Hee hee yeah it does April :)

I'm just exhausted really, just emotionally mentally and physically drained...

*hugs kathryn* sorry that you are so tired.

*hugs april* glad that the expo went well and that you got a new bow for the cello! My cousin plays the cello, i've played with hers a few times but i only know the piano and a little guitar so it was not pretty haha.
Thanks for reading my r/v thread. Im glad that people can kinda understand how i feel about the days running together thing (well i'm not glad that you know what that feels like but.. you know what i mean.)

*hides alone in the corner*

*huggles/waves at all*

Sorry for being so absent. Just really cold and really tired and not able to concentrate. I have been reading though. Also sorry for the lack of individual replies.

Had a couple of nasty experiences yesterday and am just feeling exhausted, drained and really down. So over life. *sigh*

Sorry, will stop being a gloomy, miserable person now . . .

*wanders off to play with Puppy SinClair in the garden*

*mimics the movements of making a snow angel*

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Sorry I feel so strange

*sits next to laura and yawns*

i annoyed that i so easily culda not had dinner but ended up having freaking eggplant parm... fatpiggy=[ plus ended up going to cvs... aftertakingmoneyfromaunt
i fail at life.

and now i gotta make MORE bloody sample boards- fml.

*hugs everyone tightly* Will do individual replies tomorrow. I read everyone's r/vs. Stay safe <3

*hugs everyone*

Laura, honey, please stay safe and keep talking, both to us and your support people IRL, they do care babe, you know they do, just like we do. *hugs tight*

April, sounds like there are some nice things happening around you, try and focus on those sweet, I know how hard things are for you now so just try try and try again to keep yourself safe and be gentle with yourself 'K? *cuddles*

Mark, Helen, Kahlia you guys have all been up and down too, so my thoughts are with you.

Julie, you been a bit quiet, what's up hun.

*waves to Taz,Jill,Oliver,Nicole,Kat,Jessica,Heather and all the others who've popped in since I was last here* Sending love and care to you all.

I'm OK, in at work on Saturday to keep myself occupied as feeling a little lost, which normally leads to bad stuff, but hopefully today it won't!

See you all soon.
JK
x

*sits in corner and cuddles with teddy*
shower time... woo =\

Taz- I like your sig :-) Hope you are okay.

*hugs kahlia* I'm sorry that you've been having a rough few days. Dont worry about the lack of individual replies, we understand.

*hugs heather* you are not a fail at life. I promise hun.

*hugs kathryn* sorry that you are feeling weird.. u okay?

*hugs JK* Glad to hear that you are okay. I hope that your work thing does not lead to anything bad.

And I know that some of you guys care... i'm not so sure that people in my "real life" do so much tho. I keep thinking that maybe it'll be easier to... well to word it in a nice and safe way, create a comfortable distance. Then they won't have to see and I won't have to get hurt again. Its not like i have much of a support system anyway.. very few people know anything important about me. *sigh* i'm just tired of trying to turn my life around. Its starting to feel like enough is enough.

I cut and I almost gave up completely. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

i care laura <3 hmm... i dunno what to suggest unfortuantely but am here if you want

heh... the irony- the only black shirt i own that isnt in wash? my twloha one... *snorts* go me. >.>

*offers hug to wolf [sorry dunno name ><]*

sorry am useless atm.

*cuddles and goodie bags full of stickers and plastic rings and neckalces*

I Hate, hate, hate when I let food consume me.. well more like I consume it... no wonder I am such a fat gross pig... btw anyone else a binge eater or am I once again alone.

*snuggles if you want* bet you're not a fat gross pig [wow im one to talk lols]

*curls up and sleeps*

*snuggles with* but i am a fat pig :(. i used to be so pretty then i let food in.

*cuddles more* food is silly *nod*

me getta photograph butterflys being released in morning ^.^ lol.

Food is evil. I looves me some butterflies

*hugs Jess* I'm glad you didn't give up completely <3

*hugs Heather* I love my TWLOHA shirt :D But I feel like a huge hypocrite whenever I wear it... ><

*hugs Becca* you're not a fat pig at all. You're beautiful <3

This is ridiculous. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. I've been awake since 10 am yesterday morning... how many hours is that? I can't even wrap my brain around simple math right now. And I have to work in 8 hours. *curls up in a ball and tries to fall asleep* This is not going to end well....

Me too Taz. *hugs* I ended up having a suprise visit from a friend this afternoon and that made me feel a bit better.

*hugs everyone*

I'll be away most of next week on a course with the Prince's Trust. I'm really looking foward to getting away from home. I hate it here.

*Taz Hugs * I hope you are sleeping.

* Hugs Wolf0s* No , Don't give up completely ( Hypocrite I know )

*Hugs Heather and Becca * I'm sure you're not fat either of you , I'm having issues with food I know how tough it can be :(

*Hugs Lindsay* Enjoy your princes trust week :)

How are you Mark?

I'm Achey ,I ache that is , I don't know what to do today , one part of me says cut (First thing I got up) one says nope don't . I Struggled to get out of bed again , I' just tired I guess, I am struggling to sleep latley and even when I do sleep it takes me hours to wake up :( sorry.

*sits rubbing eyes* so tired
i'm baby sitting and all i wanna do is sleep

*Hugs Julie*
Im about to go for a walk to get some energy drinks , I don't want to go out but I'll not sleep tonight with no exercise , I'll go via the canal , it's nice there and ends up right on Aldis heh.

We seem to be living be living very similar lives Mark. *hugs*

I desperately want to just throw in the towel right now.

*hugs to everyone* Sorry, I'm being horribly self centred today.

*hugs/waves at all wardies*

Getting ready for bed as it's been a long and tiring day. We did two dump runs getting rid of all the trash that's been sitting downstairs since we moved in. My computer has been playing silly buggers and continuously freezing up for no obvious reason. Getting really sick of it. *sigh*

Thinking of you all and trying to keep up with where you all are at.

My computer's playing up too Kahlia. It keeps switching off. Damn technology!

*Hugs Jessica* You're not being self centred. That's what the ward exists for to offer support and empathy .

*Hugs Kahlia* I bet you are tired out from moving all that rubbish.

*Hugs Kahlias and Lindsays Computers * Maybe they need hugs too :)

*Spots Helen and Hugs *
Did you enjoy Leona Lewis? Did I already ask that . sorry if so , I hope you had a great time :D

*hugs everyone*

Been going all quiet again lol. Had a bad night last night, oh wells, least it's out of the way now =]

Cut my elbow open earlier, that was ****ing scary, luckily managed to sort it, was about to go to hospital :/ Really sore now =[

Can we roll to October please?? I want go see my best friend already :( Oh & maybe next Saturday too, so will be on holiday YAY!

Don't think you did, I think you may have posted to tell me to have a good time? :) *hugs Mark lots* I did enjoy it very much so. :hop:

*pops in to spread some love and positivity*

I've got a game of giant floor snakes and ladders if anyone wants to join in?!
Hopefully Reggie won't eat the counters.....ooh must keep puppy sinclair away from the visiting rabbit!!!

*Huggles Hayley* * Wants love and positivity*

man today has been such I long day, so much for it not
being buzy because of rockness* rolls eyes*. Was so glad
when 5 came around, now heading home all I want to
do is slleep but the pain in my neck and shoulder, screaming kids
on the train are stopping me.Cuddles everbody, then
carefully curls up in corner for a nap.

*Hugs shadowedsoul and gives soft snuggly earmuffs to block out the noise*

quietish today... wonder why.

i feel like rubbish.

updated r/v.

*hides in the warren* :'(

*hugs mark, kahlia, hayley, april, helen, jill, taz, heather, lindsay, and everyone i'm forgetting*

Sorry for lack of individual replies.. just popping in to say hi and offer hugs to everyone. Hope you are all staying safe/okay.

*holds April tight* I read your rv sweet and I do totally understand what you're saying, I'm in the same space at the moment but it certainly hasn't been that way for many many years and things definately can and will be better for you OK? Keep your faith and try and take one nice thing out of each day. You'll get there hun, I believe in you.

Helen I'm VERY jealous of you going to see Leona Lewis! I got you is a song that is pretty much getting me through some tough times right now, I have a friend IRL who 'has got me' and without her I'd be more of a wreck than I am!

Thanks for popping in to say hi Laura, sometimes that's just as nice as individual replies and important for us to see you *cuddles*

Mark, hope your day goes ok, although I suspect it might be night time! I still haven't gotten any better at these time differences after all the months I've been coming here *blushes*

Hugs Kahlia, Shadowedsoul, Taz, Lindsay, Hayley and others who haven't popped in since I was last here leaving JK hugs.

I am going to launch myself out of bed and try to get some exercise between the rain showers, then have filled my day with visiting friends in an attempt to keep myself out of trouble, which kinda failed yesterday but today is a new day.

heh hence the irony-ness.



just one of teh pics i took :P

*Hugs April* I read your R/V thread and it makes total sense to me , it could have been me that wrote it .

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs JK*

Maybe OD trigger......

























I took an unadvisable but safe ammount of anti-pyhcotics so I can sleep tonight , I hope they work ,it's hot which doesn't help sleep either . Not sleeping PLUS a Sinking depression = no fun at all , I'll catch up with my wardmates tommorow . I hope I am allowed to say what I said about the meds and that it doesn't trigger anyone. I'll stick A warning up

*tucks Mark in* I hope you sleep hun, and that you feel ok tomorrow.

Heather, your photo = awesome and uplifting and made me smile. Thanks ;)

welcomee :)
i love butterflys ^.^

right... out to dinner soon... back later.

Pretty butterfly

mark, thanks for the comment on my r/v. i'm glad that it made sense to you... kind of... but kind of not. i'm sure you understand what i mean by that, heh... i'm sure a lot of us do!! i hope that you manage to get some sleep, and no, you didn't trigger me at all by that... just please, please, please don't get in the habit of using extra pills to sleep. :( *cuddles*

laura, sweetie, how are you doing? *cuddles* i am a bit worried about you, and hels too.

hels *cuddles* is your elbow okay? i hope so... can only imagine how painful that must be. :( and i'm glad you enjoyed the leona lewis concert a lot... although i've never heard of her. hehe.

becca, to answer your question that you posed a few pages back, whilst i'm not a binge eater, i do have tendencies to "mini-binge" - i've got ednos-r but the urges tend toward bulimia at times. ughhh. :( so i can kind of feel your pain, as the case may be.

jk, good to see you again... *cuddles* how have you been doing lately? not so good, i take it? :( thanks for reading my r/v thread... hopefully none of it was triggering for you.

heather, love, that's a gorgeous photo. *cuddles* thanks so much for sharing, i think we should hang it up on the wall, what do you guys think? :D hehe... how are you doing? and you're not fat either. although i do know that it's hard to believe that, especially coming from people you don't know irl.

i'm so exhausted... and i cut... not badly... but still, couldn't focus on the relief it brought because i had to focus on not letting it get too bad. damnit!!

children's health fair was today... hate kids so it was pretty ick... and i was standing up in the heat for most of it. that sucked. i think i'm dehydrated but i don't know for sure. :-S

also, i can't stop eating!! i mean, i can and have, but then i go back for something more an hour or so later. i haven't eaten a ton yet but it is definitely more than usual... probably the same issue that people with anorexia nervosa face... i've known two girls that have begun to eat uncontrollably after awhile of not eating... so i think that's what's going on with me. :-/ except i was only restricting, not cutting food out entirely. gahhh!! why does my life have to be so ****ed up? :'(

*hides in the warren*

*huggles * I hate the disorder I wish the dr never told me what was wrong with me had a name but a tiny, tiny part is glad to know. We can fight this

*huggles back* eating disorders are truly horrific things. :( i hate that... i'm struggling with it now and it sucks. jarrod just asked me when i'm going to start drinking enough water so i can exercise, as it's really warm here (88'F today in the shade)... and i don't know. i really don't. it's so hard for me to drink enough water... oh i don't know, sorry, am rambling/ranting and this should probably go in my r/v thread. :(

i feel like ****. :'(

*snuggles april*

but but if im not how come mum and dad say so and stoopid clothes is all tight and stupidly big sizes :/

im exhausted :(
mum said cant go pride [oh well- she wont be home that week =p] but dunno why she not want me to o_O

Awww bless you JK. I love her so much, have ever since I saw her on X Factor (where she got her record deal) and yeah. I love 'I got you' aswell, makes me think of one of my best friends, bit like for you :) I'd be more of a wreck than I am without her, well I believe I'd be dead (as would she) :(

No, it's very very very sore. I just took the plaster off because it was really annoying me. So now everything's irritating it and making it even more sore. FML! If it was my ipod that did this as I suspected, don't understand how it's done such a big & bit deep and stuff. Meh. :O How can you never have heard of her? She's HUGE in USA!!!! Where have you been? :p *cuddles tight*

Not sure if I mentioned that I had a doctor's appointment on Friday? Went okay, have been referred back to mental health clinic (not happy about that at all) to see their eating disorders team. Also she's making sure they phone me to sort the appointment rather than send a letter. Which massively helps. Plus sending what I wrote her to them aswell. So hoping they hurry up. But am so scared they won't believe me, they always send me away saying that I'm 'fine' even though sometimes have earlier said that I'm not. Hmm. I swore to myself after last time I went (a lot of bad stuff happened) that I would NEVER go back to that clinic. It's a total shithole. I know mh services aren't exactly great but they take the biscuit. Ugh. Roll on my holiday, six more days.