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-   -   Intense emotional pain (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=245810)

Juella 16-07-2017 06:57 PM

So, did someone get in touch with you? How did it go?
I'm sure your brother will be immensley proud of you for holding on for him. Please, keep trying. Lets take it one hour at a time. For now, it would be great if you'd make it for another hour. And then, if you can do it, you can set a goal for another one. Does an hour seems like a manageable amount of time to hold on for right now?

one_step_closer 16-07-2017 07:07 PM

A CPN phoned and was very dismissive. She told me that I just need to distract myself and when I said the pain is so intense that I can't distract myself she said I just need to keep trying. I'll be getting a call from a mental health association crisis team where my support worker is from but I know who's on tonight and she never helps me. I feel like because I have BPD I am taken less seriously, but my negative emotions are so much more extreme than they have been and they are more extreme than other people in general who don't have BPD. This is a tough illness to live with.

Juella 16-07-2017 07:42 PM

I'm so sorry you were treated this way. It must be really tough to hold on when mental health services are being so unhelpful. Can't imagine how hard it must be on you, dealing with your illness. But you've got this far and that's amazine. You're a real fighter. Hope you'll feel at least a little better soon.

Buttons. 16-07-2017 08:04 PM

I understand that feeling of stigma because of a BPD diagnosis and I am so sorry to hear yet again how prevalent it is. However please know there are people out there, both within and outside of the MH community who do understand or at least try to just how intense and raw emotions can feel with this illness. You are not alone. And we care, even if it seems like some prats don't.

one_step_closer 16-07-2017 08:49 PM

Thank you both. I really appreciate your support.

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 03:20 PM

I just feel like no one can really get it unless they've experienced BPD so they will think I'm just being dramatic or something.

UnanimousAnonymous 17-07-2017 03:51 PM

I can totally understand.
I feel in the same predicament at the moment.
*gentle hugs*

Sketchy 17-07-2017 06:37 PM

It must be upsetting and very invalidating to be dismissed like that. When I've been in crisis I've had people say I need to just keep trying with distractions when I've explained it's not working, so I truly sympathise.

Could you maybe phone someone else like the Samaritans? You did really well in phoning breathing space. Don't let this experience put you off phoning again. Not everyone will be dismissive. Keep talking to us to. You don't have to deal with this alone.

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 07:55 PM

Thank you both.

I've to call the crisis team where my support worker is based at 8pm and I'm so anxious. Wish it was easier to make phone calls. I might just try and say I don't really want to talk tonight because I think it could make me feel worse, but it depends on who is working tonight I suppose. Today has been a little easier thankfully but I'm in desperate need of respite from this pain. Even when I feel a bit better I am terrified of the hard times coming again because I know they will.

Sketchy 17-07-2017 08:12 PM

It's difficult making these phone calls, but I think you are being incredibly brave.

I'm glad today has been easier. Try not to think too far ahead. Deal with each moment as it comes.

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 08:16 PM

Thank you. The phone call went ok, I spoke to someone who I get on quite well with and was just telling her how I've come back here (RYL) and joined another forum and am trying to support people and get support myself which has been useful. She told me to look at myself objectively and see that I am kind and worthy. I can cope right now but am so worried about what the next second may bring and I can't stop thinking about it.

Sketchy 17-07-2017 08:22 PM

That's good you spoke to someone you get on well with. It makes all the difference.

It is good you are back here and getting the support you need. It's also good you are supporting others, but of course it's ok to look after yourself too.

I know it's hard not to think about what happens next. Could you maybe come up with a plan that helps you when things get bad? Like a list of things that may help?

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 08:33 PM

It's just that I painfully remember the excruciating emotions I have been feeling recently and how nothing was easing them, I had to put up with them. They are on and off but mostly on recently and it's scary because nothing I usually try to cope with things makes them any better. I can't think of any new things to try because talking and distractions are really two main things.

Sketchy 17-07-2017 08:37 PM

I understand. I wish I had answers. But remember that you do eventually get through it and there are people who will support you through it. I know that doesn't particularly help just now.

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 08:42 PM

Thanks. It's important that I try to remember that things do ease eventually. But in the moment it seems like the first time I have felt that bad and like I will never get through it.

Sketchy 17-07-2017 08:48 PM

I know what you mean. It's such a horrible feeling to have. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to help yourself. You are being super strong, because lets face it, this is incredibly difficult, so give yourself credit for that.

Do you have anything planned to do while things are a bit better? Maybe pampering yourself or curling up on the sofa to watch a favourite program?

one_step_closer 17-07-2017 09:14 PM

Thank you. I don't know what I'm going to do tonight. I'm finding that I don't enjoy anything and it's hard to focus on things.

Sketchy 17-07-2017 09:23 PM

Maybe just have an early night. I find going for a sleep helpful. Sometimes you just need to rest and ride it out. When things improve you will be able to enjoy things again. In the meantime take it easy and be kind to yourself.

one_step_closer 18-07-2017 08:33 PM

Everything feels so utterly hopeless. I've put some things in place for the future despite how I've been feeling - like signing up for a first aid course, applying for a job, joining a jogging group, enquiring about volunteering - but this is what I do to make it look like I'm moving forward. Nothing ever feels good and I often fail to do things because I'm so anxious or low. My mood gets in the way of everything. The sharp emotional pain is mostly gone, for now, but I'm back to having to deal with the ache of living like this.

Sketchy 18-07-2017 09:58 PM

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. It's good you are making plans for the future even though it seems so difficult. Like I said before, you are doing all the right things. I wish I had useful advice, but I am thinking of you. Keep talking and keep reaching out.

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