OVER MY DEAD BODY IT WILL!!!!!

A few things
I'm going to go and try sleep it off
You know I'll be back and feeling worse tomorrow but hey ho
Thanks everyone
Good night, take care of yourselves xxx

He'll be using your body to hit me with

Goodnight Jess, sleep well *hugs*

Alexx - what did you set fire to in your garden?

Alexx, stay safe hun
Please don't do anything silly....
Please? :-(

I might look little and weak....but he'd regret taking me on...
imagine a volcanoe.....it looks pretty calm..until it errupts....
well thats me...
silly ****....he'll be sorry ¬.¬

erm....paper...lots of paper....
and an old door....
and some polystyrene

Take care of yourself
Please hun, for me?
Wretched best friend, wife...acquaintance of yours that I am
Night all xxxx

Is it all safe now? Don't want you to get hurt...

Does no one say anything about you burning stuff in your garden by the way?

hi all, i'm just struggling big time at the moment, soon i can take my meds for the night and fall asleep!

*hugs* sorry to hear you're struggling, is there anything you want to talk about?

Oooofffft! She fibs. She's amazing. The reason my house isn't in flames right now.
Yes it is all say but no one says anything....mum said it had to be burnt...so I burnt it. Normally I don't burn stuff in my garden...I burn it in empty carparks or far corners of fields or in the bathroom in the bath

Ah okay, fair enough :-p

And if she's the reason that you're house isn't in flames then she must be doing something right even if she doesn't believe it :thumbup:

Yes she is. She's just there to be honest. She always listens...even if im talking utter crap. She always has time for me. She always makes me feel worth something...she gives me that reason to just try ONE more day...and then one more day after that...and one more day after that. She's utterly amazing and I would have been gone a LOOOONNNGGG time ago if i hadnt met her...I really dont deserve a friendship like this...not at all...the worst thing is though...that I cant help her. I have to watch her suffer and i hate it because she deserves better.
Why cant I help her like I used to?:-(

Blah. Arson. I hate myself for it.

*hugs* Sometimes all you can do is be there for people, and you probably do help just by being there even if you can't see it. She sounds like a wonderful friend, you're very lucky.

Tell me to mind my own business if I'm asking things that are too personal when it's only our first time talking but why arson? (Sorry, I can't think of a good way to phrase the question, as you probably didn't choose it, it chose you so to speak... I dunno, I hope you get the idea... sorry for rambling)

I'm off to bed now people, I hope you all get some rest before too long. Take care and stay safe

Alexx, sorry I've just asked you something and am now leaving but I've just realised what time it is and I have to be up for work in ther morning.

*hugs* to everyone

She is amazing. Completely and utterly and I wish I got to see her more often...I wish it was how it was in year 9/10

I dunno...I just get...a huge rush of power...of...satisfaction when I set things on fire. Watching them burn. Knowing that it's gone and nothing can bring it back. And the way a fire reaches out and feeds itself. It consumes...and rolls off everything, licking around it...engulfing it.
Its one of the greatest forces...with a power to destroy EVERYTHING...and it starts from the tiniest spark...
That...probably makes no sense...I hope it answers your question...

Night Jess.
Have a good day tomorrow and take care of yourself.
Hopefully we'll see you back here soon :)
You're always welcome ^_^

hey alexx - back for a minute
I understand what you like about fire - love it to - but i do manage not to cause any distruction. I love Fire - Thunderstorms - especially lightning adn I love the rough seas

ahehe you're a woman after my own heart :D
storms, rough seas, fires, they are all amazing.
If i'm honest....it scares me though...wanting to burn stuff...
it's like..I have no control over the urges... I tried to tell my crisis team about it...but the guy said its "fine as long as I dont cause any damage" :/

I should probably go to bed...I have a horrible scary exam which I'm going to fail with a captial F-A-I-L in the morning :(

Night everyone

*leaves you a bucket of hugs and mugs of hot chocolate*

Alexx - that's funny I popped back in here to see you but you weren't here so I went to see my post - saw you there went to say Hi and you'd gone again - probably byt the time I write this you will have popped of somewhere else - you are gonna be worn out all this excercise.

hehe I told yoooouuuu!!! :P
I'm a sneaky ninja. I pop up all over the place ^_^

emmmmmmma i seeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

lol.

hello. i am back from lectures temporarily.

alexx, hope the exam goes ok. i'm sure you will do better than you think.

Hi Chloe :P Just lurking at the moment. Not really feeling up to much but not trying to ignore all you lovely people either. I am sort of at that awful delicately balanced phase whereby the smallest thing is going to send me crashing...literally the smallest thing. I distracted myself tonight and am now regretting it. I need to be back, but I'm not here, not really. I don't know, I'm not making sense and I haven't even got the drunk excuse. I have this beautiful image of the harm I should have inflicted tonight and it is not a good thing I didn't do it, not for me, not right now, it just isn't.

Anyway. Hows everyone else? *hugs*

Helen, Emma *special hugs for you two* I will reply to your PM's when my internet is not dodgy, hopefully tomorrow and I am not so exhausted. Don't worry about what you both said in the PM's, seriously. It's all good :) Hope your ok.

*leaves Alexx nice hugs* Hope the exam goes ok tomorrow sweetie. Will be thinking of you.

*hugs Chloe, Katch, Susan, Amanda, Katey-Lou, Zowie, Jess and anyone else have forgotten*

AAALLLLLYYYY????? Where are you sweetie? How are you doing? *pokes you*

Oh. My. Goodness.:blink: y'all have been BUSY. Please forgive me if I don't go through them all I've got an exam tomorrow and I really need to study. Some kitty cuddles and a few cuts and I'll be good to go for a few hours.

*hugs everyone* welcome to our new folks, love you all. Stay safe.

*pokes Emma back* hi sweetie, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it *snuggles* I'm alright, a little out of it but no worries at least I am home.

*jumps up and down*

EMMA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

*special hug for my Emma*

I wrote complete & utter crap in my pm. So I look forward to your reply. I'll probs send you a text later hun to let you know when I've handed in my work and can cleberate.

I'm sorry you're struggling still but I think you're coping somehow amazingly well. I hope this weekend wasn't too much of a hassle and I'm glad you STILL haven't harmed hun. *a thousand squessy hugs for you* Least now you know what my amazing hugs are like ;)

Anyway back to letter writing.....even though I ache & need sleep :P

(((hugs))) Helen

*yawn* goodness, I am SO tired and I've got to study :-( I am not doing so well in this class I've got to get a passable mark on this test. I hate this class, I hate uni, I hate responsibility!!! I wish I was disgustingly rich that way I could afford to go nuts and stop functioning for a while and not have to worry about bills and rent and stuff cause I've got the money already... lol this me, exhausted and irrational...
*goes to make some tea in hopes that will wake her up*

Hi All,
I go away for 8 hours and there's 4 new pages of posts! Comes from living 8 hours behind many of you.

I feel slightly guilty. We had a power out at 4pm so I went to the bedroom, coolest room in our place, and had a nap. Now I have absolutely no energy. That may not be a bad thing though. But the shirts still are not done! Pseudo scolds self.

I did set a limit today. A potential new client phoned wants placemats and napkins and wanted to make an appointment for tomorrow so I could do up a sample for him out of his cloth. I have too much to do this week. So we have a tentative appt. for June 9. Monday I have one my little between hair cut appointments so my hairstylist can trim the fringe out of my eyes before I go on vacation. The fringe isn't too long yet, not quite, but if I don't have it trimmed by the second day out I will be blowing it away from my glasses and on the third day be wondering if since embroidery scissors cut thread, maybe they can cut hair too?

My toe is healing. The bruise on my arm is getting nicely colored. I still have not heard from my 17 year old friend.

The guilt trip card that my mother sent last week is now officially in the recycling bin.

My husband still has not made motel reservations for next weekend, and it is a holiday weekend!

It is time to watch Modern Marvels or Dirty Jobs and uhum, "nudge" my husband.

I am going wacko lock me up already... been "purging" for like 4 days straight

(((hugs))) Bella

Thanks, Katch and irkeninvader, for listening a few pages back. My interenet went down last night so I couldn't come back.
Still feeling awful, wish I could tell one of the 'professionals' that I'm not okay and make them understand.

*squishes bella*

Try and keep safe there hun xxx

Zowie - been thinking about you. I so wish they would listen to you.
Have things got any easier for you at all?

Yeah I remember...I miss her...I'm...not sure how I'm doing...I'm trying? Yeah. That's what I keep saying. I'm trying I'm trying. And failing. And trying. And failing s'more.
*tries to curl up even smaller*
Just want it all to go away....

((((((((Bella))))))))
((((((((Zowie))))))))

I still have not heard from my 17 year old friend. My instincts are telling me that I won't. :crying: :crying: :crying:

My husband said that he hasn't made reservations because he doesn't know where he is going. We've lost our 2007 Wal*Mart Road Atlas, so methinks we need a 2008. If I get it at Wal*Mart, it half the price of other places. The listings of Wal*Mart stores across the country that are the reason it is half the price of other places is fine.

This is supposed to be the last day of the heat wave, thank goodness.

I want to go back to bed for half an hour. I should go shower and get to work. Hmmm, I'm chronically sleep deprived, so easy choice. :snoozle:

Hey everyone! How are we all?

I miss the sun and am sick of having to go through this every day, why is it so relentless. And my internet keeps cutting it doing my head in cos i can't keep in touch with people :(

((((((((Jo))))))))

(((Susan)))

I just spilt purple ink everywhere!!
Does it come out of clothes?
I am such a ditz

Thank you Katch :)
Things are still very hard. Beth keeps telling me to kill my cat and the crisis team told me to read a book to keep myself distracted.
Why don't they listen?

Hey zowie sorry they aren't listening, they always tell me to do stuff like that but it can be hard to concentrate can't it?
Is there anything you can do that does help or can yoou speak to them again?

Zowie, you mean other than the fact that they haven't ever been in a situation even close to what you are living with? It's easy to tell folks to do such things as read a book, drink some tea, or take a bath when you haven't lived with an ever present fear/sadness/anxiety/insert-one-of-our-issues-here... I am so sorry they aren't listening sweet heart. I wish I could make them. If I was there believe me I'd give them a piece of my mind (I'm good at it, got it from my ass of a dad). *snuggles* pleas stay strong hun, you know Beth is wrong and you are stronger then her, I know you are.

Sorry guys, I'll respond to the rest of y'all after my exam. I should still be reading my notes as the exam is in 45 minutes:blink: I am SO going to fail:crying:

*hides in the corner....waiting*

*leaves hugs*

Hells, How was your day? was thinking about you?
everyone else I'm gonna start replying but you know me - it takes me a while

Zowie - I hate the fact they don't listen to you - you must feel so alone.Dont listen to Beth - you know you don't want to hurt the cat and you can be stronger than Beth - stay here and chat with us all instead. xxx
Jo, how annoying about the internet - but even if you get cut off we will be here waiting for you when you return. Purple ink - how colourful - that's the sort of thing that I do. Are they still letting you go outside at all? I do hope so - it's not as warm as it has been but it's still good to get outside.

You must be worried about your friend - I'm so sorry that she or her parents haven't been in touch with you - I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that they do. I used to love the bargains at walmart - an up to date map sounds like a good idea for your travels.

Good luck in your exam - hope you do better than you think you will. Let us know how it goes.

Anyone else that I have missed - hugs to you all and catch you later. xxx

My husband found the road atlas. Which means I don't have to add that extra trip on this hot day. The a/c has already come on and it is only 10am. So I'll be off in a bit to get my hair trimmed out of my eyes and get some groceries.
I finally heard from the sister of my friend, a message letting me she'd send me another message.
Ever present work. I'm glad to be gainfully employed.

I came to the psych ward in the hope that there would be a/c here. Susan, I'm dying. I could never be a true desert girl like you. :) Hope you're okay....
*hugs*

Hi guys. Feeling a bit better at the moment. My friend came over and looked after me for a bit, which has made me feel a bit stronger.
Someone from the EIP team is coming over tomorrow and hopefully she'll listen to me and give me some good advice.
Love you all xxx

Hey guys... sorry, I'm worthless atm... first I have to study and now I just feel crap... teary and tired... and it's really my fault because I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I am behind on my uni work, I don't have a job for after graduation and I don't have an apartment... that, and I tend to dwell on things which never makes it any better. Ugh, and I don't want to go to therapy today... nothing to talk about really and I'm just not feeling like it...damn. The temptation to stop taking my meds so I would feel crap enough to kill myself is really looking good right now... there's nothing to worry about when you're dead. Alive and on meds I'm just left lucid enough to realize the mess I've made of my life and that I don't have anything I WANT to do, anywhere I WANT to go... I don't want to go home so here is the best option but I don't want to stay here either... I just want to not exist.:crying:

Dude, we should totally make a real RYL psych ward and we can all live there... I like it here better than real life...

Sorry for the dump y'all, I know it's a lot of whining...