mark-i honestly have no idea. but i expect you can.
*hugs lia* I have had the urge before, but never acted on it :( i feel so stupid.

Try not to be too hard on yourself Nicole. I'm sure you tried your best to restist it and now you know how much you regret it, that might help towards resisiting the urge if it ever arises again.

*hugs lia* Thanks hun. I think i'm gonna try go on a diet. I will be sensible. I just think this came from the fact i am overweight, and fet fat. But there are better ways to control that than purging-right?

*Hugs Nicole* Please do be sensible on a diet . Otherwise it won't be safe , I've had the urage to purge to in the not too distant past , I've even attempted it :S So I can understand where you are coming from .

*hugs mark* I will be sensible. I am actually classed as overweight. So i do need to go on a diet.......

As long as you are careful Nicole and promise me you won't skip meals or go below an average weight?

i promise lia.
Apart from breakfast. I cannot eat in the mornings. It makes me sick :/

I don't eat much in the mornings either , just 1 Bananna usually and COOOOOOFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE :p

I think the Diaz has Calmed me but You two guys , Lia and Nicole have helped me a LOT :) Thankyou :)

lol mark. I can't even manage a bannana. And i absolutley HATE coffee! Its normally just a cuppa tea for me :P

I'm glad to hear that Mark :) I'm feeling a little better now too. I actually just got dressed and am thinking about doing my reading for English.

Fair enough Nicole, I don't eat breakfast either.

Hah Is their a link between Little / No Breakfast and Self Injury ? Heh.

lol mark. I dunno. Doubt it though :/ i suppose it depends on the reason you don't eat breakfast though.

*hugs everyone*

*Hug Louise* How're you?

It was just a random thought of mine Nicole , I'm just not hungry in the morning .

*hugs louise*
I know mark. It just got me thinking about it though, i mean they say if you don't have breakfast it messes up the rest of your eating, which kinda then messes with your brain, which could lead to SI. Heh, just something to think about.

Or if the reason you don't eat breakfast is because of an eating disorder and you cut because of the ED. I have done some of my reading :) I'm still not up to date, but it's progress. I really need to start working properly, it just takes so much effort...

Oh my days. My motivation today is terrible. I actually have done next to nothing. I've got dressed, read two chapters of Wuthering Heights for English and done a tiny bit of writing. What else have I been doing all of this time?!

My Dad showed up earlier than I thought , I was Watching " From Dusk Till Dawn" It's violent but I've seen it a few times and it's good for taking my mind off thoughts , make sense? So anyway I've paused the DVD and am watching Friends re-runs , just for the change of pace heh

*Squishes Lia* Having No Motivation is going around I think .

Lol, bit of a jump there Mark. I remember when I was watching Moulin Rouge and my mum was in the next room, so she could only hear it and I was on the fake orgasm scene, so all my mum could hear was the noises, she couldn't see that nothing was actually going on and shouted to me 'what on earth are you watching?!' It was a bit of a lol,but slightly awkward turtle when she came in to investigate.

Hehe Lia :) I'll get back to the Film Later But I like Friends , it's nice and familiar and comfy :)

motivation? whats that >.>

Lol Heather, I take it you've caught the bug too then ;)

I know that feeling Mark. I feel so much comfort if I have something familiar. Especailly if I am going into an unfamilar world. Like when I went to Canada, I took Harry Potter with me and my cousins out there, but I had only met them once. But then, saying that, if I was being chased by a mad axe murderer, I would be glad tp bump into my cousin Heather or someone simply because they would be more familiar to me than what was happening. Anyway. Rambling now.

I made it in to see my OT, she thinks that I need more things to do so i've to look into night classes on cookery or photography. She says that they'll be free because i'm on benefits but i'm not sure.

*Hugs Lindsay* My support team want me to do more too , I try but depression is hard and self injury helps not at all with it.

*Hugs Lia* Familiar is nice :)

Yay, I managed to get my writing done and now I need to summon the energy to read more Wuthering Heights before my English teacher kills me.

Lindsey, you could give the clubs a try. You don't have to keep going if you don't want to, or find it too hard. *Hugs* And you're not an idiot btw. I'm a disaster even at walking, I would do no better.

You're not a disaster Lia *Hugs*

Lol, trust me, I am. I once managed to almost set fire to the school kichens, grill my cakes, stack it over thin air, write about the wrong thing in my actualy GCSE, use the wrong person to answer my essay question in theatre studies, get the social context of a play in my theatre power point wrong by a century, write '****' in my English essay instead of 'shut', fall into a guy's lap who was in a wheelchair... the list goes on. Trust me when I tell you I should come with a safety hazard warning.

isnt my sig pretty? ^.^
i love flowers peeking outta snow hehe

and err... yus i do have a sig-changing prollem :P

*hugs ward*
I'm sorry, no individuals... I can't concentrate enough to read the 3-4ish pages since I last posted.

I'm trying to do work. Trying. But for Lit Theory, I have to analyze one of my old, graded papers, and I'm staring at this paper and all the red pen marks and the horrible comments. I am a crap English major. Seriously.

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Heather*

I'm sick, sick, sick, of life. Yes, it's probably just because it's the evening again and I am running out of things to do. I should really phone the voluntary crisis team before I do something stupid. I did phone last night but they were out on a visit so I hung up because I didn't want them to call me back about an hour later, I couldn't stay sane that long, and I just went to my bed. I don't know what to do. I need to get washed but i'm not going to because I can't be bothered. I hate me.

When I was talking to my OT today we discussed how I feel like I need someone to take care of me and how, at the age of 23 (almost 24), I should be taking care of myself. She said that the only way i'll be taken care of is if I find myself a nice husband. How am I supposed to do that when I can hardly interact with people? I hate me times two. Times a million. :(

*Huge Hugs Lindsay* Please phone the crisis team Hun , they're there to help you and they might not be out on a call tonight .

*hugs everyone who wants/can accept*
felicia- you're not a horrible english major <3

*hugs everyone thats been in since i left earlier.*

*Hugs Nicole* How are you feeling now?

*Spots and Hugs Crimson* How are you today ?

*hugs mark* I'm.....I dunno. Wanting to purge again. :( Yeah. I am stupid. I know. I also want to binge. eugh. you?

I'm feeling .... well, low and numb to be honest , I'm sorry you are wanting to do those things :( *Hugs Nicole Tons*

*hugs mark tight* I just want christmas to be over now. The thought of all the food at christmas is scaring me, and my suicide plan was for christmas eve....i dunno how I'm gonna get through that....
Sorry you're feeling low and numb. Is there anything you can do to help you feel better?

*Hugs Nicole and Mark* It's us three again guys. I'm sorry both of you are feeling that way. I feel sick, but other than that, OK.

Nicole, you know how easily something can become a habit, please try and resist this urge. I would hate for you to become addicted.

Is there anything that's making you feel this way Mark?

*Hugs Nicole*
My Suicide plan was the 9th of November so I know that feeling :S . You can always come on here on Christmas Eve , we will help you through . I found you guys all so understanding and helpful . Please get in touch with You Psych Dr / Therapist / Counsellor , whomever to work out a plan if you can ? Just so there would be someone there for you IRL on the 24th

*Hugs Lia* I don't know why I'm low , touch of depression this evening I think , it's chemical ....and chronic *Sigh* Being on Lithium makes me Numb I'm 90% at least sure of it , But I guess it beats full on Suicidal Depression , I woulld settle for being ....well happy would be nice .
The Song "Lithium" By Evanescence has the line " Don't wanna forget what it's like without Lithium " and I relate , It's cosumming. It makes you NUMB and you forget happieness :(

*hugs mark and lia*
lia-I'm trying really hard. Fortunatey i can't purge now because everyone would hear it. I'm trying hard not to become addicted, but i feel like already i am starting to need it...I think i started something :( Do you know why you feel sick lia? :/
mark-thanks. I think i will be using the ward a lot over christmas, and i am seeing Julie (my therapist) on tuesday, so i will talk to her about it then.

Can you talk to your therapist about this too Nicole? I would really hate for you to become addicted and have an ED on top of everything else. I'm glad you can't do it now, but do you think you would be able to resist if you wouldn't be heard? That's what worries me, that people hearing is the only thing stopping you.

Mark, do you ever have happy moods? I don't mean that in an accusing way, I am just curious. It would be nice if you did, I would hate to think that you are always unhappy. I am happy sometimes, I have good moods and good times, it's just a matter of whether they out weight the bad.

Lia, I rarely am happy , sometimes I'm "not unhappy" But I mean the Lithium is doing the whole anti-suicidal job (Touch wood) But it just causes such Numbness/apathy *Sigh*

EDIT:-Lol I actually went and touched wood :P

*hugs lia* I know........and you're right, i would be doing it if there wasnt anyone else round :( and i don't know wether i could tell Julie.....i mean, she gets annoyed when i self harm, i don't think i could take another thing to make her dissapointed :(

Nicole , you know your counsellor best but I think it's important you talk to someone hun *Is concerned for you*

That's what she's there for Nicole, you don't have to feel as if you're disappointing her. She's probably just worried about you as we are. I just don't want this to get out of hand and become something uncontroable.

I'm sorry to hear that Mark, I wish you could be happier :/ I hate it that so many in here suffer every day, it makes me feel quite lucky though because I am happy some of the time and I have wonderful friends (apart from when they're all turning around and calling me a bitch, but in fairness, I started it, I just wasn't expecting them to agree with me). And lol at you actually touching wood :)