hey im a bit :sad:

one of my posts got closed
and errm...

im on a break from work til october because of mental health proplems and i cant get any money


And last week i got a letter from my doctor to say ive got to go for a cervical screening test so i go in on friday and make the appointment.
After i come back home im reading the leaftlet they gave me and it says

Quote:
if you have any unusual symptoms, such as bleeding after sex or between periods, you should see your doctor.

Well err yes that happens so i have to ring up and make another appointment tomorrow
thing is i dont want to
but mum and boyfriend are nagging me to
i just want to go for the test
it there is anything unusual it will be picked up on the cervical screening test

i dunno

please highlight if you really want to read this post


:Blush:

*Hugs to all who want them.*

April, you're not stupid to let that get to you. Talking about self harm can be so triggering and being around others who you view as so much more beautiful than you can too. I hope you don't cut again, but it's nothing to be ashamed of if you do. Everyone slips, no one's perfect.

Hey beautiful mistake. What's the matter? Anything you want to talk about?

Fathers' day hasn't been as bad as I thought. I had a fun day actually, basically acted like a five year old with my sister and two best friends. 'twas fun and a mahusive laugh.

xx

*spies oliver and glomps* :) how are you, love? & how's your girlfriend?

*hugs lia and b_m* thanks for the support. it means a lot, it really does. i haven't cut again yet and actually started filling out my app for mercy, i'm terribly scared though. :( i hate being this way. it really, really sucks. i just wish that i could be okay... for once... instead of being this way for 8+ years.

anyway.

b_m *hugs* i'm sorry to hear about the cervical test... hopefully it will reveal that everything is okay. i will be sending you good thoughts/praying for you (if you don't mind - some people do so PLEASE let me know if you do). i wish i could be of more use right now... but i feel fragile... crumbling... i don't know. sorry. :(

*hugs lia* glad your father's day wasn't that bad. i feel bad about something i said to my dad - it was a good thing and perhaps he wasn't entirely deserving of all that i said, but... i don't know. sorry for rambling on about me again. :( having fun days = mandatory for staying "sane" - lol. hopefully you get to have some more fun days in the days to come. :)

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

*hugs Scarletdreamer back*

thank you april you are so sweet and no i do not mind at all xx
going to make the appointment tomorrow
also i wish we had buddy poke on here it would be rather cool and make everyone smile well i reckon it would


;-)

*glomps April back and hugs her lots* I'm sorry you got triggered and ended up cutting, your not a loser for getting triggered by a sermon, if they were talking about sh, then off cause it could be triggering, it certainly doesn't make you a loser. I'm glad you havn't cut since and hope the form filling out is going well, I know they can be a massive pain.

*hugs BM* Don't believe we've met, Hi I'm Oliver.
I hope the test goes ok and that it comes back all fine. (btw in future could you maybe put why you have hidden something, like say if it is womens stuff, cos I read it not knowing and that stuff it really stresses me out, sorry not having a go, just asking, thanks)

*hugs Justme* don't believe I've met you either, are you Lia? I'm Oliver. I'm glad your fathers day was ok.

*hugs Laura, Mark, Jk, Nicole, Heather, Jess, Hayley, Lindsey, Jill and anyone else, really sorry if I have*

My girlfriend is still in hospital, although she is loads better now and could have got out today, but they needed to do more blood tests just to check everything was back to normal so she will be out tomorrow.
I'm doing ok, except drinking off milk is really not good, feeling ill now.
have also done loads of washing and washing up tonight, starting to sort stuff out, have a house viewing tomorrow evening and I'm really hoping
we can get it sorted, if all 3 of us turn up!!
I'm still slogging along though, trying desperatly to not let my depression really hit me, I know it is there looming over me like a massive cloud, but I'm trying to keep it at bay, although mostly failing at the moment.
I have my psychiatrist appt on wednesday, I'm really nervous about it, its for my gender stuff, its going to be stressful.
thats enough rambling from me, sorry have talked too much.
*wonders off around the ward*

*hugs Oliver back*

hey there pleased to meet you and im sorry
i will put hidden because of ladies things in future
and hope wednesday goes ok

xx

well i feel like being a bit random
so im going off on a limb and going to say...

ladies things
and
naked penguins all round

thanks bm and I'm liking the naked penguins, it made me laugh :)

updated r/v btw... :-/

(link is in sig)

just want to curl up in a hole and cry, or cut, or both. :'(

*cuddles April lots* read your rv post, sorry your struggling at the moment, just try to remember your a great person who i love having around on the ward, please try to keep yourself safe and look after the wound.

*hugs everyone*

*big hugs* to all who are struggling and can accept hugs right now.
Sorry for my lack of individual replies. I have been reading and I am thinking of you all.

I finished stage 2 of my Diploma yesterday - signed and sealed. Just awaiting advice on what to do next. Really hoping it comes through shortly as I don't want to lose momentum.

Feeling ... blech. Very urgy in both SI and suicide. *sigh*
So.damn.over.it.all
Sorry.

*hugs all old/new members*

To everyone who's new and I've yet to meet, hi, I'm Taz, and I disappear off here quite frequently.

To everyone in here, I hope you've all been doing... hmm, okay I guess? For those of you struggling, my thoughts and hugs and cuddles and lots of TLC go out to you. To everyone who has something to celebrate or be happy about, I'm spraying you with confetti :)

Take care xx

*curls up and sighs*

Okay , so I have caught up at my computer in my flat :)
I got here this morning releived but dreading being alone:S
I read through.
My Mum has had her Op, she will be unable to weight bear on the leg for 6-8 weeks ! but hopefully back home on wednesday
I read your R/V Thread April *MEGA HUGS*
and *Hugs to everyone too*

Hmmm I'll try a naked penguin ..........thankyou.

Good luck on Wednesday Oliver , with your psychiatrist *Hugs*

I'm starting back on my teambuilding course today. I've missed the routine.

*hugs/waves at every ward member*

Taz: *big hugs* Hey hun, how are you doing?
Heather: Are you okay hun? Is there anything we can do to help? *offers cuddles*
Lindsay: I'm glad to hear you're starting back on the course. How are things going? *offers hugs* Are things starting to settle down?
Mark: Glad you got back home to your flat. Sorry though that you were dreading being alone. Was there any particular reason behind the feeling? Sounds like your mum got through the op okay, although I bet she'll be sick of not being able to weight bear on that leg by the end of the time period. Hope you are doing okay. *big hugs*

Still sitting on my laurels in terms of the diploma. Been advised to wait for "diploma dude" (Diploma Coordinator) before doing anything else. *sigh* I hate wasting time and I don't want to lose momentum. But, I also don't want to do subject I don't have to do. :-S

*leaves hugs and safe care packages on the table for all*

*peeks in and offers hugs to everyone*

i feel like crap. i'm alone at my internship place and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing... my supervisor won't be in for a bit yet and i'm really frustrated by having to wait outside a locked door for a ****ing hour before someone came to let me in. :( i just want to go home... don't want to be here, don't want to take notes, don't want to be alone... damn it all!!!! :'(

plus i'm really really triggered because a friend of mine who has an eating disorder sent me weights on a text, telling me that if she got to XXlbs she would be hospitalized and she's currently not that far off... and it was just TRIGGERING, ****ing triggering, and i don't know what to do about it. i weigh soo much. :'( and i can't be arsed to exercise because... well, i'm so ****ing lazy!! :'(

anyway, sorry for the rant and lack of individual replies... :crying: i am just in a bad place right now...

updated r/v... it may be a little si triggery, i'm not sure... :'(

*hides in the warren where no one can find her* :crying:

I got back from my appoinment with my nurse to find my Dad waiting for me , I knew he was coming but would have got to my flat faster if I'd have known he was likley to be waiting. He asked what I'd be having for dinner like my parents do daily now , I said patsaor cereal ,more likly patsa . and he said I was lazy for eating ceral , 2nd member of my family to call me lazy in 2 days , it's hard to care to cook when you are low as you all know . anyway , cobbleled together a pasta sauce and it's cooking. I don't want to eat pasta , carbs!I need to lose weight .
Am I Lazy , just lazy not low? , who cares?