*shrug* howre you mark? [im back on fb if you want :)]

The appointment with my cpn went ok he actually listen to me

glad your cpn listened to you :)
how're you

I'm Glad that your cpn listened too Ryuu :)*Hugs*

*Hugs Heather* Opp I missed you on fb again :S

Mark, thanks, haven't done any yet but I've sorted my folder out & emailed my tutors, so that's a start I guess?

Ryuu, glad your CPN listened.

Heather,you okay?

Thats a good start Helen :)

Thanks Mark.

You all should see my horrible washing piles!!! It's like in the basket and right next to. Thankfully I've done two loads of washing so far, but still got quite a bit to get through. Need to try get more shifted before I'm back in college, so I can actually have some clean clothes to wear. This is what I get for not washing my clothes after I'd been at my best friend's and leaving it til I came home from my second holiday with even MORE dirty washing lol!!!

*hugs helen tight* i'm sorry things were so bad yesterday. I hope you got some college work done.

EDIT: oh wow, thats a lot of laundry! I did a bunch of loads last night so i understand where you're coming from lol.

*cuddles kahlia* please talk to your housemate if you can't get rid of some of the stuff

*hugs RYUU* glad your doctors appointment went well.

*hugs heather* Hope you are alright hun.

*hugs mark* how r u? did your appointment with the housing worker go okay?

*hugs amy* i'm sorry you got yelled at. Hope you managed to get some sleep and didn't get in any trouble.

*cuddles lindsay* you okay?

*hides* not okay. i don't like it when people get mad b/c i'm saying things they don't want to hear or act like they are alone when i am right there, face to face, talking to them.

*Hugs Laura*That must be infuriating!:(

My Housing support worker has yet to show , I waited an hour from 12pm 1pm but he didn't arrive and I popped out but he didn't leave a note through my door. I left him a message on his mobile and rang his office(No answer) so theres not a lot more I can do.

*RAGE* mum is being a douche, my doctor wants me back on my arthiritis meds that make me ill one morning a week, but my mum is being an ass about it and says I shouldn't be on them blah blah blah. ¬_¬ So I'm stressing, 2 doctors told me I need them to stay as mobile as I am now and not get really bad but on the other hand I'm being yelled and screamed at at home. Oh and I had to have the flu jab today, a fasting blood test next week and I've got to stay on the meds that make me hallucinate because I can't change until my rheumatologist sees me Monday.

Today sucked. Injection and my mum and feeling bleh and ugh. I want a lollipop. :( *cuddles all*

*hugs mark* hm, i'm sorry he didnt show up. that's pretty rude of him to just forget... bad business sense too.
How r u otherwise?

and it really is infuriating. and i know she's struggling so she's not in the best head space, but when she's like can you go and buy me some alcohol so i can deal, and i tell her no she shouldn't be drinking while she's like this.. she got mad b/c i wasn't doing what she needed. I told her it wasn't a good coping mechanism right now because she is too worked up and stressed. She then refused to talk to me for a few minutes until she got into how nobody cares about her again. I obviously care or i wouldn't be there.

I don't think i'm being bad at helping her. I'm just not giving in to everything she says. being challenged is not bad. right?

*hugs sarah tight* sounds like you had a rough day :(

No , being challenged in not bad Laura and I think you made a good decision not buying someone alcohol when they ar feeling like that , You should be proud that you stood up to her . *Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you are having such a very rough time :(

I'm feeling pretty low this afternoon and evening , I spent 2-3 hours in bed but not sleeping today :S

*hugs everyone*

I really want to just isolate myself for a long time. I don't want to deal with life anymore.

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you feel that way about life :(

*cuddles Laura* sounds like you did the right thing, drinking when in a bad place is a terrible idea.

*cuddles Mark* I hope you're okay

*huggles Felicia* I'm sorry you feel like that hun, hope you're okay

*Hugs Sarah* How are you coping tonight?

Not too great :( I wish I could curl up in a blanket and hide :(

I've HAD IT with feeling low today , I could so injure , I'm not feeling good about myself . I hate myself , I've popped out quite a few Diaz , I really want to sleep for 12 hours , I meet my befriender Becky and have "Psycho-social interventions" group tomorrow , I'm just a worthless disapointment of a person , perhaps I'd be better off if I started drinking and drunk myself into oblivion again

No mark, drinking when you're like this is bad :(

You're an amazing person, you're always here for me, you're so kind and caring and helpful, you're not worthless or a disappointment at all, I promise x

I can't drink , I'm on anti alcohol meds , but I could stop them , but they take 5-7 days to get out of your system , I still want to drink though :(
*Hugs Sarah* Thankyou for being so nice to me when I know you're feeling pretty crap yourself. I'm going to get ready for bed then check back in here then go to bed , I took Diaz so I SHOULD sleep okay

I hope you do sleep okay, and you do the same for me all the time *hugs tightly*

*Hugs Sarah Tight Back* :)I hope that tomorrow is a better day , for all of us :)
Goodnight Sarah.
Goodnight Wardies.
Has Lia been in today? I was just thinking I haven't chatted to her I think.

*hides*

*cuddles Nicole* You alright hun?

*cuddles sarah* not really, i don't know what i'm doing. i can't stop now, i'm so much better than i used to be, but i hate it so much! :'(

*snuggles* poor dear, I think I know what you mean.

Feel horrible tonight. Feel strange and trippy, I want off these meds but I can't for another month, and my arm hurts from the jab, mums moaning because she had it and it didn't hurt, only she led on the sofa for 3 days complaining about how it hurts. So I can't go on the meds that help me and I can't be hurt but she can?! Ugh. On the news there was a story about a guy who struggled for 2 years to get a council house, has no qualifications, no previous experience and a really rough past, my mum just complained he was being lazy. No its people like her that do that to others... :/

*Hugs Sarah*
I'm sorry things are so rough, dear.


I cannot face these memories for this Creative Writing story.

*cuddles little Felicia kitty* hope you're okay lovely

Arm is so sore now, stupid flu jab, I don't even need it, I'm not on the meds anymore! :( but anyway, bed now, night wardies :) *cuddles all*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Nicole*

Kahlia!*Hugs* I spot you :) How are you ?

*Hugs Julie* I spot you too :)

Heya Mark, how are you?

Hey Felicia:) I'm just back from "Group" so triggered so both injure and drink but it was MUCH better this week , Less people , no intimidating atmosphere Did relaxing exersises which was nice and yeah if I can get through being triggered I'll feel okay , and AND I did the whole group without taking any Diaz !! which is good :) Oh and Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou Felicia for your PM , I was really touched that you wrote it *Huge Hugs*
How are you Felicia?

Is this hurting ever going to end?

*Hugs Helen* It will end , really it will even though it seems like it's permanent it will subside *Squishes Helen Tons*

*hugs Mark* Thanks for that x

*cuddles helen tight* it will end hun. things will have to get better and turn around eventually. PM box is always open if you need to talk.

*hugs mark* i'm glad that your group was better this time! well done on not taking any diaz!

*hugs sarah and felicia* how are both of you?

*Hugs Laura* Thanks :) How are you today ?

*cuddles Laura tight* Just want it to end now though. So sick of it. She's not even worth it :( Thanks for the PM offer xx

*cuddles wardies* I feel bad today health wise :( however I got a new book so I'm happy

Hope you're all okay, I won't be about much tonight but my thoughts are with you all x

*hides*

i cant do this....i dont want to have to think and feel anymore, i dont! i can't handle it, my head hurts where there so much going on in there, so much pain, i dont want it! i dont wanna fight this anymore! please..........?
*cries*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole tight*

*Hugs Sarah*What book do you have? :)

Well I forced myself out of bed at 11am , Such an effort *sigh* My parents are coming to town for lunch and are picking me up , why is it so hard to get up at a reasonable time ? depression and sedative meds I know :(

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Lindsay*How are you ?

I'm a bit low today. I ended up telling my team leader that I don't think I can be assistant team leader any more, or do anything in life, and that I want to die. She said that I am great in the role and that I need to speak to people about wanting to die. I do. They just overlook it because they're so used to me feeling that way.

How has your day been, Mark?

*hugs lindsay, mark, nicole, sarah, helen, and everyone else* sorry its not more.

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you feel so low

*Hugs Laura* How are you?

I spent the afternoon in bed after only getting up at 11am and back to bed at 2pm hmmfp , Triggered:(

Ive been better Mark.

Sorry that you are so triggered today. Here if you want to talk.

*cuddles everyone* Today my mum has been a douche with me, being so intentionally hurtful and spiteful and such. She slapped me when we were just joking about, and she insulted my fiance, thank god she doesn't know we're engaged. Now I feel just terrible but I know there's no way out until next year and, well, ugh. Just so upset and angry right now ><