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-   -   Intense emotional pain (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=245810)

Soft Kitty 27-01-2020 06:56 PM

Hospital isn't always a good place but are there any potential positives about an admission? Sometimes I find increased support helps break through something that could otherwise be very psychologically or physically harmful.

It's okay to advocate for yourself, it's okay to be the one who knows yourself best and is the expert in yourself - if you feel hospital might be helpful, I think that's totally valid and good to recognise that things can't stay this way at home. I do acknowledge though that it's difficult to ask for things when a professional's understanding can't be counted upon.

Do you think your CPN would understand if you said that things have reached breaking point and that you feel an admission would be in your best interests (even if you have conflicting feelings about that)?

Re: sleep, what time do you normally go to bed? Are you managing to get much sleep?

Also re: what you mentioned about the potentially harmful thing, I'm very sorry for not returning to this sooner, but it sounds like it needs checking out.

one_step_closer 27-01-2020 07:42 PM

I managed to phone the informal crisis team and spoke to someone. I really don't think I can manage at home for much longer. The person I spoke to thinks I have a good enough relationship with my CPN that she'd understand that if I asked for an admission I definitely need one because I don't really ask for anything. It would be better for me to go in early, like my plan is supposed to be, so that I don't end up doing something really serious and then ending up being admitted. I just want to be ok, at home. But I don't think I can be ok at home right now. I'm concerned about worrying my brother though. I wouldn't tell him exactly what is going on but he'd have to know if I was in hospital.

I sleep mostly ok if I stick to my routine, it's just that it's so long until I can go to bed and the waking hours are agony right now.

The potentially harmful thing is probably fine. I will know in up to 48 hours supposedly anyway. I will mention it to my CPN tomorrow if I get the chance.

My friend's cremation is tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to be able to make it because it's early and I really need to be able to answer the call from my CPN. I know my friend would understand though. Hopefully I can do something else to remember her, I think the people who don't live close are doing a wave of light.

Soft Kitty 27-01-2020 07:51 PM

Your friend would totally understand, I'm sure. Doing something at another time sounds like a lovely idea.

Did you mention the harmful thing to the informal crisis team? I'm so glad and relieved that they were understanding and so proud of you for calling. I hope it helps you feel supported in talking to your CPN and asking for an admission.

nonperson 27-01-2020 07:55 PM

I'm also massively proud of you for calling.

tamobhuuta 27-01-2020 08:15 PM

If hospital hasn't been helpful in the past, could you ask for the crisis team to come home see you regularly for a bit, no phone call necessary?

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 08:52 AM

Thank you all. I really hope my CPN phones early, I don't think I should phone her because that's kind of impatient and she might be with other patients. I'm not good at staying in first thing in the morning but I'm staying at home until I get the phone call so I'm definitely able to answer. I don't know what action is for the best with regards to where I go from here, I hope my CPN will know what to do. I'm struggling with every waking moment and don't think extra support in the community would help significantly but if that's what's offered I will of course accept it. Here goes another day. :crying:

Soft Kitty 28-01-2020 11:54 AM

It's not at all impatient to call, it's very proactive. You need to know what's going on and that's totally okay. Give them a ring xx

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 12:06 PM

If she's at work and she knows I'm waiting on a phone call then she will have either planned a time or won't have any time and if I phone to see if she's there people will be annoyed. She might not even be at work today because it has been snowing and she lives in a really rural area. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

Soft Kitty 28-01-2020 12:09 PM

I don't think anyone will be annoyed if you call. At least then you'll know if she's in work today and be able to speak to the duty team if she's not, or pop over to A&E.

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 12:27 PM

I phoned and she's on Duty today and is with a patient. I really hope she gets back to me soon, I think I'm giving up.

Soft Kitty 28-01-2020 12:32 PM

Well done you xx I very much hope she does get back to you, it's clear that things are critical and serious at the moment. Do you know what you might say? On the small offchance that she doesn't, go to A&E.

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 12:46 PM

I will tell her I have a plan. Beyond that I don't know. It depends what time she phones, if she phones. There's no solution to this.

Soft Kitty 28-01-2020 12:55 PM

It's nigh on impossible to see a solution when you're in this place. That's okay. Right now you need to focus on getting to safety whether that is via your CPN or via another avenue (A&E?) Go through the motions of getting help even if it doesn't feel worth it.

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 01:46 PM

Weirdly she phoned just as I had finished tying my shoes to go out to carry out my plan. I still don't know if she really heard how horrific things are right now though. She wanted to put daily support in place and talk to my psych about meds but I can't travel to the CMHT and I genuinely don't feel like I can cope much longer at home. She is going to see if there is a bed on the ward and phone me back but I don't know if she really understands the seriousness of things. I doubt there will be a bed, it's January. She said I can do this. I don't want to.

one_step_closer 28-01-2020 01:58 PM

Update: I'm going to the ward. Don't think I'll be on here much if at all because it feels too small on my phone.

Thank you everyone for your support.

Soft Kitty 28-01-2020 02:13 PM

Good luck, I hope things feel better soon xx

Cacoethes 28-01-2020 02:14 PM

Good luck lindsay
I hope you can get the support you need and deserve <3

nonperson 28-01-2020 03:13 PM

Wishing you good luck and all the best, Lindsay. I really hope it helps. <3

tamobhuuta 28-01-2020 03:49 PM

I'm glad they listened to you and I hope going IP helps x

Pomegranate 28-01-2020 04:13 PM

Good luck Lindsey. I hope they’re able to support you and find a way to feel a little better x

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