Mark: I dont know what it is that means i'm not okay... I think it might be that i started reading the diocesen document on child abuse today and 'those' words affected the girls a lot.

Helen: That F word has been making a lot of appearences in the ward recently. We're here Helen, if you want to expand on 'fine' at all *hugs*

Nicole: sorry you're feeling triggered. *huggles* what's got you hun?

i dont know :( i just feel so crap :(

*cuddles everyone*

I'm sorry. My patience & temper is bit thin right now. I didn't say fine meaning I'm fine. I meant as in, fine, I can't be bothered to post etc if people are going to ignore mine. Yes I know we're moving bit fast but still.

Sorry, that's horrible of me.

*hugs helen extra tight* i promise i wont ignore you. do you wanna talk?

*cuddles Nicole tight* What's the point in sounding like a broken record :(

morning...

*hugs helen* because it will help to get it off your chest? do you wanna PM me?

what's the video call about helen hunny? If you don't mind me being nosey.

*sends laura seeking hugs after laura*

Julie: morning hun. how are you?

Nicole: i'm sorry you feel crappy *cuddles*

i'm tired as hell

how r u and rosie and amy and 'miel

Nicole, true. But it's nothing new as such. Will probably PM you. Hm.

Kat, I was going to have a video call on MSN with my best friend this evening. We used to do them daily but rarely do anymore, so to organise one & stick to me, is very special. But we've changed it to tomorrow. Does that make sense now??

*cuddles everyone*

*smells self* wow ok i need to shower lol

Helen: Yup, makes perfect sense, thanks for explaining hun. I hope you really enjoy it tommorrow. *cuddles*

Julie: I'm tired too, constantly tired. Rosie & Amy are upset cos I wouldn't buy them a bunny rabbit today, even though I really wanted to. Rosie really loved the bunny. ''miel has been about a while, he's quiet though and hasn't said anything much. I think we're going through another realisation of another alter.

ok i meed to go make myself eat breakfast

ok julie. Take care.

I'm going to take myself off to bed now. feeling sick. I hope everyone is okay tonight. *leaves a big bowl of redgrapes on the table*

*cuddles Hels and other ignored-feeling people* I'm sorry, Hels, hon, that you had to reschedule the video chat. :( That has got to suck, especially when it's so special to you. I'm sorry I didn't post a response, haven't been feeling great mentally and feel like I don't deserve support or anything, so haven't been posting as much. But anyway *extra-special April cuddles*

People on FB are telling me that all I need to do is find another therapist and lean on my support network more. WTF?! IRL, I only have two people to lean on for support - Jarrod and my bestie - and Jarrod is struggling himself with stuff and my bestie isn't always available. I have people I can call but that's not the same as face-to-face and plus there's usually a time difference involved. :'( I know I need res, that's the only way I'll take recovery seriously, but maybe I am wrong? maybe I don't NEED it and maybe a weekly session with a therapist would be enough? :-S

*hides* :'(

i didnt end up having breakfast which is bad of me *sigh*

I 'm sorry you felt ignored Helen , I wasn't ignoring you on purpose :S

April , res means Residential? If so then I think you really need to make a serious Pro and con list *Thinks this was Olivers Idea* and Think a LOT about it . Yes , its a commitment but the rewards could be immense , make sense?

Julie * Night time Hugs * Try and have a little to eat mate :) Have a brunch!:)

*Hugs Kat* Hmmm I'mm sorry you went to bed feeling sick :(. Thankyou for the red grapes me likes a lot! A LOT. :)

I've just got off a WoW Session , almost level 11 Crimson and April might like to know , Hayley was there , she is so learned in the art of WoW , she teachs me tons.

My meds should be kicking in so Night all , sweet dreams :)

G'night Mark, pleasant dreams... *cuddles*

Oh, and grats on level 11!! :D That's exciting. My druid is halfway through level 12 now... lol. I am totally an "altoholic," haven't played on my 80 in forever it feels like. Which isn't good, but oh well.

I'm so tired......... :'(

*hugs april then tucks mark then april into there beds* i'm on my phone

Thanks Julie. :) I won't be going to bed yet for a bit but thanks for the tuck-up, feels good to be cuddled into my ward bed. *cuddles*

How is everyone doing? Sorry I didn't do (m)any individual replies, am not feeling that great, very anxious. Per usual, I suppose.

*cuddles all who want them*

updated r/v thread............

*hides in comfy ward bed, pulling the blankets up over her head*

*cuddles all* sorry I have been usless at individual replies and just generally posting in here generally recently, I have been reading though and sending big cuddles to you all.

I have been house hunting all evening on the internet and found 4 to view with my friends, but I took a sleeping pil about 3 hours ago and I'm still wide awake, why does medication not bloody work and my chest is bloody killing me from binding, but in a trangst stage at the moment so can't take it off.

sorry shouldnt moan, stupid boy
*disappears into a deep, dark hole*

*offers everyone hugs then digs deep hole and disappears down it*

*hugs everyone, steals some red grapes, and hides in a corner*

*lays on the floor*

*hugs Taz, Julie and Kahlia*
*disappears back into his hole*

How're you doing today Julie?

*crawls down hole and gives Oliver a big hug* What's wrong? :( I take it the meds still haven't kicked in yet?

thanks Taz *hugs back* nope they havnt, I took my stupid sleeping tablet at about 9.30 thinking I'll get an early night and now its 3.45 am, they are obviously not working, my GP gave them to me to get me back into some sort of more normal sleeping regime, really hasn't worked.
How are you?

*hugs Oliver and tries to get him to sleep* Sorry to hear that :( Have you tried drinking a cup of something warm? My mom always tells me to have a glass of warm milk or cocoa when I can't sleep... not that it helps, but worth a try?

I'm... I don't know. Just have that "out of it" feeling, like I'm not all here.

*hugs oliver* god i'm so cold...... no no i'm fine.... *nods* fine....

*rubs my forehead*

pops in to check that people are doing "okay" and sleeping soundly tucked up in blankets or curled up in their little holes.

I'm late for work but I don't want to go. I will though, I always do, it would be the start of a slippery downward slope if I didn't.

Leaves a bucketful of feel good hugs for those that want them and a coffee pot brewing along with a various assortment of teas and some banana bread.

feel like pooh still although not quite as pooh as when I went to bed last night.

I am so lost at the moment. can i sneek in here for a bit?

*bounces about the common room*

Ooh I should be quiet, it seems people are sleeping or working or studying or something! I'm just soooo excited, in 40minutes I'll be on my way to the docotrs and I know that I won't cry or be anxious, I'm gonna get my injection to sort out my PMDD!!

Oh how I wish that there was an injection that could help us all.
*extra special tlc in the form that you can accept for each and everyone of you!!*

oh and Mark - I am so NOT learned on WoW, I often feel so out of my depth and you'll soon start to see me asking our fellow guildies for help! I just seem clued up 'cos I'm 3months of playing ahead of you. But I'm sure you'll pick things up more quickly with me, the guild, April and Crimson to help you along. It makes me happy to feel useful though and is fun to chat with someone I know as I go along. I'm glad we convinced you to get it.

*tries to encourage more people to the fantastic distraction that is WoW*

ooh, and does anybody have a Wii connected up to the internet? I do and have some games that do wi fi such as mario kart and I can play with people all over the world. Let me know if you do and then perhaps we can play together on something as a distraction too?

*goes out to smoking shelter*

Oliver, sometimes sleeping meds can do the opposite of what they're intended to do, especially if your body is the type that is not cooperative with medication. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night, at least. *cuddles*

I spy a Hayley!! :D

It's crazy early here, just past 5:30am, and I just got up. Gonna be looong day if indeed my internship starts today. Am not so sure if it will though... didn't do some paperwork that I needed to... FULL OF FAIL!! :'(

So yeah. I'll find out at 8:30am whether or not I'll be starting today. :(

*hides in a hole in shame* :o

*hugs knees and rocks*

GOOD luck with your internship April , I hope today go's well for you *Hugs*

*Hugs Oliver* I hope you managed to get some sleep last night .

*Hugs Lost in dream* Hi I'm Mark.

*Hugs Hayley* Ohhhh I hope your injection go's okay and works well :)

*Hugs Helen* I hope you slept ok and that your video call go's good .

*Hugs rest of the ward *

Posts Here! I'm going to go check it out :)

I spy a Mark! *huggles* you have just reminded me that I heard the postperson but haven't yet checked to see if I've nay nice post yet!

*extra special good luck huggles for April* Ooh fingers crossed the paper work has all been sorted and that you can start your internship! I'm sure you'll do fab and they'll love you!! Who wouldn't?! We all love you in here!! Stop thinking you're a failure, 'cos you're far from it! *sends positive thoughts Aprils way*

*leaves calorie free sweet and savoury snacks for everyone with a variety of soft drinks*

Time for me to check the post and then get ready to leave for the doctors!

*bounces to check the post*

so wats up wardies
*hugs knees*

*curls up and waits*

*cuddles Mark* How'd you sleep? Hopefully well... :) And yey for the post... I have a bill I have to pay, oopsies... at least it won't be for a lot. :-S I just hate paying bills is all. But on the up side, I have a bunch of things I ordered ("for cheap"!!) coming to our post office box so that's good. :D Some psychology books about transactional analysis and REBT (rational emotive behavioral therapy) as well as a Sirenia cd and some stuff from c28.com (Christian clothing site - awesome stuff :D). Lol. So at least it's not ALL bills. :-/ Have you ordered anything recently?

*cuddles Hayley* Good luck with your appt today!! :D I bet you are totally over the roof with excitement on not having to PMDD anymore... hopefully it works. Not to jinx it or anything. ;) I'm sure it will. Let us know how it went and how you're feeling (sane? :P) afterwards. :)

*cuddles Julie* What's up, sweetie?

*cuddles everyone else* Sorry for the lack of individual replies, once again, don't feel up to doing many, sorry. :(

I'm getting really nervous about my internship now... ughhh. I have to call the secretary of the psych dept to see if he got me scheduled for it... then I need to ask him if I can start the internship without having done allll of the paperwork. :-S I am so scared. I feel like such an EPIC FAIL that it's not even funny. :'(

Slept okay last night although my hair dried funny... will have to use the straightener on it later methinks. I suck at straightening hair; this will only be my second time doing it. Haha. My hair's not really curly but it's wavy and can get curly if it's long enough and dries in the right conditions (i.e., humid areas). I'm glad that I don't live in Florida or Georgia or something!! where it's already 90'F or more... and humid. Heh.

I think I'm dehydrated... tsk tsk. :-S *random*

Need to go do summat useful... :-S

*hides in her hole again* :'(

*shakes head* nothing i'm fine

Hello everyone.

Hey Lindsay. *hugs* How are you doing?

Julie, as someone said on a previous page, we've been hearing the word "fine" a lot lately... are you sure you're okay? *cuddles*

I spy Kahlia!! *cuddles*

*hides back in her hole* :(

*Hugs Julie* Whats up?

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you?

April , I ordered a candle holder , 2nd hand from ebay. I've really gotta put a reign on my spending for a couple of weeks , stick to my budget ( On which I haven't included online spending oops) . Both my parents birthdays are coming up and they are both 60 this year so thats my luxery spending for a little while . I have a few books I can read if only I could get the concentration / attenetion butI can't even focus on a movie ( Of which I have tons) I really want my Focus back , it's why WoW works you can spend 10 minutes on one thing then pop off and do another all the time , not much focus needed . Sorry that got long .That clothing website sounds interesting , I may have a gander at it .

*nods sucking thumb looking at the floor*:notsure: fine... more then fine perfect

*BIG HUGS for Julie*

*huggles Julie* well I hope you saying you're fine is perhpas you tring to have a positive mental attitude, but when you say that and you're still curling up and sucking your thumb, those actions are comforting things that we do, therefore I feel that you need comforting, not for us to go "oh Julie's fine", so please PM me if you don't want to blurb over the ward.

*huggles April* Hope the hair straighening worked out! I've burnt my ears before...damn mirror confusing me! lol *more positive thoughts April's way for the internship*

*huggles Lindsay* How are you and your kitties today?

*huggles Mark* I can understand the lack of focus from the point of view of when my M.E is really bad. When I was first ill I had to pretty much learn to read again and then could only manage short stories as my memory was so bad I'd forget who was who and what had happened. I still can't manage some books that I would like to be able to...one day...Anyhoo, I got back into reading by reading (please don't laugh) Mr Men books and Winnie the pooh!! Ok so perhaps a bit childish, but they are simple stories (with a moral, lol) but the sense of achievement I got of just being able to read a book again outweighed the embarrasment of reading what a 7year old would.

So then....I've had a little prick in my arse and loved it!!!!! :laugh: yes the contraceptive injection to stop my periods and therefore stop my PMDD is in me, it will take 7days to distribute around my body properly, which is good as it would be in 10days that I'd be due to go loopy again. So we will know for definate in 10days if it's worked or not. But it did before, so I'm sure it will. :-D I was so happy walking back after I had it done that I found myself grinning hugely as I was walking along and then burst out singing along with my MP3 player.....then I realised what I was doing and thought people may think I was mad......and then laughed loudly at the irony of it, that I was acting 'mad' 'cos I was 'sane'!!! :hehe:

ooh I've lots of people to text to apologise for not contating them in months and being a crummy friend (understatement!) and hopefully I'll be much better now that I should be on an even keel with only my M.E and physical disabilites to deal with (only! ha, but that feels so much easier now)

Gosh, I've waffled far to much. *germ free huggles all round for those who want them*

*toddles off into corner to start texting*

:D yey for you Hayley , I SO hope it works for you again , if it did before I'm sure it will this time :D

I've got a headache , waiting for the paracetemol to kick in , then I may pop out , just for a bit .

Oh Hayley , Do I make sense typing on WoW ? I panic and type as fast as I can but my fingers don't always go where I want them to lol , just aware that my typing might be weird .:S Sorry

I'm not so good. My brother hasn't got into the course he wanted and i'm scared about how he'll react (he doesn't know yet.) I worry so much about him and when negative things happen it makes me more determined to kill myself.