i must die
 

Am home alone ...with my thoughts and voices ...Telling me i must die
I have to hang myself ...i have something to use
I don't know if am going to make it until 8pm tonight
Trying to distract myself by listening to music
trying not to let these thoughts and voices dictate to me when i should live or die
Don't know if i can hold on until my husband comes back and i cant leave the house on my own because of my social anxiety .
I Feel shaky ...i have one Valium that i could take to see if it calms me down a little but may need that later on tonight i can only take one a day
maybe its would be the best thing to just hang myself

:cryings:no one cares if i live or die

I hope you make it. Im only new but I have seen your posts around the forum a couple times. Would like to get to know you better :)

Thanks Sevn :) what would you like to know ?...my husband is on his way home he knows am feeling this way and told me to take my Valium if things get worse ...having a coffee and listening to music to try and get the voices to shut up but there very loud at the moment
Need to try and distract myself until my husband gets home

Thats good to hear!

So far, i know you were a vegiterian, but had to give it up? And that you have two cats? or kittens. And that your studying?

I have to go to work soon, so wont be able to reply until later today.

yes i have two cats named ninja and tigger ( there sleeping at the moment ) i was eating meat but am back to being veggie again ( yea am indecisive some times ) i was going to study i changed my mind about because of things going on with my family at the moment i cant do it and i dont think i would have the time for it.

Have a good time at work don't work too hard

My husband is home now ...we talked a little
it helped

im glad that it helped to talk to your husband...

if you're reading this in the morning, i hope that you slept well. sleep is really important

i know that when you're really low and you don't get responses right away it can seem like people don't care, but that isn't the case in reality. there are so many other factors that influence how many responses a thread gets and when they get them, everything from time of day, to who happens to be around... you need to try to fight the thoughts that tell you that no one cares about you, or similar thoughts, like that you would be better off dead, or that you dying would make others' lives easier... all of those are thoughts that the depression or other mental health issues trick us into beleiving.

Can you call anyone?

Yes i can call a crisis line...but i dont like talking on the phone really ...
Feeling kinda the same today ...Ended up self injuring last night ...want to do it again
Trying not to

Hi how are u managing tonight? Does this site have a live chat forum that you can use to talk to people who are logged on? If you are feeling bad at the time and on your own it can help to talk to people who get how you are feeling just to get u thru the stage of feeling crap. I know what you mean about talking to people in the phone, I'm the same. Do u have a good support network around you? Like if u are feeling so low is there someone you can talk to who knows that this is how you feel sometimes? Sorry if that doesn't help, I'm not great with advice. Hope you are feeling a bit better x

The only person i have is my husband he is my carer
I see my dr and psych once a month at the moment
everyone else in my family dont really ask or care about my mental health unless it affects them ...today i managed to go out the the hearing voices group that i normally go to talking to them about my voices helped but i didnt tell them am feeling suicidal ...i want to self injure more ...am trying not to but the urge is really strong...

I need to keep busy and focus on other things apart from self injury
I might have an early night if the urges don't go

Well it's good that you are trying to occupy yourself with other things. That shows that you want to fight it however hard it is. Well done for going to your group today, again the fact that u aren't just durin around dwelling on things is such a positive thing. It's a shame about your family, I think there is still a lot of stigma attached to mental health, people don't know how to deal with it and so they avoid it. Unfortunately for us it's not that easy, we can't escape it, it takes over. It's good that you have your husband tho. Maybe u could see your doc a bit more frequently when you are feeling like this, just for a bit of extra support and encouragement. Otherwise, hopefully posting on here helps ?? X

Husband gone out again and am here on my own and feeling the same way as before

so tired of fighting
:cryings:

I know it's hard but fighting is good, fighting means u want to carry on and not give up. Did u manage to occupy yourself today? X

maybe you need to find something to occupy your time. If you have social anxiety and don't want to go out, can you ask your doctor about medication to help you deal with it?

Am already on medication for the anxiety it dont help at all

Maybe it's the wrong medication. What helps some may not work for others. X

Need to talk to my dr about it ...not coping so well at all at the moment

*hugs* :)