I'm too tired to fight myself anymore.

People are offering you help, I know it's not going to make you feel amazing and 100% better etc but it's a start. Being kind to yourself would be much better for you than fighting yourself but I understand how hard that can be too. If there's something you think you need please try and let someone know.

Why is everyone angry with me?

Have people said they are angry with you?

People have implied it. The registrar on the ward told me to stop wasting time and get a hobby outside of work. The consultant said he needs my bed and is sending me home tonight. I've been honest. I've said I will probably do it again.

It's not that they're angry, it's that they don't understand. Are you still seeing HTT?

They seemed angry. The triage nurse in a and e seemed angry. People keep telling me I don't want to die but I change between wanting to and not wanting to and no one understands how horrible that is. I feel so horribly alone.

Yeah am seeing htt tomorrow morning. Tempted to ring them now. I feel hideous and like I can't cope.

I think you should ring them now. You need someone to talk to that understands your situation and although they might not understand as such at least they know how to deal with it and offer you help.

Don't worry about what other people are thinking, they might seem angry but it's because they don't know what other emotion to present when faced with something they don't understand. They are treating you and that's all you need to be concerned about.

^ everything np says is wise

Hope you're getting on ok. <3

If you want to keep chatting to distract then I'll probably be around for a while, if that would help.

I rang the crisis team 45 mins ago. And they still haven't called me back.

Try again, maybe?

It could also be that they are angry or frustrated with the mental health team/system there for failing you. It sucks to be in that situation and I am glad you got medical treatment. Thinking of you.

The crisis team came to see me last night. Arranged for me to stay in hospital overnight. I'm on a random orthopaedic ward. I need to go home now as they have none of my tablets.

I'm glad they came to see you. Were they helpful?

How are you now being back at home?

She was nice. I was in too much of a state for anything to be more helpful than the nurse who just sat and held my hand and chatted.

It's good you had someone there with you though. Hopefully that was reassuring.

I am glad the nurse kept you some company.
I am sorry people made you feel bad for getting help. Sounds like they don't fully understand why things are the way they are and that you can't just not feel the way you feel.

I miss you too. <3

Thank you for trying your best to fight this and look after yourself. That must be really hard to do & I appreciate you are doing it because you mean a lot to me and I wish I could make you feel better.

How are you today? Sending lots of love.

I feel very overwhelmed and want to blood let.