was so confused and posted here....the exam is completely humilating that they give you, but it is worth it....you can also call your local rape crisis center and have someone be your advocate during your exam - they don't watch, by the way....they just listen to you...which is needed in a time like that.

I am really sorry about your trauma. My 3 year "anniversery" of my assault is coming up in September, and I am already getting nervous/down about it...If you need someone to vent to, please feel free to PM me.

Take care, and be safe with yourself.

*hugs if okay*