*hugs lia, lore, and ribenalion*
i think shes ok. and i'm ok. i want a baby though :/

*Clings to Sarah back* I love you guys. I really do. None of you can ever do anything too stupid, sometimes, I think this ward is all I have.

You will one day Nicole, but you're still pretty young. It would be better to get some qualifications and savings so you can give your child a better life, but I'm sure anyone would be lucky to have you as a mother.

thanks lia. i just really want one now. i was thinking about it earlier, i mean, i look into my future, and i see me going to uni and getting a job, but i see myself already having a child, and i dont see there being time to have a baby then, it's kinda like, i see myself having a baby in the near future. idk, i just want one.

*Sneaks in* Hi everyone :)

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Louise*

What is it you want Nicole? The baby, or a son/daughter? Someone to love you as much as you love them? Someone to protect in a way you never were?

*Hugs Ian* Hey. You alright?

*hugs back* I could be better. How are you?

*cuddles Lia* Its all I have sometimes too.

*cuddles Nicole* I have that feeling often. I know my medication makes it impossible to have a healthy pregnancy and my medication would cause issues raising a child and I know I'm not ready and some days I never want to have children but I get insane urges, every time my belly looks a little bloated I sit and think about it for hours. I'm spilling out things I never share with most people here, you all make me feel so safe.

Edit - *cuddles Louise* I'm not too bad really, also could be better though.

*cuddles Ian* Spotted your name, sorry about forgetting :( How are you?

*hugs Ian* how are you?

Its ok Sarah. I'm ok thanks. Have been struggling a bit but im doing ok tonight.

Night everyone, I am going to have a lie down, really tired. *hugs everyone*

Night night Louise *hugs*

I'm like that with the ward Sarah. I can't tell anyone anything in real life, but I can spill things here that I would never say out there. I feel safe in here, like you'll all still love me whatever I say.

*cuddles ward*
Low night. I do not cope well.. at all.
I've SIed... worse than I normally do. I'm not scared that it's worse though, but I'm also not sure if I'm fully registering what's going on around me, inside me, and all that anymore.



Monday cannot get here soon enough. My psych and counselor and social worker are all gonna hate me for lying about how well I've been, but what can you do?

I think I'm off to bed before I can do anything else
*leaves hugs and care packages*

hey, thought id come and introduce myself. im kee, im 22. im a student in my final year of uni. think i need to check in here and get something to help me sleep! its 05:40 here, i've had 4 hours sleep max. my parents are coming to visit in about4-5 hours time. i can barely function. need to find my happy smiley im ok mask :S how is everyone? got any fun plans for today?

*Hugs Lore*

*Hugs Lia* You have emotions , or you woulden't be crying .

*Hugs Nicole* I'm so sorry to hear that :(

*Waves to Owen*

*HUUUUGS Felicia* Please please stay safe hun :S

*Hugs Kee* Hi , I'm Mark , welcome to the ward :)

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Louise*

This Girl is so talented , I've been following her for a while and this is a pretty uplifting song so I thought I'd share :)

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywcXwHRqeCQ[/ame]


*Breaks out my Hiking boot and heads to town*

*hugs everyone tons & tons*

Nicole, I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin :( It's really hard, especially if you were going to be a godparent too. I know that feels (will send a pm about it though) and I can relate so badly on wanting a baby too. I really do but I'm finally getting my life sorted & when I do have one....they'll hopefully have the best start in life :) Better one than they would have now anyway :S

Lia, I'm glad you got to have the cry you wanted. You do have emotions & you care about people so you're not an ice queen.

Felicia, please be honest with your psych etc, they can help you.

Mark, how you doing?

We've had snow here at last =D

*Hugs Helen* I'm feeling okay today thanks , how are you ?

I'm okay so far :D *hugs Mark*

:( *Feels low* , someone made a nasty remark , called my post asking for recommended Gothy films a Pointless post , am I being too sensitive? I don't need to be made to feel like this :( If people aren't going to be nice or helpful why do they have to make mean remarks ?
Sorry.

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry people are so nasty. I would try not to let it get to me.

I get to get my hair cut today... whoooo! I'll finally be able to style it again!

*Hugs Felicia* I did a play about that once. Setting myself on fire. I played a self harmer, who set fire to herself. Please try and stay as safe as possible between now and when you see your people. Busy yourself, or move in here.

*Hugs Mark* Some people just have no lives and feel the need to make others' hard. Try to ignore them and not let it get to you.

Hey Kee, I'm Lia :)

*Hugs Helen* Glad you're feeling alright today :)

Seems like it's goodwill all round, I'm happy today :) I've just been out with my friend, I helped out with a stall at the Christmas fair and then we went for lunch at the pub where she works. It was nice and I feel Christmasy now :) We're going to start doing it each month.

I love this ward, none of you think I am what those IRL call me, I can be completely myself here and not turn myself into something I am not to keep everyone happy and avoid letting them in. You all know the real me but seem to like me anyway. I've never had that before.

Lia, I'm glad you feel Christmasy =) I've been listening to Christmas music. Oh, and I have a little pink Christmas tree for my room at uni. hehe.

I do plan on staying in here, and getting my hair done and stuff to busy myself until Monday.

Yay :) Christmas. I love it. I just love the atmosphere more than anything else. It changes and makes the world just a better place to be in.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Felicia*

I'm cooking "Vegetable stew with Dhal" it's pretty complicated ( for me and I needed to weigh out stuff and measure stuff , Still it's going to make enough for 4-6 people I'm going to have to freeze some , but at least I accomplished/accomplishing that today , I was SO upset about that mean remark I went out and bought booze again , I've since taken a Diaz and had a bath and feel less bad but I still think I'm going to drink tonight . But then thats IT , I really mean it I can't afford to keep drinking Health wise with all my meds and financialy . I am triggered and just want to blur it all out for the evening :S

EDIT:- Oh and I'm well aware of the dangers of mixing Benzo's and Alcohol but I took the Diaz at 3pm and won't take anymore today and won't start drinking Alcohol until 5.20pm . I always start drinking Alcohol or soft drinks at 5.20pm . I'm obsessive and weird like that . (OCD)

*hugs all* *waves hi to kee* I'm Oliver

sorry for lack of idividual replies, everyting is going on at the moment. meeting yesterday in uni and its been decided i will take the rest of the year out, which means i need to tell my parents that and the reason, which I'm more scared about doing than when I came out to them.

plus was meant to go see the crisis team today but freaked out so much I couldn't leave my room and had a panic attack, then hidin bed and slept then they got worried so they came over to my house and woke me up, now I'm hiding in my bed again cs I'm freaked out.

*hugs everyone*
lia-in answer to your post last night-i want a son/ daughter, not just a baby, i mean, obviously i think babys are so cute and i love the idea of having one, but its not just a baby i want, i want to be a parent.

Nicole, I sometimes want a child, but other times I feel like I would never get it right. How are you today anyway?

*Hugs Oliver* Sorry you're so wound up and panicked at the moment, do you have any idea what brought this on?

Nicole - I replied to your post aswell, just incase you missed it x

*hugs lia* i suppose......lol. i'm ok. but dissapointed that we still have no snow here :( had the tiniest bit last night, but it was so pathetic that what little bits did settle had melted within an hour :(

*hugs helen* sorry, i missed that, thanks hun, i'm just worried about my cousin aswell, i dunno how she is :( how are you?

It's understandable you're worried about her. She needs lots of support right now. I'm okay thank you. How you doing? *cuddles*

*cuddle* i wish i could be with her :( but her boyfriend is taking time off work to be with her, so she has support.
i'm fine thanks, like i said to lia, just a bit dissapointed that theres still no snow :( lol

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Helen*

*hugs ward*

2 more hours til I get my hair done. just 2 more.

bet you'll look [more :)] stunning ^.^

*cuddles Nicole* I know you do honey. Maybe you can visit soon? Glad she's not on her own & has someone to be with her physically aswell as you etc x

*hugs Mark* How's the cooking going?

Bet you'll look amazing *hugs* Everyone seems to be having their hair done today/yesterday. Couple of my friends, you and my mum lol. I want mine done but doesn't really need doing as I had it cut last month!!!

The cooking went well it tastes nice :) Like a curry / stew , It was good to distract me chopping and stirring and tasteing
*Offers Virtual "Vegetable stew with Dahl" To all my Wardies*

Evening all :) Done some of my uni work today, all that I could do, its a shame it was only 20% of it. Found a couple of CD's I want and such too :) Happy day. Hope you are all well

Hello everyone. Feeling like I need this safe environment. :( hope all is well!!

Hey Comley *Hugs* How are you ? I'm Mark , do you have a name you would like us to call you other than comely? Welcome to the Ward :)

Sounds good :)

Awesome. Give me some motivation to work on my assignment? :-D

We're here if you want to talk *offers cuddles*

Thanks so much everyone! I'm just freaking out a little...I had a panic attack and some memories I have never had before about childhood abuse last night and I don't see my therapist until Tuesday so I just need to be safe...You can call me Jordyn :) (It's not my real name,lol, but it's what you can call me). How is everyone else?!

Hey Jordyn :) *Hugs* I'm sorry you're having a rough time , keep talking to us if that helps :)

Hi Jordyn, we are all here for you.

Sorry you're having such a rough time.

Lindsay, how you doing?

Sorry Edit out

"As loud as Gods revolver and twice as shiny"

Oh My goodness , Alcohol is everywhere , on the T.V. , on the net , on sports teams shirts , the first thing I see when I go into the supermarket , How the hell am I supposed to avoid it ? Come on Monday when I can be Breathalised and re-start my Antabuse !!

*Hugs everyone*

Hey Jordyn, I'm Lia. These memories must be hard to deal with. I myself am worried there are things I have blocked out, so I can empathise to an extent. Try to stay safe until you can see your theripist, keep as busy as you can and hang out here when you feel unsafe. Do you mind hugs?

Lia , How are you tonight ? *Hugs*