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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

one_step_closer 31-12-2019 03:11 PM

Have you had a support worker before? They can be quite good for helping you with practical stuff, I hope you make it to your appointment.

chinahorse 31-12-2019 04:48 PM

I wanted help when I asked foe it months ago. Not now.

one_step_closer 31-12-2019 04:52 PM

That is really frustrating and unfair that they didn't help you at the time. Do you think they might be of some use to you in the future though, if they're offering support now?

Unbreakable. 01-01-2020 08:35 PM

I'm sorry services continue to be close to useless.
Hopefully there will still be something they can and will do for you now.

chinahorse 02-01-2020 04:15 AM

I'm scared I'm going to kill the cat. He annoys me so much.

Auror. 02-01-2020 04:31 AM

Does it help to think about the fact that cats are not inherently malicious or spiteful? Whatever he is doing, even though it annoys you, it is unlikely he is doing it purposely to annoy you. I know sometimes with my dog when she starts to frustrate me, it is a sign that she needs to burn some energy, so I need to either take her for a walk or play with her. Does doing something Bertie likes for a bit help him leave you alone after?

chinahorse 03-01-2020 01:53 PM

Yeah it does. He just always wants to play when km most tired.

I dont feel good at all. Very urgey. And feel very alone with my mental health.

one_step_closer 03-01-2020 03:09 PM

Are there any toys that Bertie will play with himself if you prompt him? Or can you play with something that doesn't take much effort from you, like a laser pen? Kittens are hard work I know, and even my adult cats annoy me a lot of the time so I know where you're coming from. It's easy to get irritated when you're not feeling great as it is.

What's happening MH wise that's making you feel so bad today?

chinahorse 03-01-2020 05:26 PM

He has loads of toys he can play with himself but never does. Hes now nearly a year and 4 months. Time to start settling down in my opinion.

I feel so hideous. So sad and the Man has been bothering me so much for a while but especially today and theres no on trying to help me move forward. And I dont even have meds to dull it out so I can get on with it by myself. No one cares because I'm not going to hospital for my self harm. I could go. But I cant afford it and the Man doesnt let me most of the time because it's not bad enough and the hospital is on black alert most of the time.

one_step_closer 03-01-2020 07:09 PM

I can relate to people not seeming to bother because you're not going to hospital. Have you ever directly said to anyone "maybe I'm not ending up at hospital but I am hurting just as much"? I do know people don't often hear words only actions and that's really sad. Do you feel like anyone at all hears you? Do the CMHT know what's going on with the man?

chinahorse 03-01-2020 07:14 PM

Theres no one to say it to. The cmht havent even asked how I am in weeks they dont give me space to say what's going on when I do see them.

one_step_closer 03-01-2020 07:24 PM

What if you write something to hand over at your next appointment with your CPN, if they're not giving you the space to talk through things at the moment?

chinahorse 03-01-2020 07:28 PM

She wouldnt read it. Why bother. They dont care. At all.

Going to probably hurt myself bad enough for the burns unit soon. They wont operate but that's ok as long as they admit me and are nice to me. Which they were mostly. And the consultant was so nice and cared about my mental health in the beat way he could.

chinahorse 04-01-2020 07:13 AM

I have to leave the house tomorrow. To return the stupid clock and collect my prescription. But it's not possible. If I leave the house the shadows will follow me, theyve worked out how to come out even when it's not sunny. And if I stay inside with the doors locked I'm safe. But I'm nearly out of painkillers. Using the last of my emergency supply. And I'm scared if I leave Bertie something will happen to me or him and I wont see him again. We need to stay safe and together at all times.

The Man was outside again when I made tea. Making the street lights flicker so I know he was there. And he caused the power cut so he could sneak in but he got the wrong supply. And now hes angry. Loud loud commands.

And no one understands. The cmht are being useless. They wanted me to get a photo for a bus pass. I said no. They kept on and on until I snapped at them. No. Stop pushing I said no. But they didnt ask why. And I cant say if they dont ask. They dont care.

And the toilet is still broken. I rang the letting agent again on thursday and they said it's not a priority and that theyve given my details to the plumber and it's up to him to contact me. Hes had them since new years eve. They need to be chasing this up. If for no other reason than hes billed them for shoddy work. And o cant chase it again because the letting agent said I'm being unreasonable.

And the gp hasnt made the referral or done anything to sort the raised prolactin level. So I'm suffering without an end point or any help in sight. The lack of meds for my fibromyalgia is making it unbearable. And the cold and damp of the house is extreme agony. And no one cares enough to investigate and fix it. So I'm having to wait until thursday to speak to the gp. Which is a very long time when you're in a lot of pain and have been for several weeks.

And really if I died people would be sad for a while and then move on. And the pain would stop. And the Man wpuldnt be a problem. And Bertie could be with a better mum.

one_step_closer 04-01-2020 12:49 PM

Even if you feel like people don't care they still have a duty to offer you support and treatment. I think they would read something if you wrote it down and then your thoughts and feelings would be clear on paper too, like a record of exactly how you feel rather than them writing notes based on their opinions.

I hope you don't burn yourself just to get some care, it's really sad that you feel you have to do something so extreme for someone to look after you and treat you well. What did the people at the burns unit do that made you feel they were being nice to you and cared about your MH? What is it that the CMHT isn't doing/what could they do better?

What happens with the man and the shadows if you are outside? Do you think that maybe all the stress and upset you're going through is making you additionally anxious and worried? I think you need to tell the CMHT what is going on even if they don't ask. If they don't know what to ask about then they can't ask. I used to say in my head 'please ask me this' but if people aren't asking what you need them to ask then you have to let them know.

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable about the toilet situation at all. I'm sure the letting agent wouldn't like to not have a working toilet. I think you have a right to chase it up again if you feel able to.

It is a long time to wait till Thursday when you're in pain etc, I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I hope the GP can do something on Thursday, please make sure you ask for what you need.

People would be sad if you died and might not ever properly move on. I think Bertie would definitely miss you now that you have a bond and he might always wonder where you have disappeared to. Other people would be affected by your death but the important thing is that you are feeling low enough to think this way and something needs to be done about that. I really hope someone listens to you soon.

chinahorse 04-01-2020 05:22 PM

The burns unit consultant called my psychiatrist and pushed them to meet me and give me meeting which they weren't. And they were nice to me.

The CMHT arent seeing me regularly as they promised. Aremt offering me any form of treatment or support. Arent even asking how I am. Arent asking anything. Have done nothing to build a relationship with me. Arent monitoring my mental health. Nothing.

I cant tell them what is going on because they dont care because they havent asked. They know about the Man from when I was admitted and when I told them to help me before I was admitted and they didnt and they know the voices are bad because the PIP man asked and my cpn was in the room. She was also there when PIP assessor asked about the frequency of my self harm. But they havent asked about that either.

I woke up too late to chase the letting agent again.

And I'm really bored and fed up.

one_step_closer 04-01-2020 07:19 PM

Have you said to the CMHT that you're unhappy with the lack of support they're giving you? I'm sorry they aren't giving you the support you need and deserve.

Unbreakable. 04-01-2020 10:30 PM

Is there anyone who could explain things to them on your behalf?
Does your dad know how things are?

I'm sorry they aren't listening and appear uninterested in your mental health. That must be frustrating and hurtful.

one_step_closer 05-01-2020 11:33 AM


Originally Posted by Unbreakable. (Post 4256204)
Is there anyone who could explain things to them on your behalf?

Have you considered advocacy if not?

chinahorse 08-01-2020 03:53 PM

Called the cmht. Took a lot of working up to. Told CPn is off sick all week. Rejected when I need help by her again. By everyone.

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