University is so different in the UK! I don't understand some of what you are talking about, but that is ok.

Kahlia, I'm sorry about you having to have the ECT.

I'm going to an aa meeting today, the the supermarket on the way home, so I'll be busy at my worst time of day.

Have a good day/evening everyone!

We're talking about A levels which is the stage before Uni. On my uni course i am currently on a low 2:2 or high 3 (not sure which).

*sits by the door and waits*

*waits with Amanda.* What we waiting for hun?

Just an update, I have limited time to be online, so will not be able to respond at this point in time, but I hope that everyone is well, and that you are supporting one another. I will be transitioning to outpatient tomorrow, and don't know how that is going to go. Very nervous, anxious and afraid about being out of this semi-safe place. (Semi-safe because they cannot completely deprive me of objects that hurt, cut, or otherwise. They do very good job, but you would be amazed what you can do when the urge wins) For the last two days, I have remained SI free. Requesting assistance when I felt that I could not control it any longer. I am doing better, suicidal thoughts are gone for the moment, hopefully I will be able to scare them away completely with the remaining treatment and follow up care. 9 days inpatient feels much longer than 9 days.

Sorry for length, but trying to get everyone updated in one shot
Thank you for PMs, I will read them if I have time remaining and will respond when I am home.

Last Monday, I went from barely holding it together to completely broken apart. Had to depend on a friend to talk me all the way to the hospital, good thing I have lots of spare minutes on the cell phone, or it would have cost a fortune. Walked in door and was promptly surrounded by nurses that were waiting for me to arrive, which I did. Being surrounded triggered a wonderful new condition, yes, that's right, full blown panic attack, couple shots later, could not figure out why I did that. They were petite women, not a physical threat, but sure felt like I was in danger. Oh well, got there.

I will spare the details of the entire time, but thought some of you might relate to the panic attack.

I am doing better each day, evenings and nights are extremely tough, but the things they are teaching me are very helpful.

Oops, gotta get off here, sorry can't stay. Will step in again when released. Love, hugs, snuggles and glomps for all of you. Take the ones you want, and share them all around. (Lots of pretty sparklies are available if you like those)

Hi all. I start my ECT treatments this morning but don't have to be at the hospital until 9:30. Unfortunately that means a) no medication this morning, b) nothing to drink and c) no smoking because otherwise I react badly to the anaesthetic and 9 times out of 10 wake up having a severe asthma attack and end up on a nebuliser.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, cuddles, et cetera and the kind words. They were much appreciated.

ECT is not as bad as it is depicted to be ..... but that doesn't mean that I really want to be going back and having it again. I don't react well to anaesthetics normally, and they have to remember my latex allergy and also that I react to normal bandaids that they try and put on me when they take the canula out. I don't always remember to remind them because I'm not usually fully with it at that point in time.

*leaves hugs, cuddles, snuggles, sparklies, soft fluffy teddy bears, other soft cuddly toys and butterfly kisses for everyone*

See you all somepoint after the treatment.

*goes and sits in the ECT waiting room*

Hugggggs

*curls up in a cupboard and cries*

*gets in and cuddles soph*

*tries not to cry all over you*

It's ok to cry on me :) Want to talk?

one of my friends on here isnt doing so well. before just getting a txt now i hadnt heard from her in months. i'd tried to be there for her but all the good that did.
i had to find out on here that she's not doing well. she's one of my best friends but she didnt tell me. and there's notihng i can do for her coz it seems like she still doesnt want me around.
i just dont know what to do.
and yesterday i had to tell a very close friend that one of the girls that was in her homegroup at school had died in a car accident on the weekend. i've never had to tell someone that someone they know has died. never. it was so hard.
and this week just sucks :'( *cries*

Ohh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that *mega snuggles*

*looks after Soph*

i think i'm going to cry...
i konw what's gotten me this low but i cant say it. i'm thinking things i havent thought in a long time.
this isnt good

*hugs soph*
*blows a kiss to Kahlia as she waits*

*curls up in one of Bro's snuggles*
*sets aside some sparklies for tomorrow's celebration* And that is tomorrow Pacific Time.
*weeps with relief*

oh help...

Soph????

Nah never quite managed it, by the time I was actually tired enough to sleep, I had to get up and go to work... oops. Did have a few hours after my friend left in the afternoon.... well, an hour. Made up for it last night though... lots of sleep. Hope you managed a bit more sleep sweetie. *hugs*

*hugs soph*

*hugs everyone else who wants/needs/will take*

*Hugs all*
Still feeling pretty crappy about my a level results. I wanted to go to Portsmouth but I can only get into Winchester.
I guess I'm alright with it. Winchester is a much nicer city than Portsmouth, so I would like to live there again. But my best friend is going to Portsmouth which is a bit of a bummer.

Sophie, what's going on? *hugs you*

Celebrate with me? Today I am 14 years sober!

*Wraps self in a nice sparkly hug from her Bro*

Hello all. It's been an interesting day. There were four cases for ECT this morning - and I was their second. I think they thought I was going to try to run away because the anaesthetist gave me a sedative after putting the canula in, but before knocking me out completely. I remembered to remind them that I couldn't have normal bandaids so they put paper tape on me. Apart from a bruise where the canula came out it was not too bad.

I had rehearsal tonight for a theatre restaurant that is going to be on in early november. It made for an interesting evening. Quite a few people asked me a) whether I had lost weight and b) a whole heap of questions about my recent moods and the ECT. Weird.

Anyway ...

*leaves hugs, cuddles, butterfly kisses and sparklies for everyone who wants/needs/can currently accept them*

Oh, and I have now made it to 2 days SI free!!!!!

*hugs Kahlia* Well done on your 2 days free sweetheart. And I'm glad the ECT wasn't too bad.

Bad end to a previously good day, yeah. Went up to the viaduct my french teacher (and family friend andprevious babysitter) jumped off when I got back from work today, and... well lets just say I was fairly tempted to follow.
Was meant to go to the dentist, but couldn't face it, so I didn't. Got home and cut. Lots.

Anyone got any hugs spare? I think I'm going backwards not forwards anymore.... :'(

*hugs Hana* I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time of things.
*cuddles you*

Thanks Susan... *hugs back*

Something's still telling me to go back and follow her... and the stupid thing... the only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow because there's still stuff I need to get finished before friday.... as if friday'd matter if I did.... but... unfinished business, I can't do anything.
Want to cut more... but I can't... I won't let myself... I went almost 6 months and then in the past 4 days I've cut 3 times... that isn't just a slip up... that's... well back to old habits...

Sorry... I'll shut up now and go hide in a corner somewhere or something

*cuddles Hana lots*

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time sweetie. But you can get through this. Please don't go back there :(

*gets one of Bro's glomps and wraps up in it*

My friend was too sick to come down to celebrate my birthday, drat it all.

you're 14years sober? oh congratulations!!!!!!! *huggles lots and squishes* that's a wonderful achievement and i'm SO proud of you!!

*huggles Susan*

I can't stop crying :(

*cuddles you*

I wish I was crying :/

*hugs Soph back* How you feeling? Any better?

i want to cut right now
my skin is scarless
i need scars
i dont know whats triggered me
help

yeah i'm ok *hugs*

I'm really glad darling x

i has an interesting story to share but i dont know if this is the right place to share it..

via pm????

yeah ok :) if only i had saved that pm i sent to Jess about it.. i cant even remember what i wrote now.. :(

My mood is dropping downwards as insecurity kicks my rear. Spit.

*takes off all hugs and glomps cause don't deserve them, esp sparkly ones, and hides under a table*

you do deserve hugs *puts huggles in a box for you so you can take them out and use them when you're ready*
i gotta go but you try to take care ok? i'm thinking of you xoxox

*doesnt push hugs but gently hands a bag with pretty hugs if you wants them*
*curls up*

Jess sent it to me sweetheart :) *snuggles lots*

*hugs* You do deserve them

*curls up in hugs and glomps and even a couple of sparklies around the edges* Thanks guys.
*slouches comfortably in favorite place against the wall*

<3 no prob

Hello again all. Thanks muchly for the hugs and kind words everyone. :-D
I've now made 3 whole days SI free :exclamationmark::thumb:

*Leaves boxes filled with sparklies, flowers, hugs and soft fluffy toys in random places around the ward and disappears off into the smoking area*

If anyone feels like joining me in the smoking area ... feel free. :wow:

Kahlia

Hello all. Just thought I'd pop in and let you know that I am one week free.
Still waiting for my bracelets, I'm really hoping I can make it a month.

Yay on you two success, you guys should keep it up, I believe in you =D

*snuggles everyone if they want to be snuggled*

Zowie, congratulations on one week Free!
Kahlia, congratulations on three days Free!

Can someone give me some nice hugs I can curl up in. No sparklies this time. They itch my stupid sensitive skin. I have some writing to do that will require time and thought.

*gives susan some nice hugs that arent sparklies :)*

Hope you're ok xx

I'm ok. I just had to write a note of apology, remembering that amends are changes, not just saying "I'm sorry."

Today is the first day of celebrating my birthday at meetings. I hope y'all don't mind if I take a hug or two with me?

Take as many as you like =]

You know, I feel like such a fraud... sitting here at work, pretending I'm happy, and life's wonderful, especially after last night, and "that place"... hiding what I do beneath long sleeves, and whatever else... this whole acting "normal" thing... it's just getting so old, and it's more tiring than anything else at work. *sigh* only 2 more days then I can stop pretending.

*hugs everyone*