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EyelinerAndCigarettes 08-05-2020 09:11 AM

Hi all, I'm sorry for posting and no really being able to reply/support at the moment,, but I am really struggling with lots of change going on.

I am getting lots of support from my MH team but I'm still feeling so unheard. I feel so selfish because despite everything going on they have decided to come out and see me nearly every day and things still aren't feeling any better. I'm scared I'll end up killing myself despite all the support as things feel so hopeless.

Soft Kitty 08-05-2020 10:14 AM

You have been through so much, it's understandable you're feeling hopeless and fragile.

Keep being honest with your team, it's not selfish. And keep holding on - things will get better, even though it might take time.

one_step_closer 08-05-2020 12:59 PM

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I echo Soft Kitty.

Do you know what makes you feel unheard? Is it because you're going through something so personal you feel like people can't understand? Is there something people can do to help you feel more heard at least? I'm glad you're getting regular support, use it as best as you can. They are there for you. We are here for you too. Take care.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 08-05-2020 10:18 PM

Thank you for the hugs and replies <3

I think I feel unheard because my CPN said my anxieties are 'rational' and that makes me feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing when my anxiety doesn't feel manageable at this present moment whether it's rational or not. I'm lucky that I've been given a lot of PRN but I don't feel able to take as often as they'd like. I haven't been sleeping really at all for over a week now which is taking its toll and I'm just so desperate for this to be over but then I realise it'll never be over and then I think I'm better off dead.

Thank you for listening.

one_step_closer 09-05-2020 11:56 AM

Maybe you should say to your CPN that although your anxieties may appear rational the way you are experiencing the anxiety is far from normal. I hate when people say things like 'everyone feels this way' because if what I'm feeling is normal then there seems to be no hope of feeling better. But there is hope, try and take things day by day and you'll be one day closer to feeling less tortured.

What stops you from taking the PRN in the way they would like you to? Maybe it would also help you get some sleep. Lack of sleep must be making everything seem magnified.

Please take care of yourself and use the support you have. You can get through this.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 13-05-2020 09:19 PM

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I am now taking some PRN but not as much as prescribed as I don't want to be a zombie all day/night. They keep pushing it on me though.

Things seem to be getting harder and harder and I have no idea who to reach out to because my team keep telling me to wait and see if the increase in my medication will work but they don't seem to grasp that I cannot wait any longer. I'm desperate to be gone but also terrified at the same time.

one_step_closer 14-05-2020 02:58 PM

That sounds like a horrible trapped feeling, I can relate. Do any small things soothe you at least a little bit? I know you're going through such a tough time, keep going.

Unbreakable. 29-05-2020 08:07 AM

How are things?

EyelinerAndCigarettes 30-05-2020 01:10 PM

Thanks for asking.

A little stressed. Overwhelmed. I'm not sure what to say really.

Unbreakable. 30-05-2020 04:46 PM

We're here whenever you want to talk ❤

LittleBird84 30-05-2020 04:51 PM

Sending hugs and love. Keep talking to us. We are all here for you.

one_step_closer 30-05-2020 09:28 PM

*holds some of the overwhelm* If I could do it in real life I would.

We are all here for you if you need us.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 31-05-2020 12:08 PM

Thank you all <3
I'm feeling very low. My mood stabiliser has been increased but I feel I'm just sitting on my hands waiting and waiting to see if it works but it feels hopeless. What if it doesn't work and I'm stuck in this limbo forever?

one_step_closer 31-05-2020 02:02 PM

If it doesn't work something else will be tried, I don't think you will be stuck in this limbo forever. Try to hold on to hope somewhere at the back of your mind even if you don't truly believe it. Do any small activities help with the low feeling?

EyelinerAndCigarettes 31-05-2020 09:10 PM

Thank you.

I'm not sure about things helping, I do find if I take a shower and wash my hair I feel a bit better but then everything seems to come crashing down again.

Sorry to be so negative.

I have (my second) PTSD assessment tomorrow (over the phone which is stressful in itself) and I'm so worried about it because I already feel sad and low and helpless and I know I'm going to have to relive some things I don't want to and feel even worse. And then I have to look after the baby on top of it - things feel utterly dreadful.

Koala hugs 31-05-2020 09:20 PM

Hey not sure what to say but im thinking of u n i care i hope things improve for u really soon xxxx

one_step_closer 31-05-2020 09:24 PM

Yeah, some 'helps' can be really short lived, I know. What are you doing in general to cope and keep getting through each day? That does sound like a lot to be having to deal with tomorrow, will someone be around after the call to offer you some support? Do you think the therapy would be helpful in the long run? You are doing great and I'm sorry you're going through so much.

one_step_closer 01-06-2020 05:16 PM

How is today for you? You don't have to reply if you're not up to it or don't want to.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 01-06-2020 06:13 PM

It's difficult as I had the phone assessment and they ask all sorts and its so intrusive. They then said they have to discuss my 'case' with a team of people and then decide if they can give me any therapy and I feel very uneasy about them talking about me like that.

Unbreakable. 01-06-2020 06:59 PM

That sounds really stressful and unsettling.
Does it help at all to remind yourself they are discussing you as a patient/in a professional capacity rather than a personal one?

Is distraction something you find helpful?
Maybe taking your mind off things even for just a few minutes will provide some relief.

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