Well I've drunk a **** ton of vodka and .........very little effect . where as 8 moderate strength beers or ciders and I'm wasted . It makes no sense . I'm nice and warm but other than that sober as a ... well a sober person

I copy/pasted this remark from a chat I'm having but I'm still pissed off , I don't want to have to think just for tonight

thanks mark, erm i left my job, hmm middle of october. because i was very close to doing somthing really stuiped. since i left i have been trying to find a job, with no luck. im on the dole, which is making me feel like **** and worthless,looks like more shops are going to be closing. making it harder to find a job. now the people that give me dole, are saying that might have to stop, because i voltarly (sp) left my job. wtf was i suppost to do. stay there and end up killing myself. man that people are muppets. sorry

*cuddles everyone*

I fell asleep really early last night :p So went to bed properly at 9.10pm. Woke up a few times through the night, but not like the night before thank goodness. Still in a good mood. Going to go have a shower now :D Been sorting my folder out for hours like putting notes away & re-writing some photocopied ones from October, that I missed from being away lol.

Had to buy two new ones actually. One because a tutor wants us to have a red one for a particular unit & another BIG one (think they're lever arches?) as mine's kinda broken but temporarily fixed. Got a me to you one <3 Money I can't technically afford to spend. Oh well :( Get paid again next week.

Jill Honey , Could you get a note from your Dr saying that is why you left your job? , A Dr's note might help your cause . No-one could expect you to stay at a job that made you suicidal . Could you tell the job centre why you left , It might be difficult but it might help you too. First , If I was you I would try and get a Dr's note.

*Hugs Helen* I'm so glad you are in a good mood hun .

hugs mark. hmm we had to fill out a form stating why i had to leave. in that note my dad told them what was happening, that i had to get signed of work by my doctor twice, and i was very close to killing myself because of my work, and had to put on anti-depressents. also told them that if i stayed in my job, it would have ended up in me killing myself. even think i put in my dr not fit to work note. this new system is so screwed up. i know they had to sort out the people that were screwing the system, but its putting everbody in the same basket. sorry guys.

Rebecca isn't about, she comes and goes at will, been well distracted by tv and Sims 3. *curls up* She's mostly lovely, but she doesn't like me talking about her, she thinks people will try to seperate us and it upsets her I think

Aww thank you Mark *hugs*

sorry im being pathetic. curls up.

You'er NOT being pathetic Jill . Please get a Dr's note hun I'm sure if you present the Job people with it they would take it onboard .

I'm scared that if I sleep I'll wake up depressed again like yesterday :S........

*cuddles Mark* Poor dear :(

*Hugs Mark, Jill, Sarah, Laura, Helen, Elaine and Crimson*

cuddles mark, thank you hun, will give that a try. i hope you dont wake up depressed, but wake up happy. hugs lia back
hugs everbody.

*hugs Lia*

*cuddles ward* sorry for the lack of individuals x

I hope I wake up happy too . That looks ****ing impossible from my point of view.
*Listens to his stereo*thankyou for music

its too warm in here :( I'm so uncomfortable

Everyone else is fine so I don't matter ¬_¬

You DO matter Sarah hun , could youimove to anothe room if you are on a lap top ?

Not to my family. :/ and I can't without being screamed at :(

can i just hide please, i sorry, i'm useess and a failure, shoud be dead

*Hugs Jill* I love ya

*Hugs Oliver* you should NOT be dead mate , you are such a part of this online communtity . I love ya and would be crushed should you die.

*Hugs Oliver* You shouldn't be dead. You're not useless and you're not a failure. If you feel like talking, telling us why you feel like this we'll listen, but you can just sit there and hide if you'd prefer. We'll listen when and if you're ready.

*Hugs Sarah* You do matter. Why would you be screamed at for moving?

*cuddles Lia* For being antisocial

*cuddles Oliver* You're not useless, you're amazing and we all love you here

*snuggles Mark* starting to feel a little better

hugs mark back, love you too.
hugs everbody

thanks, love ya all too.
I'm sorry, just I should have today... oh god sorry can't. i'll just sit hidingin the corner for a while

Oh Oliver *snuggles* I wish I could help

It's alright Oliver. Sometimes I just can't either. *Hands blanket and teddy to brighten up corner*

*Hugs Sarah* I'm the most anti social person in the world when it comes to my family. I get stick for it too, but I don't really care. I'd rather stick pins in my arms than sit down there playing happy families.

*snuggles Oliver and everyone*

I keep listening these songs...

Oh Helen, you've got me listening to them now. And Taio Cruz will be stuck in my head forever more. Thanks :P

Hi everyone -hugs ward-

I will be back in a bit. Just thought I would jump on and say hi real quick. I need to go take a shower. Won't be long.

*Hugs Kitty hard* Hey.

hi Kitty x

I LOVE that version of your song, its so beautiful Helen

Thanks Lia x

Go me :-p I need to turn them off & try sleep ;-)

*cuddles lots*

I never heard it until seeing it on the John Lewis Christmas advert (seems like an age ago now :|) but totally adore it <3

'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We're going to light this up like it's dynamite

Its amazing Helen. I first heard it on the advert too.

Bleh :( feeling down again

*snuggles Sarah*

Someone send me sleeping dust to arrive in about 10 minutes? :P I think I might just drag myself offline, read & sleep. God if I have to watch Finding Nemo at placement today, I will cry (Y) Although I have diary tasks to complete, so might just do that.

*snuggles Helen* I cry at most films like a baby. I don't know what to do with myself right now. Sorry :/

I be back..

-hugs lia, helen, and sarah- how you be?

Rather down today. How are you my lovely?

Meh, same...I cutted :(

-returns to her dark corner-

Oh Kitty its okay. *holds* how is it? You looking after it?

They aren't too bad...don't look like it anyway. I applied pressure for 10 mins and they are still bleeding a bit but not too bad. I think they will be ok without stitches. I bandaged them up. -snuggles sarah-

Oh poor Kitty. I lubbles you. I wish I could help you and keep you safe.

I lubbles you too, Sarah. I am just sick. Amara won't let me be safe. -sighs- I have a feeling I need to be on an anti-psychotic or something of the sort.

Hey Sarah out of curiosity, which version of the Sims 3 do you have?

Mines on the PC darling :) I hope you're okay. Glad Rebecca is so nice, she got really angry last night and made me cry because I told a friend about her and she was scared I was trying to get rid of her... I think these meds are too wierd for me.

-hugs sarah- I'm sorry that Rebecca made you cry, hun. What do you mean you think the meds are too weird for you? What are you taking, and how are they weird?

And Amara is evil. She is never nice. She says she is nice, and only wants the best for me. She says she is advising me to do what is best. When she doesn't get her way, she makes me see bad things until I give in to at least cutting. She leaves me alone for a while when she sees blood. It makes her happy.

And I could kill my husband right about now... (not literally but still...)

Whats happened hun?

I'm on \Citalopram, they initially made me hallucinate and that settled, then about a month ago Rebecca appeared to me in a dream. I've seen her with different hair and makeup and clothes in many many dreams since. I hear her voice occasionally when I'm alone. Sometimes I can physically feel her touch me, like a kiss on the cheek or a hug or a pat on the shoulder. She's lovely, but she gets so angry when she's scared. :/

He just pisses me off so much. He scheduled an appointment for next Wednesday at a time that I have class. The school is a mile and a half away and he will be taking the car. I tried getting him to switch his appointment time and his response was, "I don't want to because I don't want to wait any longer for it." He told me I can walk home. In the ****ing cold snow and ice.

Ugh thats a little unfair. *cuddles* you can't switch your class, he should move his appointment.