I am so anxious it's ridiculous. It really is. :-S I tried playing WoW for a bit on my 61 hunter but it was too hard to focus and I kept getting scared of my character dying, even though it was highly doubtful that she would. Gahhh.

It's been pretty much decided, then, I suppose - we're going to go see the Air Force recruiter tomorrow - "we" so I can ask some questions and just basically learn about the Air Force and Jarrod so he can take a sample ASVAB and see where his abilities lie. I'm really nervous about this step - it's so freaking huge!! - but at the same time, excited. I don't know... basic training's gonna be tough because that'll mean 8 weeks apart - but at least it's not a year - and from what it SOUNDED like on their website, maybe I can live with him (on base) for advanced training? (Crimson, do you have any idea if that's true or not?... Sorry for keeping on bugging you about military stuff!!) I don't know. In any case, this is just to see... but it's our plan.

I'm also hoping that I can get better without res. I don't know though... but I'm doing a pretty good job so far. :) I haven't cut since I told myself I wouldn't and that's a pretty big deal, since I know I wouldn't have been able to do that years ago when I "first" tried stopping. :-X So you do get stronger as time goes on... that is a little bit of hope for me. :) And for all of us, I suppose.

I'm sorry I've rambled on so much about myself... :( That's typical I suppose. :-X

How is everyone else doing? *cuddles all who want them and waves at those who don't*

Hmm I'm still feeling like ****, people in real life are pushing me to my limit, want to walk out of the house and go somewhere idk not in the best place tonight . Sorry April will answer the pm but my head is a mess tonight.

*cuddles Jill* I'm sorry that you're in a bad place tonight... don't worry about PMing me if you aren't up to it... just want to be able to support you when I can, is all.

Updated my r/v... again... sorry to be so damn self-absorbed. :-X

*spies Tineke and glomps* How are you, sweetie? Have missed you!!

*hugs April & Jill*

*cuddles Hels* How are you doing, sweetie? any better than earlier?

Well I'm not crying and the urges aren't as strong?? *cuddles April*

That's always good to hear... *extra special cuddles* Why were you crying earlier, if you don't mind me asking? Stay strong and PM me if you need me. I should be about for awhile yet... and that wasn't intended to come across as me blowing you off, just in case it sounds/sounded a little abrupt. ♥

Thanks for the special hugs :D I was crying earlier because my best friend went offline, to give me 'peace' to watch TV (which I didn't want), because she was a mess, didn't want to drag me down further (she couldn't have) and how she'll make it up to me and stuff. We're both really struggling. I really needed her today. Still do. She came on this afternoon as she was supposed to be spending special time with her hubby ;) Just didn't want to be all alone for rest of the day aswell as the evening and stuff.

Meh, pathetic I know.

Not really pathetic at all, hon. I'd be upset if my bestie left me - even online - if I needed her badly. If she needed me badly, too, it would be even worse. I'm sorry to hear that you're both struggling... wish there were something I could do to help. Hate feeling so damn helpless. :( Please keep hanging in there... you ARE worth fighting for. Try & believe that... and you are not pathetic, useless, or any of those lies you tell yourself. You're a lovely, sweet, kind, and beautiful person, inside & out. I know, hard to believe that... but it's true.

Thanks sweetheart. That helps a lot. I just wish I could believe all that stuff you know?

I totally understand... *cuddles some more*

I spy Oliver!! *glomps* :D

*cuddles April* :(

I also see Lia, Jess & Oliver *glomps all*

*spies Lia and glomps her too* Jess must be wearing her invisibility cloak... heehee... Hels, did you loan yours to her? ;)

Damn, I have been spotted! Was going to poke my head around the corner, but may as well stay and chat now. Composing individual replies as you read this!

xx

I'm here. I did manage to get to sleep which was beyond awesome. I've missed my first class now though. Oops.

*hugs for everyone*

Looks like it ;)

Haha, sorry my dear, hope you're okay x

*hugs Jess* Glad you got to sleep. Opps at missing class. Are you going to go in for your next one? :)

Yeah, I'll be going in shortly for my next one. I'm gonna leave at 10 since it starts at 11. That'll give me plenty of time to get there. I've only missed English so no huge loss from not getting up in time.

Hugs Helen- Are you feeling any better sweeite? Sorry you felt so bad earlier and I wasn't here, instead lapping up sun on the beach/mocking 'Eclipse' in the cinema. Totally team Lupin. Anyway.


Hugs Julie Why do you say your dad hates you sweet? You certainly don't deserve anything he might have said, although living with my mum, I know how hard that is to believe. So much easier it is to trust the things you have been told all of your life. I can see in everyone else's cases that the things totally aren't true, just not in my own. So I'll tell you know, the thing aren't true. You are who you are and you shouldn't change that for anyone. Least of all someone who puts you down. Perhaps he was just angry? I don't even know what happened, but there's the chance he didn't really mean it and was lashing out. My mum does that. Every day. Perhaps she has issues.


Hey Heather, how are you? Hope things are OK for you at the moment. Anything you want to talk about? Hugs gently.


Jess- You're a strong and beautiful person and love being you for those reasons alone. I don't know how the triggering thoughts ended up as the post was a while ago. A later post may inform me and I will add if it does, but if you did fight continue to do so because you're strong and can do it. :) Anything in particular that brought on the triggering? We are all here to listen if you want us to.


Jill- Sorry you felt so bad this morning. How did the day go in the end? It's gone midnight now. Do you know what it was that made you feel so low, or was it a random mood? I hate those, they make you feel so pathetic because you can't even target what's wrong so there's very little you can do about it. I'm here if you want me to be though :) How has the night been so far? Are you coping?


Haley- I agree we should ban those words, and then I can come up with some more gangster alternatives such as 'I'm such a waste gash' and 'so pang'. How you feeling?


Kahlia- I'm sorry about your anxiety that it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Are you on any meds? If you are, maybe they could be increased. I hope you can get some extra help, don't take this in the wrong way because I know I would, but you clearly need it. I care about you and don't like to see you struggling so much. X


Crawls into warren with April (if she's still there)- Hey sweet. How are you now? You got into the warren a while ago, feel any better since? It's good that you see something exiting in the air force thing, it's always nice to summon some enthusiasm and try and look on the bright side in situations you hate. I am actually going to do a touch of opening up here, even if it is so you don't feel so alone. I know how you feel, I know what it's like to have the one you love torn away from you. The one person I love more than anyone else in the world, the one person who could make me feel better with just a simple smile, the only one I feel I could have talked to is moving to Dorset. I won't see her before she goes so I will see her once more in my life, and then never again. She's my everything and I don't know what I will do without her, we can't stay in touch. Long story. I'm going to stop talking about her now because it just hurts, but just so you know, I do know and I do understand.


Nicole- what's up honey? Anything we can help you with? I will have a look at that thread in a tick and try to help you best as I can. Hugs hard.


Mark- How are you today? Hugs if you want them. How come my replies always turn into some sort of mass ward hug?


Anyone else who wants to may as well join the pile :)


Being driven slightly insane. My best mate keeps telling me I have depression. She's not in my mind, she doesn't know anything, yet I'm scared she's right. She doesn't understand though, I don't want her to be there but I can't tell her that because it is personal and I don't want to upset her. Grr, I wish she would get off my case.


xxxx

Lia, don't worry about not being here earlier sweet :) Glad you got out for a bit, that's good. I'm better in the sense I'm not crying (haven't for a few hours) and the urges have settled. Feeling really low still meh. Over it >_>

Lia, love, that was an epic response!! *cuddles* And if your posts turn into a mass ward hug, mine turn into a mass ward cuddle, lol... Thanks for opening up a bit, I'm glad that you did. *extra special cuddles* Things will be okay... they will work out in the end. I won't say more because I don't want to upset you or anything but I'm sorry that your friend is annoying/upsetting you. :(

Hels, I'm sorry you're still feeling low... *extra special cuddles too* :)

Jess, sorry you missed your first class but hopefully it won't matter too much!! *cuddles gently* Did you sleep okay? i.e., did you get some sleep? I forget if you said anything, sorry, brain like a sieve. :-S

I'm so exhausted, and so low, and just want to cut. But I'm not going to. Guhhh. :'(

*hides in the warren again* :crying:

Hugs April I'm sorry i didn't mean for it to sound that I didn't want your support. Sorry hmm hope that made sence.

Hugs lia of course I want your support. Hmm the day went from bad to argh shoot me now. Lot of shot things happened that I wad warned what would happen if I did it again. It just couldn't be helped, urgh don't care my ass I going to get kicked again my own fault so I will take my punishment without complant. Tonights going hmm stuiped thoughts going around my head still somehow it's always bad at night when I'm alone and it's all quiet then I start thinking stuff. Meh

<333333

So.over.it.all . . . . . . .

*cuddles kahlia gently* you okay hun? Im around if you want/need to talk.

I've been so low and feeling lonely the last few days
Everything is falling apart...I need a job desperately and it's very hard to get one and on top of that I miss having someone to talk to...my best friend left last year, she moved out to another state and we lost contact with each other and now I'm feeling I am about to loose another friend...I don't think I can't take this...

Morning Wardies.
*Group Hugs*
*Hugs Hope is overated especially*
Gosh I'm so tired , one coffee in me one beside me heh.
I'm feeling........I don't know :S anxious , this is the first time I'm meeting my volunteer lady since she guessed I S.I. , Being low doesen't help *Sigh and Yawn*

Edit: Am I really Low? , It's hard to tell , I'm numb for sure , Its just all so hard to tell hmmmm

Thanks a lot Lia. *huggles* I managed to resist the urges. It'll be three weeks free on Wednesday. I need to at least make it until then. I think the reason for the triggering was that I was annoyed at having wasted my afternoon off, still being tired, and the fact that I was hungry when I woke up. :/ Very exciting, eh? Managed to get pretty triggered today too. Not entirely sure why.

*cuddles April* I actually made it to my first class. I was just and hour and twenty minutes late. xD I did manage some sleep. I don't think tonight will be very good for it though. It's almost 9 pm already and I'm in no way tired.

*hugs to everyone* :)

*huggles/waves at everyone*

crashing and burning. crashing and burning. sorry. talk too much. especially about myself.

sorry i can't help you all. wish that i could, but i can't. sorry.

*hugs and no-cal treats for everyone*

*cuddles everyone especially Kahlia*

You don't talk too much about yourself. We're here for you sweetheart.

Kahlia, love, you don't talk too much about yourself, not at all. *cuddles gently* What's going on, sweet?

*cuddles Jess* Lol, an hour & 20 minutes late... epic. ;) At least you made it though - how long are your classes? are these the 4-hour-long ones that you've mentioned? (if it were you that mentioned them - I forget!! :o) Hopefully you manage to get some sleep tonight... insomnia sucks... *extra sleepifying hugs* :)

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry that you feel numb... :( That sucks. I wish I could help you in some way or another. Maybe try updating your LJ (or r/v) would help you figure out how you're feeling, exactly? I have the same problem, I'm not sure if I'm okay or low or just exactly what. :-X I hate feeling this way, and I'm sure you do too. :( PM or email me if you want. I won't be in the apartment all day but I'll be able to respond. :)

hope.is.overrated, I'm sorry to hear about all that's been going on with you... :( *hugs if okay?* Is there anything that we can do? This is a very accepting & welcoming bunch, and we are here to help & support. :) My PM box is open all the time as are other people's... so if you need to talk privately with someone, I'm here, as are others. :) Welcome.

I don't know how I'm doing. I think I'm kinda lowish but kinda okayish at the same time... I really don't know. :-S Jarrod found out this morning that you have to start basic training for the air force by your 28th birthday and he turned 28 on 1 January of this year... so damn close!! We're going to see the recruiter today sometime to see if he could be accepted anyway. If not, he's looking at the army. I'm worried for him... but if he wants to do that, then so be it. I will support him. And I have to admit, I'm still kind of excited about a change in our lives, getting out of this area, etc.

Guh. Basic training and advanced would suck, though, because I'd probably not be able to be with/near him then. And that's a good what, 4 months at least? :-X

I haven't cut since Wednesday. I am counting this as a good thing. I made it through last night by going to bed and falling asleep by 9pm... felt soo good to curl up in bed and just forget about everything...

Anyway. :-X Sorry for blathering on about myself... :(

Is my invisibility cloak working again =P

Hmm I feel very hmm can't explain it, very jumpy can stay still for a sec, stuiped thoughts are still there.feel if I acted on them I wouldn't beable to stop my self and that scares me. Will try and answer the pm today April. Huggles

It was epic. It was also a two hour class. It was made even better in the next class when my psychology teacher asked if any of us had trouble getting out of bed when the alarm went off. She was quite impressed. xD

As for the insomnia, it's 11:30 PM-ish, I'm doing laundry, designing badges and working on a business deal that is currently looking like it will pan out in my favour.

Oh, and *huge huggles*

WHO SAID THAT? O_O

I...said....it?

Oh, it must be working then. ;) *hugs*

Mmm *hugs*

Sorry, sleep deprivation is killing me.

It's okay ::)

Hi guys, I feel I should have been here for some people last night because I replied and then vanished without replying to their replies (still with me?) So sorry about that.

April- I don't know if that's a good thing or not about Jerrod. I know you were wary about him joining the air force, but I should imagine the army would be even worse. Still, he might still be able to join the AF though. Hopefully, if that's what you both want. Even if you do have to go 4 months without him, you can get through it. I know you need him, I feel the same only not about your husband, obviously. But I guess I can do this and so can you. You'll still love each other and still get to see each other whatever happens, so that'something at least. Plus, you'll get to have those cheesy running across air port greetings with plenty of crying and hugging, I've always wanted to have one of those :)

Hey Helen- How's things today? I hope you're OK and all. Do you feel invisible? Is that what you meant? If you did, you're not invisible to us, we see and hear you and you can always come here. :)

Jess- Sorry you seem to be stuggling with sleep and things. You can come on here at, like, 3am though. The really great thing about RYL is there's always someone online, whatever the time. Maybe there's something you can take to help you sleep, if you aren't already.

Kahlia- You don't talk about yourself too much, anyway, better than than not enough so you bottle it all up and feel like you're gonna explode then when you really need someone there's no one there because some tosser (i.e yourself) has pushed them all away. Not like some people I could mention. You are always welcome to post and rant on here and no one's going to stop you. How's the anxiety today? Are you going to get any extra treatment? Hope it goes better for you. *Hugs*

Mark- Hi. You any better? You say you don't know how you feel and although this kinda defys the point, I know the feeling and it's so frustrating not even knowing your own mind and scary too. It means there's nothing you can even do to improve your mood because you don't even know if you're in one! I often find just distracting myself cheers me up mind. I watch some crap on tv, or I write. I've actually taken to writing fanfiction and am really wishing I was back in school. You have to have some form of hobby, something you enjoy doing. If not, use this time you have nothing to do in the make yourself one. That will distract you.

I am going to have to go back to the previous page and check out other posts to reply to, so I'll be right back in another post!

*Hugs to all else who want them and tea and low carbs buisuits to others*

xxx

*sits*

Michelle- *Massive hugs if you want them* I'm sorry you're strugggling so much at the moment. You can always come on here and talk to us if you're feeling lonely. Is there anyone else you can talk to? I know how you feel about losing friends, I feel I am drifting away from half of mine because I keep people at arm's length and although I love all my friends to bits, I never really allow them to get as close as I would like. I had one who used to text me all the time if I wasn't on msn to bully me online, but she doesn't anymore and I know that's my fault. We're always here if you need someone though. Check your local area for vacancies and things. Even if you can't find anything big, there's bound to be a job in a shop going or something. If nothing else it will provide a distraction from day to day life. *Hugs again* You don't have to be alone in this. xx

*Hugs Jill too* Sorry you feel that way sweet. Please do try to resist the urges because you are worth it, you're worth stopping for and you deserve to be happy. Do something to distract yourself, keep your hands busy. Even jus typing can do that. Ramble on here, I do it all the time. I think I am now. I'm just a natural talker and once I start I don't shut up until I make myself because I think I am getting on people's nerves which might be right about now so I'll stop typing. Stay strong. :)

Oh hello Nicole. Sorry I didn't reply to that other thread! I pretty much collapsed in bed. I'll go now though if you still need the support. How are you?


Heather, Laura, how are you both today?
xxx

hey. im pretty **** TBH, got flu and am really suicidal and triggerd and i feel like theres nothing left for me here, i lost the last thing i had saturday night when i was stupid enough to self harm whilst babysitting my cousins little boy :( yes please i could still really do with some advice.

Lia, hey sweetheart. Things are a little better than yesterday :) Still feeling low mind you, trying to do stuff that can't be avoided any longer, but it's hard >_> I do feel invisible sometimes. The invisibility is an old joke between me & April, as sometimes she (and others) would 'miss' my posts when making replies to all/most as I popped in so quick and didn't appear on the active list. I do feel bit invisible to some people. But I appreciate a lot of of us are struggling and my paranoia is bit higher than usual. I should hope I can always come here =P I'm the one who's stayed the longest now *giggles* Nah I kid, we all deserve to be heard here, but I really have stayed the longest =]

Nicole, I'm sorry you're ill and suicidal. Try look after yourself and be kind to you. Please?? *cuddles*

*Hugs Jill*

*hugs helen* i will sweetie, and you try and keep safe. tbh, i just wanna get away from here now, i only came back off holiday friday and i already need another one!

ooooh I "Lost" a whole page .
Please take care Nicole *Hugs*
*Hugs Jessica*

*hugs mark* i just wanna get away from it all. i wanna go back to butlins where i felt happy and safe :(

When I was in AIT we had to live in the barracks with little more freedom than Basic Training... that being said that was 10 yrs ago and a different branch of the military and may have changed if it sounded different on the website. You could call a recruiter's office and double check. My husband's uncle was air force and I could ask him about it but since he was in technical training a long while ago it's got a good chance at having changed since then.

Stupid geography... It'd be awesome if we could have a RYL VPW meet up and just all teleport to the same place lol

Note before I comment* Having no idea what you've been through and blocking out a good deal of my youth I am not saying what I have been through is less or more horrific than you but I do have to comment on this...

1- You have just as much right as anyone else to come here. Who's to say that you have or haven't been through 'enough' to have that right?
2-you deserve support as much as anyone else. And who's to say you do or do not need or deserve help?
3-Some of us actually feel better getting out of our own minds to help other people that need support.