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-   -   This can't keep happening. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243251)

UnanimousAnonymous 14-11-2016 11:30 AM

This can't keep happening.
 
I ended up in A&E on Saturday night. Apparantly I took myself there but collapsed in triage. woke up a couple of hours later in majors. Anyway, I got medical clearance to go and crisis team said I could leave and they would just send an email to my care coordinator to get in touch with me. However, my care coordinator is on long term leave. After doing ok for years, I have ended up in hospital times than I ever have in my life. It can't keep happening.
I haven't left my bed since, except to go for a cigarette and feed the cat. I haven't gone to work today, I can't face it. I'm going to lose my job, I know it.
I don't know whether to just hand in my notice and apply for PIP until things are more stable? But then if I don't have a job, it will give me more time to dwell on things which could make it worse...
Not really sure what I want to get out of this, just venting I suppose.

Uglyducklin 14-11-2016 01:00 PM

Hugs I'm so sorry things are so horrific . I would say your health comes first you as you have said cannot go on like this and you deserve better that to hurt and to feel so awful . I really hope they come up with something. I'm so sorry I'm low on words but thinking of you.

Buttons. 14-11-2016 01:35 PM

Thinking of you x

UnanimousAnonymous 14-11-2016 03:55 PM

Thanks guys. The OT from CMHT called, I'm seeing her on Thursday.
I am still in bed, not feeling well physically or mentally and I am considering taking the week off just to rest and consider my options.

Uglyducklin 14-11-2016 05:46 PM

Hugs that sounds like a plan xx

UnanimousAnonymous 15-11-2016 06:01 PM

I messaged my manager and said I'm not going to be in the rest of the week. Tomorrow I will try and call community team and tell them how bad things are. I am really struggling and I am scared, I didn't think I would get back to this point but I'm not coping and maybe I should be in hospital...

UnanimousAnonymous 15-11-2016 10:27 PM

I want to call crisis team and go to hospital but I'm too anxious. I don't know what the hell to do....

[Luna] 16-11-2016 09:56 AM

I think hospital is a really good idea. Could you go to a&e and tell them how unsafe you're feeling? Thinking of you love, sorry things are so scary and difficult <3

UnanimousAnonymous 16-11-2016 09:03 PM

I've barely managed to get out of bed today, have really bad heart palpitations and shakes. I haven't slept. I'm seeing the community team tomorrow and I'm really scared. I will try and ask to go IP.

UnanimousAnonymous 17-11-2016 09:32 AM

I don't feel physically well enough to go to my appointment today.
I can't stop shaking.
I shit myself this morning because my laxative abuse is out of control.
I don't know what to tell the community team.

[Luna] 17-11-2016 09:52 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so physically poorly. I really think your team need to know how bad things are. You need extra support right now. Your body clearly isn't coping.
Sending tons of love <3

Uglyducklin 17-11-2016 10:45 AM

Hugs please try to call them and explain I'm so sorry you are struggling like this.

UnanimousAnonymous 17-11-2016 09:19 PM

This isn't good this isn't good.
It isn't good.
CMHT - I couldn't be completely honest with them but I told them I couldn't sleep - so I have a prescription for sleeping pills which I have previously OD'd on. I'm scared.
I've been mini OD'ing on different meds for the last 6 days....
And....I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. What is usually described as a functioning alcoholic.
I don't drink I the day but...I'm already drunk and I don't drink before 6pm.

And I shit myself this morning due to laxatives.

I am dying.
I know that.
I'm not eating and I'm not drinking much. I took the dressings off my arms 3/4? Days ago? but I'm meant to be back to the burns unit tomorrow and I have burned even more over it.

How I am going to explain it I don't know.

And I don't feel well enough to drive.

These heart palpitations though...

[Luna] 18-11-2016 08:19 AM

Love, I'm really worried about you.
Is there anyone from the CMHT you could call today and talk about how bad things are.
x

UnanimousAnonymous 18-11-2016 11:22 AM

I'm ok.
Well, I'm not but I'm alive and I'm home.
Was in A&E all night.
Abnormal ECG
Didn't see crisis team.
My CC and OT are not in today so I don't know who to speak to. Will try and call them in a little while.
I'm exhausted.

UnanimousAnonymous 18-11-2016 05:10 PM

I called the community team and left a message asking them to call me but it's now 4:10pm and I doubt they will call now or they will be unable to arrange for the crisis team to come out over the weekend. Speaking to crisis team on the phone is useless because they just tell me to distract myself which is what I spend half my life doing.
I feel so alone.

Patent Pending 18-11-2016 06:32 PM

Hi lovely.

Sorry you're feeling so bad right now and you're struggling so much both mentally and physically.

It's good to hear you've been trying to reach out - well done. I hope they are able to offer you further support over the weekend. Please try to call the CT if you need to - I know them saying distract is irritating and useless but at least you'll be speaking to someone rather than alone.

Please try to look after yourself.

x x x

UnanimousAnonymous 20-11-2016 09:13 PM

Nobody called me back.
But I have to go to the doctors tomorrow to get a sick not and I have written something for them to see because I cannot vocalise it. I hope I may be taken seriously. It's been extremely hard to write and will be even worse to hand it over tomorrow....

I need help.

Fire Fly 20-11-2016 09:20 PM

What would you like them to do other than admit you?

Sometimes they don't listen to when we need a break and want people to care for us as we're unable to. Sometimes we're forced to create safety for ourselves. So what would safety look for you?

Well done for writing note. I hope you're able to hand it over and they listen.

UnanimousAnonymous 20-11-2016 09:36 PM

At this point.
I think I need admission to be honest.
And so do my family and friends.
I am out of control.


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