*UPDATE*Got my grade for the class I was worried about... And not only passed it, but got C-... not sure how your marks go but we've got (from best to worst): A, A-, B, B-, C, C-, D, D-, F. I was only hoping for a D- or a D... Passing but lousy...So now I'm going to finish uni... And then (should I find a job) I'll spend my days getting up, going to work, and coming back home...I'm so stupid, I didn't feel anything when I learned I had passed... Still flat and blank and...*shrug*

Hello people *snuggles you all*

I am in SOOOOOOOOOOOO much ****ing pain from one of my vaccinations today *sobs*

*hugs* Tis true, they can be hell.

Ugh! I've got a room mate who really hasn't done any dishes all term... I leave them for as long as I can stand it in hopes she will do them (they are, after all, mostly hers) but she never does. Our kitchen is a disaster, she hasn't had any lectures all week and she hasn't washed a single dish!!! And our families are coming over this weekend for graduation! Hers gets here tonight you'd think she would be cleaning, right? No, she went out drinking last night, drank WAY too much (even though she knew we had a bunch of cleaning to do today) and is now downstairs, still in her night clothes, snapping any time I say anything because her head hurts and she doesn't feel good! Oh, sorry, I've been functioning with a hangover headache all morning!!:angry:

Sorry, just needed to vent to someone...

*retreats to her corner, hits the wall a few times and yells* Drives me nuts!!!

*hugs* Know how that feels, hun. Felt like I was constantly doing the washing up and tidying up after my flatmates all year.

Hope everyone else isn't doing too badly?
-----------------------------------------
My dad's in a bad mood. And he's been drinking. I don't want to move, or do anything in case it upsets him. I'm getting so fed up of this. I wish I could move when I want to, without having to worry about the consequences. I want to move out again, but I can't afford a place over the summer, and there's no-one else I can stay with, so I guess I'm stuck with it here then.

*hides away from everything*

aaaaaahhhh *throws self on Ally* I am so so so pleased for you sweetheart even if you aren't :P :) Yay! Well done! Don't worry about the rest of the crap, that will all sort itself out, at least thats what I'm hoping anyway.

*hugs Auburn* please stay strong hun, I'm sorry things are so rough right now (although I appreciate that doesn't help too much) xx

*hugs Hells* At least you were brave and had them done. And besides it will be worth it when you go on holiday :)

*squishes Alexx*, no that did help hun. Thank you. Hope your ok.

Good Luck tomorrow Zowie, I hope it turns out how you are hoping it too. Will be thinking of you and if you do go IP please update us if possible so we know your safe *hugs*

*squishes Jeremy* How are you doing over there oh quiet one?

Hope you have a good time Emma *snuggles* Thinking of you xxxxxx


----------
I failed my exam, I know I have unless the examiner is a scientist with no knowledge of history or essay writing techniques and preferably is also partially blind with a sympathetic disposition. In other words, yeah, I failed. Not sure what I'm going to do now. Will get the results confirmed on 25th June. Came home this afternoon from a day of exams, crashed and woke up 6 hours later. Am now going to get very drunk x

*snuggles Ally lots*

*hugs back* I wasn't brave, I cried before having mine done :blush: It realllllllly hurts, well one arm anyway. FFS! Grrrr. It will be worth it when I go on holiday and WONT get ill with Hep A or Thypoid ;) I'm sure you haven't failed the exam hun and that you'll be proved wrong in a few weeks =]

Hep A...oooh, I've had Hep B vacc for work so can sort of sympathise. Don't worry about crying, loads of people cry at injections xx

Hehe you should have seen the blood come out of my mum's arm. Like the nurse did the injection, walked away to get mine, my mum jumped apprantly and loads poured out. The nurse turned around and ran towards her with cotton wool, was a bit shocking :P

Ahhh I'm so emotional. I was worried she'd say something about my cuts. BUT she didn't =D I'm really glad, she was super nice. I think she may have found out from my notes tho (oh dear =\) because she was trying to find out if I'd had my booster done at 14/15 for tetnus/dirtheria {sp}/and whatever the other one is.

Haha my mum's is out of date too so we'll both be back there in two weeks (the day before the party damm) to have it done. Hopefully my arm will have recovered by 3pm that saturday ;)

I cuss every time I get injections or have blood drawn. And a tetanus update leaves me in pain for a week! I don't want to let it lapse.

Ally, I don't know what to tell you about your room mate. I'm kind of the person who does that to my husband. I'm trying to grow up.

auburn shadow, sorry if forgot your name. I understand, my mum is like that, minus the alcohol.

*hugs everyone*

We are in our last night on the road. It will take 6-8 hours to get home tomorrow. And my husband is giving me a "do we hafta" look when I said I want to run two errands on the way home. I think there is a Target in this town, maybe if we stop in on our way out of town in the morning, the store will be quiet.

We saw some beautiful stuff today.

For all you psych majors, I've talked about my needyness with my psych.

I have work waiting for me at home, and the SUV has to go into the shop for a couple of recalls and something weird with the steering. Need to call mom in law and see if we can borrow her pickup truck or is philip's brother holding it hostage again. So potential and problems at home.

On the way some of the most boring desert we've even been through. Before that, a very pretty stretch along the canyon of the Virgin River.

Hey all, I am druhnk and discussing rhe pros and cons on SI with my mind. Decided it hurts, don't really want to do it but have to. My EX boyfriend told me tonight that dealing with my SI was too difficult, hence the whole cheating thing.

*topples over from the force of Emma flying at her(lol), then snuggles her*
Sweetie, wait and see what the results actually say hun, you might be surprised, I certainly was. I was also positive that I had failed and so far it's my best grade this term (ugh, when did I become one of those folks who just wants to pass). *massive hugs* Love you sweetie

*hugs her RYL mom*
lol glad to hear it :-)
Are you rested enough to start your work again? Have you enjoyed your trip? I hope so.

Hmmm, I don't have a problem with shots or anything... I used to give blood (HUGE needle) before I started getting my tattoos. Hope your arm feels better soon Helen and that next times not so bad.

*hugs Amanda, Alexx, LP-Emma, Jeremy, and anyone else she may have missed*

*sigh* Exhausted, numb, blank, whatever... I am not sure how I feel about graduating but I'm leaning toward not wanting to.

*retreats to her corner for some sleep*

*wraps Emma in a blanket and cuddles her*
Shhhh, I'm sorry sweetheart. Please be careful hunni, I understand the need to cut, just please be careful*snuggles*

ally, what tattoos do you have? i want to seeeeeeeeeeeeee. and why haven't u posted on my tattoo ideas thread in vets general?? tut tut.

i don't want to live anymore. it's as simple as that.

Um..i could be better today...slept the whole day basically ugh - not good really. How r u emma? u okies? *squishes u*


--------------

*cuddles chloe* hang in there! just a feeling which will go away sometime..hopefully soon enuf!

Crisis team are coming at 2. Not sure what I can do to keep myself going until then. Three hours to go.
I've hurt myself quite badly which probably will go against me when they're deciding whether to send me to hospital or not.

*hugs zowie*

Maybe u should go to hospital volunatary...that way u can leave whenever u wanna? I dunno wat the hospital system is over there...but that's what could happen over here...so yeah..good luck! But fingers crossed u don't get sent there

*cuddles u*
xxxx

I could set my mood to hung-over....I SHOULD be hung-over....but I'm not...grrr. Its gone 12 oclock and im still sat here with wet hair and not dressed.
I want to go out.
I cant STICK being in.this.house.
Nothings even happened....just...bad vibes...arguments, nasty comments, etc etc.
Monday. Im going to go to a job agency. Work my ass off over summer. get ALOT of money saved. Then move out....
Well....find a flat mate and move out....
Any takers?
Would anyone like to share a flat with little ol'me?
I'll be quiet..
And I can cook and clean and wash clothes and iron them and...and...
mess up relationships and get myself in far too deep over my own head and make myself sick or make myself bleed and turn down compliments off people who I can trust....even if they SAY I'm thin enough/good looking etc....they are wrong....they have to be wrong....
*sigh*:/

I'm not suprised Susan. I really think having blooddrawn is the one of the worst. I ALWAYS feel slightly faint after, but I dont feel it until I've walked out of the hospital. Then I go alright if I have a drink. I really don't like injections grrr. Also we've been told we have to have malira tablets for week before we go and FOUR weeks after we come home. :crying: I hope they're not too bad, I'm still struggling with taking painkillers, let alone my hayfever tablets. Grrrrr will be worth it though =D

I hope that you didn't cut hun *snuggles* but I understand.

Thanks Ally. Wow I'm very proud of people who give blood, I plan to do it. But I think they won't let me once I've gone on holiday for a few months. Like my sister wanted to do it a couple months ago when they went to her work, but because she'd been to Thailand, she has to wait a few months more :tongue2:

My arm still aches, but it'll be soooooooo worth it. FINALLY have 3 pairs of shorts that fit for my holiday :hop: :hop: :hop: You do not know how long/how mnay times we've gone looking for a pair that fits.

2 weeks til Emma (l-p)'s party yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :hop:

Ally, go ahead and go through your graduation. It should make everything more real. I'm not sorry I did for my BA. I'm not sorry I didn't for my MA.

Helen isn't it awesome to find something that fits? Can you make a note of where you bought the shorts and who the manufacturer is? I have done that with a nationwide retailer and catalog store so all I have to do is order more jeans/shorts in that label from that company. Not glamorous but expedient. And you so don't want to see my handful morning meds!

My husband used to give blood and I admire him for it. Then the red cross became a major annoyance. I finally had to threaten to call the FCC to get them to stop.

((((((((Chloe))))))))
((((((((Zowie))))))))

I need some sleep. I-15 between Las Vegas Nevada and Victorville California might be good for three hours or so.

Crisis team should be here any minute.

Good luck zowie :-)

you're all gonna think im a weirdo...but i actually quite enjoy it :s

good luck hunni *snuggles*

Saying a prayer for you Zowie!

My husband is still snoring. Lucky him!

I've looked up he local Target store, for those in the UK it is an inexpensive but not cheap department store. They open before we will be there. I also have the phone numbers for the two fabric stores that have a sewing machine store within them to see if they have the tool that I want. If one of them does it will make part of my job so much easier!

Thanks guys :)
Unfortunately they've decided to send me to hospital. They've left for an hour so I can pack, and then they're driving me up there.
I dunno how I feel about it. Relieved, in a way, that they're trying to help me get out of this. But also a little upset that it's come to this.
I'm going to loose my job, she told me if I take anymore time off then I'll be fired. But in a way, I don't care. I don't think I'm well enough to handle work. I'm also glad I have hospital as an excuse rather than them thinking I'm being lazy.
Okay, enough yacking.
Not sure when I'll be able to come here again, so take care of yourselves. Love you all xxx

Zowie sweetie...stuff work...your mental health is FAR FAR more important.
Hope you get the help you need and deserve and we'll be here waiting when you get back.
Love you hun.
Take care of yourself ok?
*huggles and offers to help you pack*
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

*cuddles*
Oh Chloe, I'm sorry you're feeling that way... Please hang in there hun, I couldn't take it if I lost you.

*snuggles Zowie*
You're probably with the crisis team right now... I hope it goes well sweetie. The important part is that you are safe, I hope you are *massive hugs*
----------
Exhausted. Graduation today... Cut last night, going to today... What's up with that? I finished uni so I don't have to be mortified because I had to tell my family not to bother to come...*sigh* I'm so stupid...
*makes a tea tray with tea, coffee, cocoa, cake, biscuits, and toast and leaves it for everyone. Retreats to her corner and prays for some tears*

*curls up in a dark corner where no one can see her*
I hate this.
Please make it stop.
Please...someone...

Saying a prayer for you Zowie.

Ally you will get through this. You are just exhausted and overwhelmed. Exams, graduating, looking for a job, looking for an apartment. Any one of those is stressful. *gives you a hug*

*hides in here for a little while to get away*

*offers some nibblies to eat for sparklyshoes*

*munches on jetforce instead*

LOL sharlie'

Wat's up? u okies today?

Yes, it really is awesome. I mean with a particular pair of shorts, we brought size 8 orginally which didn't fit. So we brought size 12 which were too large. So we finally got a size ten and they fitted. It's so stuipd, because you fit in ONE size in ONE shop, go to another for a dfferent type of skirt say....try that size and it doesn't fit grrrrrr! Really pees me off. Then with the swimming costumes, they were all size 10's. About 3 bottoms and two tankenis had to be replaced. The bottoms were replaced with size 12 and fitted fine. Then takenis wouldn't fit. One went from a size TEN, to a size EIGHTEEN (mum's mistake) and eventually to correct size of 12. It's been annoying but we think all the shopping for clothes/stuff for my hols may be sorted. Just got to check through my other clothes this week to see if we need anything else...

Sounds pretty good until they became a major annoyance- what happened (if you don't mind me asking?)

I dont think it's werid. I mean I love watching the blood....but just cant stand the needle going in that's all lol. I really want to give blood at some point.

*snuggles and welcomes you*

Ahhhh I'm off to a party tonight. :shocked: I haven't been out properly for months...we unless you count the meal out that Me, my sister & Mum had. I'm obviously not including the thursdays and sundays I spend with my dad. :hehe:. I'm hoping I can have something else other to drink that just cider, I won't be drinking the beeer- ewwwww! A little cider maybe. It's being called a cider bouncy castle party. Because he wants lots of cider (I shant be buying any) and is having a bouncy castle. So tonight I'll be like this > > > > :hop: :hop: :hop:. LOL just can't drink a lot of alcohol (if I have any) tonight because I have to be up around 8am tomorrow to get ready for work!!!

Have fun helen!!

*buys u some cider* Pre-party :P lol

Thanks hun :)

Wooooooo alcohol, got any malibu & coke? =D

Right I'm gonna a shower, be back in an hour or so with my hair sorted

Of course!!

I prefer midori and lemonade yum yum :-D

^ yummy stuff.

*hides on the ward for a while*

*stands in her own little corner and kicks stuff*

I.DONT.CARE.ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

Why?...just...****ingwhy ><

You're all gonna leave me soon enough.
Bad****inginfluence...
I'll give you bad influence...
ha hell yeah.
Coz IDONTCARE
LALALALALALALALAALALAAAAAAAAA

Yes.I'm a bitch.
Im a selfish bitchy little whore >.<
Do I care?!
NO

Everyone will stab you in the back or let you down at somepoint.
that's just how it goes.
I'm gonna go.
Gonna run. Farfarfarfar away and not ****ing come back >.<
Theres no point anymore....

Are you alright Alexx? *hugs*

Not really....
no....not at all.
In fact...I dunno any more.
Im ****ing fiiiiiiiiiineeeee.
Having the best time of my life.
But my behaviour is "disgusting"
I dont care.
I dont need anyone









I just want someone to care....someone to accept that this is me....
oh wait...there are 2 or 3 people who do.
Its just not who I expected would.
I dont want to be in bed.
I want to be in the pub.
Or at Chris' house...or Andy's house...or out walking somewhere...

Whoever told you that about your behaviour is out of line. Has anything triggered you tonight? Or is this just generally how you're feeling?

I care about you and so do many people on here, especially Jess and we want to help you if we can at all. Please try and stay safe sweetie x

*cuddles alexx*

Hope ur ok...xxx

I'm just sick of it.
Its like being torn into different pieces.
Finding a group where I feel pretty comfortable.
Feeling I have to be more loyal to family.
Trying to juggle it all.
I dont WANT to juggle it.
I want to do what I do best...go out with the people I have the best time with and not feel ****ing guilty in the morning.

I have a tendancy to ruin realtionships.
Thats what is happening.
I'm ruining it with me and Jess.
Not on purpose...
But self sabotage.
It's not the same.
None of its the same.
I want to go.
I dont want to be found.

Forgive me for not knowing this, but do you have a counsellor or someone who you see regularly in real life?

I know things seem really ****ing hard and unfair now but they can still get better. In a few months/a year you will have finished college and things will be different. You will have more control over your life etc etc. Please try and hang on x

no i've just finished with my counsellor.
Things wont be that different.
I'll still be ****ing around and upsetting people and Jess will just hate me more.

Its so stupid ><
Yesterday...apart from 5 or 10 minutes...was great.
Today has been pretty **** from 2pm onwards

Hi All,
I know i've been gone for a while, well about a month I think. I just wanted to check in and let you all know I am doing really well :-)
I hate to boast but I haven't SI for a month! I feel fantastic.
I have made a few changes in life, gone back to chruch has been the biggest one but it's made all the difference. I feel so much stronger.
Anyway, just thought I would say hello. I doubt I will be around much now, not that I don;t like you but I kind of want to put stuff behind me.
If anyone ever wants to chat please PM me and I will reply. I shall pop in from time to time.
Take Care all
God belss, you will all be in my prayers.
Liz

It's not stupid and Things don't HAVE to be the same hun. Why did you finish with your counsellor? Could you get another one, no offence but it seems like you could really do with that extra input right about now.

Great to hear you are doing so well Squiggles :) And brag away, you should be proud x

*kicks Allys arse out of hiding* You alright there?

No offence taken.
Naww I'm a pretty strong person.
I listened to her techniques for coping. I adapted them to fit me better.
I'm doing just fine....I never really have anything to talk about in the sessions anyway.
Its just I've got so pissed off tonight coz all I seem to have done is mess up and do stuff wrong and upset people and I'm sick of it.
I'm not gonna change who I am because some arse cant except it.