Ditto, any one ever wants to talk, I make a good listener :-)

^she is! shes had lots of practice ^_^

And you know you're gonna get my opinion anyway :P

Thanks Amanda :)

I don't know. I've been really happy today for several reasons. Like, I had a bit of a health scare this weekend- but it's okay, it was just a hormonal thing. Then Jane made me smile cus she said if Pud does wriggle when I'm with her, I can feel it, I felt really werid when she said that =\ But s/he doesn't really wriggle around until 7-11pm, but the bubs is doing it more frequently. Hehe. Also my eld sister texted me earlier mentioning this BBQ she's having as her housewarming party and bless her she said if I came it'd mean so much to her. Then she also told me she might invite my mum and one of our sisters, which if she does I'll be so proud. Because a huge family row happened last August (I have no idea about what tbh) and like nobody is talking to her, even I wasnt at one point, except me :( It really deeply affected me actually...

I miss my dad so ****ing much. All this goodbye crap is hitting it home eally hard atm =[ Every ****ing mention of goodbye or something similar does...and like I keep thinking about lots of goodbyes where I've cried :S

Evening all - I've missed you.
Hells - it's not surprising that all these goodbyes are bringing up these feelings - but try and remember your dad is still there for you - you had a lovely day with him the other day playing all those games and you can do that again - I know it's so hard that he is not there on a daily basis and that is sad and hard for you - but in time you will build up a routine where you see him regularly and you won't have the doubt all the time of when and if you are going to see him - Hugs xxx I hope the BBQ goes well, sounds like it could be good.

Amanda, I am sorry you are so restless - the other night I suggested to someone they wrote me a story to try and relax them - I got a great stroy to read (still waiting for chapter two!!) and they went to sleep - you never know if might be worth a try. xxx

Alexx, thought I'd say hi - and give you some hugs, how's your day been xxx

Forever lost - my lovely RYL niece, I hope you want to go by Friday - it is a good idea, please try and tell them what you can - the more knowledge they have the more they can help - we hide all thse things then we wonder why we don't feel better - give it a go - we will be here for you when you get back xxx

Automatik teknicolour little sis, you are a good listener - how you doing??xxx

And everyone else sorry if I have missed you - it's taken me ages to read all the posts and then I write forever - hugs to you all - xxxxx

Yeah I know my dad is still here for me :) I sure did have a lovely day with him at the weekend and can do that again. It is hard not having him on a daily basis, but if he was here, I wouldn't pay his attention as much I don't think :blink: I do have a routinue with him tbh, been seeing him every thursday and sunday (whether we're working or not)....most of the time since October :shocked: Huggles. Thanks for the huggles :) I hope the BBQ goes well too.

Hugs to Emma - I missed you in my last post -sorry - how are you this evening?

You only appreciate something fully once it's not there as much...whch is a shame...but at least you still see him :)
*hugs you tight*
And....When I got your text before...
I was grinning like an idiot :D
Such good news <3 ^_^
xxxxxxxxxx

:O Bound By Thoughts! You're Katch's Daughter too...
Makes us RYL sisters by association ^_^

Katch - I'm ok thanks :-) How about you?
You feeling better today I hope? :-) xxx

Sort of - and I am sure I will feel even better tomorrow (Positive thinking!!! - gonna give it a try) I went to the gym again today so that was good. But I told my friend (I only have one where I live - how sad) that I had been on the cross-dresser, whoops I meant to say the cross trainer - funny though.

Dear daughter Ally, make a list of things you don't want to talk about but know you should and email it to your counselor. It worked before.

My husband tells me that I had nightmares last night, that I've been having them every night. They are disturbing him more than they are me.

Visit with the nutritionist went well enough.

I feel like a moron cause I can't do any better than this at taking care of everyone;
*gives hugs to everyone including extras*
*wanders off, diet pepsi in hand*

hehe I'm sure she saw the funny side of it :p
I do stuff like that all the time ^_^
Did you feel better after you'd been to the gym?

Emma's disastrous, time consuming and pointless trip to a+e which almost resulted in her sectioning.

- I went to a+e for stitching, got sorted fine, so I ask if I can go home and get told no. With minimal complaining, like a good girl I agree to stay and wait to be assessed by someone. One hour passes, then two and I am sat in this room by myself. I get the idea pop into my head that I could and should quite easily electrocute myself- there is everything I need, metal, water and a plug socket. This idea becomes very tempting but even I realise it is a bad one and to be honest I am slightly scared by it.

So, to distract myself I look to see if I have a blade to s/h with. It turns out I do, for once I actually had one on my person....still not sure how it got there but hey ho. I close the door, roll up sleeve etc and then as I pick up blade, nurse walks in. ****. She stares at me and asks for the blade. I comply and she then informs me she has to tell someone. Understandable. So she does and this Sister (who was very nice up until this point) comes and has a go at me about not being fair to the staff and how upset and guilty she and Linda (other nurse who I actually know quite well now) would feel if I had SI'd in hospital.

I apologised before saying I really did not want to go to the observation ward because I would end up staying for hours and hours to then spend 5 minutes with a psych who would release me. At this point she went a bit mental. Here is our conversation after I said I wasn't going to the obs ward:
Nurse: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You have been deemed a risk to yourself by the doctor.
Me: Yes, fine, but I do not need to see anybody, it is a waste of time and I am not going to kill myself in the immediate future anyway.
Nurse: I'm warning you, you are staying to be assessed one way or another. You can either agree to what we are telling you to do or I can have security sit with you and baby sit you and get a doctor to come and section you with us. What is it going to be?
Me: Section me? For What?
Nurse: Serious and repetitive self harm, you just tried to self harm on the ward so you are obviously not stable enough to be trusted by yourself. You are a risk to yourself.

At this point I looked at Linda, who turned away upset and wouldn't look at me. I start to worry.

Nurse: And if you try to leave the hospital either security or police will bring you back and you will be sectioned if you haven't been already.

At this point I agreed to stay just in case she wasn't bluffing. *Fast forward an hour* I am currently being supervised by Linda (the other Nurse) and get transferred to the observation ward where I get placed in the bed bit right opposite the nurses station so that I can't 'run off'.

Three more hours pass and a psych turns up. Spend less than 5 minutes with said psych who decides I am safe to go home and discharges me there and then. Helllooo....I predicted that so why the **** threaten me with sectioning????

How can medical staff threaten to section me and see me as this huge risk to myself and psych people be fine with me??? It makes NO sense whatsoever.

Rant over.

Thanks Katch *hugs* Just posted with a big long rant lol. How are you doing?

*offers hugs for everyone who needs them and special hugs and smarties for Helen, Ally and Alexx*

:D Thankies for the smarties m'dear ^_^
I'm sorry your visit to A&E sucked :/
that nurse sounds like a bitch!!
Bloody stupid people.
But at least you're here now :]
We aren't gonna force you to do anything...
If you wanna chat...you have my mobile number :]
love you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had to change my avatar...because it made me feel angry :/
Bloody PINGU....made me feel angry....

WHATTHEHELL

Crazy stuff - how on earth can they think you feel better after all that - I really don't get it. When I was reading your post I thought I am glad they caught you doing it - they can see it's serious and they will help you - how wrong could I be - I'm really sorry you had to go through all that - you must be feeling really angry about it all.

I felt hot a sweaty - yuk - but I actullay had a swim after as there was only one other person in there and all the lights were down low with just blue lights coming out from the water so it was good and no-one could really see me.


Sorry to hear about the nightmares lad they are not disturbing you too much but I bet that your hubby is tires. Hugs help tons even when you can't say anything - hugs back to you

That sounds great Katch ^_^
I used to love getting back from the gym and getting a shower or going for a swim straight after...
it made my week.

Maybe...when I get a job...and get rid of these scars on my legs :/....I'll start again :]

GOSH! I actually said a very similar thing to my counsellor last week. "You really don't know what you have til it's gone"
I'm glad I still see him =]
*hugs you tighter*
Awwwwww bless you chick.
I really smiled too, cus I knew how happy you'd be aswell.
Sure is AWESOME news :hop:

Emma, I replied to your thread about your crappy visit. Thanks for the hugs, I really wish they were in person :P Come & see me next week? HEHE! I don't like smarties and feel rhooode about that :hehe:

I wear long trousers (not in the pool - but it was dark so no-one could see anything) and I am only going because they have a special offer on at the moment a trial membership for 5 consecutive days - so it doesn't cost (I've been lucky as the past 3 times when I have been back in UK they have had an offer on - so I never pay) I am thinking when these 5 days are up it will be weekend then on Monday I am going to try and get another 5 days by pretending to be someone else - hope it works.