*cuddles Oliver* How're you doing tonight?

*cuddles Crimson* I understand preferring to feel numb... wish I were numb right now. Instead I hurt so ****ing much... but I should shut up and quit whinging, you all must be SO sick of me by now!!!

:(

Ahh cool :) *cuddles back* Don't know. Too much food probably >_>

You're not pathetic & we're not sick of you. *cuddles* You can get through this babe :(

Finally finished what I was doing for Mum. Took me long enough. Should have took no more than an hour really. It's taken me over 3 hours =/ =/

*cuddles April* we are not sick of you at all, post as much as you like, thats what this place is for. I'm sorry your hurting.

*cuddles Crimson* I can understand wanting to feel numb too.

*cuddles Helen* well done for finishing it.

I'm not so great, dreading friday and the week and a bit that follows it, but know I just have to get through it some how, had everything knocked by some idiots and I know just ignore them, buts its hard to it then makes you think about it all and then you start doubting yourself.

TYhank you

Why you dreading Friday?
If it helps, I'm dreading Sunday :/

going on a music course, which have been on before for about 5 years, but now I've come out as trans and have been living as male for a good few months now with male name and pronouns, I am dreading having to go as female, plus I have to wear a stupid skirt and sash in the concerts, also the course same time last year was when I started getting really bad panic attacks and was nearly sent home because I was a danger to myself, wondering around at 2am by the lake in an extremely suicidal mood.

howcome your dreading sunday?

Sorry if this is a dumb question Oliver, but why can't you go as male?

its not a dumb question, but the director on the course is very very conservative and when my mum rang up to ask if girls could wear trousers when I first joined about 5 years ago, she just gave my mum a massive lecture about how women wear skirts and men trousers, she doesn't like one of my friends hair, because he changes it a lot and dyes it bright colours and so I don't think she could quite deal with it, then there would be the problem of accomadation, we are in blocks, one for girls, one for boys, this is my last year of it, so its 10 days next week and 10 in summer, I would love to go as male but it would cause too many problems.

That sounds bit **** really :( *squishes* Soon be over & done with? :)

Dreading Sunday because it'll be six years since I had my miscarriage :( :/

*cuddles* yeah I'll be counting down the days until I can go back to uni and can be male and then need to buy my first DJ for orchestra concert, as I'm now out at uni.

*cuddles* that sounds tough I'm sorry

*cuddles*

Mmm it is.

Going to go bed & try sleep soon.
Got to be up at 9am, am sure I'll do a quick check in.
My interview's at 11am :P (less than10 hours to go)

ok night Helen, hope you get some sleep. Good luck with your interview, wishing you all the best. *hugs*

Ok, there have been sooo many posts! Imma try to get everyone here but if i missed u please dont hate me lol.

*cuddles april* you can make it thru this hun. Please try not to harm. And like everyone has said, you are not pathetic at all. You are a very kind and loving person. Not in the least bit pathetic.

oh and - yes there is 200 computers in one of the IT centers in the library here... we have like 35,000 ppl that go to my uni so.. lots of computers are necessary lol.

*cuddles helen* Sleep well and good luck with ur 2nd interview! Stay strong, i know its hard right now b/c of this sunday, but u can do this.

*hugs oliver* Im sry about the situation with your music course.. that sounds like it really sucks. Im glad that you are feeling physically better tho. I guess all that virtual soup helped lol.

*cuddles crimson* sorry that you are having a numb day... although sometimes i think numb can be preferable.. its still not a good feeling though.

*hugs nicole* im glad that you ate. Good job. Keep hanging in there hun.

Its a freaking miracle that i am out of class an hour and a half early lol. So that nice... But I am becoming.. different feeling.. i dont know how to describe it really. Like almost giddy and a bit anxious, idk why... but this tends to happen before i crash into really really bad thoughts.. so im kinda worried. Maybe im just extremely tired.. idk. hope that it just passes.

Thanks you two :) Wow the ward's been quiet since I left for bed. Managed to get an early night :D Anyway, will check in once I've come back from seeing my friend ^_^ My interview is at 11am & that's less than two hours already :P

*Hugs to everyone who needs em*
I S.I. last night , I had been obsessing about it for 2 days .
I want it to just stop.
For the scars to go away , they trigger me.
I coulden't sleep , I tryed taking a diaz , drank some camomille tea , eventually got to sleep but I don't know when , SO hard to get out of bed this morning.
Lithium is causing my hands to shake this morning.
My mind is racing , I can't concentrate , ugh sorry .
I have had enough of this depression .....

Oh and Positve thoughts go out to Helen for your interview in 19 minutes :)

hey everyone, everything crossed for you Helen :0)

Sorry you had a crappy night Mark, today's another day huh, and we start again *hugs* What will you do today?
JK

Hey Jonikd.
Today I have a social worker appointment this afternoon . I just got back from a quick walk down by the canal went and bought a mag , has interviews with Lacey Mosley from Flyleaf and Hayley Williams from Paramore so that might pass the time later .
Apart from those things I'm going to try and think nice thoughts , anything not Depression or S.I. related . I think I'll go and do a bunch of stuff in the distractions forum.
I'm not feeling particulary safe right now , fed up with S.I. , it's like 15 years is enough!!! but I still feel I need it * sigh *

How are you ?

Sorry I waffled on a bit there , got a bit self involved didn't it:S

*hugs everyone* how you all feeling today? im just about to go get my tongue peirced :/ im so scared!! lol

That interview went pretty ****. Have come home for a bit but going out to see my friend soon ^_^

*cuddles to all*

Nicole! Tongue piercing! I'd be petrified . I hope it goes/went well , it sounds cool.

*Hugs Helen* Why do you feel the interview went badly? I hope you have fun with your friend :)