Yes cadburys creme eggs ^_^
*hands you some more*

hehehe....ive not been running for agggggeeesssss

CHLOE
hello my Denial Tent-giver :) have a creme egg!!!!
hmmmm is all i have to say about your new psych. about the good/bad, maybe she doesnt want you to use it so much BECAUSE you tend to, because you are very black/white and not gray and she wants you to see things less harshly? about the other thing, you know i often wonder if coming on RYL and reading about SI or listening to songs about SI and other self-destructive things is good or not (i can't seem to stop any of it). did she say why? there are parts that are really non-triggering, and certain areas are really educational, like discussing treatments and meds and what has and hasnt worked for other people, and advice and stuff. honestly i wouldnt have had the courage to find a therapist this year without it because so few of the people in my real life know and i really needed moral support and i got it here. so i would ask her why, and what specifically she thinks it does for you that is bad and you could talk about the good things and together find out if the bad outweighs the good or vice versa?

effervescence, that really sucks hunnie :(

i am seriously about to jump out of this chair so i have to get out haha
*eats more creme eggs for energy*
will be back to the Denial Tent later!
*runs around*

mmmmmmmmmm creme egg!! ta.
she just said that she was disturbed by things she has heard about sites in general, how the content can be quite graphic blah blah (not that she knows ive pretty much seen it all). so i lied and said i only came on here to check on a friend. i know, i shouldnt have lied. but oh well. she still kept going on about it. and apprently every time i want to cut i have to "press pause" and distract myself. she admitted to not having had much experience with cutting when i said, yea ok, that will last 5 mins, what about the rest of the week?

oh and she also thinks i need to make more friends and tell them all about myself. im sorry, what?? ive been here 3 weeks. ive had friends all my life who dont know this part of me because you know what?? they dont ****ing want to know, it freaks them out, it scares them, and they distance themselves from me. so yeah thats a ****ing GREAT plan that is.

Why can't the emotional pain stop?
Why can't the feelings improve?
Why can't I have a break from all of this?

This is so ****.
I'm drinking wine fleftover in my glass from thursday.

*hugs effervescence, Helen, and Callie*

Effervescence, sounds like you've got yourself an interesting counselor :pinch:. I hope things get better.

Callie, I bet it's just because you're new to it and maybe such a long break between the first few sessions isn't such a good idea. *hugs* Much love miss RYL Twin :-D

Helen, hunni, I wish I had something to say that would help, but I don't
*huge snuggles*

I am feeling crap. Want to cut, want to OD (because THAT would go over well with my cousin in the hospital), want to cry... something! And no one is home... It's my first day back and I know they are at the hospital with my cousin and my Aunt and Uncle... and I know they SHOULD be... but I feel awful and I wanted to see my famile :crying:. Stupid, selfish me again...

*curls up under her blanket in the denial tent and crys since she can manage it here if not in real life*

ew..hasn't it oxidised into vinegar yet?? how is everything going re: moving? is that whats making you so upset?

^ You asking me? We're not moving yet, the house is going up for sale soon =[ I'm dreading the day the sign goes up.

Nah I'm not upset over that.

Thanks Ally :) x

ew now i am sooo tired but i cant make my head tired (um that doesnt even make sense now that i look at it but it does to me.... lol)

i'm sorry you feel like crap Alyssa, let's have a crappy Denial Tent sleepover :)
Chloe i know EXACTLY what you mean about telling friends and how they don't want to know and all that stuff...... i think that about most of my friends too and i still can't figure out if it is true or just what i tell myself in denial because i don't want to talk...... haha denial again
Helen be careful with the wine honey. do you really need it? good luck with the moving and all that and be safe hun
Kit, Emma, Alexx, hope you are all safe
*hugs people goodnite*

*hugs people who need it*

I am drunk again and I am glad. *buries head into cushions to distract self from self destructive thoughts*

Callie- good luck with your extra DBT thing xx

Helen- hope you are alright now xx

Alexx- feel better hun xx

Effervesence (Chloe maybe?)- your counsellor is probably just trying to make you interact and recognise different emotions. It is hard but she probably is trying to help *hugs* stay strong x

*hugs for anyone I missed* x

So, my mother, in her infinat wisdome decided not to tell me about my little cousins OD until I was safely on the west side... when it happened last night! She said she didn't want me to worry while I was driving. I wonder what she would say if she knew that most of the time I am so out of it that I miss huge chunks of the drive :pinch:.
THEN, when she DOES tell me all she tells me is that she is going to be fine. What she didn't tell me (my grandma told me later) was that she fell over, hurt her kneck, had three small brain bleeds at one point, and while she was responsive earlier is not responsive right now... and they are not sure if that is because of some brain damage or from all the pain meds they've got her dopped up on.

:crying:

To make it worse I'm still so numb (heaven only knows why I've been like this for a while) that it's hard to feel much of anything... but it's there, like a ghost... I would much rather it make itself clearly known...

*joins Callie for the crappy denial tent sleepover*

:crying:

Work is good people bad but im a little better ...

i can recognise different emotions i just like the words good and bad. anyway i should be able to say what i want to her....surely? (this isnt meant to sound sniping)

Hi guys

Hope u all r well...!!!!!

I finally managed to get some zzzzz's hehe :-D lol About time i think too, coz i was sooo exhausted

Afternoon peeps, just popped in before I go out XD

I would like to apologise to anyone who witnessed the unpleasant goings on of yesterday. I let my emotions get the better of me and take place over my judgement.

*hugs Carole*
i dont really know what happened but it is very brave to apologise

hi Jeremy and Helen! glad you caught a few winks and hope you're all having a good day

*squishes Alyssa* honey i am so so sorry about your cousin i hope she is responsive now? thanks for having a crappy Denial Tent sleepover with me ;)

Chloe you aren't sniping at all and you should be able to talk to your psych in whatever way makes sense to you and lets you communicate best!!! maybe you need to have a talk with her because you should feel comfortable talking about anything hun.

Alexx and Kit, how are you guys?

*passes around hugs and more creme eggs :) and various treats*

*hugs Carole*
Yep, I agree with Callie, very brave.

*accepts creme egg from her Twin and hugs her*

Yep. Thanks Twin :-D And I am gald we had our sleepover :-) I think I slept better because of it ;-)

Cousin update everyone: my mom told me that when they left yesterday my cousin had been having short conversations with folks... still not opening her eyese though... hmm.

I hope everyone is doing alright and staying safe

*makes a tea tray with tea, coffee, cocoa, cake, biscuts, and anything else that sounds good... OH! Toast! With toast too (hmmm I think I need to eat breakfast lol)... passes it around*

*hugs RYL twin* that is so great that she is talking! maybe she is tired so she doesn't want to open her eyes? or maybe she is embarassed? the meds and the strain on her body could make her wicked tired.
hahaha i definitely slept better because of our crappy Denial Tent sleepover lol! i slept *gasp* for like 10 hours! not uninterrupted because i kept having weird dreams and waking up but 10 hours! weeeee! yeah one dream i remember was that this guy who was a ghost that i met on a tour of an underground cave brought me to the future where i was dead and i found out from a salesgirl in a shop where the ghost man went to buy something that i had died of lung cancer in a prison where i was working on prison reform or something. it was really weird. and Oprah was still alive and all old and wrinkly but still doing her talk show!

ooh tea!
*grabs mug of tea and sits by Virtual Campsite campfire and eats some toast*

Apology accepted, I'd like to apolgise too :)

*hugs everyone*

TOAST!!!!! Can we have a huge sleepover tonight?

I need to stop feelig so low, to stop planning bad & evil things....., to not self harm (haven't done anything yet).

ARGGGGGGH!!!

YAYYYY let's have another crappy Denial Tent sleepover!!!!!

I need to text Em to make sure she got home safely yus.

Woo!! England beat Ireland and Wales just beat France!!!

*grabs teddy bear and curls in a corner*

Want to sleep - hardly slept again

Goooooooooooooo England & Wales <3

I think another denial tent sleep over is a good idea

*pulls her knees to her chest*

Cousin update: She's still not opening her eyes and I guess the conversations are VERY short. My mom and I are headed down to the hospital in about an hour... Don't know when I'll be back on.

*takes a cup of tea to her corner, sits down cross-legged and stares blankly into her tea*

*hugs to everyone*

*hugs everyone*

I burnt my hand earlier ha, wanna make it worse :(

*pokes head in*
i've never visited in here before but,
i heard something about denial tent camping...
is there a tv in the tent... i could bring movies!

*hugs* for everyone having a rough day

Yessssssss we have an awesome tv, with everything we want =]

*hugs*

Welcome to our tent XD

*staggers into the denial tent*
HELLOOOOOO!!!

crap, just crap *tries to cry and ignore the sinking feeling*

*hugs everyone in the tent*

Ally- any news on your cousin?

Hope everyone else is alright! x

*dances alone*

I'm really scared atm!

Why are you scared hun?

A pregnant friend of mine (I have 5!) is bleeding yet again, I just hope the baby is still fighting!!!

*cries*

*hugs* I'm sorry sweetie, really I am. Has she been to the doctors?

Midwife is checking for a heartbeat as we speak, I don't know what's going on yet obviously....I'm so so so so so scared.

She deserves this chance soooooo much *cries*

I feel so selfish aswell |:

You aren't selfish for worrying about your friend, it is perfectly normal and natural. At the moment there is nothing you can do but wait to see what happens and then support her whatever the outcome. Will she call you when she knows?

I feel selfish over something else actually, my bad for not saying...

I'm sure she'll be alright, I just wanna know and stuffs. She'll be back on msn....

What are you selfish for doing hun? You know you can tell me and I won't judge you x

I feel selfish for wanting to do so much harm to myself tonight, when the entire time...my friend was starting to bleed etc. Now I know....I feel so bad for her and selfish for still wanting it. Silly & werid yes.

I still want to do bad harmful things :(

*hugs everyone*

Thanks, Emma, for asking.

Just a quick note as I am still at hospital with everyone:

She's responsive and talking to us... She's got a bit of a headache yet and isn't keeping food down... But she's talking to us and opening her eyes :-D

*breaths a sigh of relief and settles down in her corner for a bit of a cry*

Unfortunatly I'm kind of all over the place emotionally... Leaning more toward teary, sad...

*hugs everyone*

Take care all.

It isn't silly or weird, it shows you care and that you are a good person. It is not strange to consider reverting back to old coping methods when things stress us out. But you are doing so well moving on from there and coping without those destructive things. Don't stop fighting to be free now x

Thanks Emma *huggles*

She's gone offline, so I think she's had to go to hospital =[

Ally, great to hear the news hunnie :)

*hugs everyone*

*rocks back and forth*

Heya everyone, how ya all doing??

I feel quite alone right now, anyone wanna talk? xxx

hey Emma, *hugs* whats up hun? x

I am alright hun, Please don't give up. It does matter. I am sorry for not replying straight away, I was doing a favour for someone and got distracted. Your pain matters sweetie xx

*hugs the Emmas*
Alyssa i am SO GLAD about your cousin
Helen i hope your friend is okay
*hugs Alexx and everybody else*
*wanders into Denial Tent and collapses on pile of blankets*
gah i feel so weird, i keep getting that weird dizzy lead-heavy sinky feeling thingy? i had told my psych about it and he said it was dissosociation from anxiety or something. lovely. nearly collapsed at my desk just now. so weiiiiiird but maybe he is right.
so i am going to bed and hope it goes away
*curls up in the corner with a blanket in the Denial Tent*

It's ok, i'm not really with it tonight anyways, i feel so emotional and i dunno what to do, i should go to bed really cause i really don't trust myself right now :( i've just got so much pain inside of me i dunno how to let it out but the only way i can think of is ending it but i don't know :'(
*hugs everyone* xx