*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia* You CAN get through this, Here have a smile .... :-)

Thanks Mark, that actually did make me smile :)

The thing is, people say it'll be ok, but it won't. She's gone and nothing will ever be ok again.

*sneaks in* *cuddles all stealthily so no-one sees her* *hides self in warren*

*Huggles Kat* How are you ? :)

Who's gone?
Sorry, I feel dense but I don't know who it is and am guessing on the variety of gone and I'd usually say it takes time but it'll be ok but then I don't know what's going on...
*hugs*

I've been following things from my hidey hole and now I'm confuzzled.

*tackle hugs Mark*

meep. They're going to take my daughter. I know it.

The only person who gave me hope. The one who made me feel better. The woman who I made me feel like everything would be ok. The woman I love. That's who's gone.

why would they do that Kat?

Lia, honey, have you tried to see in yourself what she saw in you? And just because she's gone that doesn't mean the difference she made in your life has to be.

Kat , I'm sure they'll not take her from you , what makes you say that ?

I told the HV on wednesday that I was afraid shadow might hurt Hazel... child services came today.. and i'm not allowed to be alone with her. We had to sign a written agreement that 24 hours a day i'd have supervision... and that's a temporary agreement until i've finished being assessed by MH

Kat- everyone's said what makes you say that, so I won't parrot them, but I'll offer my support and cuddles. I don't know the situation, so I can't do a lot of advice and reassurance right now. Sorry *cuddles*

Crimson, I was nothing to her. I was just...well I wasn't even 'just'. She's everything to me, but I never meant anything to her and never will.

sorry Lia... not so good at helping today.
*goes back to hiding and being invisible*

Hmm hugs lia and Kat tightly. Curls up in corner.

Hey Jill *hugs* You alright?

x

I just feel useless. And monthly is making everything so much worse. really struggling with keeping Shadow under control.

*hugs/waves at everybody*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - 4 pages of posts since I was in here last night.

Feeling a lot like a broken doll at the moment.
Anxiety = high
Mood = low
Suicidal urges/ideation = high ++ increasing
SI urges = high
ED urges = high

Guess I'm doing okay though. I haven't given in to the urges and I haven't got any psychotic signs. Just really wish it was all over. *sigh*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Spots Luke , Helen and what the? and Hugs them too*

^ epic reply luke!

*hugs* try not ot do anything harmful, its not worth it hun. I'm glad that you and your psychologist seem to get along well. Hope that the new treatment is helpful and nothing happens to your kidneys. Don't stay in your house 24/7.. isolating isn't usually a very healthy thing.

*hugs everyone else* will try to do more individuals later

wow its been a stressful day, my bf came out to his dad, who sort of had a none reaction and he came out to so many on fb and stuff. He did exactly the opposite to me and came out to most in one day, whereas it took me months, but he is different, its just been stressful and I am knackered, sorry all.

*cuddles all, then curls up in corner, feeling guilty for feeling depressed when I should be feeling happy for him*

As I said to my best friend earlier....this day gets better and better (i.e. sarcasm...it's getting worse)

Roll on tomorrow when I start my weekend away.

Sorry for no individual replies.

Sorry lia I wasn't ignoureing you I fell asleep somthing I being doing a lot of lately. Iam hmm nevermind I'm okay.

Spies April and Kahlia *Glomps before April can get in there.*

How are you April? Haven't heard a lot from you today. *Hugs to all who want them and extra glomps for April in vengence*

'tis ok Jill, I didn't think you were ignoring me. You shouldn't bottle things up,although I have no right to talk, I can tell you how much it hurts to be so alone. To eventually want someone there but look and realise there's no one and that's all your fault because you pushed them all away. But I also know what you mean about not wanting to get hurt, it's why I won't open up I tried to last night but...well no one heard me. I'm always just a PM away if you want to though sweet.


xx

Hmm thanks Hun. Urgh screw it can't win really can't win.

Hey guys, I'm not sure if I'll be back in tonight as it's getting on now, being 1am & all. I won't be around from today (in a few hours) til Sunday evening. I'm going to London :D

Please try to keep safe & keep going everyone. I know we're all going through rough times at the moment. I care about you all. Try have a good weekend =)

*sits in her own little corner and cries*

You too Helen, have a good time in London. I'm going on Saturday.

xx

*Hugs Crimson* What's the matter darling?
x

This whole day...
None of it is going as it should and I should have just stayed home today... And enough is just enough. And I'm to stubborn and obstinate to rest an injury and now it's killing me.

*cuddles* What's wrong sweetheart :(

Oooh whereabouts you going? You don't have to tell me or PM me if you want (even if London is huge), just wondering :P Hope you have a good time too dearest :D

*cuddles Helen back* looks like we posted at the same time...

*cuddles* I hope your day improves. I've had a really bad day aswell, but it's now a new day here, so trying to ignore it now. Please look after your injury :(

*nods* didn't walk around much today... well mostly. during the majority of the day I was sat at my desk... then I had to cover R leaving early and the court run (that usually takes me less than 20 min) took me 45 and it still hurts 20 min later. I may call in tomorrow if it doesn't get better.
Have fun in London for the weekend *hugs* *and packs extra hugs and smiles in your luggage*

*sigh* i think i'll leave 5 min early so i don't take too long and miss my bus home...
might be back on tonight or I may just go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow... *cuddles everyone and leaves care packs* good night/morning (just in case I'm not back on)

Going to Oxford Street Helen, what about you?
x

*cuddles Crimson*

Lia, I'm going to London Docklands :)

Sorry I've been so quiet the past few days, just have felt that I have nothing to contribute. And there have been about 3.5 pages of posts since I last posted so individual replies are pretty much out of the question. :(

I'm exhausted right now - it's just hit 9pm and I'm thinking of popping off to bed shortly. Had awful nightmares last night that actually woke me up at one point (they hardly ever do that)... so yeah. :( I hate it when that happens.

*sigh*

*cuddles all*

*cuddles all - especially those who are struggling or feeling low*

Feeling cold. BUT ... my software arrived from Adobe. I should feel excited, and in a way I do, but I don't .... if that makes sense.

But I'm freezing ... *grumble*

I'm sorry I can't give my support at the moment. I feel bad about that. All I can offer is *hugs* to those who can accept and *warm wishes* to absolutely everybody.

Luke (I think it was) - I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in two weeks, but my doc asked me to email him each week with how I was going. Normally he emails back when he makes a request like that to sort of acknowledge/give encouragement and sometimes make changes. I guess that's why I feel a bit ... lost ... in that department. Don't really know. Guess I just feel like I'm struggling with nowhere to turn.

Keep hitting brick walls (metaphorically). *sigh* Have a big email to write and I've been asking my housemat to help me with it since last week. Hoping to corner him about it today. He said he would do it but stuff just keeps popping up.

Sorry, talking too much about myself.

*leaves hugs and safe care packages on the table with some tropical fruits: mangoes, rambutans and lychees etc, and all sorts of no-cal treats for everyone*

Hey all.

April, was wondering when we were going to hear from you. Sorry you're not doing too good right now sweetie. I know how you feel about dreaming, I'm not sleeping right now although it's half two in the morning because I had a nightmare last night. It was horrible, there was a murderer and I was in the same room and he was after me. It was dark and I had to hide and I knew he would kill me if he found me and I felt so scared although it was just a dream and he had already killed everyone else. I got away, but they never caught him and I knew he was still out there, looking for me. Then Ronnie Mitchell from EastEnders was there (which is a nightmare enough it itself) and that was when it got a bit random. Anyway, I don't know why I told you that. As a quote from my favourite musical says 'there is nothing more boring than someone trying to describe their dreams to you'.

Kahlia- Good luck with you appointment Kahlia, I don't really know what else to say right now, so I'll give hugs instead *massive hugs*.

xx

The wind's really fierce outside and I keep thinking I hear things. My nightmare's still in my head and I know I'm being childish, but I'm scared and in a way it's a comfort that I sound about 5 because then I can go back to a time when I thought everything was right with the world even though my own was so very wrong.

Edit- and now I'm all alone in here, which is not helping. Big creepy ward all to myself.

*hides in the corner and cries*
sorry, i cant do individuals.. thinking of all of you.

It's alright. Take care of you.


As for me, I'm just popping in to say goodnight. It's 1 AM and I am going to go reread The Awakening (my go to when I've had a rough time book) and sleep.

Have fun everyone who is going to London :) Citys make me anxious but I hope you both have a good time.

Good luck with your Dr's appointment today Jessica :)

*Group hugs *

Morning all. Eventully went to bed at around 4am. Mangaged to keep the nightmare away.

*HUgs all*

*Extra cuddles for Laura* What's the matter sweetie?

xx

*Morning Hugs Lia* I'm glad you slept well and kept the nightmare at bay :)

*Spots Kahlia and Hugs*

I spy Mark!! *glomps* Hehe... :) How are you, big bro?

*cuddles Laura* What's up, sweetie??

*cuddles Lia* I'm glad that you managed to keep the nightmare away. I had nightmares again last night, people trying to kill me again - it gets really old as that is basically what all my nightmares are about. :( Scary as hell but somehow I always make it through alive, if not because I wake up before I get killed. :-X Anyway... How are you doing, love? Any plans for today?

*cuddles everyone else that she's stupidly missed* I know there haven't been a ton of posts but I am too tired atm to do individuals... sorry. :-S

I'm going to do bloodwork today. I'm a bit nervous about that, for whatever reason... am not usually nervous, guess I'm afraid they'll find something bad. :-S I don't know. Guhhhh. :( Stupid stupid stupid. But that's really all the plan(s) that I have for today. Maybe I'll play WoW a lot, maybe I'll try to find some jobs to apply to (I'm terrified of doing so, though!!), maybe I'll do an epic paper journal entry (am getting good at those >_<). I don't know. And I will probably exercise in some way, shape, or form, and eat healthily. Blah.

Am so exhausted. Per usual of course. :( ARGH.

*extra cuddles for those who needs them, then goes & hides in the warren*

April Hi!!*Hugs* I'm ok just about(Makes a nice change) , waiting for my Dad to pop by this lunchtime , I am just noodling about on my computer , listening to The Bathroom girl on youtube and Flyleaf / Dixie Chicks (Weird combo) on my stereo .
I'm sure your bloods will be fine , and exersising and eating well is good ( if tiresome from time to time) :) DAD's HERE

night all

Night Julie :)

Hmm =\