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jonikd 13-04-2010 10:04 AM

*hugs Hayley back*
I'm well pleased to have someone to talk to,its been a lonely few hours here in the ward :(

*contemplates starting up smoking again so she can go with Hayley and puppy sinclair*

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 10:11 AM

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as to not stink of fags*

Oh no JK, don't start smoking again, its nasty. Wish I'd never started, and I really should've known better as I was 25 when I started....though complex reasons for starting...I did know better but I wanted the bad stuff etc....anyhoo, stupid stupid!! You are always welcome in our always lovely garden in the psych ward though so we can still chat whilst I have a fag!

So what time are you on now? Will you be snuggling down for the night soon?

jonikd 13-04-2010 10:21 AM

*sighs with relief that someone's around again* Awww thanks, all the cool people at parties are outside smoking these days lol. Yeah I stopped when I was about 30, after 12 years of a pack a day. Every now and again I really miss it, normally when I'm feeling stressed out.

I have a new therapist starting this week, so will also be trying not to cry through the whole session, not allowed to smoke there anyway ;)

I've been really triggered tonight, for a bunch of relatively uninteresting reasons, so have taken my meds and waiting desperately for them to kick in to put me safely to ni nighs.

Its about 9.30pm here so a respectable time to sleep :)

*waves at Mark who has joined us too*

What are you all up to today?
JK
x

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 10:27 AM

Ah yes, I spy a mark! lol

Oh its horrid when you get triggered for reasons that never seem quite 'big' enough, if that makes sense. It's like somehow you don't feel quite justified, but if there are a whole bunch of those uninteresting reasons, then of course you're going to feel triggered. I'm glad that you've taken your meds and are hoping for an early and safe nights sleep.

Believe me, the cool people are not the ones outside freezing their arses off - stupid stupid!! though does it get chilly at all ever in NZ?

I'm planning on going to spiritual healing later - I'll probably cry...ho hum. My partner is still on his leave from the army (til sunday) so I think we'll probably get some lunch in town afterwards. other than that, nothing big planned.

Kahlia1981 13-04-2010 10:29 AM

*hugs everyone*

I cooked dinner tonight. I've struggled with cooking, both in relation to my ED thoughts and the movements since the shoulder surgery (and since the impingements started in November). My housemate really liked it. And when I told him I was sorry about all the mess he looked around the kitchen and was perplexed. I'd barely left anything behind.

Anyway feeling majorly triggered right now. Don't know why though. *shrugs*

I spy a Mark and a Hayley! - Hayley, I was typing when you posted your message. JK - I hope you managed to get to sleep.

*big hugs to everyone* && *a big pat for Puppy SinClair*

Doikers 13-04-2010 10:30 AM

*Waves at JK* I'm sorry you are feeling so triggered *Hugs* I hope your meds kick in soon and that you sleep well. Today I have auricular accupunture ( Where they put needles in your ears ) this afternoon and I'm about to go shopping and to the post office just waiting for my coffee to kick in lol . Not a hugley busy day but about as busy as I can do right now .:)

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 10:40 AM

*huggles Kahlia* go you on cooking a successful dinner!! Shame that you're feeling so triggerred though.

*huggles mark* ooh accupuncture in ears sounds far better than when I had accupuncture all over - I was like a pin cushion, lol. Are you finding it helpful yet? Someone last night told me I should try accupressure as its more gentle than accupuncture and they feel I need gentleness! That may have something to do with my recurring crying though. And I think you've a nicely planned day and its good that you're managing that level of 'busyness'.

*gives JK some cammomile tea* it always helps me get off to sleep.

Time for me to get my arse in the shower and get ready for the day. I'll check back in later.

*group huggle!!!*

jonikd 13-04-2010 10:44 AM

*hugs everyone* Things are so much nicer with a few of you lot around *almost smiles even*

Kahlia, well done with cooking dinner, haven't caught up with how you've been going this last 24 hours. Sorry to hear you're triggered too. *hugs and sits beside you so we both don't do anything*

Mark, that ear stuff sounds painful! Good luck with that, and yes coffee pretty much fixes everything [except insomnia]

Sounds like you've got a nice day ahead Hayley, must be nice to have your man home for a while. It doesn't really get much below about 9 degrees celcius here in Auckland, probably quite tropical compared to your winters..lol

*leaves gentle cuddles for Helen* Hope you're ok hun, sorry I wasn't around for you yesterday

*leaves croissants and preserves and fresh juice for Laura, Nicole, April, Crimson and any of their friends who join them for brekkie*

Will try have a shower and go to bed now, I'm not really tired but if I can just get in and snuggle up,have a cry I should be OK. Man its tough huh, been thinking about SI all freakin day now....

Talk to you all tomorrow
*wanders off a litle aimlessly showering kisses and loves on all her ward buddies*
xx

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 11:10 AM

Good morning, everyone!! *group cuddles*

JK, sleep well, no bad dreams allowed!!! :) I hope that tomorrow goes better than today did (sorry if that's confusing, lol)... being triggered all day is no good. And even uninteresting reasons are "allowed" to be talked about here if you want to. :P *hugs*

Hayley, good to see you about!! :D How're you feeling? and what's development circle? sounds a bit odd. Kind of a therapy group? Sorry if that's a dense question... :-X I hope that today goes well for you also... *huggles* Planning on playing any WoW? (Sorry, I love talking to a fellow gamer!! :P)

Mark, good to hear from you. *cuddles* Sounds like a relatively busy day!! Shopping where? just for essentials I'd guess? :) How are you feeling?

Kahlia *cuddles* I guess I forgot that you struggled with an ED as well... :( that's too bad. How are you doing/feeling? I hope that you sleep well tonight as it's probably near bedtime where you are.

I'm really tired... of course... still in my pjs, with a cuddly cat on my lap (anyone want kitty snuggles?). It's just 6:10am here. Not such a busy day ahead of me, thank God - just 2 classes and they don't start til afternoon. I'm planning on staying home, playing WoW, and doing schoolwork til then. However, the landlord's coming to finish fixing the ceiling sooo... well, let's just say I'd best get dressed before he and his brother (?) come because my pjs are less than modest. Lol. Well, not THAT bad... :P Just flannel pants and a sports bra. But aaanyway... :P

I wish I knew what the weather was going to be like today...

*hides*

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 11:11 AM

Had a successful shower, though no shaving of the legs, lol, a bit of stubble I think is needed today whilst I am feeling so emotional and PMDDing - I don't trust myself.
My man is on his way over, having lunch first now. Will bring doggie bags back with me later - all healthy but oh so yummy and calorie free for us in here!

Edit: Oh hi April! I plan on playing WoW this evening when my partner has his band practise. I've only the one gnome Roseleigh, I think I still need to put all my energies into her for a while before my lil brain can cope with some others, lol. Oh and development circle is to do with my spiritualist faith. I won't go into details as I don't want to break any RYL rules or offend anyone. But no its definately not meant to be therapy and crying, whoops!

Doikers 13-04-2010 11:44 AM

Yes it's just shopping for essentials , if it's a luxuary thing that I want ( instead of need ) I tend to get it online mostly from ebay 2nd hand . I got a nice looking (new) Long sleeved T-shirt from ebay last night for less than 6 and if it's ok when it arrives I know where to get more . I Tend to wear a ordinary T-shirt with a shirt over the top but I think layers will be too warm in the summer .
*Signs up for kitty snuggles*

Doikers 13-04-2010 11:58 AM

Does anyone else ever have NO concentration ?
It's so frustrating for me.
I can't read a book.
I can't watch a movie without having so pause it 6-10 times to stop and go off somewhere for 5 minutes .
I can't get back into Runescape.
If I watch TV for more than half an hour it just washes over me and I don't take anything in .
Music is about the only thing I can enjoy and focus on.
I'm just so fed up with it :( I've been this way for quite a while.

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 12:06 PM

*huggles mark* yes I understand the lack of concentration. Music is my lifeline. If I didn't have music then I truely would loose the plot!

I'm off out any minute now. Hopefully no crying today, but I can feel it building, just worried that as soon as Eoghan gets here I'll just fall apart.

nicole94 13-04-2010 12:11 PM

*waves and grabs croissant and juice* morning all.

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 01:18 PM

Mark *big cuddles* I totally understand the lack of concentration. Try writing a hugimongous paper (senior sem paper, the one I've been whinging about for months :o) without being able to really focus til the day it's due!! (I got a C on the rough draft... really, really upset with myself... it was probably the worst paper that I've ever written, at least for that prof, and he KNOWS that I can write well... :crying:) Anyway... enough whinging about that... heh... What's the shirt look like? :D I love shopping, heh, but I tend to overspend (which I blame on bipolar - addictive personality). Damn it. :(

*hugs Nicole* How're you doing today, love?

*huggles Hayley* Yeah, focusing on one toon works the best. But at least you're at level 20 now!! You can get a group together for Deadmines now (works better than when you're below level 20). Woot. :P I'm an "altoholic" - I tend to play on my alts a lot. I have 14 toons total (on Silvermoon and Grizzly Hills servers)... won't bore you all with the details, lol, but my highest is level-capped and took a lot of focus to get her up that high!! "Altoholic" indeed... :-X My very first toon was a night elf hunter, she's only lvl 39 now though. Hehe. But anyway... :)

I'm really tired... still. I'm at my parents' house and don't want to do ANYTHING... :( although I know I should work on my paper and the poems that I am going to write for my Women & Spirituality class, and the paper for that class, etc., etc., etc... I HATE UNI!!! :crying:

*hides*

nicole94 13-04-2010 01:21 PM

:O april! *finds and pounces*

im doing well thanks, laughing at my neighbour being pathetic :/ why dont you go back to sleep hun? lol. i cant wait to go to uni.

Doikers 13-04-2010 01:27 PM

ITs a red shirt with dark blue sleeves April :) Only 3 more weeks of Uni for you ,14 days counting today (is that right?) then you can relax a bit , no more papers . How did the library book sale go ? Get anything interesting ?

Nicole , What is your neighbour up to?

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 01:36 PM

*cuddles everyone*

My hand hurts a lot, I think its from playing because it was ok this morning, but now hurts after been playing. also the guy who i was half going out with text me saying he wants to leave a releationships for a bit to get his epilepsy under control, which is fair enough just don't think I realised how much I liked him because its made me feel really crap.

nicole94 13-04-2010 01:37 PM

omg she is s funny, she's suddenly decided she doesnt like our family, and we tried to talk to her, and she ran off down the street with her fingers in her ears going 'BLAH BLAH BLAH, IM NOT LISTENING, NO SHUT UP, I CANT HEAR YOU!' she is 40.........

Doikers 13-04-2010 01:44 PM

*Hugs Oliver* I'm sorry you split up :( I wish I knew what to say . Perhaps you should take your hand to a Dr? especially if playing makes it worse as you are playing a lot from what I understand .

Oh Nicole your neighbour is acting like a child . Rise above it . some people !honestly ....

nicole94 13-04-2010 01:46 PM

i know she is lol. OH she just rang my doorbell and ran off XD i think its quite funny actually. she needs to come off the drugs :/

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:24 PM

*cuddles up next to Mark 'cause she needs the company* :( I spy you!! hehe... The booksale isn't til next Monday... but I will let you know if I find anything awesome!! Jarrod's been complaining though about all the books on my side of the bedroom... lol... we don't have any bookshelves so they are in thigh-high stacks on the floor. :P The shirt sounds cool... you should take a pic of you wearing it, once you get it, if it's in good condition. :) And yep, only 14 days (of school) left. *sigh* But then there's the week of finals... so yeh. :-X

*hugs Nicole* Lol, your neighbor sounds so immature!! As Mark said, some people!! :P How are you doing??

I tried to take a nap but I'm just not sleepy enough, I guess. Boo hiss. :( I just want to be playing WoW or summat and not thinking about how damn much I have been eating since I got to my parents' house. They have more prepared food than we do at our apartment so I eat more... and I'm keeping a food log for health psych for 3 days, today's the third day, it's due tomorrow, so yeah. :crying: I could fudge it but I don't want to really, it would make me feel bad. But I already feel bad... :'(

I feel so fat and icky. :crying:

*hides in shame where no one can find her*

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:26 PM

*hugs april* she is immature, but its funny. sorry you're not feeling too good :(

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:30 PM

****ING SO CALLED FRIENDS ****ING PATHETIC. NOT TRUE, ITS NOT! so unfair. supposed to be friends, what sorta friend says that?! *mumbles to self, eventually bursting into tears and curls up in corner rocking*

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:31 PM

*cuddles Nicole* I bet it is funny... I know I would probably be laughing as long as it weren't scary, which it doesn't sound like. :) How're you feeling?

*goes back into hiding* :(

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:32 PM

Nicole, sweetie, what's wrong?? *holds you gently and rocks*

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:32 PM

*points at previous post before re-curling up and rocking*

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:38 PM

i dont see the point in having friends if theyre gonna be so un-supportive :(

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:44 PM

I saw your previous post, hon, just I wondered if you wanted to talk further about it. If not, that's okay. *gentle hugs* Unsupportive friends suck. :(

Just updated my r/v thread... :'(

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:46 PM

it's not fair. i supported her when she was having a hard time :'( and now i know i'm gonna SI. cause i have to get off the laptop :'(

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:48 PM

Please don't SI... you have come so far without it!! *holds you & rocks*

I spy a Hels!! ♥ How are you doing today??

*hides again*

nicole94 13-04-2010 02:50 PM

i can't go without it :( i hate my sister SO much. i've gotta go, SHE has to go on the laptop. no matter how much i need support :'( will hopefully be on later.

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:52 PM

Please try and go without it... you are stronger than you know, love. *hugs* Keep fighting... there are distractions other than the computer.

*sighs and goes back into hiding* :'(

MammaMia 13-04-2010 02:53 PM

Here I am at last =)

It's nearly 3pm. I've wasted most of the day in bed. More freaking nightmares. I have to be up early tomorrow, so I'll be online once some men (god sounds like we have men in and out of my house all the time atm =P) pick up the car keys =) I'm just an epic failure.

*curls up with Nicole & April* Hope you're both feeling bit better???

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 02:57 PM

You're not an epic failure at all, Hels. *cuddles* I'm sorry that you had nightmares... they suck. :( It's nearly 10am here... have to do some schoolwork at some point today so I feel at least a little productive. :-X What men? car keys? *confused* Lol sorry, I must've missed summat...

I am SUCH A PIG!!!! :crying:

MammaMia 13-04-2010 03:00 PM

YOU'RE NOT A PIG!!!! *cuddles tight*

Just these two men who work at some garage but they come to people's houses to fix their cars, or do MOT's or services etc :) My mum's having her car MOT done this time :) But since she's at work, I'll have to give them the keys :P Make sense now?

I feel like a failure. Meh.

Nightmares do suck :(

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 04:06 PM

What's a MOT? *still confused* Lol... sorry. :( I'm so dense.

But anyway, it makes more sense now. :)

I am too a pig. I have eaten sooo much today. :crying: And really, I have. I never should come over to my parents' house as they think I need to eat more than I really do, or something. My mum always tells me to go help myself to whatever, and usually I do, whether I'm hungry or not. EPIC FAIL. :'(

I am so sick of uni. And I have a TON of work to do... and don't want to do any of it. :'( Feel so ****ing overwhelmed, just want to lie down and never get up again.

*hides in shame again* :'(

MammaMia 13-04-2010 04:42 PM

It's nearly over? :) You're not a pig.

Don't know what it's called exactly, but it makes sure the car is roadworthy & safe =)

SoMuchMore 13-04-2010 05:02 PM

*hugs oliver* im sry about ur break up... and ouch your hand sounds painful. Maybe you should go to a doctor.

*cuddles nicole* i hope u managed to not SI. There are other distractions beyond the computer, you just have to find them.

*hugs april* you are not a pig! And uni is almost over for you, just stick it out another few weeks, you can do it! Dont give up.

*hugs helen* im sorry that you've been having so many nightmares, that sucks, but you are not a failure.

*hugs mark* hope that the acupuncture thing goes well.

I got an email from the girl my ex cheated with. I think I am more angry after hearing from her. And of all days, it had to be today, when i have a thousand other things that need to get done and now all i can concentrate on is this stupid situation i'm in.
Im not doing very well *hides*

Doikers 13-04-2010 05:04 PM

April *Hugs* you are not a pig at all.
*hugs everyone else* I have gotten confused as to whats going on with different people sorry .

SO triggered , I was doing so well 2 and a half days S.I. free and now I've had a letter on behalf of a energy company chaseing a debt the guy who lived here before me got . NOT my bill . the people who wrote the letter call themselves Civil enforcment and Debt Recoveries . Sounds like they are the type of people who are balliffs :S I've taken 2 Diaz but I am so wound up and Freaked out by the letter I NEED to cut , My hands are shaking . sorry

SoMuchMore 13-04-2010 05:09 PM

*hugs mark* You don't need to be sorry. Can you try to contact the people and ask about the bill, explaining that u are not the person they are trying to get ahold of? Try to not SI. You are doing so well, we are so proud of u here. Try to fight it.

Doikers 13-04-2010 05:16 PM

2 and a half days ****ed up , I cut , I'm so wound up and freaked out .
I'll show the letter to my houseing support worker tommorow .
I can't phone them myself , I have NO confidence in situations like this.
:(I just wanna scream ...........

CrazyHayley 13-04-2010 05:53 PM

*huggles April* since I have read through the posts I've forgotten what comment I was going to make about WoW! lol Parents always overfeed us...well mine do too. I always can put on...oh nearly broke a rule....lets just say going to my mum's doesn't do my ED any good, so I understand how you feel. But perhaps its good to put it all down on the food journal and explain that you find it so hard to resist when its put infront of you at your parents? Also, just hang on in there with uni for a bit longer, I remember when it was 6weeks to go, now its only 3weeks to go - you will do it! *cheers on april*

*huggles Oliver* ouch indeed about your hand, you must be doing some SERIOUS playing for your hand to have swollen up! yikes, a trip to a doctor who isn't going to sellotape your fingers, but instead perhaps prescribe anti-inflamitories is probably a good idea. I'm sorry to hear that things have had to end with the guy you were seeing, even though it is for his medical reasons and therefore easier to accept - its horrid for you to realise how much you liked him by him ending it and feeling crappy that way is never easy *offers oliver comfort food - calorie free ward version!*

*huggles Nicole* YOur neighbour sounded immature and yet hilarious! As for the friend that has upset you so badly. I hope this isn't the same one that has got you into this state before. You really don't need people like that dragging you down. I hope that whilst you've been away from the laptop that you've managed to find some other distraction techniques and stayed safe.

*huggles Helen* Lol about the lots of men coming and going at your house! Though I can only joke about this as I know its not true - I know you're like me and feel rather uncomfortable with random men in the house. You know until April asked you I'd never thought about what MOT stood for....do you reckon motor and transport could be in there?! I hope that you sleep better tonight, no more nightmares, you are not a failure!

*huggles Laura* Oh my goodness, why would that girl email you?! Why can't they all just leave you alone so that you can deal with the situation and move on?! I've no constructive advice on how to do all your other things when this will now make them so much harder. Perhpas just prioritise? and remember that your wellbeing goes at the top of the list!

*huggles Mark* does the letter have your name on it? If it has the name of the previous tennant on it you don't even need to open any future letters of theirs, and on this one, put back in envelope and cross out your address and then put "person no longer at this address. Return to sender" I had to do that on a LOT of post for the previous tennant in my flat who had run up lots of debts. If its more complicated than that, then your housing SW will be able to deal with the situation for you, thats what they are there for! Please try to not SI. try and stay distracted or play the 15mintue game?

Haven't cried yet today. Eaten far too much. Going to play on WoW in a bit, that'll keep me distracted and safe.

*goes out to smoking shelter*

PoisonedApple 13-04-2010 05:59 PM

OMG! I went to bed not only at a reasonable time but early (I average 6 hrs if I sleep as soon as I lay down -read: less than 6 usually 4-5-). I went to bed at 10... Fell asleep at 1130 and woke up over an hour early (515) and couldn't get back to sleep. What point is there in going to bed at a respectable hour if you wake up early enough to get less sleep than usual?!? I wouldn't complain about this if it weren't for the fact it isn't the first time it's happened. I can't win. I either stay up and get shorted on sleep or go to bed at a decent hour and get even less sleep.
*smacks head on desk*

PoisonedApple 13-04-2010 06:09 PM

*cuddles Oliver* Have you tried to stretch out the tendons in your hand/wrist before playing? If it's an overuse issue that may help. Sorry about your split up... but at least it is just to get health issues under control. May be back together sooner than you think. :)
*cuddles Mark* Even with a slip up, you still made it those 2.5 days. You'll make it longer next go round, yeah?
*cuddles Hayley and pets her hair and lets her cry*
*cheers April* you can do it!
*huggles everyone* Aside from what I've already read and/or replied to... How is everyone doing this morning?

MammaMia 13-04-2010 06:26 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Hayley, you're right. Thankfully, they're not coming IN this time :) I suspect it does ;) I'll ask my Mum later. It's the service this, was the MOT last time. Ah confusing times :P

*curls up*

Doikers 13-04-2010 06:33 PM

Hayley , the letter is addressed to "The legal owner" I rent this flat so I guess the houseing association who I rent from is the legal owner? Perhaps I should not have opened it , it's scared me .
I have totally pigged out tonight because of the stress of it all , back to my diet tomorrow ( I hope I can say that , if not I'll edit it out )
I want to harm again , I'll try and keep myself distracted though.


Oh and MOT Stands for Ministry of Transport test , I looked it up *Dork* :P

Doikers 13-04-2010 08:00 PM

*Waves at JK* how are you this morning?

MammaMia 13-04-2010 08:01 PM

*waves at Mark & JK*

Doikers 13-04-2010 08:07 PM

Hi Helen , How are you feeling tonight?


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