I know it's not funny really but this typo made me smile;-)

Haven't had any urges today... Still feel odd though.

Hello there my fellow wardies!! *group huggle!!*

Oh my goodness, the past few days have been a bit crazy for me - good job I'm sane to cope with it! My best mate had a kind of breakdown due to the side effects of an anti-depressent that she was put on and ended up wanted to kill herself or be sectioned. But it turns out, when we called a doctor, that she was put on the wrong medication, so now she's got to have withdrawal but should then be much better. Bloody idiot doctors!! Anyhoo, so I was with her on my birthday and stayed a few days. We also went out on a 'random one' as we like to when in need of focusing our minds on happy things and both bought a house bunny rabbit!! (I know that you should never by a pet on a whim, so please don't tell me off, I've been wanting a pet for ages but hadn't got one cos I'm not actually allowed one in my tenancy agreement - whoops!) Anyhoo, I got back to my mine saturday night and have been getting Reginald (Reggie for short) settled in and this is the first chance I've had to get out my laptop and make sure the wires are out of nibbling reach! ......

....so I've missed 20pages which I'm afraid I haven't time to catch up on at the moment as I've other things to catch up with and birthday thank-you cards to make, but I was thinking of you all and wishing you well.

I'll try and check back in later and be a better wardie.

*toddles of into corner to make thank-you cards*

Lol sorry I just read what I wrote. Opps ment shift.

Oh I'm so sorry Jill I didn't mean it in a mean way :( sorry....

*holds Jill gently as she cries* It's alright hunny. *rocks you softly* Have you thought about medical attention sweet?

*hugs mark and helen* i'll tell rosie to come on tommorrow so she can read your comments on her writing. She'll be so happy.

*rubs feet and nose* so cold. silly weather wont make up it's mind.

Mark hunni, I know you didn't mean anything nasty. When
I saw that burst out laughing, it's all good hunni.
Hmm cat nah doctors are muppets hopefully it will be okay
in a couple of days. holds on tightly, sorry for being clingy.

Sorry if that sounded shitty, just don't want my perents
to find out what really happened. didn't tell them the truth

How was everyones bank holiday Monday and corresponding U.S. Holiday ?

I'm going to bed now , does anyone else on meds find they sleep an abnormal amounts , I mean I sleep 12 hours , then nap for 1-2 hours then sleep easily for the next 12 hours and am tired all of the time :S

Sorry

Night Night Wardmates:) *Hugs and waves*

*huggles/waves at everyone*

So cold. So very, very cold.
First day of winter here.
Wearing a cardigan and a hoodie and still cold. brrrrrrrrrrrr

Mark: Medications can do that to you. My housemate has had that issue with his meds before. It seems to have settled down a bit now though. When he first went back on his anti-psychotic he used to crash out about 45 minutes later and sleep for more than 12 hours and still crash out for a sleep the next afternoon. Have you had the problem for long? Or changed doses/added new meds? *offers hugs*

Jill: It sounds like you have been having a bad trot recently. How are you doing, both physically and mentally/emotionally? *huggles*

Kat: How are things going with you? I hope you are managing to stay warm. And please tell Rosie that her writing is definitely improving. :-) *offers hugs*

Hayley: *pounces on* Missed you over those 20 pages. Still managing to stay sane after the sanity injection? I used to have a reaction to anti-depressants where I wanted to commit suicide because of my scizo-affective disorder being bipolar type. The hospital here never figured that out. I hope that your friend is being put on a medication that's appropriate to what they need. A lot of doctors don't know how to ask the right questions before just prescribing what they think you need. Reggie the Rabbit sounds cute! I hope you are doing well. *huggles*

Helen: *huggles you and holds you tightly* I know it's a hard time for you, even when your friends are improving and I wish I had some words for you. However, all I have is *hugs* and a listening ear and a shoulder that you can cry on when you need it.

Kathryn: I'm glad you had no urges. How are you going now?

To everyone else: Sorry I haven't mentioned you by name, I just didn't want to leave anyone out. I'm thinking of you all and hoping that you are doing okay. I'm also hoping that you check in and let us know how you are doing, and how things are going in your world.

Remember: Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have difficulty remembering how to fly . . .

*leaves hugs, special care packages and stuffed animals in visible locations around the ward for people to collect when needed*

*hides in the corner and cries quietly*

i'm sorry i can't be there for you all... :'(

*holds you tight and hugs lots* Thanks Kahlia, I needed someone to see that. Don't think other people get that sometimes.

Although I *have* been feeling better myself, I'm not so sure that I'm quite out of the woods yet after all. Just feel sad again tonight, I think it's because my other best friend's been so upset tonight. Bit like last night. But majority okay. Plus I don't feel too good & really tired. Should be so majorly excited right now & I don't feel it. Hopefully after a better night's sleep tonight (last night's was awful), I'll be okay again. I can't be sad again, not this soon. PLEASE? :crying:

I should have 3 pills left to take before having a week off to 'bleed' but have lost them. So have 4 missing pills. Great, so having to start 7 days thing earlier. Hope it won't affect the next pack or anything :/ Think it's affecting me somehow though. Stupid Hells. Still need to get my iron pills aswell, but had such a bad week last week, that haven't sorted anything.

I really want to cut. But I can't & won't. No ****ing way.

I'm going to go bed & try sleep.

*hugs everyone* Sorry I haven't replied to anyone else.

oh and meant to add, updated r/v... if anyone cares.

it's another one of those nights where it feels like no one gives a damn. :'(

i'm sorry i'm not replying to everyone... i feel guilty because of that.

today's been an okay day, i guess. bit frustrating as i just want to make jarrod happy and he's currently miserable, or close to, due to lack of things to do on furlough, me being less than healthy, and a few other things. i don't know. i just want to make him feel better. he implored me to call res tomorrow and start applying, do something, throw myself into therapy, something - how can i ignore a plea like that? .... i love him, i do, but i don't know why it's so hard for me to show it. :'(

i feel so... bitch-ish. :'(

Hels: Hon it's okay. I've been in a similar situation several times. And in relation to the "bleed" ... I'm on the pill to try and regain my control as my PCOS mucks with my system. Been through 4 "cycles" and now had 2 weeks since the last bleed and bleeding again! Over it, seriosly. So hearing you on that one. *huggles you and sits with you*

April: I'm sorry if I made you feel left out or ignored. I didn't mean to. :( I wish I had some words for you hun. I guess that all I can offer is some *hugs* if you can take them or a *safe love and care package*. I do give a damn about you, even though I'm half way around the world.

Currently not in a good way. Lower back and shoulder are in agony. The shoulder pain extends down into the R hand - the last two fingers are alternating between shooting pain and numbness. And I have to go soon to go to physio. Yay.

Sometimes I just wish this was all over. *sigh*

*steals a huge pile of duvets and makes a fort in a dark corner and then disappears into it*

*cuddles everyone*
rosie- your writing is definitely getting better :)

*curls up in corner of room and hides*

I'm drunk, lonely, sad and I have no one to talk to...so I came to post here. Pathetic, I know. How's everyone?

I'm afraid to admit that I have no reason to live...at least it's been years since I've found one.

*slumps down next to Ileana, so she's not so alone*

feeling quite sad and alone myself at the moment (even with a house full of ppl).:sad:

Thank you Jackie. :)

*hugs everyone*

I'm starting a course with the Prince's Trust today but I really can't be bothered and i'm so nervous. I don't want to fight to live any more, I just want to die.

*Hugs Lindsay , Ileana , Jackie , Heather , Kahlia , Helen and Everyone else on the ward *
AND

*SPECIAL BIRTHDAY HUGS FOR APRIL*

*hugs/waves everyone*

**special birthday hugs for April** - Hope you have a good day!

I'm going to head to bed soon, it really wasn't a good day today. Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep *sigh*. Somehow I doubt it. Oh well.

*toddles off to bed*

Kahlia, you didn't really make me feel left out, no worries. :) *huggles* I'm sorry that you're in pain right now... how did physio go?

*hugs Ileana and Jackie* Welcome to the ward, both of you... Ileana, I know you've posted before but I figured I'd "rewelcome" you. :) I'm sorry you're feeling so low and sad and lonely... wish I could help you. :( I know the feeling though, Jackie, of feeling "alone in a million crowd" (Lacuna Coil lyrics). *huggles*

*safe hugs for Amy and Julie* How are you, love?

*cuddles Laura, Hels, Oliver, JK, Taz, Kat, Kathryn, and everyone else I must be forgetting*

Thanks Mark. :D I can't believe that it's my birthday... lol... that I've lived to be this age (not that I'm old, it's just, well, I didn't think I'd make it past 20 and here I am at 22). Woohoo... *curls up next to Mark and bounces a little* Hehe... yeah, I'm like a little kid... but this is the first time someone's wished me a happy birthday online really... Jarrod didn't even wish me a happy birthday when I woke up, so yeah. :)

Happy Birthday April :D

*cuddles everyone else*

*cuddles Lindsay since she missed her the first time 'round* I think it's good you're doing that course, sweet, even though I don't know exactly what it is. (What is it? lol... sorry :-S) Maybe it will give you something to live for...

*cuddles Hels and spies Mark, so cuddles him too* :)

Hahahaha, I have to go queue soon for THREE hours. I must be mad right? :P Tonight's going to be amazing =]

Thanks or the hugs and acknowledgements.

Feeling a little better..........sort of.

*curls up on a lounge somewhere to not think*

Queue for what, Hels? *huggles*

Jackie, glad that you're feeling a little better. :) *hugs*

I'm at my internship now... I'm hoping I don't have to stay for the 4pm meeting as I'm supposed to be at my parents at 5pm and I want to have time to stop at home and get changed before that. GRRRRR ARGH.

Ahhh so tired...

*hides in the warren* :(

Kahlia , I've had this problem with my meds making me tired and no motivation and apathetic for a while , I bought it upith my PyschDr and he said "that what those meds are supposed to do" hmmm I guess it's better than full blown constant suicidal depression and I still get Sui urges just not ALL the time but I knows I am depressed more days than I'm not :(.
Sorry

Whats you queing(Spelling?) for Helen ? :)

*spies Mark and cuddles him* I'm sorry that your meds have made you numb & apathetic, but yeh, I do suppose it's better than being constantly madly suicidal. :( I wish I could help you more, love... :(

Ugh, my head hurts. I'm dehydrated I think, and I have eaten practically nothing yet today... that's probably why. :-/ But I don't want to eat my "lunch" yet as it's only 9:35am and I have hours yet before I can go home. :( Boo hiss. I hate waiting. I hate not having a lot to do. I hate no one noticing (here - at my internship) that it's my birthday. :(

I'm so sick of life. I really am. So over it. Just want it to end... and I wish that I could be HAPPY, damnit, on my birthday!! but no, I'm not. Not right now anyway. But Jarrod got me a TWLOHA shirt for my pressie and I'm wearing it now... so that makes me smile. Hehe. :)

*hides in the warren, in a deep dark corner where no one can find her*

*Snuffles out April in her hidey hole and Squishes her*

*squishes Mark back* You found me!! You must've used your super-April-detector... lol. :P How are you, love?

It's starting to get sunny out............ :D

Oh and yeah, I updated my r/v. :-/

Am really really tired.
Am frustrated because I can't focus.
Just want to sleep.

:'(

I read your R/V thread April , Hmm I wish I could have been there for you but I had an volunteer buero appoinment at 12.30 back here at 1pm ish grab some cereal for lunch and back out for accupuntctre at 3pm and I literally just got back from that now at 4.37pm

*Hugs you and will try to be there for you*

It's okay, Mark. Sorry to seemingly put pressure on you when you've got so much going on. *squishes* Don't worry too much about being there for me, I'll be alright.

Got home from work early as the staff there (and my supervisor) were going to be spending most of the day out of the office, and I didn't want to be the only one there. So ta-daa, I am at home after a nice lunch out with Jarrod. :) We're heading over to my parents' in a little bit so that should be nice... :)

It's sooo quiet here today!!!!

Argh feeling so low just can't do this anymore.iam so sore
again, iam really iam over all of this.

*Squishes April back* I don't feel under pressure , I WANT to be threre for you .It's nice that you got a part day on your birthday ,YEY!

*Hugs Jill too*

O took a nap from 5.10 -7pm , I'm still tired ,I just wanna crawl back under my covers and hope for a fantastic day tomororw , which I know won't happen ,I'll just be plagued by urges until I give in and then it will be better until I realise oh I have more scars to hide and I feel low again , still might go to bed though despite the early hour , I might be up in an hour if I don't sleep . I am so very over this , over life .........:( sorry

Okay I was cheesed off before now I'm really cheesed off
bloody two faced mangers, here was me thinking you
were diffrent, haha I guess the jokes on me. You
work your ass off and get very little thanks. Just more
bulls*it. Why the hell iam I bothering, really want to
cut now. damn it

sorry for not doing individual replies... too many posts and the focus just isn't here... but wanted to update everyone on my happy news. M and J and L will be moving out by the end of the month! yay! just 2 extra people left! and my credit report should be much better come august so we're gonna try to get a loan and a house in sept or oct... *crosses fingers* we even know what one we want. *happy dances then runs off to have lunch*

Just wondering, how quick is a referral?
I don't want to be wasting my time with a doctor who I haven't seen for like, 4 years.

*waves to everyone*

*gives big squishy hugs to each and every person*

*gives birthday card to April* Happy birthday

Sorry for lack of individual replies. Really struggling and trying to avoid anything that could push me over the edge. And with that, my presence on RYL has really cut down.

Hopefully I'll be back full force soon. I'm thinking of you all. <3

*cuddles Taz* Awh love, I'm sorry that you're so close to going over the edge... I totally understand staying away from RYL in that case. It can be pretty triggering... that's why I just came back this year - er, I mean, 2009. Hah. Because before that I posted for a little while, then got triggered and took a break, then came back... yeah. *more cuddles* I hope you feel more stable soon - are you talking with anyone IRL about "stuff"? (sorry, I forget who's got who IRL to talk with :-S)

I'm really anxious right now, and I totally ate too much at supper... but we've got some awesome photos of my birthday. My dad even made a video, which I would share with you all except I have no idea how to post one. Haha. And plus, it would probably take up too much bandwidth. It's only about 30 seconds long but it's pretty funny. Might post it on YouTube, but I really don't want it to be public... hah. Anyway. It's just me trying to blow out the candles on my cake. :P They were the trick kind, so I was blowing... and blowing... and blowing. Lol. :-/ I hate that type of candle!! :P

I'm really, really tired right now but don't want to take a bath yet because I'm too full. (I really do think my stomach's shrinking... I can't eat half as much as I used to be able to, and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. :-S)

*cuddles everyone* Quiet day on the ward...

EDIT - J.Greens, I have no idea how to answer your question, sorry. :-/

*hugs Heather and Amy* How are you two doing?

*cuddles Crimson* That's awesome news!!! *does the happy dance just for you* :D

*cuddles everyone*
*waves to O*
been a busy day so far... hopefully it doesn't turn into a busy week. Moderately busy or slow (so I can catch up on my own work) would be okay but this jam packed day where I don't have time to do any of my own work is killing me... I am so far behind its getting obsurd. *repeats to self 'progress not perfection'*
Hope everyone's doing okay today.
*extra cuddles to those that need them*
Taz- we love to have you around but if it's triggering we'd rather you take care of you instead.
April- happy happy birthday!
JG- Sorry I have no answer for you...
Heather and Amy- How are you two?
*runs out the door for the court run*

im...fine?

nope not allowed to use the f word no more

*cuddles all*

April & Mark, to answer your question, albeit hours later, I was seeing Black Eyed Peas tonight. Those with standing tickets have to queue to get in -those with sitting do queue too but only when doors open- but some go hours before they open, to get to stand at the very front/nearest to the stage.

I had an amazing night once the acts started. As it was Cheryl Cole supporting them, then it was about two or so hours filled with fun of Black Eyed Peas :D :D :D

However, before that, I didn't. It built up through the day really. When I first signed on this morning, my friend immediately asked if we could start queuing at 3pm (instead of 5pm as planned) as 'apparently people are already queuing'. I told her no, that we'd go at 4pm if she was so desperate & that it wasn't likely to be true. Anyway, I stuipdly changed my mind & we started just before 3pm. It was POURING with rain the whole time. My coat & hoodie are STILL soaked now (it's 1.30am and we got in at 6.20pm!)

If that wasn't bad enough(!), she started making me feel like I didn't exist when her friends had turned up. Makes ME put their drinks into the plastic bag I had for ours. Then, I asked that everyone took their drinks before we got in, which got ignored conviently!!!

So got in, bag searched, they told me I'd have to hand in my cans. Told them it was fine, because weren't mine. Whilst I did that, my friend ran off with hers to try get to the front. But came back (or waited) for me to catch up. Then runs off again when I got stopped (again!) as had plastic bottles. So had to transfer TWO bottles of water into plastic cups. Then had to try find my friend & her mates. Eventually found them, sat down (to stand up again a few minutes later) nearly crying & in agony with foot cramp. Then she acted even more like I ****ing didn't exist. So I'd had enough by then, wanted to go home. Would have done, if hadn't been for varying reasons.

So went into the loos. When my sister texted me (my mum took her as an early birthday present, but they had seated tickets) to say they'd arrived && to describe where I was/wearing so they could try see me, when my sister phoned, as I was replying. Had already been crying but ended up sobbing down the phone to my sister.Lucky I was in a loo to be honest!! So I texted her what happened, they spent rest of the night texting/calling to check on me & would have texted about the concert anyway :D Which they did. Ugh. So had to stand on my own at the back rest of the night.

****ing back was crippling me at the end. Still aching now, as are my legs & throat. So worth the pain though, they were AMAZING!!!

Got my interview at 4.30pm today. Eeek!! My Mum helped me pick my outfit :D Bless her, she's been a real sweetheart tonight. Was totally on my side once I told her later on everything. Plus she's now coming to the last concert me & my friend should been going to. As we booked (over the peroid of 3 months) to see 4 concerts. It'll be great, because my Mum loves Leona Lewis as much as I do. She wanted to come anyway. Also, when I won competition tickets to see her last year, I took my Mum, as she loves her and we had the most amazing few hours together :D

Sorry I've not done individual replies & then had a whingefest of my own.