4 months is really great Solo :) don't worry abouit not wanting to talk about why, as the rest of the ward know, I am awful with my own feelings. But like Mark said, keep holding on, four months is really brilliant and you know SH can change nothing really.

Hey guys :(

Have a real distinct fear of being hospitalised, I went a bit strange last night, was doodling, drew the lolly that was on the table, zoned out and the next thing I know is I've drawn an A4 page full of candy and made it onto a landscape and called it candyland and shouted any time someone went near my paper. My fiance paniced because I was so unresponsive and we came to a decision that I probably should let him get me a psych evaluation, I'm just worried about the outcome because I'd have to tell them all about my SI and not liking myself and all the other things... :/ I guess I need to calm down. Haven't eaten yet today I'm so worried. Sorry guys. I'm just rambling.

Thanks Lia! I am aware that you also have trouble sharing. I lurk a lot. Just don't post much. I only post here because folks notice when I pop in and they reach out n hug me n ask how I'm doin. Everyone here is so sweet n caring! Speakin a that, thanks so much for your pm offer Nicole! That's so thoughtful!

*Hugs Solo*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Sarah* Have you seen the Dr hun? I'm sorry that happened , it must have been scary :S

*Hugs Lia* How are you hun?

*hugs Nicole*

*cuddles Solo* I used to be like that, I was too scared to post

*snuggles Mark* I freaked again later in the night when we went to go get chinese. I was really paranoid that someone was going to attack me whilst I stayed in the car so I locked the doors, but I freaked when my fiance came back and couldn't open the doors. Going to ask my counsellor tomorrow what she advises then I'm going to see my doctor about all this, see what they suggest. I only escaped being hospitalised last time because I lied to the emergency psych team, I should probably see someone and tell them the truth. They can't help me if I lie to them.

Yeah Sarah , Thats true . I hope you can get it sorted , it may just be something simple as a meds tweak? They could do that in the community. They have with me a couple of times.

I hope so Mark. Although it'd be a good way to get out, they have monitered accomodation in my area for people with mental health conditions that mean they can't live at home but its temporary until they get on their feet. I mean they wouldn't be allowed to send me back home, they won't be allowed to send you back to the situation that caused the problems. I just don't see this as being abnormal, I've always been like this, making up worlds and such in drawings and thinking about them more than reality, being uber paranoid because of the voice that tells me bad things will happen... Ehh. Thanks for being here

Thats Okay Sarah Hun *Huge Hugs*

Thanks Sarah! I'm so proud of you! You're being so brave!

Aww thanks Solo *cuddles* that means so much, I was almost moved to tears x

*Snuggles Mark* You really are one of my closest friends, just like everyone else in this ward. Its like friends I deserved IRL but never got because I'm "too wierd" Thankyou.

You're very welcome Sarah! I'm so glad you realize that you do deserve good friends! You can't do better than the folks on here!

*Hugs everyone* sorry, went off to have some food :) lol.
*cuddles Sarah* sorry I don't have much to say, but I am thinking of you <3

*Hugs Sarah* I count you amongst my friends too , the wardies are ace people :)

*Hugs Solo*

*Hugs Nicole* Cheese and onion Sandwich?

*Hugs Mark* Nope, my mum came home and cooked a stir fry :) lol.

*cuddles Mark, Solo and Nicole* you guys rock x

*hugs wardies*

I just had the most amazing news :) I'm definitely still going to see my bestie :D Yay!!! Booked my train tickets about 10 minutes ago or so :D *jumps for joy* I don't think she'll be coming to my party but I wanted to still go see her more than anything aha :P

Yey !! Helen , Thats great news :) *Hugs*

Ohhh Nicole I like Stirfry , I am compelled to try and eat them with chopsticks :P

You rock too Sarah

*Hugs Sarah* I think the whole ward rocks. Every single one of you!
*Hugs Helen* Yay, thats really good news hun :)
*Hugs Mark* lol. Chopsticks are evil things! Just a fork is good for me thanks :)

The ward is amazing, its just perfect.

*cuddles Helen* Oh thats amazing news! :)

*cuddles Mark* :)

*snuggles Nicole*

*snuggles Sarah* :)
Eugh, tomorrow I am going job hunting in the morning, and then college
-.-

Thanks Mark, Nicole & Sarah *cuddles you all back*

Nicole, good luck with the jobhunting. Mine's going miserably, nothing seems to be out there that I can do at the moment =[

I kinda like stirfrys, although I find I get super hungry within 30 minutes of eating it :S

I'm really craving Nandos at the moment. Mmmmmmm

Yeah I always get hungry after a stir fry *cuddles Helen*

Nicole, I gave up on job hunting, there was nothing about that I could do with arthiritis in my hands and other joints, not to mention I'd have to take so much medical leave with my head too. Bleh.

*Cuddles Helen*
Thanks, I think it's just gonna be part time jobs doing whatever I can get at the moment though....
And yeah, stirfrys aren't really that filling, but then my mum did like pile my plate up, so i'm pretty full (although still want chocolate lol

Helen , What are Nando's?

Nicole I pile up my plate when I make stir frys . I haven't had one in ages , *Thinks he may make one tomorrow* You are full of culinary ideas for me today:)

Sarah , I am trying to do Volunteer work , Have you tried this? , just starting at 2 hours a week I hope . If the cyber cafe get back on it's feet:s

I did, but I got turned down from the local cattery too. I'm just taking some time to myself now, its likely I'll fail this year ar uni, so I'll wait and see, if I fail I'm going to another degree, just wanted something part time to occupy myself for one day a week but even voulenteer places don't want me :p I don't know if they turned me down or forgot me, so I'll go up in a few months and see

lol Mark. I love cooking, I think I should do some baking soon...
*Hugs Sarah* That sucks :( maybe like Mark said you could try and do some voluntary work? edit: sorry, posting at the same time :/ That really does suck. Maybe try applying again?

I'm sorry you were treated like that Sarah :(

I'll sort it *cuddles Mark and Helen* if they don't want me then I'm sure somewhere else will. No point fretting over it. I'll see my doctor about things and then see what I can do. :)

I hurt my mouth on hot pizza cheese , Doh!

Aww, I hurt mine on broccoli earlier... I don't even like it ¬.¬

Stupid phone keeps conning me into thinking its more charged than it is. >:(

*hugs Sarah and Mark* hey guys :)

lol Sarah, that sucks.
Ouch Mark, that sounds painful!
I can't decide what to bake....

Bake cupcakes Nicole!!!!!!! *Hugs*

*Hugs Lia*

*Aww Sarah , we both did it :S*

*snuggles Lia* how are you?

Edit: I second Marks opinion, bake cupcakes! *cuddles Mark and Nicole*

*Hugs Mark, Sarah and Lia*
I was thinking about cupcakes, but they're too easy, I want something a bit more challenging....

Hmm... I want cupcakes. With nommy crunchy icing and sprinkles :p

What about iced biscuits? I love those lol

Souffle Nicole!!

I've never made souffle before Mark, I wouldn't know how to..
Too many choices lol!

Today I stumbled across a "Girls cookbook" which had some amazing recipies in, I'll be buying it next week :) cake and pies and gateaux and all sorts in :)

oooh, that sounds amazing!
I'm giving up and making cupcakes :)
So i'm off to do that now, might be back later, by guyss :)

Have fun Nicole *cuddles*

hugs everbody. then curls up

*hugs Jill* How are you?

*Hugs Jill* You okay hun?

*hugs ward*

I'm so useless, I'm sorry.

*holds Felicia* you're not useless hun

hmm, yeah. how are you today mark

You're far from useless Felicia hun *Hugs* I love ya :)

*hugs Sarah* thanks, I feel pretty useless though.

*Hugs Jill*